** Disclaimer: Yes, yes.. like always.. I only own Zana. ***********
Back from university again! It's nice to see that you all still like this story! Thank you very much for all your reviews and thank you very much to the ones who included me in their favourite authors' list! I didn't expect to get more than 10 reviews with this story, and honestly I thought I would only get bad critics, so the 56 good ones I already have made me so happy! Thanks!
********************************* *****************
Did I ever think of you
As my enemy
Did you ever think of me
I'm complaining
I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel this vibration
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach your eden
Eden - Hooverphonic
Our journey had started, yes.. and I still had inside my head the sight of Legolas giving me that cold goodbye.. and Gimli laughing about everything.. as if that was funny.. I looked around myself. The narrow path was rounded by high trees, and I heard the sound of water somewhere. The moonlight showed us the way, and we walked for more than two hours without exchanging a word. Anyway, I wasn't in the mood. But I knew myself too well, and I couldn't bear uncomfortable silences too long.. I felt sad and Haldir looked upset.. what a combination. I sighed and tried to give the first step into a kind of conversation.
"You're quiet" I said to Haldir as we walked who knows where.. he didn't look at me.
"As you are" He looked really sad, as if leading me was a big charge for him. This made me feel uncomfortable.. what if sooner or later he got so tired of me that he would leave me in the middle of nowhere? No, that wasn't possible.. elves were wonderful creatures.. I gave him one more look, and this time he stopped.
"What?" His face showed that he had lost his patience.. but.. what did I do?, I almost asked. I stopped with him.
"Nothing.. I was just wondering why do you look so.. sad, serious.. " I shrugged, and went on walking.
"And I was wondering why are you walking with a dress" I heard the sarcasm in his voice.. he was right, I had completely forgotten about changing from clothes! I took my bag and gave him a freezing look, but he just smiled in reply.
"And now, can you please leave me alone? I want to put one of your.. how do you call those Peter Pan trousers?" He looked so confused.
"Peter what?" He raised an eyebrow and turned around. " Ok, you're free to change yourself, I'm not interested on what you hide under those stupid dresses" He sat on a rock, in the middle of the path, and I went behind some bushes. Fortunately, Haldir wasn't the tallest of the elves and his clothes fitted me better than I thought. Those green trousers and the long green kind of sweater were so nice and comfortable, and with my long brown hair we looked like a pair of elves.. almost.. because it seemed that they didn't like my dark eyes, I had noticed that they looked at them with strange faces.
"Ok, lets go on walking.. no.. wait, I have to ask you something" He stood up and looked at me, sighing.
"What do you want to know now? If we plan to sleep tonight?" I was surprised.
"How did you know it?" I asked, and he smiled.
"Well, I have strange uses when it comes to travelling.. and I always choose the night, I like walking in the moonlight, the silence of the darkness.. and most of elves would have chosen morning and daylight for a start.." He looked at the sky.
"Like all normal people, I would say.. we could have slept in our beds and wake up, have a nice breakfast and then start" I complained, but like always , he didn't pay attention to me. He just looked around.
"This is a good place.. we'll camp here. Take your sleeping bag, you can put it under this big tree" He walked towards a kind of circle in the middle of trees, hidden from everything, where the only things I could see were the rays coming from moon, plants and a mysterious blue light. "The blue light is caused by the plants under the stars" He explained, reading my mind. "It's a strange phenomenon that can only be seen near from Mirkwood".
" I.. I don't have a sleeping bag.. " I showed him the small blanket and the towel. He shook his head.
"What else could I expect." He murmured.
"I heard you, elf. It's not my fault if nobody gave me one and.."
"That nobody gave you one?" he interrupted, coming close to me and taking my bag. Nothing. "But you had enough time to take the gel, shampoo and all the things you need to "fix" yourself".
"Fix myself? What do you mean?" I was becoming angry, and our voices were loud.
"That like always, you only thought about yourself, you didn't ask anybody for advice and you forgot something so important that if you fall asleep without it you'll wake up completely frozen in the morning, we're almost in winter!" He was looking at me and his blue eyes were brightening because of anger. And instinctively, I shrugged.. just a simple movement that made him even more angry. "You're impossible, Zana" And he walked back, putting his things on the ground, opening his own sleeping bag in the opposite side of the circle. He collected some wooden sticks for a fire. I sat down and took my blanket.. well, if that could be called blanket.. and he was right, I didn't ask anybody about important things and now I was frozen, shaking, and my fingers were turning into blue, like when in winter I forgot my gloves and my fingers were a mess.
