Author's note: I'm a child psychologist. I work independently most of the
time, which means a lot of paperwork, but not all that many hours if I can
manage to get it done right the first time.
~*~
He woke her the next morning with breakfast in bed. She felt the mattress move and opened her eyes just in time to see him setting the tray over her legs once more. His hair was damp, which meant he'd been up long enough to shower as well as cook, and he greeted her with a smile. A slightly uncertain smile, but one that reached his brown eyes and made them twinkle.
"Good morning."
"What time is it?"
"Breakfast time."
She stared at the tray, which held a dizzying array of food. Toast, eggs, sausages, bacon, a couple of waffles, an English muffin, jelly, butter and syrup, and hash browns. A fresh pot of tea, and another teapot that smelled of fresh coffee.
"Um..."
"You don't have to eat all of it, Sam," he said, understanding what she was staring at. "I just wasn't sure what you wanted. Whatever you don't eat, I will."
He settled himself on the bed next to her, but he was lying on top of the blankets instead of under them with her.
She wasn't all that hungry, but he'd obviously went through a lot of hassle to make her breakfast, and Sam didn't want all the effort to go to waste. Besides, if she didn't eat, he'd get that worried look in his eyes, and she hated seeing him worry. He'd already done so much worrying. The thought made her feel guilty, and she felt tears stinging her eyes again. Which made her frustrated, and made the tears that were threatening start trickling down her cheeks.
"Sam? What's wrong?"
She shook her head, and turned away from him, trying to hide the tears and brush them away at the same time. Jack scooted close enough to her that she could feel his body close to hers and reached up and rubbed her shoulder. He had expected tears, so he wasn't really surprised. He didn't know what had set them off, but he wanted to stay close so she'd know that whatever it was, she didn't have to face it alone.
"I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, Sam."
"No it's not." Her frustration was obvious in her voice, and Jack rested his forehead against her side. The tray across her lap made it impossible for him to really hold her. It was so filled that he knew he'd spill something on her.
"Yes, it is. It's natural."
She turned to him. He sounded so sure of himself. Of something he didn't know anything about.
"How do you know that?" She challenged, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Because Frasier said it was possible. She said it happens a lot when someone goes through what you did."
"For no reason?"
"There's a reason, Sam." He told her. "A good reason." He was silent for a moment, and then added in a very soft voice. "I used to do it all the time."
"When you lost Charlie?"
"Yeah." He looked down at the plate on the tray on her lap. "For absolutely no reason, I'd just start bawling. Anything could set me off. Good stuff, bad stuff. A scent of leather would remind me of playing ball with him. Walking by a pizza place would remind me of taking him out to eat. It happened all the time."
"How did..." She sniffed, and he handed her a napkin to use as a tissue, and she blew her nose. "How did you get over it?"
"I'm not over it." He told her simply. "It doesn't happen all that often, but every now and then, it will." He shrugged. "I just go on as well as I can, and try not to let it overwhelm me."
Sam noticed that he wasn't wearing his dog tags that morning, but was wearing a leather necklace that had an arrowhead dangling from it, and she remembered the night that Jack had had a vivid reminder of his boy, courtesy of the boy that had made the necklace he was wearing.
"You're stronger than I am..."
He shook his head, and leaned against her again.
"No, I'm not. I've had more time than you have to get used to the pain. Nothing more. You're one of the strongest people I know. It's one of the reasons I love you so much, because I know if I falter you'll be there to help me up." How many times had she done just that?
"I don't feel strong right now."
"I know, Sam. That's okay, though. I'm here for you, and I'll keep picking you up until you're steady again."
She rested her head on his shoulder, unable to hold him or be held by him because of the tray on her lap, but needing to be as near him as she could.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He reached out and picked up a fork off her tray, and stabbed a sausage.
"You or me?"
"You."
He popped the whole thing in his mouth, and chewed it thoughtfully. Then stabbed a piece of bacon.
"You or me?"
"Me." She knew he wasn't going to let her say 'you' many more times before he forced something into her, and it did smell good. Jack held the bacon to her lips and she pulled it off, trying to eat it without stuffing the whole piece in her mouth like he had. It didn't work, and she ended up doing just that.
That was how he managed to feed Carter a complete and rather large breakfast. He held something up, and let her decide who was going to eat it, making a game of it that she had no choice but to play. She ate more than he would have been able to get her to eat any other way, and Jack was pleased to see that she smiled more than once during the meal.
