** Disclaimer: I only own Zana.
What I promised, the new chapter : ) Yes, I love complicating things! For this one you should download a song by Boston, called "Didn't mean to fall in love". I've just discovered it today and I love it.
Again, thank you all for the reviews! Tomorrow is my last day here, again back to university, so be patient until next weekend!
****************************************
Better stand tall
when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break,
baby, don't back down
- It's my life- Bon Jovi
Legolas, Haldir and Gimli were having dinner in silence.. some elves, including the king, asked about Zana, but neither of them replied. Gimli stared at the two elves.. Haldir looked so.. shocked? He hadn't seen him like this before. As he was eating, his expression changed from time to time.. sometimes half smiling, and sometimes frowning. About Legolas, he was absent minded, far away from there, looking at some point in the distance. Gimli coughed out loud on purpose, until he called the elves attention.
"Hey, I'm bored.. why are you so quiet?" Haldir gave him a freezing look.
"It's not my problem if you're not having fun, dwarf" Gimli couldn't find a proper reply, he didn't expect that answer. Haldir was so angry, although it was the first time he had opened his mouth it seemed he was paying his problems with him. Legolas was surprised too.
"Haldir, calm down.. Gimli's intention was good. He's right, we are so quiet, Zana is not here, so obviously something happened.. any of you know what's going on?" Legolas had finished dinner and he leaned against his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I only know that since the party you both act so strange, I can't recognise any of you.. where is the strong Haldir? Where the brave Legolas? You look like two stupid mortals!" Gimli threw his napkin over the table.
"I'm sorry, Gimli" Haldir apologised. He stood up. "I need to sleep, I'm not recuperated from the party yet. Good night"
"Good night.." Legolas followed him with his gaze until he disappeared behind the door. Then he looked at Gimli.
"I'm also sorry.. see you tomorrow, ok? "
"Hey!! You all are leaving me here? I'm not asleep, it's so early! " the dwarf was complaining, and walked towards another table and joined the elves. One of them laughed when he saw him.
"The dwarf who made the scandal at the party!" And fortunately for Gimli, he found some mates for drinking beer.
------------------------- ------------------------ -------------------- --- --------------------
Haldir walked to his room and came in. Sitting on his bed, he covered his face with his hands. He still couldn't believe all what had happened.. the dinner had been horrible, avoiding Legolas gaze and Gimli's too.. he was afraid of the indiscreet dwarf.. but luckily he behaved well.
He looked at his door.. crossing the hall was Zana's room.. so close.. and she was inside it, he could hear her steps. Standing up, walked to the balcony and looked at the sky. He had always loved stars, the idea of distant places. He remembered his nights in Lorien, staring at the shining points during hours.. he wondered if in Zana's world they were able to see the same view.. he wondered how many times they both were looking at the same star , but separated from millions of years.
His head was a mess, a big confusion.. he asked himself what was happening, but didn't find a logical answer.. something had changed him and it was something about that girl. And he was too stubborn to keep the mystery, he was too decided to stay in the ignorance. Looking at his door, he took a deep breath and stepped outside his room, walking towards Zana's.
------------------------- ---------------------- ---------------------- ---- --
I had been sitting outside, in the balcony, all time since I had arrived in my room.. I was nervous, waiting for Legolas. I still had some time for thinking, and I really needed that. I was so confused , the two elves made me feel very different things.. with Haldir I felt nervous, shy and insignificant, but at the same time I felt so well. With Legolas I felt well, very well.. he was so nice with me, he was Legolas.. the one I had always liked on Earth.. and whenever I saw him I forgot about everything.. but only for some seconds, because soon Haldir appeared again in my mind.
The only explanation I found was that I was becoming crazy after crossing that line between the two worlds.. maybe it was a kind of proof, I couldn't tell.. I only knew for sure that, in three days, I had become lost and crazy about two elves. And that neither of them felt the same in return. Haldir was too important, a hero who had returned from death. And Legolas was a prince who one day would be in charge of a whole kingdom. Too much for me, he would need a kind of elf princess who would be with him forever.. because I was mortal. I was young, but I wouldn't be forever.