Haldir made a fire and I sat near from it. Somehow I reacted.. but the thing that most disturbed me was that silence.. the place was charming, yes.. but having an angry and quiet elf for the only company wasn't the best.. it was amazing how much he disliked me, in the sense that all my mistakes had a terrible effect on him, as if I had made something a lot worse.. after all, the worst thing that could happen would be that.. yes, now I realised about my mistake.. now we had to share the sleeping bag or in the morning I would have problems. I covered my face with my hands, trying not to laugh.. it was funny, yes.. and it made me angry at the same time.
"What are you laughing at? " He asked, looking for something in his bag. He took a big box and offered me something to eat. A kind of cookies.. lembas, they called them.. or this I remembered from the book and movie..
"I'm not laughing.. " I took one. "lembas.. I was curious about the taste."
"How can you know about them?" He asked in surprise. I smiled.
"Mysteries of life" I decided to keep him curious, I wouldn't explain anything to that unkind elf. But of course, he didn't reply . He opened his sleeping bag, big enough for two persons, I noticed. I looked in another direction, trying to look indifferent. I was expecting to hear something from him like "We have to share this or else you'll die", but I waited and waited.. and he didn't open his mouth. Maybe I wouldn't die, but for sure I wouldn't be able to sleep.. I had to keep on moving to maintain the heat inside my body.. Haldir was so cruel, yes.. I started to walk.
"Zana.. if you'll be walking all night long I won't be able to sleep.. please, go away and walk somewhere else" He smiled with irony and laid again on the ground. I could have killed him in that moment.
"You know what? I'm already tired of you, of your mood changes, of.."
"Stop complaining!" he shouted.
"I'll freeze!" I shouted back. He nodded.
"yes, and we won't have to worry about your mission and I'll be able to go back home" He sat down and looked at me as I was walking back to the fire, this time closer to him.
"So this is the problem.. "I said, looking directly at his eyes. " I knew it"
"What are you talking about?" He asked, in a kinder voice.
"You hate me, right?" It was more a statement than a question. He didn't move.
"I don't hate you" he said, quickly. But I didn't believe him. I took my small blanket and covered myself, laying in the ground. I closed my eyes. I felt too sad to speak.. I missed Legolas, the palace, my bed.. everything. I heard Haldir moving, and I supposed he was putting himself comfortable inside the sleeping bag.. great.. what a selfish elf, elves weren't as sensitive to cold as humans, and he didn't want to help me. I tried to control myself, I was shaking too much.
And I felt a hand on my shoulder. Haldir kneeled beside me. He pointed his sleeping bag.
"Step inside or you'll die, Zana" he whispered, and I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't move, I didn't know what to do. After all, he had to sleep there too, it was too cold.
"But.. what about you? " I asked , trying to look innocent, although we both knew the answer.
"Try to see me like a dwarf and not like this awesome elf I am" he smiled, joking. I crawled towards the comfortable place.
"You're not awesome, Haldir" I said, trying to look convincing.. well, I liked Legolas.. right?..
"Ok, then you won't mind if I tell you that you're like a dwarf woman for me, you're nothing if I compare you with all the elf- girls I've met during my whole life and I'm sure you snore like all Gimli's girlfriends from his land" He had an evil smile and I beated on his arm.
"Stop talking or you'll be sorry" I said, and I came inside the sleeping bag, and Haldir with me.. we were too close , too close to be able to fall asleep. We had to lay over our arms, and I looked in another direction or else our faces would be separated by millimetres only. I could hear his breathing in my ears and he wrapped me with his free arm.
"I suppose you already understood that I have to sleep in this position or else we wouldn't be able to share this.." he explained, and I nodded, unable to speak. I felt his heat that made me feel so comfortable, and I hated to admit it. I wasn't cold any more. But I wasn't asleep neither.. it would be a very long night.
