Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as
Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George
Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by
Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady
Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Eleven: I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face
Faramir sat up quickly as his brother came storming into the main hall. He had never seen Boromir in such a state, "Did you speak to her?"
Boromir tossed his head back with anger, "Indeed. The little wretch is completely ungrateful for all that we have done. She plans to marry."
Faramir looked confused, "Halla? Plans to marry? Who?"
Boromir seethed, "Him."
"Him who?"
"Owynvan."
Faramir looked like someone had just slapped him across the face, "Marry Owynvan?"
Boromir nodded, "That's what I said. Marry Owynvan! Hah! What a ridiculous plan. That girl infuriates me so."
Faramir paced the floor and watched his brother closely. Boromir was hiding something. He looked more than tense, like distressed or--no, it couldn't be. Could his brother be heartbroken? Faramir collected his thoughts and spoke quickly, "We have to stop her. She's making a mistake."
Boromir nodded, "Indeed she is. Hallahiriel has made a fine mess for herself. However, I fully intend on letting her go through with it."
With a quick motion, Faramir found himself toe to toe with his brother, "At the expense of your own heart? I see through you, Boromir. You care for her deeply."
Boromir felt a tinge of vulnerability overcome him. His little brother was very perceptive. However, he would not allow Faramir to unmask him. So he laughed thickly, "Indeed Faramir. I have no need for such an intolerable nit. Hallahiriel eats away at my nerves."
Faramir knew his brother better than he thought and smiled brightly, "You love her. I am convinced."
Boromir could not speak or even laugh off the words that Faramir had dealt him. He would miss her, in the strangest of ways. He did not wish for Hallahiriel to marry that dolt. Love her? He had never tried to formulate it in words. He inhaled sharply and felt the strains of tension in his neck, chest and stomach. Hallahiriel had turned his world on its ear. His thoughts constantly strayed to her in one respect or another. Seeing her descend the stairs in the morning almost made the day begin. Could it be love?
Faramir stood in silence at his brother's inability to form words. He saw the look of misery on Boromir's face and knew that it was true. His brother had a broken heart. Faramir took Boromir by the shoulders, "You cannot allow her to do this, brother. You must go to her and make your profession. What is hindering you? You have this chance to be blissfully happy with a lovely girl. Why will you break your own heart?"
Boromir sighed, "I cannot tell her. It would be--"
Faramir chuckled, "Boromir the Fair, strong and valiant man of Gondor. You're a brave warrior and leader, yet you are afraid of a woman. I have never seen you afraid of anything before now. It is quite astonishing. I must admit that it is refreshing-- I in no way think any less of you."
Boromir sneered at his brother, "I am not afraid of her."
"Then why will you not stop her?"
Boromir allowed a cloud of silence to fill the air. Faramir shook his head in disbelief, "If you will not go, I will. I do not wish to see her unhappy with that daft boy. I will go and propose to her myself."
Boromir looked at his brother oddly, "You wouldn't marry her. You don't love her."
Faramir smirked, "I love her enough to stop her. There is much to love about Halla, Boromir. She would make a fine wife and companion. She is not vapid and power-hungry as most women. And she is quite fair."
Boromir found his own words an obstacle, "That is not what I mean, Faramir. I know that you love her. However, you--you don't love her as I do."
Faramir smiled widely at his brother, knowing that Boromir spoke the truth; "Nay, I should say not. The question is; does she feel the same?"
Boromir sat by the hearth, his head in his hands. Hallahiriel must hate him. There is no way that he could profess his feelings, knowing that she would find him weak and ultimately crush his heart. He felt his brother's eyes on him as the thoughts waged war with each other in his head.
"She will not have me, Faramir. To her I am proud and heartless."
Faramir shook his head, "Heartless you are not, but were it not for your pride you would be with her now. Come Boromir! Be fearless and go to her!"
Boromir smiled half-heartedly at his brother's optimism, "Why are you doing this, Faramir?"
The younger brother grinned, "I want naught but your happiness, dearest brother. I think she would be good for your demeanor, besides, I heard that she is a princess from Elven lineage. One so fair should bring great beauty and warmth to our house and line."
Boromir nodded in agreement, "She would be a good mother."
Faramir chuckled, "And you a father. And I an uncle. I think that I should be quite good at that. Just think about it Boromir. Have you ever thought about a wife and children willingly before Halla?"
Boromir shook his head, "No. I daresay that I have never honestly considered it at all."