The moon was shining up in the sky, thousands of stars brightening .. I looked carefully and found something known.. I had realised that the constellations were there, the constellations from Earth! I stood up, amazed.. and recognised the "Ursa major", the Polar star.. they could only be seen from the North of the Earth.. that meant that the Middle Earth was placed somewhere over the northern half.. that was surprising, that meant that those stars had been there since those times.. all the nights I had spent looking at the sky, I had been looking at the same sky as those beings.. I felt more at home, because maybe my own home wasn't too far away from those lands.. maybe I had been living in the place of Mirkwood in the 21rst century..
I walked along the balcony, trying to find more known signs, but I heard a knock on the door.. it was still early, not midnight yet.. who was there then? I walked and stopped in front of it, and then opened slowly. I blushed.
"Haldir. I didn't expect you." He smiled.
" It wasn't in my plans to come here, I assure you. Can I come in?" He looked at me with a kind smile. I let him pass.
"We can talk in the balcony, if you want" I was fixing all things in my room, trying to keep myself busy.. I put order on everything, always taking something or moving a desk. And all time he was looking at me with curiosity.
"Why don't you stop and come here? I don't think that you were working before I came" He leaned against the balcony, and crossed his arms. I went outside, but staying a bit far away from him ,and looking at all places but the place where he was.
" I suppose you want me to explain you about what I said before.." I managed to start speaking.
"Well, I was surprised indeed.. most of all because I was talking about Legolas and not about me". Ok. In that moment I froze, I wanted to die. I looked at him , so ashamed.
"What are you saying? That I misunderstood everything, and.. ? " He nodded, slowly, and then sat on a chair. I put my hands on the fence of the balcony and looked in the distance again.
" Zana, I have to admit that your words made me feel so shocked.. " He stopped for a while. "if I understood them correctly, of course" His voice became lower, and I noticed a bit of irony on it. I turned around to face him.
"What did you understand?" I asked, trying to sound arrogant, and he smiled.
"Come on, Zana. We're not stupid.."
"You misunderstood me too. So now, please, I want to sleep, can you go out from my room? " But he didn't move.
"What's wrong with you, girl? " He stood up and walked towards me. "You told me some moments ago that you had feelings towards me! How can you pretend that nothing happened?" he was speaking a bit louder, very near from me.
"Nothing happened, Haldir! You misunderstood me!" I shouted, and he took my arm, gently.
" I'm sorry but this conversation is not finished yet. I need to know why did you say that" We stared at each other for some moments, in silence. "I need to know why, if you love Legolas, then you tell me that you feel something about me.." He was whispering and I was frozen and speechless again.
"I.. I don't love Legolas.." My voice was betraying me again, and he didn't move, of course, he came even closer.
"Then.. what happens inside your head?" he asked. His hand moved along my arm, ending in my neck. His eyes fixed on mines.
"Haldir, leave me alone, please" I whispered. He looked a bit shocked, and gave a step away from me, but still looking in my eyes.
"As you want.. but remember that the world doesn't turn around you, Zana.. you accused me of playing with your feelings.. and you're doing the same to me now. I won't be so patient and soon I won't bear you any more. And when my patience will be over, you won't see me again, I assure you it. " He left, closing the door. My head was spinning, I was shaking. I sat down on the chair and closed my eyes. Legolas.. I had to think of Legolas.. he wasn't playing with me.. but I couldn't tell him what was happening.. how would I tell him that I was in love with him ,but that something changed inside me when I was near from Haldir?
I checked my watch, almost midnight. My heart started beating so fast. And Legolas was punctual, because exactly at twelve he knocked on my door, and when I opened it I felt that strange sensation in my stomach.
