** Disclaimer: I only own Zana.
And this is another fast chapter! I know I'm complicating things too much, but I love complication ( I hope you'll like this one too! Thanks for the reviews!!You all are so nice!
*****************************************************************
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
-Time after time - Eva Cassidy
When I opened my eyes I was so scared.. at first I didn't realise where I was.. it was dark, only the moonlight in the sky.. and the stars, shining over the green lake.. I had fallen asleep after lunch.. how was that possible? Those things never happened to me. I sat down and took a deep breath, checking my watch. Eight , and it was already so dark.. maybe the seasons were changing fast there, and winter was coming.
I decided to stay there for some more time.. the dinner would be served soon, but the view was too nice to leave it so soon. I didn't know if they would be looking for me, and I remembered what Haldir said.. I felt nerves in my stomach. So he would finally talk to me and reveal all details. That was too much for me..
Suddenly I started to think about what had happened during lunch.. I left them alone, so maybe they already had been talking about that.. no, I couldn't show up at dinner now, I would be too ashamed.. I decided I would go directly to the kitchen, ask for a sandwich and then go to my bedroom.
I started to walk back, slowly, lost in my thoughts.. and I noticed a presence near, under the moonlight.. sure someone who was looking for me.. maybe they were worried.. after all, I had been lost for six hours.. the shadow approached, my heart beating so fast. I stopped, just to hear the steps better. And I listened.. but it was so silent.. and I became scared.. what if not all elves were good elves? What if someone wanted to hurt me? Uf, I had a big imagination, and I laughed at myself. And then my heart stopped beating, I jumped when I faced the mysterious elf.
"Haldir! One day you'll kill me!" I walked towards him, he had also stopped.
"I'm sorry, but I have been looking for you all afternoon, we all were worried!" He was a bit angry.
"I just fell asleep, it wasn't my intention" I looked at the sky, avoiding his gaze. "We have to go to the dinning room, they're waiting for us" And I started walking.
"Wait" he said softly. "I would like to speak with you now" I looked at him and I met his eyes, with a different shine under the moonlight.
"Well.. I suppose I want to hear the horrible truth.. so tell me then.." We stared at each other for a while, and finally he walked towards a path rounded by trees, that ended in that wonderful lake.
"Come with me, we'll sit there" And we walked together, in silence. Sometimes I felt his gaze on me, and I couldn't help feeling so shy.
When we reached the place I let an exclamation go out from my mouth. That place was awesome and made me breathless.. he noticed it, and smiled. Then he sat in the white marble bench, and looked at me.
"Sit with me, Zana" And I went there and did it. For some seconds he didn't speak, and I was staring at the landscape.. the moon was reflected in the water, and the huge trees rounded us.. the palace couldn't be seen and there was a nice silence. I sighed, nervous.
"Ok, Haldir.. I think that it's better that you talk to me soon, they're waiting for us and I want to know everything."
"I think that after this conversation things will be a lot different for you" He spoke slowly, in a low voice, looking in the distance. "Because yesterday at night my behaviour was.. well, I will be apologising all time" He smiled, watching me . I was speechless, waiting for the bad news.. and he took a deep breath.
"Haldir.." he looked at me again. "Please, you can't imagine how bad I feel knowing that maybe I spoiled everything, knowing that maybe from now on I'll have to leave this place and be alone and.."
"What are you saying?" He interrupted me with a sweet smile. "You won't have to leave Mirkwood!" I looked at him and couldn't help smiling.
"Those are good news indeed.. but please.. tell me." He nodded and then turned around a bit, in order to look directly to my eyes.
"Zana, you got so drunk yesterday.. and Legolas had to call me because he wasn't able to help you alone.. you were falling all time, and he had to talk to his father to stop the party, so I held you while we waited for him.." he made a pause, still staring at me. I was paralysed, my memory working so hard, and some flashbacks came to my head. The sight of Haldir so close to me reminded me of something that happened at the party.. " And while we were alone, I got lost, I can't explain it, something forced me to.." He was having a bad time.
"Please, don't worry, and tell me.. I have an idea of what happened, Haldir" he looked surprised and ashamed. "But I'm not sure, so you must go on talking.."
