Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as
Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George
Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by
Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth, Corerith, Lady
Brumwen, Therassa, Owynvan and Gweddyn.
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25. MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Twelve: Get Me to the Church on Time
Boromir pushed his way to the front of the crowd with Faramir in tow. Everyone turned to look at them including a fearful Owynvan and a very surprised Hallahiriel. Boromir kept his eyes on her and finally found himself before her. The Official eyed him in an angry way, "What is the meaning of this?"
Faramir shot the old man a glance, "He is Boromir, eldest son of the Steward. Show your respect."
The Official looked grievously at Boromir, "My lord. I am sorry."
Boromir nodded, "It's alright."
Owynvan stepped up and looked perturbed, "Is something the matter, Lord Boromir?"
He felt Hallahiriel's wary gaze on him and met her eyes, "Yes, I fear that something is very wrong."
The crowd, now two hundred strong , gathered closer to hear what he had to say. Boromir did not look at them or Owynvan, but kept his eyes affixed on the girl, "Hallahiriel cannot marry you. I will not allow it."
Hallahiriel had become vulnerable with Boromir's display. She gripped Owynvan's hand tightly and spoke, "For what reason?"
Owynvan nodded in solidarity with his betrothed, "Yes, for what reason?"
Boromir stepped closer to her and gave her a honest look, "Well, I--"
He saw Faramir out of the corner of his eye and saw that he had an amused look on his face. Boromir knew that he must do it and stepped forward to take Hallahiriel's free hand with his own. He laid it against his face and kissed the open palm, "I love her and I cannot live without her."
A loud burst of approval came from the crowd, seeing the Steward's eldest son make such a bold move. Hallahiriel blushed fiercely and looked to Owynvan, who grew angry with embarrassment. He clenched his fists, "So you've come to steal her away, have you?"
Boromir put a finger beneath Hallahiriel's chin and raised it to have her meet his gaze, "That I have. I love you, Halla. I wish for you to marry me."
The crowd cheered noisily at the proposal. Owynvan stepped close to Boromir, "You fail to remember, my lord, that she is marrying me at this very moment. I fear that you are too late."
Suddenly a familiar female voice made it's way through the crowd, "No!"
Owynvan, Faramir, Boromir and Hallahiriel all turned to meet the steely sight of Therassa approaching. She hurried to Boromir's side, "Lord Boromir, you cannot love her! She is a filthy barmaid from Dol Amroth. I am the one you should marry."
The crowd sneered and hissed at Therassa. Boromir shook his head, "I fear not, Therassa. You are a contemptuous girl with a hard heart"
Owynvan pushed Boromir away from both women and stared Boromir down, "First you take my bride and now you insult my sister? I will not have it!"
He lunged at Boromir and his fist connected with the latter's lip. The people in the crowd cried out in anger. Boromir felt a small surge of blood fill his mouth. He smiled angrily, he had wished to do this for a long time, "That was not a good move, boy."
Seeing the look on Boromir's face struck fear into the heart of Owynvan. Boromir dealt a heavy blow to Owynvan's abdomen and the boy toppled to the ground at Hallahiriel's feet. Therassa cried out in anger, "That's it!"
Hallahiriel stood in a state of confused shock. What was going on? Therassa stalked up to her and slapped her across the face. She looked triumphant for a moment, "You have broken my family, you filthy wench. Now after all the heartache you have caused, you have stolen Boromir from me."
Hallahiriel felt her face grow hot and she drew back her arm in retribution. She punched Therassa square in the nose and watched as the girl fell into a fountain. To her surprise, Hallahiriel heard the crowd cheer behind her. As Therassa sat up, drenched and aching, she yelled at her, "Don't flatter yourself, Therassa. He never really liked you anyway."
The crowd cheered again and Hallahiriel met eyes with Boromir. Tears formed in her eyes and she ran away from him and through the crowd. Boromir called to her and started to run after her, when he felt his brother hinder him, "I think we've done enough for tonight. Come, let's return home and have Corerith tend to you. Leave Halla be for the night."
Boromir felt his heart drop a bit, but inherently knew that his brother was right. He had done enough for the night.
~~
Early the next morning, Boromir awoke in the chair in the hall he had fallen asleep in. The corner of his bottom lip was purple and swollen and he felt the bitter sting of blood in his mouth. Quietly, the door creaked open behind him and he called, "Corerith, would you bring me something to drink and a cloth?"