"Hello, Zana" He smiled at me as he came in, and we both walked outside, to the balcony. I took another chair and we both sat. I didn't know where to start, I was quiet. "Well, Zana.. I think you should explain me what's happening to you that makes you cry all the time" he asked with a kind voice. I looked at him and wished to talk and talk until I would tell all the truth. But I just shrugged. He came closer, taking his chair with him. "I won't leave from here unless you're sincere with me"
" It's complicated, Legolas" His blue eyes looked at me worried. " It's something I brought from my world , and here it became stronger.. but I didn't expect that this thing would be.. intercepted by another thing.." Legolas laughed lightly.
"You will have to explain me this because I didn't understand anything" I also smiled a bit.. I was starting to feel better. Yes, with Legolas things looked better. I was afraid that my heart could be heard again. He breathed deeply. "Tell me about your world, Zana. What did you bring from there?" Great. He was beginning in the most difficult part. How could I explain him that for the last two years I was crazy about that elf I had seen in the movies?
"Well.. I can't explain you with the exact words, but.. lets say that I knew about you before I came, and.. well.. when I was on Earth.." I had to stop, I wasn't able to speak.
"Do you want to talk about Haldir?" This surprised me a lot.. what was happening there? Haldir asking me about Legolas, and Legolas asking me about Haldir.. oh, I understood, yeah.. it could be noticed that I liked both of them. I blushed deeply again.
"Why would I want to talk about him? " I asked, avoiding his gaze.
"About your conversation, when he told you what had happened at the party.. then I found you crying.. do you want to tell me what happened? " I didn't know what to do.. maybe if I told him, I would feel better.. but I couldn't tell him that, not if I loved him.. he was Haldir's friend and this could separate me from Legolas forever.. but, anyway.. neither of them loved me, so.. why would i have to worry? I could be sincere with the elf.
"Ok, Legolas.. something happened at the party.."
"Tell me.." he asked quickly.
"When you went to talk to your father.. Haldir was taking care of me, and.. well.. he said that.." I looked at his eyes, and I found an expression I didn't expect and that made me stop talking. His eyes were sad? Was I right or maybe it was an effect of the light? My imagination again, uf.
"Zana, please.." He was a bit nervous. Should I tell him? Well, after all, he didn't feel anything about me.
"Ok, Haldir tried to kiss me" I sighed after saying it, happy to share that with Legolas.. But he suddenly stood up, his gaze lost. What was happening to him? What happened to those elves? "Legolas, what's wrong?" He looked at me, reacting.
"Nothing, it's only that.. well, I already knew it" Now it was my turn to stand up.
"What? And you kept me here, suffering?" I was shouting, and he put his hand over my shoulder.
"Be quiet, Zana.. don't worry about anything, I just thought that there was something else that had hurt you.."
"Something else? You think this is not enough?" I was out of control. He made me sit down and he sat with me.
"It's wrong if you felt bad because of it.." He spoke slowly, thinking his words carefully.
"What do you mean? That I tried to kiss him back?" He looked at me in reply. " I can't believe it, Legolas.. who do you think am I ?"
"A person who was drunk enough to insinuate to me at the party" That hurt me, yes.. but he was right, and anyway it hurt. "Zana, you were lost and you didn't know what you were doing or saying, I tried to help you to avoid uncomfortable situations"
"I know.. " I whispered, more sure than ever that he didn't feel anything about me.
"Well.. " He sighed. "Now that I know your terrible secrets, can I ask you something more? " yes, now he was going to ask me about my feelings towards him . I was a bit angry so I decided to advance in time and reply the question I was expecting.
"Yes, Legolas, I'm also confused about you, this is what you wanted to say?" His look made me realise that his question was a completely different one. He was observing me all time, without blinking. I blushed and covered my face with my hands. "Please, tell me that this is what you were about to ask, Legolas.."
"Well.." He made a pause . " I wanted to ask you about Gandalf's letter." I laughed.. I started to laugh out loud, but not with a happy laugh but with a desperate one.. that wasn't my day, I had told to the two elves about my feelings and all times by accident.. how could I be so stupid? Finally I calmed down and reacted. He was staring at me, with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Yes, Gandalf gave me a letter.. explaining that he was leaving because I must find the mission by myself.. and well.. " I remembered the magician's words.