"Zana, I. I wanted to kiss you" The silence grew up, so shocked I was.. and I remembered everything.. yes, Haldir, touching my face, my neck.. his lips so close to mines.. all what I had felt.. and Gimli discovering us.. now everything was clear, now I knew why he had kept silence in front of Legolas.. he was so ashamed and I was so.. I didn't know how I was, because I couldn't stop staring at him.
"Haldir.. was that one of your games? " I asked, but my voice was shaking too much. He looked surprised.
"Which games?"
"You wanted to kiss me because you wanted to make me feel ashamed, or you wanted me to have a bad time, am I right? " Haldir's gaze became angry, and he sat closer to me. I froze again , unable to move.
"Why do you always think that I would hurt you on purpose? I never played with you, Zana.. last night I really meant that" Now I was expecting him to repeat that.. his hand on my face, on my neck.. but he didn't move. " Zana, I can't explain last night's behaviour, but I promise you it won't happen again. A party is a party and we all acted in a strange way" He was close to me, yes, very close, and to my great surprise, I really wanted him to kiss me! What was happening to me?
"Ok.. a party is a party.. lets say we weren't ourselves.. don't worry. I also did some stupid things and today I think different" I whispered, trying to react. He didn't move. What was he waiting for?
I looked at the ground and then stood up. He followed me with his gaze.
"We have to go to the dinning room, Haldir." But he didn't stand up. "Haldir?"
"What if I told you that I know something about you?" He asked me, with a mysterious voice. I held my breath, and he stood up too. "What if I tell you that I know that you're confused about something? About someone?"
"I don't know what are you talking about.." I stuttered. I just wanted to leave. Well, the good thing is that although I had blushed it couldn't be noticed, trees were hiding moonlight. And the elf gave a step towards me.
"I know your feelings about an elf" He said, with a kind voice and, at the same time, angry. Yes, he knew I felt confused about him! And he hated that idea because I was human.. I felt so sad, so so sad.. he hated that a girl like me had some feelings towards an important elf like him. I was almost crying.
"Haldir, I'm sorry if this hurts you or if this makes you hate me more. I don't know where did you get this idea from, but I assure you that I would never do anything that.."
"Zana" He interrupted me again. " I can't understand you.. you act as if nothing happened, and I saw everything yesterday.. it was so clear to me and you should admit it, I'm not stupid, neither of us is stupid!" He was terribly angry in that moment, and I felt so small. And I was speechless.
He started to walk around the bench, looking at me. And he stopped again, close to me.
"I can't understand how is it possible that this happened only three days after your arrival.. it's as if you had brought those feelings with your from the other world.. I can't understand it but at the same time I see it possible, because.." He stopped talking and then breathed strongly. "Ok, this conversation is going too far away, I just wanted you to know that I know "it", Zana"
"And you hate it, right?" I was so sad, so angry. I hated that he hated me.. yeah, lots of "hate" inside my head. But if I liked Legolas, why did I feel so bad by then? My eyes were already full of tears, and Haldir looked at me with surprise.
"If I hate what?" He looked confused. And I couldn't bear that more, I went separated from him and sighed.. I wanted to shout but my voice didn't obey me, so it sounded like a whisper.
"You hate that I have a kind of feelings towards you.." I began to cry and left the place running as fast as I could.
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Haldir stood there, completely shocked. "But I was talking about your feelings towards Legolas.." He whispered, also unable to shout at her in the distance.. what did he had just heard? Was that real? All time he was talking about the prince, about how she looked at him in the party, while they were dancing.. about how she looked at him everywhere.. but.. he had to sit down.. he was too confused and puzzled.. he couldn't believe that.. Zana had just told him that she was starting to feel something about him? " No, she must be wrong "
He began to walk, slowly.. he wasn't hungry after that conversation, and he thought about going directly to his room.. but that would be suspicious, yes.. no, he wasn't Haldir of Lorien ,the Haldir who was always so self confident, so arrogant.. he looked like a simple mortal, who wasn't able to react after something shocking.. never before in his whole life he had felt like this.. never. He went on walking, thinking about how to act during dinner.. that would be complicated.