Minutes passed, and I couldn't say if he was awake or asleep.. he didn't move, he didn't change his breathing.. nothing.. and I had a problem.. I felt as if thousands of ants were running through my veins ,I needed to change position.. and it would be a problem indeed. I lifted his arm, and then I tried to lay on my back, in order to lay again over my other arm.. and I did it but I couldn't help moving him.. to my surprise, he didn't wake up, he was facing me with opened eyes. At first I was surprised but then I remembered that elves sleep with eyes like this.. and I watched him.. well, checked him.. he looked so nice, his blue eyes lost on mines without being aware of that. I put his arm again around me. Definitely, in that new position I wouldn't sleep. I just couldn't.. it was too strange to be real.. if Legolas was the one laying there.. but.. why in that moment, I didn't care about that? Why I didn't wish Legolas to be there? Something was happening to me, and I coudn't explain that. I felt so comfortable, so..
"What are you looking at?" He said, with an ironic smile, making me jump.
"I . I thought you were sleeping.." I murmured, blushing deeply. He smiled.
"And you think that an elf would be able to sleep with all the movements and noises you're making?" I didn't know what to reply.. well, I didn't know any intelligent answer, only a stupid one.
" I had ants in my arm.. in a metaphorical way, of course" he looked astonished at me.
"You had what?"
"Forget it.. and go on sleeping" I said, changing from position again. "Good night"
"I hope.." he murmured.
I didn't want to open my eyes.. i knew it was already day, I felt the sun in my face.. but I was too comfortable to move.. yes, I had found a better place where to sleep, better than any pillow I could have found. But I was in this phase of sleep when you're not completely awake and you're not aware of things.. well, so this is how I was.. because when I opened my eyes I found myself in the less expected position. My head resting on Haldir's shoulder, his arm around my neck and the other one wrapping me.. like my free arm around his belly. I didn't want to move too fast, because if he woke up in that exact moment I would die. I moved my head, his eyes were opened but still.. so he was still.. oh, no, his eyes moved, and stared at me. We both looked at each other, waiting.. as if neither of us was able to give the first step. I blushed deeply again, and he looked confused.
"Zana.. what are you doing?" He said, slowly.
"Nothing" That was my simple answer. Suddenly I moved away from him. I stood up and walked towards my bag, picking up some drinks. I knew he was looking at me and I was expecting one of his cold remarks. But he always surprised me.
"We must eat something and go on walking. It's late" And with those words he didn't open his mouth again during breakfast. I looked at him but he was absent minded, thinking of something.. sure I had made him upset.. how could I end in that position? I had fallen asleep, obviously.. but how could I do that in my sleep? That was so embarrassing! Suddenly he looked at me.
"Zana.. " he stopped talking. My heart was beating so fast.
"What?.." I waited, and waited.
"Your heart beats too strongly and this morning woke me up. " A kind of smile on his lips.
"What do you mean?" I asked as arrogantly as I could, but it was impossible.
"When you're nervous your heart makes a loud noise that can be heard by elves"
"I'm not nervous" I said.. stupid answer, yes.. because in that moment I thought I would explode, so fast it beated. He smiled again.
"I would like to know what makes you so nervous, but I suppose you won't tell me.."
"You know what makes me nervous? Not knowing what to expect from you. If you're kind, or angry, or arrogant.. I can't live like this, I never know how will you react!" I was talking too fast.
"Because sometimes you make things that surprise me so much and I don't know how to react.. what did you expect from me this morning, after what you did?"
"Listen to me, Haldir.." I pointed at him with a piece of Lembas.. yes, as if that was a knife. But words didn't come to my mouth. He stood up and walked towards me. We stared at each other for some seconds and finally he kneeled beside me. I was totally speechless. I couldn't read in his blue eyes but I noticed a change inside them. I couldn't tell what was that.
"Control yourself the next time" he whispered , with his ironic smile. I could have killed him, yeah. He gave some steps away from me, and turned back with a worried expression in his face. "Have you eaten enough breakfast?" I nodded . He picked up his things, I did the same, wrapping myself with his warm clothes. I would have killed for a hot bath.. or a shower.. sure I looked horrible.. and this thought sounded superficial to me. As if Haldir cared about my appearance.. he compared me with dwarves..uf.
"Then we must go on, Zana" He gave me a strange look and we came inside a deep forest. I followed him, and the cold morning woke me up completely.. why did I have to choose winter for ending up in Middle Earth?