"There's more, right? " Legolas asked me, reading my mind. I nodded. But I couldn't look at him directly, I was too ashamed. And he was ignoring my remark, he was ignoring my confession about him and that was killing me.
"Yes, but if you don't mind, I prefer to keep it by myself.. it's personal.." Legolas agreed. A long silence came, and I felt so uncomfortable. I walked towards the fence, to watch the landscape . I wasn't able to say anything or even fire him from my room.. I felt stupid.
The night was so nice, I could see all trees and houses under the moonlight, a soft breeze wrapped me. I looked back and the chair was empty.. he had left! But when I turned again to the fence he was standing there. I shouted a bit, scared. And he smiled.
"Zana.. I want to tell you something" He whispered. And I knew what he wanted to tell.
"I know.. that I'm just a human who has nothing to do with two elves and that I should concentrate on my mission" I was looking at the moonlight. I heard him laughing.
"No, it wasn't that" I looked in his eyes, they were brightening, and he became serious. " You arrived few time ago, and already caused a strong effect among us.. but I think that everything happened so fast that you still couldn't react.. you can't feel anything about a person who you met some hours ago.." Yes, now he was telling me that he didn't feel anything for me.. I felt so so bad.. because I had brought my feelings from the Earth, he was Legolas, which girl wouldn't like Legolas? And then I thought about Haldir.. yes, I didn't like him before I had arrived.. so maybe the elf was right and I was confused, but my feelings weren't real.
"I know, Legolas.. and I feel so ashamed.. hard days are coming and I have to find out what am I doing here, right?" Legolas nodded, smiling.
"But your heat is still beating fast, Zana.." He whispered. "I can hear it.." We looked at each other for some moments.
"I can't help it.. " I was stuttering, like a stupid girl who can't react under pressure. And then.. he took my hand. Yes, he took my hand!
"One last dance with me?" He asked me.. I couldn't believe that!
"But we don't have music".. and then I remembered that Gandalf had given me that strange magic machine that played my songs. And Legolas had brought it with him.
"Choose a song" his voice a low whisper.
"I can't.." I said, simply.. he smiled. And he put his hand over the box, thinking.. as if he was looking for something.. and a song played.. that song.. why did he choose it?
[Didn't know you would come tonight
didn't hang on long enough
didn't want to go and start a fight
didn't mean to go, go and fall in love]
He took my other hand and led me to the middle of the balcony, put his hands around my waist, my arms around his neck, and we started to dance. All I could think in that moment was that it couldn't be real.. that wasn't happening.. but he was there, looking at me.. with those blue eyes I always had loved, staring all time..
[It's like an avalanche
once you fall you're swept away
I didn't stand a chance
Hanging on every word you said
Hey, we can find a place for love.. ]
In the middle of the song, one of his hands touched my neck, and I froze. What was he doing? He was smiling, yes..
" I don't know what is inside your heart.." He whispered "But I'm afraid of what is growing up inside mine" His hand touching my face now.
I couldn't stop watching him.. I was so shocked, I couldn't understand anything and all my strength disappeared. He seemed to be thinking, and for some moments he got a bit separated from me.. we were dancing until the end of the song.. and when the music stopped, he stopped with it.
"Zana.." He took a deep breath.
"What?" Was I talking or it was my mind the one that replied? He looked at the ground, and then again at me.
" Tomorrow we must decide things about mission. We can't wait forever. And please, no more parties or confessions.. this is serious and we can't loose time." He left, so fast. And I was alone, standing there.. did he say loosing time? This is what I was for him? What happened to those elves?
I put the pyjamas and stepped into the bed.. my head so confused. I couldn't bear that anymore.. the following day I would take a decision. I needed help to find out my mission and I would find it. Gandalf had left, but Galadriel was in a known place, and I would visit her. She would tell me what to do.