There was no answer and looked up to meet the blue-gay eyes he had longed to see. Hallahiriel stood above him with a concerned look on her face. She was dressed in a simple blue dress, her red-gold hair worn long and loose. Boromir felt himself rendered speechless as he attempted to stand to meet her. Hallahiriel quickly dropped her belongings and pushed him back into the chair gently, "You stay there. I will fetch it for you."
Boromir barely nodded and waited for her to come back. Hallahiriel appeared before him again, this time carrying a tea tray and a damp cloth. She set the tray down and kneeled down beside him. She picked up the cloth and placed a hand on his neck gently. She dabbed it to his lower lip and he winced. Hallahiriel smiled, "Does it hurt much?"
He shook his head, "No. Would it please you if it did?" Hallahiriel spoke plainly, "No."
She looked thoughtful, "Did you mean it?"
Boromir nodded, "I did."
She dabbed again and asked, "You're sure you weren't trying to prove a point by trying to toy with me?"
Boromir winced again, "No. Were you?"
Hallahiriel sighed and put down the cloth, "Maybe I was."
Boromir reached to her and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, "I am sorry, Halla."
Hallahiriel half-smiled, "As am I. I was a hateful girl and I never meant to act in such a manner. I am indebted you and Faramir for the rest of my life."
He gave her a confused look, "Why did you consent to Owynvan?"
Hallahiriel sighed and shifted her weight as she stood on her knees, "He offered me everything he had to give. No one has ever done such for me-- not even my father. Owynvan loved me, though I doubt he still does."
Boromir leaned over the chair's arm and closer to her, "Do you love him?"
She looked away from him and drew a deep breath, "No. I never did. Yet I used him and then hurt him. You were right, I have become cruel."
Boromir slipped out of the chair and onto the floor where Hallahiriel kneeled. He stood on his knees before her, took her face in his hands and searched for answers, "Halla, I have been miserable since you have been away. My feelings for you reach so deep. I did not truly understand them until you were gone. I offer you my heart, my hands--all of me. I offer you my life."
Hallahiriel remained wide-eyed in silence as Boromir felt anxiety wash over him. He studied her closely and pleaded, "Speak Halla, or I fear that my heart may burst from my chest."
She blinked out of her reverie and spoke slowly to ensure the words came out right, "I do not know what to say, my lord, except that I am yours completely and truly."
Boromir felt a smile creep onto his lips. He pulled her to his chest, his hands resting on the small of her back. Hallahiriel circled her arms around his neck and drew his mouth to hers. Boromir kissed her with longing and utter joy. Hallahiriel's cheeks flushed and she opened her mouth to his. She felt Boromir release a small cry against her lips. She pulled back with concern, "Boromir?" He smiled and pointed to his bottom lip, "Gentle, love. It still stings."
Hallahiriel smiled in relief as Boromir smoothed her hair away from her face. He turned serious, "I love you, Halla."
She smiled again, "And I you."
Boromir trailed kisses down her neck and eyed her belongings, "So you are home to stay?"
Hallahiriel's fingers became lost in his hair, "As long as you would have me, my lord."
Boromir raised his head and kissed her lips again, "Until the end of days."
They held each other quietly, Hallahiriel placed her hand to his chest and felt his heart pacing. Boromir took the same hand and kissed it tenderly, "Are you going to marry me?"
Hallahiriel sighed and feigned seriousness, "Someday. Though I fear last night has put me off weddings for good."
Boromir chuckled, "What a fine mess it was."
Suddenly, Faramir came through the door and called to his brother, "Boromir, I have just talked with Aethlien and there is still no sign of--"
Faramir caught sight of them on the floor, in each other's embrace and smiled brightly, "Right. Hello, Halla. I'm just on my way out. You both go back to whatever the two of you were doing."
With that, Faramir turned on his heel and marched out of the hall with a huge grin on his face.
~~
A/ - Next Chapter is the last chapter--or the last I have planned. If you think that I should go any further than that, please review and let me know. I would like to write more, but I fear that I may go to far.
I have a few questions for my reviewers--
Should Halla and Boromir wed?
What of the inevitable future?
Should it be AU?
Should the next story parody another film? If so--what?
Thank you all!
Special shout outs to Angel of Harlem ("And I an aunt"--you crack me up!), Simply Sara (Glad you're a romantic! I plan more for Faramir and Boromir soon. Thank you for the lovely reviews!), pmochizuki (Glad you like my interpretation of Faramir. I'm very happy that you are reading!), Bonnie Lass (Thanks for the Shaw bit. What a complement!), Laureate (Here's the update! Thanks for the review!) and DiamondTook3 (you always seem to be the first to review! Thank you so much!)