Back from university again! It's nice to see that you all still like this story! Thank you very much for all your reviews and thank you very much to the ones who included me in their favourite authors' list! I didn't expect to get more than 10 reviews with this story, and honestly I thought I would only get bad critics, so the 56 good ones I already have made me so happy! Thanks!
********************************* *****************
Did I ever think of you
As my enemy
Did you ever think of me
I'm complaining
I never tried to feel
I never tried to feel this vibration
I never tried to reach
I never tried to reach your eden
Eden - Hooverphonic
Our journey had started, yes.. and I still had inside my head the sight of Legolas giving me that cold goodbye.. and Gimli laughing about everything.. as if that was funny.. I looked around myself. The narrow path was rounded by high trees, and I heard the sound of water somewhere. The moonlight showed us the way, and we walked for more than two hours without exchanging a word. Anyway, I wasn't in the mood. But I knew myself too well, and I couldn't bear uncomfortable silences too long.. I felt sad and Haldir looked upset.. what a combination. I sighed and tried to give the first step into a kind of conversation.
"You're quiet" I said to Haldir as we walked who knows where.. he didn't look at me.
"As you are" He looked really sad, as if leading me was a big charge for him. This made me feel uncomfortable.. what if sooner or later he got so tired of me that he would leave me in the middle of nowhere? No, that wasn't possible.. elves were wonderful creatures.. I gave him one more look, and this time he stopped.
"What?" His face showed that he had lost his patience.. but.. what did I do?, I almost asked. I stopped with him.
"Nothing.. I was just wondering why do you look so.. sad, serious.. " I shrugged, and went on walking.
"And I was wondering why are you walking with a dress" I heard the sarcasm in his voice.. he was right, I had completely forgotten about changing from clothes! I took my bag and gave him a freezing look, but he just smiled in reply.
"And now, can you please leave me alone? I want to put one of your.. how do you call those Peter Pan trousers?" He looked so confused.
"Peter what?" He raised an eyebrow and turned around. " Ok, you're free to change yourself, I'm not interested on what you hide under those stupid dresses" He sat on a rock, in the middle of the path, and I went behind some bushes. Fortunately, Haldir wasn't the tallest of the elves and his clothes fitted me better than I thought. Those green trousers and the long green kind of sweater were so nice and comfortable, and with my long brown hair we looked like a pair of elves.. almost.. because it seemed that they didn't like my dark eyes, I had noticed that they looked at them with strange faces.
"Ok, lets go on walking.. no.. wait, I have to ask you something" He stood up and looked at me, sighing.
"What do you want to know now? If we plan to sleep tonight?" I was surprised.
"How did you know it?" I asked, and he smiled.
"Well, I have strange uses when it comes to travelling.. and I always choose the night, I like walking in the moonlight, the silence of the darkness.. and most of elves would have chosen morning and daylight for a start.." He looked at the sky.
"Like all normal people, I would say.. we could have slept in our beds and wake up, have a nice breakfast and then start" I complained, but like always , he didn't pay attention to me. He just looked around.
"This is a good place.. we'll camp here. Take your sleeping bag, you can put it under this big tree" He walked towards a kind of circle in the middle of trees, hidden from everything, where the only things I could see were the rays coming from moon, plants and a mysterious blue light. "The blue light is caused by the plants under the stars" He explained, reading my mind. "It's a strange phenomenon that can only be seen near from Mirkwood".
" I.. I don't have a sleeping bag.. " I showed him the small blanket and the towel. He shook his head.
"What else could I expect." He murmured.
"I heard you, elf. It's not my fault if nobody gave me one and.."
"That nobody gave you one?" he interrupted, coming close to me and taking my bag. Nothing. "But you had enough time to take the gel, shampoo and all the things you need to "fix" yourself".
"Fix myself? What do you mean?" I was becoming angry, and our voices were loud.
"That like always, you only thought about yourself, you didn't ask anybody for advice and you forgot something so important that if you fall asleep without it you'll wake up completely frozen in the morning, we're almost in winter!" He was looking at me and his blue eyes were brightening because of anger. And instinctively, I shrugged.. just a simple movement that made him even more angry. "You're impossible, Zana" And he walked back, putting his things on the ground, opening his own sleeping bag in the opposite side of the circle. He collected some wooden sticks for a fire. I sat down and took my blanket.. well, if that could be called blanket.. and he was right, I didn't ask anybody about important things and now I was frozen, shaking, and my fingers were turning into blue, like when in winter I forgot my gloves and my fingers were a mess.