----------------- ---------------------------------- ------------------ ---- ------ -------------------
Legolas found Zana crying, and he stopped her, so worried. She tried to escape, but he held her arm gently. She looked at him and then she did something unexpected. She hugged him and went on crying. He wrapped her with his arms and spoke to her in elvish tongue, without realising it.. that girl was amazing.. she always managed to surprise him.. and he supposed she had just spoken to Haldir, and now she was suffering the consequences.. but he didn't ask anything, he just held her for a long time until she calmed down. His hands moving along her head, her hair.. and her body so close to his that he couldn't move.
---------------- ---------------- ----------------------- ---- ------------- --
I was hugging Legolas, how could I do that? What would he think of me? I felt so ashamed, so stupid.. I was so confused, because now that I was in Legolas arms, all the feelings about Haldir were gone.. Legolas had always been "the one".. but anyway, something inside me changed every time I faced Haldir.. that was so confusing, how could I like two elves? What would Haldir think of me now? Why, why did I say that? I separated from him, his eyes staring at me in big surprise.
"What's wrong, Zana?" his voice was so sweet.. I couldn't look at him.
"I did something I shouldn't have done.. I'm becoming crazy and I don't know what I want.. it seems that I have two personalities who act different depending on who am I with.. and I don't like this side of myself, no.." Legolas looked confused.
"What do you mean? I can't understand you.. and it can't be so bad, right? " He put his hand on my shoulder, and I smiled sadly.
"You can't imagine how bad it is, Legolas.. for a person like me.. " I dried my tears, and sighed.
"Nothing that comes from you can be so bad, Zana" he said , again with his sweet voice.. and I couldn't believe that he was telling me such a nice things.. my heart was beating so fast and all I wanted was to kiss him.. but stop, stop.. in less than one hour I wanted to kiss two elves? I was crazy already! Gandalf was right, I was becoming lost.
"Legolas, I'm sorry but I can't have dinner now.. I'll go to my room, ok? " I looked at him and when he nodded, I started walking upstairs.
"Zana" I turned back. " I want to talk to you, tonight.. is it possible? Maybe at midnight?"
That was too much, yes.. but I didn't think, I just said "Of course". What was I doing? When I finally came in my room, I washed my face and sat on my bed.. I saw an apple I had left from breakfast and ate it.. I would need forces for the night that was waiting for me.
And this is another fast chapter! I know I'm complicating things too much, but I love complication ( I hope you'll like this one too! Thanks for the reviews!!You all are so nice!
*****************************************************************
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
Time after time
-Time after time - Eva Cassidy
When I opened my eyes I was so scared.. at first I didn't realise where I was.. it was dark, only the moonlight in the sky.. and the stars, shining over the green lake.. I had fallen asleep after lunch.. how was that possible? Those things never happened to me. I sat down and took a deep breath, checking my watch. Eight , and it was already so dark.. maybe the seasons were changing fast there, and winter was coming.
I decided to stay there for some more time.. the dinner would be served soon, but the view was too nice to leave it so soon. I didn't know if they would be looking for me, and I remembered what Haldir said.. I felt nerves in my stomach. So he would finally talk to me and reveal all details. That was too much for me..
Suddenly I started to think about what had happened during lunch.. I left them alone, so maybe they already had been talking about that.. no, I couldn't show up at dinner now, I would be too ashamed.. I decided I would go directly to the kitchen, ask for a sandwich and then go to my bedroom.
I started to walk back, slowly, lost in my thoughts.. and I noticed a presence near, under the moonlight.. sure someone who was looking for me.. maybe they were worried.. after all, I had been lost for six hours.. the shadow approached, my heart beating so fast. I stopped, just to hear the steps better. And I listened.. but it was so silent.. and I became scared.. what if not all elves were good elves? What if someone wanted to hurt me? Uf, I had a big imagination, and I laughed at myself. And then my heart stopped beating, I jumped when I faced the mysterious elf.
"Haldir! One day you'll kill me!" I walked towards him, he had also stopped.
"I'm sorry, but I have been looking for you all afternoon, we all were worried!" He was a bit angry.
"I just fell asleep, it wasn't my intention" I looked at the sky, avoiding his gaze. "We have to go to the dinning room, they're waiting for us" And I started walking.
"Wait" he said softly. "I would like to speak with you now" I looked at him and I met his eyes, with a different shine under the moonlight.
"Well.. I suppose I want to hear the horrible truth.. so tell me then.." We stared at each other for a while, and finally he walked towards a path rounded by trees, that ended in that wonderful lake.