What I promised, the new chapter : ) Yes, I love complicating things! For this one you should download a song by Boston, called "Didn't mean to fall in love". I've just discovered it today and I love it.
Again, thank you all for the reviews! Tomorrow is my last day here, again back to university, so be patient until next weekend!
****************************************
Better stand tall
when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break,
baby, don't back down
- It's my life- Bon Jovi
Legolas, Haldir and Gimli were having dinner in silence.. some elves, including the king, asked about Zana, but neither of them replied. Gimli stared at the two elves.. Haldir looked so.. shocked? He hadn't seen him like this before. As he was eating, his expression changed from time to time.. sometimes half smiling, and sometimes frowning. About Legolas, he was absent minded, far away from there, looking at some point in the distance. Gimli coughed out loud on purpose, until he called the elves attention.
"Hey, I'm bored.. why are you so quiet?" Haldir gave him a freezing look.
"It's not my problem if you're not having fun, dwarf" Gimli couldn't find a proper reply, he didn't expect that answer. Haldir was so angry, although it was the first time he had opened his mouth it seemed he was paying his problems with him. Legolas was surprised too.
"Haldir, calm down.. Gimli's intention was good. He's right, we are so quiet, Zana is not here, so obviously something happened.. any of you know what's going on?" Legolas had finished dinner and he leaned against his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I only know that since the party you both act so strange, I can't recognise any of you.. where is the strong Haldir? Where the brave Legolas? You look like two stupid mortals!" Gimli threw his napkin over the table.
"I'm sorry, Gimli" Haldir apologised. He stood up. "I need to sleep, I'm not recuperated from the party yet. Good night"
"Good night.." Legolas followed him with his gaze until he disappeared behind the door. Then he looked at Gimli.
"I'm also sorry.. see you tomorrow, ok? "
"Hey!! You all are leaving me here? I'm not asleep, it's so early! " the dwarf was complaining, and walked towards another table and joined the elves. One of them laughed when he saw him.
"The dwarf who made the scandal at the party!" And fortunately for Gimli, he found some mates for drinking beer.
------------------------- ------------------------ -------------------- --- --------------------
Haldir walked to his room and came in. Sitting on his bed, he covered his face with his hands. He still couldn't believe all what had happened.. the dinner had been horrible, avoiding Legolas gaze and Gimli's too.. he was afraid of the indiscreet dwarf.. but luckily he behaved well.
He looked at his door.. crossing the hall was Zana's room.. so close.. and she was inside it, he could hear her steps. Standing up, walked to the balcony and looked at the sky. He had always loved stars, the idea of distant places. He remembered his nights in Lorien, staring at the shining points during hours.. he wondered if in Zana's world they were able to see the same view.. he wondered how many times they both were looking at the same star , but separated from millions of years.
His head was a mess, a big confusion.. he asked himself what was happening, but didn't find a logical answer.. something had changed him and it was something about that girl. And he was too stubborn to keep the mystery, he was too decided to stay in the ignorance. Looking at his door, he took a deep breath and stepped outside his room, walking towards Zana's.
------------------------- ---------------------- ---------------------- ---- --
I had been sitting outside, in the balcony, all time since I had arrived in my room.. I was nervous, waiting for Legolas. I still had some time for thinking, and I really needed that. I was so confused , the two elves made me feel very different things.. with Haldir I felt nervous, shy and insignificant, but at the same time I felt so well. With Legolas I felt well, very well.. he was so nice with me, he was Legolas.. the one I had always liked on Earth.. and whenever I saw him I forgot about everything.. but only for some seconds, because soon Haldir appeared again in my mind.
The only explanation I found was that I was becoming crazy after crossing that line between the two worlds.. maybe it was a kind of proof, I couldn't tell.. I only knew for sure that, in three days, I had become lost and crazy about two elves. And that neither of them felt the same in return. Haldir was too important, a hero who had returned from death. And Legolas was a prince who one day would be in charge of a whole kingdom. Too much for me, he would need a kind of elf princess who would be with him forever.. because I was mortal. I was young, but I wouldn't be forever.
