Title: FALLEN: The Sequel to the Vetting of CJ CREGG:Fallen

Paring: CJ/Danny
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters from "The West Wing" are not mine.
Spoilers: Any promos for Feb Sweeps.

FALLEN

Sarah McLauchlan

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

-----

CJ opened her eyes to see a small amount of sun coming through the blinds. It was morning and her face felt stale from her dried tears. Through the haze of first morning glare, and a three-hour sleep cycle, her eyes caught Danny standing at the bathroom door watching her. He was dressed and his eyes caught her, flooding her with a sense of warmth.

"Go, back to sleep," he whispered.

"Come back to bed," she told him back.

"Go to sleep, CJ."

And like the cool words of a parent to a child she obeyed and closed her eyes.

In what seemed like only a moment later CJ opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed was the darkness in the window and the room. It was now night. How long had she slept, she thought to herself? Drunk from too much sleep CJ raised her head off Danny's pillow and made her way to the door. From outside, she heard the noises of plates and what she thought must be sliverware.

"You're awake?" He asked as CJ approached Danny in his kitchen.

"What's all this?" She asked, surveying the set up of Chinese food and real plates. It was take-out and finery; two things that didn't go together.

"There are a couple of reporters outside. So...I ordered dinner. They should be gone after a while---"

"Okay."

"You can take a shower if you want? There's towels and a robe in the bathroom."

CJ stopped as she entered Danny's bedroom. "Why don't you get some candles," she smiled almost surprised, but happy, she was saying it.

"Okay." Danny said sweetly. They shared a moment before CJ nodded her head and walked back into the bedroom.

After her shower, CJ wrapped herself in Danny's dark green terrycloth robe. It felt strangely nice and comfortable. She took the arm up to her face and breathed in the sleeve. It even smelled like him. It's amazing what the sense of smell can do to a person. The smell, along with the warmth of the cloth, brought her back to the past, her feelings for Danny and the times he was near. She felt warm and melancholy at the same time. But what did it matter. She was there. Danny was there. And they no longer had a conflict of interest. She no longer had her job. How she so wished he had taken her up on her offer the night before, but she knew why he hadn't, and she loved him even more for it. Of course love wasn't the word she let herself use in her head. CJ was so used to denying her feelings for Danny she didn't know what to feel anymore.

"I mostly date jerks," CJ said as she picked her fork into a piece of chicken in the center of the small table; still dressed in Danny's bathrobe.

"So the fact that you won't date me---I should take that as a compliment."

"Pretty much." She laughed with a mouth full of food.

"You gonna eat that?" He said pointed to the food that had been on her plate for what seemed like hours.

"Yeah," She snapped back

"You know you really have a territorial issue with your food."

"Deal with it."

"Okay. I'm just sayin'." He put his hands up and returned to his own food.

"---Man, I dated this horrible guy in college. Loved his car more than me. I backed his Porsche into a pond."

"You what?--"

"I don't have much luck with bodies of water—"

'---Would seem so—"

"--Or for things on dry land for that matter—I'm a bit of a klutz sometimes-

"Naw, really?"

"Hey!"

"CJ, I was there when you fell into the pool at that fundraiser—"

"Roberto Benigni pushed me in. I didn't fall--"

"Not to mention the time you tripped up the step in your first press briefing—don't think no one noticed that one—I think once you actually fell feet first in the Rose Garden, you walked into a door the first time I kissed you, you knocked over---'

"That time it wasn't because I was a klutz—"

"What?" He picked at a piece of chicken on his plate.

"I didn't walk into the door because I'm a klutz, Danny.—"

"Oh." Danny got it. They looked at each other for a moment.

"So, you didn't mention your history---"

"My history---?"

"In the dating arena. We never talked about this stuff—"CJ was intrigued

"Well, it's not so much an arena as a small cul-de-sac--"

"Excuse me—Cul-de-sac—?"

"It's an image—" He changed the subject. "Being an ex-audio-visual club geek—"

"Ex?"

"Ok, a graduate of the audio visual geek club—I never really dated much—"

"But you're so charming—"

'You think I'm charming—?"

"Sure in an arrogant kind of way—"

"I'll take that as a yes—"

"--You can take that anyway you want to bucko-"

"Have you not been here for this entire conversation? I was in audio-visual club in high school. I didn't date much—"

"Hey either did I. I was the brainy tom boy who grew up with all boys—"

"No, guys like the woman who can play with the boys---"

"Not to my perception—"

"--Well, they're wrong—"

"Thank you." CJ was touched. "You still didn't answer my question?"

"Oh, I didn't?"

"Danny?"

