Love Is Hell
By spheeris1
Pairing: Relena/Dorothy
Warnings/notes: See Part One
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[Cellophane]
I think I want your arms around me tonight.
I won't say to come back tomorrow though.
This bed I try to sleep in…it has sharp edges, it reeks of gunpowder.
Make it all go away…tonight…make my world more than peace and power and playing games with faceless bodies.
I don't want to hear the call of another battle. I don't want his cobalt eyes staring at me from the depths of my mind. I don't want to be a savior tonight.
No, I do not just think it.
I want your body against mine. Your arms of slender grace and your fingers of delicate malice--they will be pressed to me, they will become so much a part of me as if my own flesh had disappeared…you and I will become one.
For tonight.
For tonight.
Shut the long curtains in this dark cavern of a room. Close the heavy door and turn off the lights.
In this place, I am not ruling the free world.
In this moment, I am not some idealistic school-girl needing a good dose of reality.
I just want you to touch me and kiss me.
I want to feel your type of real.
Pain and pleasure so mixed together that they form some kind of new name, with some new meaning…and, one day, if I try to look it up in a dusty old dictionary--your face will be next to the word.
Your arctic blue eyes and snow-white skin. Your golden hair like a river.
And that word is cellophane,
Created by the Earth, thin and crystal clear…
To mesh with anything or anyone like water,
To cover my body in a slippery hold.
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[Capture & Consume]
I heard you running down the hall.
And I saw your car race down the road…back to your own fierce kingdom, that place awash in dead bodies and hot lead shrapnel…
In my dreams, we are walking down a beach and the ocean is begging to caress us--we are his lost children…
I get up and stare at your robe.
It is tossed to the floor, a silky heap of shimmering lilac…casting a glow in this room. A friendly reminder of how little we have with each other.
Neptune is so forceful…he pushes, he pulls…and neither one of us wants to be so used…yet we go in, heads submerged…
I do not claim to understand how this happened the way it did.
We are opposites. We are the same.
I know you wanted me to fall. As for myself?
I just wanted to hear you admit you were wrong. That underneath our constant fighting was something more…caring masked as impatience, love hidden by hate…
I see you swim away, bright mermaid…and I am on shore, still watching the horizon…still waiting for you to return to me, to leave behind his realm of underwater delights…
When you kissed me, it was a wicked thing…your tongue in my mouth, moving as a snake would. I was the apple at Eden. I was your paradise that you tried to resist. Your hands twisted up in my hair told the tale, your lips burning holy scripture on my skin.
You wanted me so badly that it hurt you to deny it--but it hurt you to give in.
I was not so troubled. I knew I would be captured and consumed by you.
I fell asleep on the beach and woke up alone, in the hanger of epic machinery…maybe I thought I could remember you here, slick with sea oil and smelling of rusted metal…
I stay up till dawn. I think you might return…or perhaps not…I think you might go away, but even that thought does not stay…I think you will find yourself toyed with.
A little fish…tugged at by the sea…
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[Made-Up]
All my dreams are about you…or, at least, a vision of you that is stapled to my memory. Of you, a deadly sneer upon your lips and one eyebrow raised.
Even though the world is safe now.
Even though I got the boy and he is my husband.
Even though you are gone.
I sometimes believe that I made you up. A fictional girl always two steps ahead of me, always just around the corner…wisps of your sunlight hair tickling at the edges of my sanity…
Then I have a meeting. Then I have a conference. Then I am home and he is inside of me and we sleep.
Or…he sleeps and I dream all night long.
Of you, of your fingers gripping my wrist to the point of bones aching.
Of you, of your laugh tearing into me like tiny manicured claws.
He wakes me up and says I was screaming. I say it was nightmare.
But it wasn't…
It was no haunting specter, no phantom, no war-torn soldier come back from the grave to kill me in my sleep.
It was just you.
You being you, as I remember you, you as I wanted you to be…how could he understand? How could anyone?
Love was not part of it.
I could never love anyone really…not even the man beside me.
But when he touches me, I feel protected instead of aroused.
We are like siblings…with some incest.
For you, a fire was born and it races in my veins…for you, I sweat and close my eyes during sex--just to see you…for you, I would have fought forever just to hear you voice against mine…
You've become a way of torture now.
You come out under moonlight.
And I still see you, I still see you…
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TBC