Haldir made a fire and I sat near from it. Somehow I reacted.. but the thing that most disturbed me was that silence.. the place was charming, yes.. but having an angry and quiet elf for the only company wasn't the best.. it was amazing how much he disliked me, in the sense that all my mistakes had a terrible effect on him, as if I had made something a lot worse.. after all, the worst thing that could happen would be that.. yes, now I realised about my mistake.. now we had to share the sleeping bag or in the morning I would have problems. I covered my face with my hands, trying not to laugh.. it was funny, yes.. and it made me angry at the same time.
"What are you laughing at? " He asked, looking for something in his bag. He took a big box and offered me something to eat. A kind of cookies.. lembas, they called them.. or this I remembered from the book and movie..
"I'm not laughing.. " I took one. "lembas.. I was curious about the taste."
"How can you know about them?" He asked in surprise. I smiled.
"Mysteries of life" I decided to keep him curious, I wouldn't explain anything to that unkind elf. But of course, he didn't reply . He opened his sleeping bag, big enough for two persons, I noticed. I looked in another direction, trying to look indifferent. I was expecting to hear something from him like "We have to share this or else you'll die", but I waited and waited.. and he didn't open his mouth. Maybe I wouldn't die, but for sure I wouldn't be able to sleep.. I had to keep on moving to maintain the heat inside my body.. Haldir was so cruel, yes.. I started to walk.
"Zana.. if you'll be walking all night long I won't be able to sleep.. please, go away and walk somewhere else" He smiled with irony and laid again on the ground. I could have killed him in that moment.
"You know what? I'm already tired of you, of your mood changes, of.."
"Stop complaining!" he shouted.
"I'll freeze!" I shouted back. He nodded.
"yes, and we won't have to worry about your mission and I'll be able to go back home" He sat down and looked at me as I was walking back to the fire, this time closer to him.
"So this is the problem.. "I said, looking directly at his eyes. " I knew it"
"What are you talking about?" He asked, in a kinder voice.
"You hate me, right?" It was more a statement than a question. He didn't move.
"I don't hate you" he said, quickly. But I didn't believe him. I took my small blanket and covered myself, laying in the ground. I closed my eyes. I felt too sad to speak.. I missed Legolas, the palace, my bed.. everything. I heard Haldir moving, and I supposed he was putting himself comfortable inside the sleeping bag.. great.. what a selfish elf, elves weren't as sensitive to cold as humans, and he didn't want to help me. I tried to control myself, I was shaking too much.
And I felt a hand on my shoulder. Haldir kneeled beside me. He pointed his sleeping bag.
"Step inside or you'll die, Zana" he whispered, and I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't move, I didn't know what to do. After all, he had to sleep there too, it was too cold.
"But.. what about you? " I asked , trying to look innocent, although we both knew the answer.
"Try to see me like a dwarf and not like this awesome elf I am" he smiled, joking. I crawled towards the comfortable place.
"You're not awesome, Haldir" I said, trying to look convincing.. well, I liked Legolas.. right?..
"Ok, then you won't mind if I tell you that you're like a dwarf woman for me, you're nothing if I compare you with all the elf- girls I've met during my whole life and I'm sure you snore like all Gimli's girlfriends from his land" He had an evil smile and I beated on his arm.
"Stop talking or you'll be sorry" I said, and I came inside the sleeping bag, and Haldir with me.. we were too close , too close to be able to fall asleep. We had to lay over our arms, and I looked in another direction or else our faces would be separated by millimetres only. I could hear his breathing in my ears and he wrapped me with his free arm.
"I suppose you already understood that I have to sleep in this position or else we wouldn't be able to share this.." he explained, and I nodded, unable to speak. I felt his heat that made me feel so comfortable, and I hated to admit it. I wasn't cold any more. But I wasn't asleep neither.. it would be a very long night.