"Well, I lived with a women for a year about eight years ago—"

"Me too. I'll never do that again—"

"We drove each other crazy," Danny and CJ spoke at once. They laughed.

"Anything really serious?" CJ asked.

"Well I thought it was serious with Carin—?"

"Carin?"

"Did I make fun of your boyfriend's names—"

"Sorry, continue."

"I mean when you date a guy named Tad—"

"How do you know about Tad--?!" She slapped his hand.

"I'm a reporter, CJ. I know things—How could you date a jerk like that—?" CJ smiled and nodded as if to say, "we covered that." They both laughed.

"We covered that." She had to say with words.

"They couldn't have all been jerks?"

"Well, Ben was nice?" She thought for a moment.

"Ben?"

"The live in. "

"Oh."

"But we had problems—College boyfriend and all. I was a different person when I met him. Sometimes you stay with your first love too long...'cause....well." She changed the subject. "So you and Carin?"

"I thought it was serious, but looking back it really wasn't. I never really thought I'd ever find someone I'd have a connection with---"

"So who did you get a connection with?"

"What?"

"You said you 'never thought.' Past tense. Who came along and changed it? "

"You?" Danny was surprised she didn't get that.

"Oh." CJ looked into Danny's eyes and realized she had to change the subject. She didn't know if she was ready for this. "So does anyone ever call you Daniel? Or has it always been Danny?"

"No. I've always been Danny."

"My dad calls me Claudia and sometimes my brothers, but otherwise I've always been CJ."

"So just the people who care about you?"

"No, I think my friends care about me. Just the people who know me the best I guess....but yeah.."

Danny smiled at CJ. CJ looked down at her food shyly and then up at Danny. Danny couldn't help looking at her. After a moment he went back to his food.

CJ sat on Danny's bed. Danny stood on the other side of the room almost in the corner like child.

"Danny come sit over here?" She said softly and sweetly.

"I don't think I should CJ." He paused. "I don't know what I'll... do."

"Come sit. Danny." CJ again spoke softly to him. He sat down on the bed next to her.

"I'm not going back, Danny. It's okay. We can do this."

"They want you back—It's been a day and they still haven't announced the fact that you resigned---and besides that. You should go back."

CJ put her arms on Danny's shoulders and she kissed him lightly, feeling the warm bustle of his breath and beard. Danny took her wrist and leaned his face against it kissing it with deep affection. He looked into CJ's eyes and she into his. CJ crept back on the bed.

"Come on." She said beckoning Danny to come closer. Danny took a breath. Still not knowing what do. "Come here." She said softly. "It's okay." CJ wanted him to come closer. She knew that more than she knew anything.

Danny climbed up the bed and over to CJ to kiss her gently. It was like a cool drink of water in the desert for both of them. CJ held her hands on Danny's face as he held her in his arms. "I'm not going back Danny." She whispered to him. "You're not taking advantage of me." She assured him. "I want this." She said softly. Danny looked her body up and down not believing the moment he dreamed about at night was finally coming to fruition. He looked her in the eyes.

Danny kissed CJ and they were caught up in each other for what seemed like forever.

"I love you, CJ." Danny told her as he hung above her. CJ's eyes welled in emotion for a moment.

"I love you, too." She was a little surprised as she said, but she meant it.

Josh handed Leo a sealed manila envelope in his office.

"This is it?" Leo asked plainly.

"You sure you want it?"

"I asked for it, didn't I."

"You didn't want us to do this when it was you—"

"Because it was me—" Leo opened the envelope with an opener on his desk. "This is CJ. The president said to take care of it."

"This?"

"He said take care of it." Leo looked at the paper and read it over. Josh stood and watched. "This is verified."

"Yeah."

Leo walked behind his desk reading the paper.

"Ok." He paused and placed it on his desk. "Bring the girl in."

"Yeah." Josh turned around and opened Leo's door. "He'll see you." A young woman walked in looking nervous and unsure.

"Ms. Cahill." Leo said sternly.

It was late, not as late as the night before, but it was a late night. Toby caught Josh walking back to his office.

"He's in with her?" Toby asked.

"Yeah." Josh said with a breath.

"He's gonna use it."

"Of course—that's why I got it for him—They use dirty tricks on CJ why can't we use them on back on them—"

"Yeah?—"Toby was surprised Josh didn't think he would agree. He did of course.

"You going to look for her---?"

"Yeah."

"She's not at her apartment—"

"Yeah I know."

"Can I come with you—?"

"Yeah."

