{Flashback: Amanda age 5}
Small rays of night filtered through her bedroom window. All the lights were off. Huddling up into the corner, she tried to make herself invisible. Invisible so that he would find her, wouldn't see her, wouldn't touch her. Her one wish was that God would give her the power of invisibility, and night after night, she prayed for that power. It never came, but he always came.
Quiet, yes, if she were quiet maybe he wouldn't find her. It was a lie she told herself, a comforting lie, but a lie nonetheless, he always came no matter what she did or how quiet she was. Squeezing her glowworm closer to her, she waited. She could hear his footsteps echoing down the hall. He was coming for her. Her small body trembled and a small trail of snot snaked it's way down her nose. The footsteps grew closer, louder.
Looking toward the window, Amanda listened to the sounds of the cool Mississippi night. Without warning, her bladder suddenly let itself loose. Amanda felt the wetness seep into her pink "princess" pajamas. The odor was strong as the pink coloring of her bottoms darkened. A tear rolled down her cheek. She was in for it now. Daddy did not like "bad little girls" and she had just done a bad thing. The door had opened quickly and an impossibly tall black shadow loomed over her. Amanda knew better than to run, he would catch her and her punishment would be worse.
With shining eyes wet with tears Amanda looked to the impossibly tall figure. Daddy…he was daddy. And daddy punished "bad little girls". DADDY a word Amanda associated with two things… pain and blood. Lots of blood, there was always lots of blood. Sometimes Amanda closed her eyes and pretended it was red kool-aid, but the smell was not like kool-aid. Kool-aid was fresh, fruity, and good. Blood was bad, thick, and it hurt. There was always blood; this time would be no different.
Daddy sniffed and stared down at the trembling child. The little bitch had pissed on herself again. Well she'd just have to be taught a lesson, wouldn't she? Gripping the belt tighter in his hand, he stalked toward her. Amanda could smell the alcohol from her spot on the floor. The scent of her piss and his breath was enough to make her want to hurl. But she couldn't do that, if she did Daddy would hit her with the big black snake.
"You little shit; you pissed on the damned floor again didn't you?"
Amanda hugged her glowworm tighter, the trail of snot inching its ways past her nose into her mouth. Daddy grabbed her by her collar and lifted into the air. His breath was even worse up close. She could tell he'd been drinking what he called "moon shine". Amanda had seen the moon shine and it was pretty, Daddy's "moonshine" was not. It was like water only with a worse smell and came in a clear bottle.
"I assed you a question. Answer me you little twit," Daddy, screamed shaking her roughly. Amanda felt like her dolly "Rosemary" when she shook her hair to clean the ticks off her. Letting her head drop she replied shakily, "I-I peed on myself D-d-daddy." With disgust, he dropped her to the ground.
"You tink I'ah stupid you little twit, huh? I see your piss on my goddamned floor. You think I'm stupid don't ya?"
Amanda cowered, "No, D-daddy I no tink you tupid." Daddy continued as if he hadn't heard her, "Well remember what daddy says about bad little girls?" Amanda nodded, she knew far too well. "Bad girls' haff to be punished don't they?" Amanda did not move. Her father's boot hit her squarely in the side causing her to fall over.
"Answer mey", he screamed.
"Y-yes daddy."
Taking another swig of the Jack Daniels Daddy smiled menacingly. "And you been a bad girl and I'ma haff to punish you." Amanda's body instinctively went into a fetal crouch. Picking her up again Daddy looked into her small cherubic face. But he knew better the little shit wasn't an angel just like that cunt mother of hers that had run off. Yea, he'd admit she had been beautiful. Hell, the most beautiful woman he's ever known. But she'd ran off just like all the others, and to top it all off she'd left him with a fucking baby.
Yea, she'd run off as soon as the little shit had been born. The bitch. He swore that when he found her he'd beat her till she was black and blue. But until then he would have to settle for the pissy little shit he held in front of him. "Look at me!" Shyly one of Amanda's eyes peeked open.
Her father's massive grungy face smeared with dirt and a mass of overgrown facial hair leered at her. From the corner of her eye she could see the oil and dirt stains on his blue overalls. They were the old pair, she could tell because the nametag said "LEROY" in big capital letters. To Amanda her father was ugly…an ugly monster, A monster with bloodshot eyes, bad breath, and crooked teeth. Like the monster in "Little red riding hood" only scarier.
Trying to concentrate on anything but the awful smell surrounding her and Daddy's face Amanda found herself thinking of her mother. She had never truly seen her mothers face. Daddy said it was because "the cunt (his word for mommy)" left after Amanda was born. When he was about three Amanda had "dreamed up" a pretend mommy for herself.
Her name was Darlene, the woman who worked at the convenient store down the road from her father's auto-shop. Darlene was beautiful, tall with butterscotch skin and sandy brown hair. She had the most beautiful smile Amanda had ever seen. Yes, this had to be her mother, the beautiful woman with the 20-watt smile at the store.
Sometimes she would go into the store and Darlene would give her a free piece of candy and say, "Well hey sugarplum". Her father never called her sugarplum, only "little shit", "lil twit", "pisser" and things like that. Amanda did not like those names; she could tell that they were bad names, for bad girls. She didn't want to be a bad girl she just couldn't help it. In deep thought of her 'mother', Amanda didn't notice her fathers hard stare at the puddle of urine she had made.
Nor did she see the sinister smirk the spread across his face. Roughly, Daddy shook Amanda until everything around her looked blurry. When everything came back into focus, Amanda saw her father smiling at her. That wasn't good, Daddy never smiled unless he was hurting her.
"So you wanna piss on my floor eh? Then you made the mess, now you clean it." Grabbing her by her thin neck, he smashed Amanda's face into the pond of wet piss. Crying out Amanda felt the hot urine stinging her eyes and going into her nose. The liquid was in her mouth choking her with its acidy taste.
"Daddy (gurgle) ple(gurgle)ase stop(spit)!"
Amanda's cries fell on deaf ears. The little shit deserved what he was doing to her. She made the mess now she was cleaning it up. He would teach her one way or another. He was determined that she wouldn't turn out like her whorish mother. In his viselike grip, he twisted her face back and forth until it was completely covered in urine.
Trying to breath was hell to Amanda. Each time she took a breath the yellowish liquid would go down her throat and into her nose causing her to gag. Satisfied, Daddy lifted her up and looked into her soaked face.
"Now, you gon piss on my floor again?" Amanda shook her head quickly. Beads of snot and piss hit the floor.
"N-no daddy."
Daddy laughed, "Good, now you stay here and tink bout wat you did." He released her and she fell into a crumpled heap on the floor. Quickly Amanda rubbed the burning liquid from her eyes.
"You gon sleep in here tonight wit ya piss. See how ya like dat." Taking another swig from the almost empty bottle (his sixth that night), he cast one more look at the sniveling toddler. On second thought, he poured the rest of the liquid onto her head. Amanda felt the second cold wetness of the night drench her. She didn't dare look up. She heard daddy laugh and walk out of the room, his boots echoing down the hall.
When she was sure, he was gone Amanda scooted as far away from the piss as she could. She was wet and the room smelled bad. Her clothes were now cold and damp. Snuggling up by the moonlit window, she laid her head on the bare wood floor. Her glowworm still glowed an eerie green in her arms.
"I hate you Daddy," she whispered, knowing that if her father had been close enough to hear he would have beaten her. Amanda knew she could only say those things when he wasn't around. Her head hurt she didn't want to think anymore. Instead, she turned over and gazed at the bright stars. Sniffling, she watched the brightness of the star until sleep overtook her. Her dreams were filled with images of Darlene.
Darlene was never a bad girl.