Minutes passed, and I couldn't say if he was awake or asleep.. he didn't move, he didn't change his breathing.. nothing.. and I had a problem.. I felt as if thousands of ants were running through my veins ,I needed to change position.. and it would be a problem indeed. I lifted his arm, and then I tried to lay on my back, in order to lay again over my other arm.. and I did it but I couldn't help moving him.. to my surprise, he didn't wake up, he was facing me with opened eyes. At first I was surprised but then I remembered that elves sleep with eyes like this.. and I watched him.. well, checked him.. he looked so nice, his blue eyes lost on mines without being aware of that. I put his arm again around me. Definitely, in that new position I wouldn't sleep. I just couldn't.. it was too strange to be real.. if Legolas was the one laying there.. but.. why in that moment, I didn't care about that? Why I didn't wish Legolas to be there? Something was happening to me, and I coudn't explain that. I felt so comfortable, so..
"What are you looking at?" He said, with an ironic smile, making me jump.
"I . I thought you were sleeping.." I murmured, blushing deeply. He smiled.
"And you think that an elf would be able to sleep with all the movements and noises you're making?" I didn't know what to reply.. well, I didn't know any intelligent answer, only a stupid one.
" I had ants in my arm.. in a metaphorical way, of course" he looked astonished at me.
"You had what?"
"Forget it.. and go on sleeping" I said, changing from position again. "Good night"
"I hope.." he murmured.
I didn't want to open my eyes.. i knew it was already day, I felt the sun in my face.. but I was too comfortable to move.. yes, I had found a better place where to sleep, better than any pillow I could have found. But I was in this phase of sleep when you're not completely awake and you're not aware of things.. well, so this is how I was.. because when I opened my eyes I found myself in the less expected position. My head resting on Haldir's shoulder, his arm around my neck and the other one wrapping me.. like my free arm around his belly. I didn't want to move too fast, because if he woke up in that exact moment I would die. I moved my head, his eyes were opened but still.. so he was still.. oh, no, his eyes moved, and stared at me. We both looked at each other, waiting.. as if neither of us was able to give the first step. I blushed deeply again, and he looked confused.
"Zana.. what are you doing?" He said, slowly.
"Nothing" That was my simple answer. Suddenly I moved away from him. I stood up and walked towards my bag, picking up some drinks. I knew he was looking at me and I was expecting one of his cold remarks. But he always surprised me.
"We must eat something and go on walking. It's late" And with those words he didn't open his mouth again during breakfast. I looked at him but he was absent minded, thinking of something.. sure I had made him upset.. how could I end in that position? I had fallen asleep, obviously.. but how could I do that in my sleep? That was so embarrassing! Suddenly he looked at me.
"Zana.. " he stopped talking. My heart was beating so fast.
"What?.." I waited, and waited.
"Your heart beats too strongly and this morning woke me up. " A kind of smile on his lips.
"What do you mean?" I asked as arrogantly as I could, but it was impossible.
"When you're nervous your heart makes a loud noise that can be heard by elves"
"I'm not nervous" I said.. stupid answer, yes.. because in that moment I thought I would explode, so fast it beated. He smiled again.
"I would like to know what makes you so nervous, but I suppose you won't tell me.."
"You know what makes me nervous? Not knowing what to expect from you. If you're kind, or angry, or arrogant.. I can't live like this, I never know how will you react!" I was talking too fast.
"Because sometimes you make things that surprise me so much and I don't know how to react.. what did you expect from me this morning, after what you did?"
"Listen to me, Haldir.." I pointed at him with a piece of Lembas.. yes, as if that was a knife. But words didn't come to my mouth. He stood up and walked towards me. We stared at each other for some seconds and finally he kneeled beside me. I was totally speechless. I couldn't read in his blue eyes but I noticed a change inside them. I couldn't tell what was that.
"Control yourself the next time" he whispered , with his ironic smile. I could have killed him, yeah. He gave some steps away from me, and turned back with a worried expression in his face. "Have you eaten enough breakfast?" I nodded . He picked up his things, I did the same, wrapping myself with his warm clothes. I would have killed for a hot bath.. or a shower.. sure I looked horrible.. and this thought sounded superficial to me. As if Haldir cared about my appearance.. he compared me with dwarves..uf.
"Then we must go on, Zana" He gave me a strange look and we came inside a deep forest. I followed him, and the cold morning woke me up completely.. why did I have to choose winter for ending up in Middle Earth?