The next morning CJ awoke to Danny's warm body next to her. It didn't feel wrong; it didn't feel strange or unnerving. CJ knew what she was doing the night before and didn't regret anything in the morning. CJ lifted her arm toward her watch on the small table next to the bed. Danny caught her with his arms wrapping them around her waist. CJ let out a sigh of delight and contentment. Danny kissed her neck and CJ laughed.

Toby, Donna, and Josh stopped the car about half a block from Danny's apartment. Josh told Donna to stop the car as soon as they saw the reporters.

"We can't be seen here." Toby announced from the back seat.

"We gotta talk to CJ." Josh was searching for an idea.

"Maybe she's not there." Donna remarked.

"We looked everywhere, she's there." Toby spoke again from the back.

"Okay." Josh was thinking. "I'm going to try and sneak in from the side. Create a diversion—"Josh left the car in a covert way. Toby rolled his eyes at Josh's antics and Donna looked scared.

"A diversion. What does he mean by that?" Donna asked as Toby replaced Josh in the front seat. "What do I do?" Donna asked again.

"I don't know. Run over something." He said pointing out toward the windshield. Donna looked at him terrified.

Danny, now dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, walked into the kitchen to make CJ breakfast. He had the step of a man in love and a man who was satisfied with life for a change. In almost a dance like way he took four eggs out of the fridge and placed them in a bowl. He was about to go back for the orange juice when there was a knock at the door. Danny's attention went for the door and then toward CJ in the bedroom. An odd feeling came over him.

Danny opened the door and wasn't at all surprised to see Josh.

"Hey." Josh answered draped in the doorway.

"How'd you get past the reporters without them seeing you?"

"I have my ways." Josh half joked. They both knew why Josh was there. "She here?"

Danny took a moment before speaking. The men caught eyes.

"Yeah, come in." Josh walked in and Danny closed the door.

Before either of them could speak they were stopped by CJ's voice as she walked into the living room from the bedroom dressed in her clothes again. Danny didn't have a very large apartment.

"I really need to find a way to go home and get a change of clothes." CJ was fixing a bracelet on her wrist when she looked up to see the two men. She saw Josh's look of concern and Danny's look of sadness.

"I don't understand why I'm here Leo. Make the announcement. There's nothing you can do." CJ yelled to Leo in his office.

"You didn't tell her?" Leo asked Josh.

"There wasn't time." Toby answered. "We had to get her out of there—"

"They said you had a way---I don't understand----"CJ spoke what little information Josh had told her in the apartment and Toby in the car.

"I got her a change of clothes—"Carol said, running into the office.

"What?" CJ was very unsure what was going on.

"For the press conference?" Carol answered.

"What press conference?" CJ felt caught in a whirlwind.

"Great." Leo said to Carol. "Get her dressed." He moved his attention to CJ. "Kathy Cahill recanted. Anyone asks her. She's denying everything. Hoynes lost his source. Now, it's just some lies in a book he's trying to promote. And that's what you're going to say." He walked from behind his desk and ushered CJ out of his office.

"How?—"

"We have our ways." Josh smiled as CJ walked out of the office.

"Toby. Make sure she gets the new briefing information." Leo spoke as they trailed off.

"I can't go into a briefing—"CJ was flabbergasted as they walked her down the hall to her office.

"We've been hiding the fact you've been gone. They're starting to get antsy—" Josh answered.

"Starting—"Toby, said knowing there were stronger words for the beast that was about to feed on them.

"Toby—?" CJ asked, but Leo railroaded her.

"--There's already rumors that you resigned. You have to get out there." They had made it to CJ's office. CJ tried to speak, but Carol ushered her into her office to change.

Moments later CJ exited her office dressed in a gray skirt and black turtleneck.

"You ready?" Toby asked.

"Yeah." She said flatly and distracted. Toby walked toward the pressroom. CJ gave Toby her back and talked secretly to Carol. "Carol, can you get Danny Concannon on the phone for me?"

"CJ!" Toby yelled. "Come on."

"Let's get this going." Leo spoke as he walked past CJ. Josh followed. Leo stopped when CJ didn't trail behind him. CJ caught Leo's eyes and knew she needed to follow.

CJ lowered her head and then lifted it back up as she walked in front of Leo. Leo and Josh followed behind CJ.

CJ stopped at the door next to Toby as Leo and Josh walked in into the room before her. The flash of cameras could be heard as they entered.

"Toby, when I was at Danny's—"

"I don't need to know. Don't tell me."

CJ took a moment. She entered the pressroom.

Back at his apartment Danny watched CJ at her press conference. She looked so cool and collected. Last minute, CJ had sucked it up, like so many times before, and did her job like gangbusters. Danny was never surprised how great she was, but was always in awe of her anyway. He walked over to his laptop and began writing. He stopped for a moment and took a swig of coffee.

