Sam fell asleep in Jack's arms. Frasier had warned him that she'd sleep a
lot, but it was still discomforting that she drifted off so quickly. One
minute she was sobbing, the next minute she was asleep. He was glad that
Janet had warned him, though, because otherwise he would have worried. As
she slept, he held her, needing the contact as much as she did. Running his
fingers through her silky blonde hair was soothing for him, and it was a
gentle motion that wouldn't disturb her. So he did. And fell asleep with
her still cradled protectively in his embrace, her cheek pressed against
his tear-soaked shirt, and his hand dropping to rest tenderly on her hip.
~*~
A chill woke Carter much later. She lay still for a minute, getting her bearings, and remembered where she was and whom she was with. It wasn't anything new for her to wake in O'Neill's house; she frequently stayed over, and they often dozed together on the couch, but not usually after crying themselves to sleep. Sam felt a now familiar sadness beginning to well up inside her, and she quelled it as much as she could. The grief was threatening to consume her, she knew, and she knew that it could be dangerous if she allowed it to, and she was trying to fight it. But it was so hard, and the pain so constant. It wasn't easy.
She'd always thought she understood what Jack had gone through when he'd lost his son. She'd lost her mother, after all. She knew what sorrow was. But now she understood that a memory of a child's pain was far different than living through that same ordeal as an adult. She'd never realized that the years had dulled that pain and had made it far more bearable than she'd thought. It gave her a new respect for Jack. His pain had been very real, and very recent. Not a child's memory, either. He'd understood from the moment the gunshot sounded just what he'd lost, and had somehow managed to pull himself through it. She couldn't understand how he'd managed. She was hurting at the loss of a baby that she hadn't even known. Jack had had ten years with his son, and had a bond with Charlie that Sam would never understand until she experienced it for herself. One that was gone in an instant. How had he managed to make it through the darkness? Carter felt as though she was going to fall apart at any moment.
She raised her head up from his chest and watched him sleep for a moment. He looked tired, she thought. There were worry lines that rarely went away, even when he was asleep, and they tended to deepen when he was especially troubled. Like now. She reached up without thinking and traced one along his forehead, and he opened his eyes and looked at her. First with concern, then with love as he realized that there was no threat. Sam felt that love to the very core of her being, although she felt a stab of chagrin when she realized she'd woken him. He probably needed the sleep, and she could have waited to touch him.
"Hey..."
He didn't mind waking up to her touch. There were far worse ways to wake up.
"Hi. I'm sorry I woke you."
"I wasn't sleeping."
"Uh huh." She knew better.
Jack smiled, knowing she knew better, and he touched her cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, and his stomach rumbled. Loudly. Sam smiled, not even realizing she was doing it, and placed her palm flat against his belly.
"Hungry?"
"Mm-hmmm. I guess so." He was so glad to see a grin on her face; he wasn't even annoyed that his stomach had betrayed him. "Are you?"
She wasn't, but she knew he would feel better if she ate something, so she nodded.
"I'll have whatever you're having."
"Which means I have to get up and cook something."
"Which means you have to go buy some groceries."
She was trying hard to banter with him like they normally did. Jack understood, and gave her a hug.
"Shows what you know," he told her. "Daniel and Teal'c already shopped, remember? All I have to do is cook."
"All?"
"Well... cooking isn't that hard." He didn't normally cook, true. But he wasn't as hopeless as everyone thought he was. Sam knew that.
"Want some help?"
He nodded, and Carter reluctantly left his arms and got to her feet. Then she noticed something she hadn't noticed before.
"Hey, you got your brace off."
"Yup. Daniel got his off, too." He held up his arm. "All healed."
Sam ran her hand along his forearm, gently, and couldn't even feel any swelling. She wondered when he'd had it taken off, but she didn't ask.
"We should have had cake or something," she said.
"That's what I told them," Jack replied, getting to his feet and taking her into his arms. "No one was interested. And I'm not baking one."
With his arm still around her, he went into the kitchen, and Sam leaned against the counter while he looked through the cupboards. Something quick and easy. Something quick and easy.
"Soup?"
She nodded.
"Tomato soup, grilled cheese?"
"Even better."
He pulled out the soup and bread, and Sam took out cheese and butter from the fridge. He took them from her, and leaned down and pressed a kiss against her lips.