"Come with me, we'll sit there" And we walked together, in silence. Sometimes I felt his gaze on me, and I couldn't help feeling so shy.
When we reached the place I let an exclamation go out from my mouth. That place was awesome and made me breathless.. he noticed it, and smiled. Then he sat in the white marble bench, and looked at me.
"Sit with me, Zana" And I went there and did it. For some seconds he didn't speak, and I was staring at the landscape.. the moon was reflected in the water, and the huge trees rounded us.. the palace couldn't be seen and there was a nice silence. I sighed, nervous.
"Ok, Haldir.. I think that it's better that you talk to me soon, they're waiting for us and I want to know everything."
"I think that after this conversation things will be a lot different for you" He spoke slowly, in a low voice, looking in the distance. "Because yesterday at night my behaviour was.. well, I will be apologising all time" He smiled, watching me . I was speechless, waiting for the bad news.. and he took a deep breath.
"Haldir.." he looked at me again. "Please, you can't imagine how bad I feel knowing that maybe I spoiled everything, knowing that maybe from now on I'll have to leave this place and be alone and.."
"What are you saying?" He interrupted me with a sweet smile. "You won't have to leave Mirkwood!" I looked at him and couldn't help smiling.
"Those are good news indeed.. but please.. tell me." He nodded and then turned around a bit, in order to look directly to my eyes.
"Zana, you got so drunk yesterday.. and Legolas had to call me because he wasn't able to help you alone.. you were falling all time, and he had to talk to his father to stop the party, so I held you while we waited for him.." he made a pause, still staring at me. I was paralysed, my memory working so hard, and some flashbacks came to my head. The sight of Haldir so close to me reminded me of something that happened at the party.. " And while we were alone, I got lost, I can't explain it, something forced me to.." He was having a bad time.
"Please, don't worry, and tell me.. I have an idea of what happened, Haldir" he looked surprised and ashamed. "But I'm not sure, so you must go on talking.."
"Zana, I. I wanted to kiss you" The silence grew up, so shocked I was.. and I remembered everything.. yes, Haldir, touching my face, my neck.. his lips so close to mines.. all what I had felt.. and Gimli discovering us.. now everything was clear, now I knew why he had kept silence in front of Legolas.. he was so ashamed and I was so.. I didn't know how I was, because I couldn't stop staring at him.
"Haldir.. was that one of your games? " I asked, but my voice was shaking too much. He looked surprised.
"Which games?"
"You wanted to kiss me because you wanted to make me feel ashamed, or you wanted me to have a bad time, am I right? " Haldir's gaze became angry, and he sat closer to me. I froze again , unable to move.
"Why do you always think that I would hurt you on purpose? I never played with you, Zana.. last night I really meant that" Now I was expecting him to repeat that.. his hand on my face, on my neck.. but he didn't move. " Zana, I can't explain last night's behaviour, but I promise you it won't happen again. A party is a party and we all acted in a strange way" He was close to me, yes, very close, and to my great surprise, I really wanted him to kiss me! What was happening to me?
"Ok.. a party is a party.. lets say we weren't ourselves.. don't worry. I also did some stupid things and today I think different" I whispered, trying to react. He didn't move. What was he waiting for?
I looked at the ground and then stood up. He followed me with his gaze.
"We have to go to the dinning room, Haldir." But he didn't stand up. "Haldir?"
"What if I told you that I know something about you?" He asked me, with a mysterious voice. I held my breath, and he stood up too. "What if I tell you that I know that you're confused about something? About someone?"
"I don't know what are you talking about.." I stuttered. I just wanted to leave. Well, the good thing is that although I had blushed it couldn't be noticed, trees were hiding moonlight. And the elf gave a step towards me.
"I know your feelings about an elf" He said, with a kind voice and, at the same time, angry. Yes, he knew I felt confused about him! And he hated that idea because I was human.. I felt so sad, so so sad.. he hated that a girl like me had some feelings towards an important elf like him. I was almost crying.
"Haldir, I'm sorry if this hurts you or if this makes you hate me more. I don't know where did you get this idea from, but I assure you that I would never do anything that.."