--Leah P.
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship." Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25. MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Twelve: Get Me to the Church on Time
Boromir pushed his way to the front of the crowd with Faramir in tow. Everyone turned to look at them including a fearful Owynvan and a very surprised Hallahiriel. Boromir kept his eyes on her and finally found himself before her. The Official eyed him in an angry way, "What is the meaning of this?"
Faramir shot the old man a glance, "He is Boromir, eldest son of the Steward. Show your respect."
The Official looked grievously at Boromir, "My lord. I am sorry."
Boromir nodded, "It's alright."
Owynvan stepped up and looked perturbed, "Is something the matter, Lord Boromir?"
He felt Hallahiriel's wary gaze on him and met her eyes, "Yes, I fear that something is very wrong."
The crowd, now two hundred strong , gathered closer to hear what he had to say. Boromir did not look at them or Owynvan, but kept his eyes affixed on the girl, "Hallahiriel cannot marry you. I will not allow it."
Hallahiriel had become vulnerable with Boromir's display. She gripped Owynvan's hand tightly and spoke, "For what reason?"
Owynvan nodded in solidarity with his betrothed, "Yes, for what reason?"
Boromir stepped closer to her and gave her a honest look, "Well, I--"
He saw Faramir out of the corner of his eye and saw that he had an amused look on his face. Boromir knew that he must do it and stepped forward to take Hallahiriel's free hand with his own. He laid it against his face and kissed the open palm, "I love her and I cannot live without her."
A loud burst of approval came from the crowd, seeing the Steward's eldest son make such a bold move. Hallahiriel blushed fiercely and looked to Owynvan, who grew angry with embarrassment. He clenched his fists, "So you've come to steal her away, have you?"
Boromir put a finger beneath Hallahiriel's chin and raised it to have her meet his gaze, "That I have. I love you, Halla. I wish for you to marry me."
The crowd cheered noisily at the proposal. Owynvan stepped close to Boromir, "You fail to remember, my lord, that she is marrying me at this very moment. I fear that you are too late."
Suddenly a familiar female voice made it's way through the crowd, "No!"
Owynvan, Faramir, Boromir and Hallahiriel all turned to meet the steely sight of Therassa approaching. She hurried to Boromir's side, "Lord Boromir, you cannot love her! She is a filthy barmaid from Dol Amroth. I am the one you should marry."
The crowd sneered and hissed at Therassa. Boromir shook his head, "I fear not, Therassa. You are a contemptuous girl with a hard heart"
Owynvan pushed Boromir away from both women and stared Boromir down, "First you take my bride and now you insult my sister? I will not have it!"
He lunged at Boromir and his fist connected with the latter's lip. The people in the crowd cried out in anger. Boromir felt a small surge of blood fill his mouth. He smiled angrily, he had wished to do this for a long time, "That was not a good move, boy."
Seeing the look on Boromir's face struck fear into the heart of Owynvan. Boromir dealt a heavy blow to Owynvan's abdomen and the boy toppled to the ground at Hallahiriel's feet. Therassa cried out in anger, "That's it!"
Hallahiriel stood in a state of confused shock. What was going on? Therassa stalked up to her and slapped her across the face. She looked triumphant for a moment, "You have broken my family, you filthy wench. Now after all the heartache you have caused, you have stolen Boromir from me."
Hallahiriel felt her face grow hot and she drew back her arm in retribution. She punched Therassa square in the nose and watched as the girl fell into a fountain. To her surprise, Hallahiriel heard the crowd cheer behind her. As Therassa sat up, drenched and aching, she yelled at her, "Don't flatter yourself, Therassa. He never really liked you anyway."
The crowd cheered again and Hallahiriel met eyes with Boromir. Tears formed in her eyes and she ran away from him and through the crowd. Boromir called to her and started to run after her, when he felt his brother hinder him, "I think we've done enough for tonight. Come, let's return home and have Corerith tend to you. Leave Halla be for the night."
Boromir felt his heart drop a bit, but inherently knew that his brother was right. He had done enough for the night.
~~
Early the next morning, Boromir awoke in the chair in the hall he had fallen asleep in. The corner of his bottom lip was purple and swollen and he felt the bitter sting of blood in his mouth. Quietly, the door creaked open behind him and he called, "Corerith, would you bring me something to drink and a cloth?"