The moon was shining up in the sky, thousands of stars brightening .. I looked carefully and found something known.. I had realised that the constellations were there, the constellations from Earth! I stood up, amazed.. and recognised the "Ursa major", the Polar star.. they could only be seen from the North of the Earth.. that meant that the Middle Earth was placed somewhere over the northern half.. that was surprising, that meant that those stars had been there since those times.. all the nights I had spent looking at the sky, I had been looking at the same sky as those beings.. I felt more at home, because maybe my own home wasn't too far away from those lands.. maybe I had been living in the place of Mirkwood in the 21rst century..
I walked along the balcony, trying to find more known signs, but I heard a knock on the door.. it was still early, not midnight yet.. who was there then? I walked and stopped in front of it, and then opened slowly. I blushed.
"Haldir. I didn't expect you." He smiled.
" It wasn't in my plans to come here, I assure you. Can I come in?" He looked at me with a kind smile. I let him pass.
"We can talk in the balcony, if you want" I was fixing all things in my room, trying to keep myself busy.. I put order on everything, always taking something or moving a desk. And all time he was looking at me with curiosity.
"Why don't you stop and come here? I don't think that you were working before I came" He leaned against the balcony, and crossed his arms. I went outside, but staying a bit far away from him ,and looking at all places but the place where he was.
" I suppose you want me to explain you about what I said before.." I managed to start speaking.
"Well, I was surprised indeed.. most of all because I was talking about Legolas and not about me". Ok. In that moment I froze, I wanted to die. I looked at him , so ashamed.
"What are you saying? That I misunderstood everything, and.. ? " He nodded, slowly, and then sat on a chair. I put my hands on the fence of the balcony and looked in the distance again.
" Zana, I have to admit that your words made me feel so shocked.. " He stopped for a while. "if I understood them correctly, of course" His voice became lower, and I noticed a bit of irony on it. I turned around to face him.
"What did you understand?" I asked, trying to sound arrogant, and he smiled.
"Come on, Zana. We're not stupid.."
"You misunderstood me too. So now, please, I want to sleep, can you go out from my room? " But he didn't move.
"What's wrong with you, girl? " He stood up and walked towards me. "You told me some moments ago that you had feelings towards me! How can you pretend that nothing happened?" he was speaking a bit louder, very near from me.
"Nothing happened, Haldir! You misunderstood me!" I shouted, and he took my arm, gently.
" I'm sorry but this conversation is not finished yet. I need to know why did you say that" We stared at each other for some moments, in silence. "I need to know why, if you love Legolas, then you tell me that you feel something about me.." He was whispering and I was frozen and speechless again.
"I.. I don't love Legolas.." My voice was betraying me again, and he didn't move, of course, he came even closer.
"Then.. what happens inside your head?" he asked. His hand moved along my arm, ending in my neck. His eyes fixed on mines.
"Haldir, leave me alone, please" I whispered. He looked a bit shocked, and gave a step away from me, but still looking in my eyes.
"As you want.. but remember that the world doesn't turn around you, Zana.. you accused me of playing with your feelings.. and you're doing the same to me now. I won't be so patient and soon I won't bear you any more. And when my patience will be over, you won't see me again, I assure you it. " He left, closing the door. My head was spinning, I was shaking. I sat down on the chair and closed my eyes. Legolas.. I had to think of Legolas.. he wasn't playing with me.. but I couldn't tell him what was happening.. how would I tell him that I was in love with him ,but that something changed inside me when I was near from Haldir?
I checked my watch, almost midnight. My heart started beating so fast. And Legolas was punctual, because exactly at twelve he knocked on my door, and when I opened it I felt that strange sensation in my stomach.