"Zana" He interrupted me again. " I can't understand you.. you act as if nothing happened, and I saw everything yesterday.. it was so clear to me and you should admit it, I'm not stupid, neither of us is stupid!" He was terribly angry in that moment, and I felt so small. And I was speechless.
He started to walk around the bench, looking at me. And he stopped again, close to me.
"I can't understand how is it possible that this happened only three days after your arrival.. it's as if you had brought those feelings with your from the other world.. I can't understand it but at the same time I see it possible, because.." He stopped talking and then breathed strongly. "Ok, this conversation is going too far away, I just wanted you to know that I know "it", Zana"
"And you hate it, right?" I was so sad, so angry. I hated that he hated me.. yeah, lots of "hate" inside my head. But if I liked Legolas, why did I feel so bad by then? My eyes were already full of tears, and Haldir looked at me with surprise.
"If I hate what?" He looked confused. And I couldn't bear that more, I went separated from him and sighed.. I wanted to shout but my voice didn't obey me, so it sounded like a whisper.
"You hate that I have a kind of feelings towards you.." I began to cry and left the place running as fast as I could.
----------------- -------------- ----------------- -----------------
Haldir stood there, completely shocked. "But I was talking about your feelings towards Legolas.." He whispered, also unable to shout at her in the distance.. what did he had just heard? Was that real? All time he was talking about the prince, about how she looked at him in the party, while they were dancing.. about how she looked at him everywhere.. but.. he had to sit down.. he was too confused and puzzled.. he couldn't believe that.. Zana had just told him that she was starting to feel something about him? " No, she must be wrong "
He began to walk, slowly.. he wasn't hungry after that conversation, and he thought about going directly to his room.. but that would be suspicious, yes.. no, he wasn't Haldir of Lorien ,the Haldir who was always so self confident, so arrogant.. he looked like a simple mortal, who wasn't able to react after something shocking.. never before in his whole life he had felt like this.. never. He went on walking, thinking about how to act during dinner.. that would be complicated.
----------------- ---------------------------------- ------------------ ---- ------ -------------------
Legolas found Zana crying, and he stopped her, so worried. She tried to escape, but he held her arm gently. She looked at him and then she did something unexpected. She hugged him and went on crying. He wrapped her with his arms and spoke to her in elvish tongue, without realising it.. that girl was amazing.. she always managed to surprise him.. and he supposed she had just spoken to Haldir, and now she was suffering the consequences.. but he didn't ask anything, he just held her for a long time until she calmed down. His hands moving along her head, her hair.. and her body so close to his that he couldn't move.
---------------- ---------------- ----------------------- ---- ------------- --
I was hugging Legolas, how could I do that? What would he think of me? I felt so ashamed, so stupid.. I was so confused, because now that I was in Legolas arms, all the feelings about Haldir were gone.. Legolas had always been "the one".. but anyway, something inside me changed every time I faced Haldir.. that was so confusing, how could I like two elves? What would Haldir think of me now? Why, why did I say that? I separated from him, his eyes staring at me in big surprise.
"What's wrong, Zana?" his voice was so sweet.. I couldn't look at him.
"I did something I shouldn't have done.. I'm becoming crazy and I don't know what I want.. it seems that I have two personalities who act different depending on who am I with.. and I don't like this side of myself, no.." Legolas looked confused.
"What do you mean? I can't understand you.. and it can't be so bad, right? " He put his hand on my shoulder, and I smiled sadly.
"You can't imagine how bad it is, Legolas.. for a person like me.. " I dried my tears, and sighed.
"Nothing that comes from you can be so bad, Zana" he said , again with his sweet voice.. and I couldn't believe that he was telling me such a nice things.. my heart was beating so fast and all I wanted was to kiss him.. but stop, stop.. in less than one hour I wanted to kiss two elves? I was crazy already! Gandalf was right, I was becoming lost.
"Legolas, I'm sorry but I can't have dinner now.. I'll go to my room, ok? " I looked at him and when he nodded, I started walking upstairs.
"Zana" I turned back. " I want to talk to you, tonight.. is it possible? Maybe at midnight?"
That was too much, yes.. but I didn't think, I just said "Of course". What was I doing? When I finally came in my room, I washed my face and sat on my bed.. I saw an apple I had left from breakfast and ate it.. I would need forces for the night that was waiting for me.