** Disclaimer. I don't own any of the LOTR characters and the songs I put
as bottom music for each chapter.. all coincidences with real life are just
a coincidence , because I only own Zana.
*********************************************+
A new day...
A new day...
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
- A new day has come - Celine Dion
"I don't miss him" My voice sounded inside my head and my body started shaking with that confession. I had been talking to Pippin for one hour and here I was, already telling him some of my deepest secrets. He listened to me in surprise.
"Maybe you don't love him.." . I looked at the small hobbit and smiled. He was so nice and patient, and now he was trying to give me advice about something he had never experienced before.. but he was right.. I didn't feel anything inside me, my heart was indifferent to the man who had been my boyfriend since two years ago. My eyes full of tears, trying to hold on.
"Unfortunately, you're right, Pippin.. and being here doesn't help me too much.. the only persons who are being nice to me are you, Merry and few more.." I stopped for a while, wondering if I should tell him about Haldir's behaviour towards me. But I decided to shut up. Anyway, Pippin seemed to understand everything, he sighed and put his small hand on mine.
"Legolas is a great friend and you 'll always be able to trust him, and whatever will happen, he'll always be there to help a friend. There's nothing bad about him and the person who will say the opposite will have to face this hobbit" He smiled at me and then he became serious again. "But what troubles you is Haldir..no, don't put this face, I' m starting to know you well, girl. Zana, don't let Haldir spoil your time here. he's a noble warrior, loyal to his race and also a friend to have by your side.. but he's Haldir of Lorien.. do you know what does this mean? That Galadriel herself chose him among all elves to be the protector of her land.. so this mean that he has the best of his race, although now you don't believe me.. he's something different, he's a world apart, he was chosen to live again after his death.. he's a hero for all of us and he has his own personality. But I assure you that he would die before harming any good person" He took a deep breath and smiled again. " Aragorn is a loyal friend too.. in those hobbits you'll have all the support you will need.. so don't be sad any more.."
"Thanks , Pippin.. your words mean a lot to me" He smiled back and left, joining his friend Merry.
"See you in some time, Zana" Merry shouted. And in that moment I remembered that Frodo and Sam weren't there, and when I wanted to ask Pippin, it was too late, I was there alone with my own thoughts. So I decided to walk for a while, returning to that gorgeous place I had discovered under the waterfall. I checked my watch, that amazingly still worked in that world, after travelling throw time. It was six o'clock.. soon we would have dinner and I would meet them again.. something in my stomach moved, my nerves were killing me.
I finally reached the wooden bridge and placed myself there, looking into the water, my mind lost somewhere.. it was amazing to be there.. I still couldn't believe all the things that were happening to me, meeting the elf I always dreamed of.. and at the same time, I was sad, deeply sad, because in my dreams Legolas liked me, but in that real life I was supposed to live, I was completely insignificant and there were no interest from him.. but after all, in my world I loved an image, a picture in a movie, a character I even didn't know, so that couldn't be love.. love was what I felt about my boyfriend.. or what I had felt some time before.. exactly one day ago.. I had to be reasonable. A mission for me was there, and it wasn't a romantic one. I had to change the future and I didn't know how.. Gandalf's words were still inside my head and it was hard to assume them.. so I decided to forget about Legolas and all the feelings I had about that elf.. he was real here and I didn't know him, so probably all what I felt would disappear soon, because it was impossible to like someone you don't know at all.
After this decision I felt a bit better.. I shouldn't get too used to anybody because maybe I would have to return home one day.. I wasn't like Aragorn or Eowyn, I didn't have any place there. So I would find out how to solve things and then, I would return to my world.
"I've been all afternoon looking for you". Damnit.. why him? Why, in that moment, in that place?
I turned around and met Legolas. He was smiling and he joined me in the bridge. And in that moment I realised that it would be so difficult to keep myself cold in the presence of that elf. My heart was beating so fast and strongly that I was afraid he would hear it. I blushed again, but fortunately he was looking at something in the distance.