"Hello, Zana" He smiled at me as he came in, and we both walked outside, to the balcony. I took another chair and we both sat. I didn't know where to start, I was quiet. "Well, Zana.. I think you should explain me what's happening to you that makes you cry all the time" he asked with a kind voice. I looked at him and wished to talk and talk until I would tell all the truth. But I just shrugged. He came closer, taking his chair with him. "I won't leave from here unless you're sincere with me"
" It's complicated, Legolas" His blue eyes looked at me worried. " It's something I brought from my world , and here it became stronger.. but I didn't expect that this thing would be.. intercepted by another thing.." Legolas laughed lightly.
"You will have to explain me this because I didn't understand anything" I also smiled a bit.. I was starting to feel better. Yes, with Legolas things looked better. I was afraid that my heart could be heard again. He breathed deeply. "Tell me about your world, Zana. What did you bring from there?" Great. He was beginning in the most difficult part. How could I explain him that for the last two years I was crazy about that elf I had seen in the movies?
"Well.. I can't explain you with the exact words, but.. lets say that I knew about you before I came, and.. well.. when I was on Earth.." I had to stop, I wasn't able to speak.
"Do you want to talk about Haldir?" This surprised me a lot.. what was happening there? Haldir asking me about Legolas, and Legolas asking me about Haldir.. oh, I understood, yeah.. it could be noticed that I liked both of them. I blushed deeply again.
"Why would I want to talk about him? " I asked, avoiding his gaze.
"About your conversation, when he told you what had happened at the party.. then I found you crying.. do you want to tell me what happened? " I didn't know what to do.. maybe if I told him, I would feel better.. but I couldn't tell him that, not if I loved him.. he was Haldir's friend and this could separate me from Legolas forever.. but, anyway.. neither of them loved me, so.. why would i have to worry? I could be sincere with the elf.
"Ok, Legolas.. something happened at the party.."
"Tell me.." he asked quickly.
"When you went to talk to your father.. Haldir was taking care of me, and.. well.. he said that.." I looked at his eyes, and I found an expression I didn't expect and that made me stop talking. His eyes were sad? Was I right or maybe it was an effect of the light? My imagination again, uf.
"Zana, please.." He was a bit nervous. Should I tell him? Well, after all, he didn't feel anything about me.
"Ok, Haldir tried to kiss me" I sighed after saying it, happy to share that with Legolas.. But he suddenly stood up, his gaze lost. What was happening to him? What happened to those elves? "Legolas, what's wrong?" He looked at me, reacting.
"Nothing, it's only that.. well, I already knew it" Now it was my turn to stand up.
"What? And you kept me here, suffering?" I was shouting, and he put his hand over my shoulder.
"Be quiet, Zana.. don't worry about anything, I just thought that there was something else that had hurt you.."
"Something else? You think this is not enough?" I was out of control. He made me sit down and he sat with me.
"It's wrong if you felt bad because of it.." He spoke slowly, thinking his words carefully.
"What do you mean? That I tried to kiss him back?" He looked at me in reply. " I can't believe it, Legolas.. who do you think am I ?"
"A person who was drunk enough to insinuate to me at the party" That hurt me, yes.. but he was right, and anyway it hurt. "Zana, you were lost and you didn't know what you were doing or saying, I tried to help you to avoid uncomfortable situations"
"I know.. " I whispered, more sure than ever that he didn't feel anything about me.
"Well.. " He sighed. "Now that I know your terrible secrets, can I ask you something more? " yes, now he was going to ask me about my feelings towards him . I was a bit angry so I decided to advance in time and reply the question I was expecting.
"Yes, Legolas, I'm also confused about you, this is what you wanted to say?" His look made me realise that his question was a completely different one. He was observing me all time, without blinking. I blushed and covered my face with my hands. "Please, tell me that this is what you were about to ask, Legolas.."
"Well.." He made a pause . " I wanted to ask you about Gandalf's letter." I laughed.. I started to laugh out loud, but not with a happy laugh but with a desperate one.. that wasn't my day, I had told to the two elves about my feelings and all times by accident.. how could I be so stupid? Finally I calmed down and reacted. He was staring at me, with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Yes, Gandalf gave me a letter.. explaining that he was leaving because I must find the mission by myself.. and well.. " I remembered the magician's words.