~*~
He woke her the next morning with breakfast in bed. She felt the mattress move and opened her eyes just in time to see him setting the tray over her legs once more. His hair was damp, which meant he'd been up long enough to shower as well as cook, and he greeted her with a smile. A slightly uncertain smile, but one that reached his brown eyes and made them twinkle.
"Good morning."
"What time is it?"
"Breakfast time."
She stared at the tray, which held a dizzying array of food. Toast, eggs, sausages, bacon, a couple of waffles, an English muffin, jelly, butter and syrup, and hash browns. A fresh pot of tea, and another teapot that smelled of fresh coffee.
"Um..."
"You don't have to eat all of it, Sam," he said, understanding what she was staring at. "I just wasn't sure what you wanted. Whatever you don't eat, I will."
He settled himself on the bed next to her, but he was lying on top of the blankets instead of under them with her.
She wasn't all that hungry, but he'd obviously went through a lot of hassle to make her breakfast, and Sam didn't want all the effort to go to waste. Besides, if she didn't eat, he'd get that worried look in his eyes, and she hated seeing him worry. He'd already done so much worrying. The thought made her feel guilty, and she felt tears stinging her eyes again. Which made her frustrated, and made the tears that were threatening start trickling down her cheeks.
"Sam? What's wrong?"
She shook her head, and turned away from him, trying to hide the tears and brush them away at the same time. Jack scooted close enough to her that she could feel his body close to hers and reached up and rubbed her shoulder. He had expected tears, so he wasn't really surprised. He didn't know what had set them off, but he wanted to stay close so she'd know that whatever it was, she didn't have to face it alone.
"I'm sorry..."
"It's okay, Sam."
"No it's not." Her frustration was obvious in her voice, and Jack rested his forehead against her side. The tray across her lap made it impossible for him to really hold her. It was so filled that he knew he'd spill something on her.
"Yes, it is. It's natural."
She turned to him. He sounded so sure of himself. Of something he didn't know anything about.
"How do you know that?" She challenged, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Because Frasier said it was possible. She said it happens a lot when someone goes through what you did."
"For no reason?"
"There's a reason, Sam." He told her. "A good reason." He was silent for a moment, and then added in a very soft voice. "I used to do it all the time."
"When you lost Charlie?"
"Yeah." He looked down at the plate on the tray on her lap. "For absolutely no reason, I'd just start bawling. Anything could set me off. Good stuff, bad stuff. A scent of leather would remind me of playing ball with him. Walking by a pizza place would remind me of taking him out to eat. It happened all the time."
"How did..." She sniffed, and he handed her a napkin to use as a tissue, and she blew her nose. "How did you get over it?"
"I'm not over it." He told her simply. "It doesn't happen all that often, but every now and then, it will." He shrugged. "I just go on as well as I can, and try not to let it overwhelm me."
Sam noticed that he wasn't wearing his dog tags that morning, but was wearing a leather necklace that had an arrowhead dangling from it, and she remembered the night that Jack had had a vivid reminder of his boy, courtesy of the boy that had made the necklace he was wearing.
"You're stronger than I am..."
He shook his head, and leaned against her again.
"No, I'm not. I've had more time than you have to get used to the pain. Nothing more. You're one of the strongest people I know. It's one of the reasons I love you so much, because I know if I falter you'll be there to help me up." How many times had she done just that?
"I don't feel strong right now."
"I know, Sam. That's okay, though. I'm here for you, and I'll keep picking you up until you're steady again."
She rested her head on his shoulder, unable to hold him or be held by him because of the tray on her lap, but needing to be as near him as she could.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
He reached out and picked up a fork off her tray, and stabbed a sausage.
"You or me?"
"You."
He popped the whole thing in his mouth, and chewed it thoughtfully. Then stabbed a piece of bacon.
"You or me?"
"Me." She knew he wasn't going to let her say 'you' many more times before he forced something into her, and it did smell good. Jack held the bacon to her lips and she pulled it off, trying to eat it without stuffing the whole piece in her mouth like he had. It didn't work, and she ended up doing just that.
That was how he managed to feed Carter a complete and rather large breakfast. He held something up, and let her decide who was going to eat it, making a game of it that she had no choice but to play. She ate more than he would have been able to get her to eat any other way, and Jack was pleased to see that she smiled more than once during the meal.