"Why do you feel so uncomfortable when I'm next to you?"
"What?!" I was so ashamed of myself, maybe he had noticed that there was something inside me that .. no, but it was impossible! He looked in my eyes, waiting for a reply. "I don't feel uncomfortable" I hated myself, why did I always blush?? I looked at my hands, suddenly playing with a small stone I found in the ground was the main objective to keep my nerves distracted.
"Yes, you are. You're always sharp, now you're playing with this stone as if the world ended there" Was he smiling? I couldn't believe it.
" I just think that I'm causing problems to you, because your father forced you and Haldir to take care of me here" I finally had said it.. I was managing to control myself. And he looked so upset, in fact, I didn't expect that reaction from him. He turned to face me directly and his blue eyes became so cold that I felt frozen.
"In Mirkwood you won't find lies, you won't find betrayal or falseness.. we're noble elves who act following their hearts and good feelings.. I don't always obey my father, only when I think he's right and I agree with his decisions, so If I accepted taking care of you was because I wanted, I'm not here pretending or acting.. so don't ever doubt about our values, the bad ones only live among humans" His words were sharp and, more than ever, I hate being a human.. but he was right.. and the worst of all was that he would include me in this group.. he would think I'm always pretending, suspicious , and that nothing noble lays in my heart. Again, I felt so small in front of him. He looked in the distance for a while and spoke to me with a softer voice.
"I know that you're uncomfortable here, and I would like to know why.. anyway, I can't force you to tell me.. your heart will talk sooner or later. But please, make yourself at home, you have the hobbit's company here, at least for some days.. and then, if you wish so, we can send you among humans in Gondor, where Aragorn will take care of you".
So this is what he wanted.. send me away.. well , what did I expect? And in that moment the anger came to me and I looked for a defence. "If I've been sharp was because the first elf I met here treated me as if I was.. " The words didn't come to my head, I was blushing again, but this time with anger, remembering my first meeting with Haldir.
Legolas became so serious, with a worried look, he came closer to me. "What happened with Haldir?" His voice was authoritarian, demanding an answer, and at once I was sorry for what I had said. Now he would think that I wanted to cause problems to Haldir, and all of them considered him a hero.. and Legolas had just met me, he would get angry if I talked like this about their friend, someone who helped them in battles, someone who came from death because he was chosen.
"Forget it, Legolas" I started to walk back, and he followed me, took my arm and forced me to stop.
"Zana, tell me" Now it was too late to shut up, and I told him all what had happened in the hall. His expression changed, he seemed to be thinking about something, and then he relaxed.
"And I'm so sorry because now I spoiled everything, it wasn't my intention to talk about this and.."
"No, don't worry" He interrupted me, with a smile. "I'm so glad that finally you decided to open your heart to someone , besides Pippin. And now I understand your behaviour better, and now I want to calm you down.. because Haldir is one of the best friends I've ever had and his hearts is one of the most noble hearts that exist.. however, something made him change when you arrived and there are not excuses for his acts, I'm sorry that things happened like this.. this is not the Haldir we all know and be sure that I'll try to find out what happens to him"
I felt a lot better, and I was so surprised with that apologise. I didn't know what to say or make, I was just standing there under his gaze, while he was smiling kindly again.
"Now I must leave, dinner will be served soon and I still have to solve some business in palace. Will you find the way back?" I nodded and he left, running. I decided to walk back too, and in the middle of the path he appeared again, I didn't hear him coming and I screamed.
"Legolas!! You want to kill me? Please, tell me again when you're coming, I didn't hear you!" I was trying to breath again. He smiled.
"I'm sorry, Zana.. I just returned to tell you something.. I don't think it's healthy for a human if her heart beats so fast and strongly" He was teasing me? Yeah, he was smiling.. I blushed. Of course. He had heard my heart beatings when we were talking?? He left again before I could ask him, leaving me alone and ashamed. I wanted to shout out loud that I was the most stupid being in the Middle Earth.