CJ entered her office feeling good about the press conference. She had done a good job and she knew it. She was high on the moment.

"You did great out there, boss." Carol spoke from the door causing CJ to turn as she reached the side of her desk.

"I did, didn't I?" She smiled slyly. She had almost forgotten what had gotten her to the present moment.

"I couldn't get in touch with Danny—"

"Did you try his place—?"

"Yeah? I tried all the numbers."

"Okay?" CJ wasn't sure where he could be. "Thank you, Carol."

Carol walked out of the office. CJ's heard the quack of her computer telling her she had mail. CJ turned her eyes to the screen. She had mail and on further investigation she saw it was from Danny. CJ sat herself down at her desk and opened the e-mail.

To: cjcreggwhitehouse.gov (Claudia Jean Cregg)

Sent: February 26, 2004

From: (Daniel Concannon)

Subject:

Dear Claudia,

I'm watching you now on television and you're doing great. You always do great. You're good. Never forget that. You did good. You look amazing. So confident. It makes this letter even harder. How that's possible, I don't know? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Last night with you was the most amazing night of my life. I will never forget it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want to use the word mistake, but I can't. It wasn't a mistake or a misjudgment. It was the most lucid decision I have ever made.

And so was falling for you. Which is why I need to go away for a while. I don't know how long, but I can't stay. Not with things the way they are right now. I'd only be another complication in your life. And I can't stand by and watch you everyday with this feeling in my heart. Because sometime down the line there will be other Kathy Cahills and I will never let you go through that pain again. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know you'll understand why I have to do this. And know I will never stop loving you and caring about you.

I've decided to go back on the road. I always lived better out of an overnight bag anyway. The new crop of candidate should be starting to raise their ugly heads. That's how I met you, so it can't be that bad.

I have to get going now. The more I sit here writing this, the harder it is for me to leave. I'll see you soon, I promise that.

Yours always,

Daniel

Music Lyrics:

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Two small tears ran down CJ's face. She wiped them away and turned her eyes to the side.

Music Lyric:

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Across town Danny put some old paint tarps over his furniture. He took his travel bag and slung it over his shoulder, with his laptop on the other, and walked out the door.

music Lyrics:


Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so

Music Lyrics:

We all begin out with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear.

CJ took in Danny's apartment. She remembered Danny saying he left a key under the mat. She walked around the now empty-looking apartment. Not that everything was gone, but the covers made the room look whited out and large. It made her feel empty. But she'd needed to see for herself that Danny was really gone.

music lyrics:

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

CJ had known that night and she knew it now. She had fallen for Danny Concanonn. And it wasn't just that night that she had fallen. It was something she had denied for so long, but she now knew had been in love with Danny for the last five years.

Music: Lyrics:

bend to take my hand
I've nowhere left to turn
I've lost to these I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one wrong step one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

She could never get Danny out of her skin. She pushed him away and pushed him away and now that she knew, it was the pushing that came back to haunt her.

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

He was truly gone this time.

JANUARY 2007

"Carol, are these all the boxes we have?" CJ asked looking over her packed up office. She still had a few things in need of packing. "How is that possible?," she thought looking at all the boxes.

"I'll go get more!" Carol yelled from the outside office.

"At least two!" CJ yelled, almost tripping over a box as she walked.

CJ picked up her foot and held onto the ankle for a moment before regaining her footing on the ground and away from the box. She moved her eyes toward the door. And that's when she saw him.

Her heart skipped a beat and her eyes started the first signs of moistness. After three years, standing in the bullpen, framed by her doorway, there was Danny. People walked busily behind him, but to her all action seemed to stop. Slung over his shoulder was an overnight bag. He looked thin and his hair was shorter, as if he'd just had a hair cut. His beard, however, looked unkempt and shabby. CJ never minded that. He looked tired from the road. CJ raised her body into a standing position in what seemed like slow motion.

They stared at each other. CJ smiled. Danny smiled tentatively. She let out a breath as her body lost any tenseness. Danny walked toward her slowly, saying no words. CJ didn't know if she should stand still or run to him. Her indecision caused her to say still.

"Hi." He said resting his bag at his feet unsure whether to enter her office.

"Hi?" She smiled, still not quite sure if he was really there in front of her.

Danny didn't know what to do himself.

Not knowing what to expect after three years, they both looked as if they each wanted to kiss the other, but neither knew who would react first. Danny decided to be bold, and after what seemed like forever, but in reality was less than half a second, he kissed her. They kissed as if they had never been apart. And it was the last time they would be.