Faramir grinned again, "You must go to her immediately, tell her all the things you hold in your heart."
~~
As the brothers talked, Corerith hurried from the city streets and into the house of the Steward. Such news and controversy reverberated on the streets that day. She found the brothers in the hall and spoke breathlessly to them, "My lords, Hallahiriel is to marry."
Faramir stood in concern, "How did you hear this?"
Corerith took off her cloak and spoke quickly, "Lady Brumwen has disowned her own son. She claims that the girl is unfit for him to wed. The Lady will have no such girl in her home. Owynvan defended Hallahiriel completely and promised to marry her before the night is through. The girl has consented. It's all over town!"
Boromir stood confidently, "I cannot allow her to go through with this."
Faramir nodded, "I will help you, brother. Come we must make leave. Corerith, do you know where the ceremony is to be performed?"
The older woman sighed, "I fear I do not, I am sorry."
Boromir made his way toward the door and Faramir was quickly behind him. Boromir must make it there on time. All the courage inside of him was nearly brimming over the edge. This was his chance and he would make the most of it. As the brothers made it into the city, they felt the anticipation of the crowd. It was a huge spectacle to behold. So many of the townsfolk of Minas Tirith had gathered to see the forbidden wedding between the supposed princess from Elven lineage and the shamed son of Lady Brumwen. Such controversy had sparked such delicious fervor. Boromir stood tall over the crowd, looking for any sign of Hallahiriel.
Faramir followed suit and called to his brother, "Do you see her?"
Boromir shook his head, "No."
Suddenly, Owynvan appeared out of the crowd and took his place beside the official that was hired to perform the ceremony. Boromir's eyes widened as Hallahiriel stepped forward in a cream-colored gown. Her sunset colored hair was upswept with white flowers, exposing the length of her neck. Her cheeks seemed flushed and she wore a brilliant smile. She gave her hand to Owynvan and he clutched it dear. The official raised his hand to silence the crowd and then spoke firmly, "Lets begin, shall we?"
"No!"
The cry had escaped Boromir's lips without him even fully realizing it.
~~
A/N--Dunh, Dunh, DUNH! Will Halla go through with it? Will Therassa make her move? STAY TUNED!
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Eleven: I've Grown Accustomed to Her Face
Faramir sat up quickly as his brother came storming into the main hall. He had never seen Boromir in such a state, "Did you speak to her?"
Boromir tossed his head back with anger, "Indeed. The little wretch is completely ungrateful for all that we have done. She plans to marry."
Faramir looked confused, "Halla? Plans to marry? Who?"
Boromir seethed, "Him."
"Him who?"
"Owynvan."
Faramir looked like someone had just slapped him across the face, "Marry Owynvan?"
Boromir nodded, "That's what I said. Marry Owynvan! Hah! What a ridiculous plan. That girl infuriates me so."
Faramir paced the floor and watched his brother closely. Boromir was hiding something. He looked more than tense, like distressed or--no, it couldn't be. Could his brother be heartbroken? Faramir collected his thoughts and spoke quickly, "We have to stop her. She's making a mistake."
Boromir nodded, "Indeed she is. Hallahiriel has made a fine mess for herself. However, I fully intend on letting her go through with it."
With a quick motion, Faramir found himself toe to toe with his brother, "At the expense of your own heart? I see through you, Boromir. You care for her deeply."
Boromir felt a tinge of vulnerability overcome him. His little brother was very perceptive. However, he would not allow Faramir to unmask him. So he laughed thickly, "Indeed Faramir. I have no need for such an intolerable nit. Hallahiriel eats away at my nerves."
Faramir knew his brother better than he thought and smiled brightly, "You love her. I am convinced."
Boromir could not speak or even laugh off the words that Faramir had dealt him. He would miss her, in the strangest of ways. He did not wish for Hallahiriel to marry that dolt. Love her? He had never tried to formulate it in words. He inhaled sharply and felt the strains of tension in his neck, chest and stomach. Hallahiriel had turned his world on its ear. His thoughts constantly strayed to her in one respect or another. Seeing her descend the stairs in the morning almost made the day begin. Could it be love?
Faramir stood in silence at his brother's inability to form words. He saw the look of misery on Boromir's face and knew that it was true. His brother had a broken heart. Faramir took Boromir by the shoulders, "You cannot allow her to do this, brother. You must go to her and make your profession. What is hindering you? You have this chance to be blissfully happy with a lovely girl. Why will you break your own heart?"