*********************************************+
A new day...
A new day...
I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun
- A new day has come - Celine Dion
"I don't miss him" My voice sounded inside my head and my body started shaking with that confession. I had been talking to Pippin for one hour and here I was, already telling him some of my deepest secrets. He listened to me in surprise.
"Maybe you don't love him.." . I looked at the small hobbit and smiled. He was so nice and patient, and now he was trying to give me advice about something he had never experienced before.. but he was right.. I didn't feel anything inside me, my heart was indifferent to the man who had been my boyfriend since two years ago. My eyes full of tears, trying to hold on.
"Unfortunately, you're right, Pippin.. and being here doesn't help me too much.. the only persons who are being nice to me are you, Merry and few more.." I stopped for a while, wondering if I should tell him about Haldir's behaviour towards me. But I decided to shut up. Anyway, Pippin seemed to understand everything, he sighed and put his small hand on mine.
"Legolas is a great friend and you 'll always be able to trust him, and whatever will happen, he'll always be there to help a friend. There's nothing bad about him and the person who will say the opposite will have to face this hobbit" He smiled at me and then he became serious again. "But what troubles you is Haldir..no, don't put this face, I' m starting to know you well, girl. Zana, don't let Haldir spoil your time here. he's a noble warrior, loyal to his race and also a friend to have by your side.. but he's Haldir of Lorien.. do you know what does this mean? That Galadriel herself chose him among all elves to be the protector of her land.. so this mean that he has the best of his race, although now you don't believe me.. he's something different, he's a world apart, he was chosen to live again after his death.. he's a hero for all of us and he has his own personality. But I assure you that he would die before harming any good person" He took a deep breath and smiled again. " Aragorn is a loyal friend too.. in those hobbits you'll have all the support you will need.. so don't be sad any more.."
"Thanks , Pippin.. your words mean a lot to me" He smiled back and left, joining his friend Merry.
"See you in some time, Zana" Merry shouted. And in that moment I remembered that Frodo and Sam weren't there, and when I wanted to ask Pippin, it was too late, I was there alone with my own thoughts. So I decided to walk for a while, returning to that gorgeous place I had discovered under the waterfall. I checked my watch, that amazingly still worked in that world, after travelling throw time. It was six o'clock.. soon we would have dinner and I would meet them again.. something in my stomach moved, my nerves were killing me.
I finally reached the wooden bridge and placed myself there, looking into the water, my mind lost somewhere.. it was amazing to be there.. I still couldn't believe all the things that were happening to me, meeting the elf I always dreamed of.. and at the same time, I was sad, deeply sad, because in my dreams Legolas liked me, but in that real life I was supposed to live, I was completely insignificant and there were no interest from him.. but after all, in my world I loved an image, a picture in a movie, a character I even didn't know, so that couldn't be love.. love was what I felt about my boyfriend.. or what I had felt some time before.. exactly one day ago.. I had to be reasonable. A mission for me was there, and it wasn't a romantic one. I had to change the future and I didn't know how.. Gandalf's words were still inside my head and it was hard to assume them.. so I decided to forget about Legolas and all the feelings I had about that elf.. he was real here and I didn't know him, so probably all what I felt would disappear soon, because it was impossible to like someone you don't know at all.
After this decision I felt a bit better.. I shouldn't get too used to anybody because maybe I would have to return home one day.. I wasn't like Aragorn or Eowyn, I didn't have any place there. So I would find out how to solve things and then, I would return to my world.
"I've been all afternoon looking for you". Damnit.. why him? Why, in that moment, in that place?
I turned around and met Legolas. He was smiling and he joined me in the bridge. And in that moment I realised that it would be so difficult to keep myself cold in the presence of that elf. My heart was beating so fast and strongly that I was afraid he would hear it. I blushed again, but fortunately he was looking at something in the distance.