"There's more, right? " Legolas asked me, reading my mind. I nodded. But I couldn't look at him directly, I was too ashamed. And he was ignoring my remark, he was ignoring my confession about him and that was killing me.
"Yes, but if you don't mind, I prefer to keep it by myself.. it's personal.." Legolas agreed. A long silence came, and I felt so uncomfortable. I walked towards the fence, to watch the landscape . I wasn't able to say anything or even fire him from my room.. I felt stupid.
The night was so nice, I could see all trees and houses under the moonlight, a soft breeze wrapped me. I looked back and the chair was empty.. he had left! But when I turned again to the fence he was standing there. I shouted a bit, scared. And he smiled.
"Zana.. I want to tell you something" He whispered. And I knew what he wanted to tell.
"I know.. that I'm just a human who has nothing to do with two elves and that I should concentrate on my mission" I was looking at the moonlight. I heard him laughing.
"No, it wasn't that" I looked in his eyes, they were brightening, and he became serious. " You arrived few time ago, and already caused a strong effect among us.. but I think that everything happened so fast that you still couldn't react.. you can't feel anything about a person who you met some hours ago.." Yes, now he was telling me that he didn't feel anything for me.. I felt so so bad.. because I had brought my feelings from the Earth, he was Legolas, which girl wouldn't like Legolas? And then I thought about Haldir.. yes, I didn't like him before I had arrived.. so maybe the elf was right and I was confused, but my feelings weren't real.
"I know, Legolas.. and I feel so ashamed.. hard days are coming and I have to find out what am I doing here, right?" Legolas nodded, smiling.
"But your heat is still beating fast, Zana.." He whispered. "I can hear it.." We looked at each other for some moments.
"I can't help it.. " I was stuttering, like a stupid girl who can't react under pressure. And then.. he took my hand. Yes, he took my hand!
"One last dance with me?" He asked me.. I couldn't believe that!
"But we don't have music".. and then I remembered that Gandalf had given me that strange magic machine that played my songs. And Legolas had brought it with him.
"Choose a song" his voice a low whisper.
"I can't.." I said, simply.. he smiled. And he put his hand over the box, thinking.. as if he was looking for something.. and a song played.. that song.. why did he choose it?
[Didn't know you would come tonight
didn't hang on long enough
didn't want to go and start a fight
didn't mean to go, go and fall in love]
He took my other hand and led me to the middle of the balcony, put his hands around my waist, my arms around his neck, and we started to dance. All I could think in that moment was that it couldn't be real.. that wasn't happening.. but he was there, looking at me.. with those blue eyes I always had loved, staring all time..
[It's like an avalanche
once you fall you're swept away
I didn't stand a chance
Hanging on every word you said
Hey, we can find a place for love.. ]
In the middle of the song, one of his hands touched my neck, and I froze. What was he doing? He was smiling, yes..
" I don't know what is inside your heart.." He whispered "But I'm afraid of what is growing up inside mine" His hand touching my face now.
I couldn't stop watching him.. I was so shocked, I couldn't understand anything and all my strength disappeared. He seemed to be thinking, and for some moments he got a bit separated from me.. we were dancing until the end of the song.. and when the music stopped, he stopped with it.
"Zana.." He took a deep breath.
"What?" Was I talking or it was my mind the one that replied? He looked at the ground, and then again at me.
" Tomorrow we must decide things about mission. We can't wait forever. And please, no more parties or confessions.. this is serious and we can't loose time." He left, so fast. And I was alone, standing there.. did he say loosing time? This is what I was for him? What happened to those elves?
I put the pyjamas and stepped into the bed.. my head so confused. I couldn't bear that anymore.. the following day I would take a decision. I needed help to find out my mission and I would find it. Gandalf had left, but Galadriel was in a known place, and I would visit her. She would tell me what to do.