"Go sit down, Sam. I'm cooking."
She did as she was told, although she sat in one of the chairs at the table so she could still see him as he puttered in the kitchen. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to talk, really, either, and was grateful that Jack wasn't pressing her to carry on a conversation. It was comforting, though, to sit and watch him.
~*~
A chill woke Carter much later. She lay still for a minute, getting her bearings, and remembered where she was and whom she was with. It wasn't anything new for her to wake in O'Neill's house; she frequently stayed over, and they often dozed together on the couch, but not usually after crying themselves to sleep. Sam felt a now familiar sadness beginning to well up inside her, and she quelled it as much as she could. The grief was threatening to consume her, she knew, and she knew that it could be dangerous if she allowed it to, and she was trying to fight it. But it was so hard, and the pain so constant. It wasn't easy.
She'd always thought she understood what Jack had gone through when he'd lost his son. She'd lost her mother, after all. She knew what sorrow was. But now she understood that a memory of a child's pain was far different than living through that same ordeal as an adult. She'd never realized that the years had dulled that pain and had made it far more bearable than she'd thought. It gave her a new respect for Jack. His pain had been very real, and very recent. Not a child's memory, either. He'd understood from the moment the gunshot sounded just what he'd lost, and had somehow managed to pull himself through it. She couldn't understand how he'd managed. She was hurting at the loss of a baby that she hadn't even known. Jack had had ten years with his son, and had a bond with Charlie that Sam would never understand until she experienced it for herself. One that was gone in an instant. How had he managed to make it through the darkness? Carter felt as though she was going to fall apart at any moment.
She raised her head up from his chest and watched him sleep for a moment. He looked tired, she thought. There were worry lines that rarely went away, even when he was asleep, and they tended to deepen when he was especially troubled. Like now. She reached up without thinking and traced one along his forehead, and he opened his eyes and looked at her. First with concern, then with love as he realized that there was no threat. Sam felt that love to the very core of her being, although she felt a stab of chagrin when she realized she'd woken him. He probably needed the sleep, and she could have waited to touch him.
"Hey..."
He didn't mind waking up to her touch. There were far worse ways to wake up.
"Hi. I'm sorry I woke you."
"I wasn't sleeping."
"Uh huh." She knew better.
Jack smiled, knowing she knew better, and he touched her cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, and his stomach rumbled. Loudly. Sam smiled, not even realizing she was doing it, and placed her palm flat against his belly.
"Hungry?"
"Mm-hmmm. I guess so." He was so glad to see a grin on her face; he wasn't even annoyed that his stomach had betrayed him. "Are you?"
She wasn't, but she knew he would feel better if she ate something, so she nodded.
"I'll have whatever you're having."
"Which means I have to get up and cook something."
"Which means you have to go buy some groceries."
She was trying hard to banter with him like they normally did. Jack understood, and gave her a hug.
"Shows what you know," he told her. "Daniel and Teal'c already shopped, remember? All I have to do is cook."
"All?"
"Well... cooking isn't that hard." He didn't normally cook, true. But he wasn't as hopeless as everyone thought he was. Sam knew that.
"Want some help?"
He nodded, and Carter reluctantly left his arms and got to her feet. Then she noticed something she hadn't noticed before.
"Hey, you got your brace off."
"Yup. Daniel got his off, too." He held up his arm. "All healed."
Sam ran her hand along his forearm, gently, and couldn't even feel any swelling. She wondered when he'd had it taken off, but she didn't ask.
"We should have had cake or something," she said.
"That's what I told them," Jack replied, getting to his feet and taking her into his arms. "No one was interested. And I'm not baking one."
With his arm still around her, he went into the kitchen, and Sam leaned against the counter while he looked through the cupboards. Something quick and easy. Something quick and easy.
"Soup?"
She nodded.
"Tomato soup, grilled cheese?"
"Even better."
He pulled out the soup and bread, and Sam took out cheese and butter from the fridge. He took them from her, and leaned down and pressed a kiss against her lips.
"Go sit down, Sam. I'm cooking."
She did as she was told, although she sat in one of the chairs at the table so she could still see him as he puttered in the kitchen. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to talk, really, either, and was grateful that Jack wasn't pressing her to carry on a conversation. It was comforting, though, to sit and watch him.