"Why do you feel so uncomfortable when I'm next to you?"
"What?!" I was so ashamed of myself, maybe he had noticed that there was something inside me that .. no, but it was impossible! He looked in my eyes, waiting for a reply. "I don't feel uncomfortable" I hated myself, why did I always blush?? I looked at my hands, suddenly playing with a small stone I found in the ground was the main objective to keep my nerves distracted.
"Yes, you are. You're always sharp, now you're playing with this stone as if the world ended there" Was he smiling? I couldn't believe it.
" I just think that I'm causing problems to you, because your father forced you and Haldir to take care of me here" I finally had said it.. I was managing to control myself. And he looked so upset, in fact, I didn't expect that reaction from him. He turned to face me directly and his blue eyes became so cold that I felt frozen.
"In Mirkwood you won't find lies, you won't find betrayal or falseness.. we're noble elves who act following their hearts and good feelings.. I don't always obey my father, only when I think he's right and I agree with his decisions, so If I accepted taking care of you was because I wanted, I'm not here pretending or acting.. so don't ever doubt about our values, the bad ones only live among humans" His words were sharp and, more than ever, I hate being a human.. but he was right.. and the worst of all was that he would include me in this group.. he would think I'm always pretending, suspicious , and that nothing noble lays in my heart. Again, I felt so small in front of him. He looked in the distance for a while and spoke to me with a softer voice.
"I know that you're uncomfortable here, and I would like to know why.. anyway, I can't force you to tell me.. your heart will talk sooner or later. But please, make yourself at home, you have the hobbit's company here, at least for some days.. and then, if you wish so, we can send you among humans in Gondor, where Aragorn will take care of you".
So this is what he wanted.. send me away.. well , what did I expect? And in that moment the anger came to me and I looked for a defence. "If I've been sharp was because the first elf I met here treated me as if I was.. " The words didn't come to my head, I was blushing again, but this time with anger, remembering my first meeting with Haldir.
Legolas became so serious, with a worried look, he came closer to me. "What happened with Haldir?" His voice was authoritarian, demanding an answer, and at once I was sorry for what I had said. Now he would think that I wanted to cause problems to Haldir, and all of them considered him a hero.. and Legolas had just met me, he would get angry if I talked like this about their friend, someone who helped them in battles, someone who came from death because he was chosen.
"Forget it, Legolas" I started to walk back, and he followed me, took my arm and forced me to stop.
"Zana, tell me" Now it was too late to shut up, and I told him all what had happened in the hall. His expression changed, he seemed to be thinking about something, and then he relaxed.
"And I'm so sorry because now I spoiled everything, it wasn't my intention to talk about this and.."
"No, don't worry" He interrupted me, with a smile. "I'm so glad that finally you decided to open your heart to someone , besides Pippin. And now I understand your behaviour better, and now I want to calm you down.. because Haldir is one of the best friends I've ever had and his hearts is one of the most noble hearts that exist.. however, something made him change when you arrived and there are not excuses for his acts, I'm sorry that things happened like this.. this is not the Haldir we all know and be sure that I'll try to find out what happens to him"
I felt a lot better, and I was so surprised with that apologise. I didn't know what to say or make, I was just standing there under his gaze, while he was smiling kindly again.
"Now I must leave, dinner will be served soon and I still have to solve some business in palace. Will you find the way back?" I nodded and he left, running. I decided to walk back too, and in the middle of the path he appeared again, I didn't hear him coming and I screamed.
"Legolas!! You want to kill me? Please, tell me again when you're coming, I didn't hear you!" I was trying to breath again. He smiled.
"I'm sorry, Zana.. I just returned to tell you something.. I don't think it's healthy for a human if her heart beats so fast and strongly" He was teasing me? Yeah, he was smiling.. I blushed. Of course. He had heard my heart beatings when we were talking?? He left again before I could ask him, leaving me alone and ashamed. I wanted to shout out loud that I was the most stupid being in the Middle Earth.