Boromir sighed, "I cannot tell her. It would be--"
Faramir chuckled, "Boromir the Fair, strong and valiant man of Gondor. You're a brave warrior and leader, yet you are afraid of a woman. I have never seen you afraid of anything before now. It is quite astonishing. I must admit that it is refreshing-- I in no way think any less of you."
Boromir sneered at his brother, "I am not afraid of her."
"Then why will you not stop her?"
Boromir allowed a cloud of silence to fill the air. Faramir shook his head in disbelief, "If you will not go, I will. I do not wish to see her unhappy with that daft boy. I will go and propose to her myself."
Boromir looked at his brother oddly, "You wouldn't marry her. You don't love her."
Faramir smirked, "I love her enough to stop her. There is much to love about Halla, Boromir. She would make a fine wife and companion. She is not vapid and power-hungry as most women. And she is quite fair."
Boromir found his own words an obstacle, "That is not what I mean, Faramir. I know that you love her. However, you--you don't love her as I do."
Faramir smiled widely at his brother, knowing that Boromir spoke the truth; "Nay, I should say not. The question is; does she feel the same?"
Boromir sat by the hearth, his head in his hands. Hallahiriel must hate him. There is no way that he could profess his feelings, knowing that she would find him weak and ultimately crush his heart. He felt his brother's eyes on him as the thoughts waged war with each other in his head.
"She will not have me, Faramir. To her I am proud and heartless."
Faramir shook his head, "Heartless you are not, but were it not for your pride you would be with her now. Come Boromir! Be fearless and go to her!"
Boromir smiled half-heartedly at his brother's optimism, "Why are you doing this, Faramir?"
The younger brother grinned, "I want naught but your happiness, dearest brother. I think she would be good for your demeanor, besides, I heard that she is a princess from Elven lineage. One so fair should bring great beauty and warmth to our house and line."
Boromir nodded in agreement, "She would be a good mother."
Faramir chuckled, "And you a father. And I an uncle. I think that I should be quite good at that. Just think about it Boromir. Have you ever thought about a wife and children willingly before Halla?"
Boromir shook his head, "No. I daresay that I have never honestly considered it at all."
Faramir grinned again, "You must go to her immediately, tell her all the things you hold in your heart."
~~
As the brothers talked, Corerith hurried from the city streets and into the house of the Steward. Such news and controversy reverberated on the streets that day. She found the brothers in the hall and spoke breathlessly to them, "My lords, Hallahiriel is to marry."
Faramir stood in concern, "How did you hear this?"
Corerith took off her cloak and spoke quickly, "Lady Brumwen has disowned her own son. She claims that the girl is unfit for him to wed. The Lady will have no such girl in her home. Owynvan defended Hallahiriel completely and promised to marry her before the night is through. The girl has consented. It's all over town!"
Boromir stood confidently, "I cannot allow her to go through with this."
Faramir nodded, "I will help you, brother. Come we must make leave. Corerith, do you know where the ceremony is to be performed?"
The older woman sighed, "I fear I do not, I am sorry."
Boromir made his way toward the door and Faramir was quickly behind him. Boromir must make it there on time. All the courage inside of him was nearly brimming over the edge. This was his chance and he would make the most of it. As the brothers made it into the city, they felt the anticipation of the crowd. It was a huge spectacle to behold. So many of the townsfolk of Minas Tirith had gathered to see the forbidden wedding between the supposed princess from Elven lineage and the shamed son of Lady Brumwen. Such controversy had sparked such delicious fervor. Boromir stood tall over the crowd, looking for any sign of Hallahiriel.
Faramir followed suit and called to his brother, "Do you see her?"
Boromir shook his head, "No."
Suddenly, Owynvan appeared out of the crowd and took his place beside the official that was hired to perform the ceremony. Boromir's eyes widened as Hallahiriel stepped forward in a cream-colored gown. Her sunset colored hair was upswept with white flowers, exposing the length of her neck. Her cheeks seemed flushed and she wore a brilliant smile. She gave her hand to Owynvan and he clutched it dear. The official raised his hand to silence the crowd and then spoke firmly, "Lets begin, shall we?"
"No!"
The cry had escaped Boromir's lips without him even fully realizing it.
~~
A/N--Dunh, Dunh, DUNH! Will Halla go through with it? Will Therassa make her move? STAY TUNED!