There was no answer and looked up to meet the blue-gay eyes he had longed to see. Hallahiriel stood above him with a concerned look on her face. She was dressed in a simple blue dress, her red-gold hair worn long and loose. Boromir felt himself rendered speechless as he attempted to stand to meet her. Hallahiriel quickly dropped her belongings and pushed him back into the chair gently, "You stay there. I will fetch it for you."
Boromir barely nodded and waited for her to come back. Hallahiriel appeared before him again, this time carrying a tea tray and a damp cloth. She set the tray down and kneeled down beside him. She picked up the cloth and placed a hand on his neck gently. She dabbed it to his lower lip and he winced. Hallahiriel smiled, "Does it hurt much?"
He shook his head, "No. Would it please you if it did?" Hallahiriel spoke plainly, "No."
She looked thoughtful, "Did you mean it?"
Boromir nodded, "I did."
She dabbed again and asked, "You're sure you weren't trying to prove a point by trying to toy with me?"
Boromir winced again, "No. Were you?"
Hallahiriel sighed and put down the cloth, "Maybe I was."
Boromir reached to her and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, "I am sorry, Halla."
Hallahiriel half-smiled, "As am I. I was a hateful girl and I never meant to act in such a manner. I am indebted you and Faramir for the rest of my life."
He gave her a confused look, "Why did you consent to Owynvan?"
Hallahiriel sighed and shifted her weight as she stood on her knees, "He offered me everything he had to give. No one has ever done such for me-- not even my father. Owynvan loved me, though I doubt he still does."
Boromir leaned over the chair's arm and closer to her, "Do you love him?"
She looked away from him and drew a deep breath, "No. I never did. Yet I used him and then hurt him. You were right, I have become cruel."
Boromir slipped out of the chair and onto the floor where Hallahiriel kneeled. He stood on his knees before her, took her face in his hands and searched for answers, "Halla, I have been miserable since you have been away. My feelings for you reach so deep. I did not truly understand them until you were gone. I offer you my heart, my hands--all of me. I offer you my life."
Hallahiriel remained wide-eyed in silence as Boromir felt anxiety wash over him. He studied her closely and pleaded, "Speak Halla, or I fear that my heart may burst from my chest."
She blinked out of her reverie and spoke slowly to ensure the words came out right, "I do not know what to say, my lord, except that I am yours completely and truly."
Boromir felt a smile creep onto his lips. He pulled her to his chest, his hands resting on the small of her back. Hallahiriel circled her arms around his neck and drew his mouth to hers. Boromir kissed her with longing and utter joy. Hallahiriel's cheeks flushed and she opened her mouth to his. She felt Boromir release a small cry against her lips. She pulled back with concern, "Boromir?" He smiled and pointed to his bottom lip, "Gentle, love. It still stings."
Hallahiriel smiled in relief as Boromir smoothed her hair away from her face. He turned serious, "I love you, Halla."
She smiled again, "And I you."
Boromir trailed kisses down her neck and eyed her belongings, "So you are home to stay?"
Hallahiriel's fingers became lost in his hair, "As long as you would have me, my lord."
Boromir raised his head and kissed her lips again, "Until the end of days."
They held each other quietly, Hallahiriel placed her hand to his chest and felt his heart pacing. Boromir took the same hand and kissed it tenderly, "Are you going to marry me?"
Hallahiriel sighed and feigned seriousness, "Someday. Though I fear last night has put me off weddings for good."
Boromir chuckled, "What a fine mess it was."
Suddenly, Faramir came through the door and called to his brother, "Boromir, I have just talked with Aethlien and there is still no sign of--"
Faramir caught sight of them on the floor, in each other's embrace and smiled brightly, "Right. Hello, Halla. I'm just on my way out. You both go back to whatever the two of you were doing."
With that, Faramir turned on his heel and marched out of the hall with a huge grin on his face.
~~
A/ - Next Chapter is the last chapter--or the last I have planned. If you think that I should go any further than that, please review and let me know. I would like to write more, but I fear that I may go to far.
I have a few questions for my reviewers--
Should Halla and Boromir wed?
What of the inevitable future?
Should it be AU?
Should the next story parody another film? If so--what?
Thank you all!
Special shout outs to Angel of Harlem ("And I an aunt"--you crack me up!), Simply Sara (Glad you're a romantic! I plan more for Faramir and Boromir soon. Thank you for the lovely reviews!), pmochizuki (Glad you like my interpretation of Faramir. I'm very happy that you are reading!), Bonnie Lass (Thanks for the Shaw bit. What a complement!), Laureate (Here's the update! Thanks for the review!) and DiamondTook3 (you always seem to be the first to review! Thank you so much!)
--Leah P.