** Disclaimer: I only own Zana. *********************
Another chapter that comes so fast! TV is so boring lately that I prefer to sit here with my music and make Zana advance a bit.. : ) Well, if you're curious.. no, Legolas didn't disappear from the story, of course! : )
Thanks for all your reviews!
*********** **************** ***************** ***************
Something that you said
Turned me from the inside out
Running threw my head
Something i have dreamed about
And i feel so real, and it feels so right
Something that you said- The Bangles
I couldn't believe that we had been walking only for one hour and that I was already so tired.. that elf was right, maybe I wasn't in my best shape.. I remembered the days I played basketball in the school team.. I wasn't the best but I exercised twice a week and I was more resistant.. now, after a lot of years, I had lost all that energy.. well, with classes, travelling by bus.. who had time to play a sport? Nobody, of course.
I was breathing strongly after climbing a small hill.. stones were wet and I was sliding and falling from time to time.. and Haldir sometimes helped me, sometimes smiled at me.. he was so agile and strong and I was sure that, after all, I would loose the bet and who knows what kind of thing I would have to make as a punishment.. maybe climbing or running for the rest of my days there.. yes, sure he would make me move, make footing every morning while they would be sleeping..
And I wondered why he was so silent.. the journey was hard itself, but that silence didn't help too much. He even didn't look at me. Strange. Well, what could I expect? I had jumped on him while I was sleeping.. but .. if elves were so sensitive and they woke up so easily.. how come he didn't wake up? Everything was so confusing and it was better not to think.. i already had spent too many hours thinking the past days.
----------- -------------- ---------------- -------------- ---------- ------
Haldir found a new difficulty on that journey.. he was afraid of looking at Zana , about her reaction.. what had happened last night made him change completely. After all, he spent the night holding a human girl next to him.. he pretended he was sleeping, he had watched her while she was lost somewhere, dreaming, resting.. and when suddenly a nightmare made her shake and he hugged her closer, until she put her face on his shoulder.. Why did he do that? Yes, he was wondering this all time. But he couldn't find a reasonable explanation. He had to admit that he liked to be near from her. And when he heard the king saying that he was the chosen one to travel with her, he was so surprised that he couldn't react.. he felt.. happy.. Haldir of Lorien happy with a human girl? He smiled at himself.. that was impossible.
Sometimes he watched at her.. she looked so tired.. the journey was too hard for a normal person who is not used to that.. she had come from a strange place where they moved using machines, between big buildings.. and he felt a bit sorry for her.. only a bit, because she was too proud to admit how she felt.. her face was pale and she had red nose because of cold temperatures.. she looked so young and .. no, no, he should stop thinking about her in that way.. she was a human! Her dark eyes looked at him , and they reminded him of the stars in the night. But something worried him, and he couldn't tell what was it.. the mission.. it would be a lot more difficult than they all had thought.
------------------ ------------------ ----------------------- ---------- ------
The wind became stronger after we crossed the forest, and I had to close my eyes for a while. Haldir was smiling.. he was so strange. Suddenly he looked back and became serious again.
"Can you walk, Zana? Or maybe you give up and we can say that I already won the bet?" His sarcastic voice gave me forces to go on.
"I feel well, and you won't ever win " I said , but I was almost breathless. He smiled.
"Look at yourself, you almost can't breath.. come on, walk here and we'll sit for some minutes" He said, taking my arm. But I refused him.
"I don't need to sit down, we can go on walking" He looked at me with sceptical gaze, his blue eyes on mines.
"Ok, we'll see if you can go on like this for more time, Zana. Don't be so proud and stupid, you need to rest"
"Oh.. and now you worry about me?" He shook his head, giving up, and went on walking. I didn't know why I was angry with him.. after all, he was showing a kind of kindness.. but I was tired and when I was like this, I was unbearable.
Some metres away there was a high cliff, something shocking.. the green grass, the rocks, everything ended in a narrow path. From the edge everything could be seen.. all the wonderful landscape of Middle Earth. Haldir stood there for a moment, watching that amazing view. He looked back.
"Come here, you must see it" He said. But he was too close to the edge, and I felt something in my stomach.. I wasn't afraid of high places, but that was too high for me. I shook my head, wrapping myself in those big clothes. The clouds in the sky moved with the wind, and in the distance I saw a lightening. Haldir walked towards me and gave me his hand. "I won't let you fall" His smile was suspicious. Well, or this I thought in that moment.. I knew that an elf would never let that happen.
"How can I know that you won't let me fall?" I asked, joking, trying to watch over his shoulder, in the distance. He took my hand in reply and we walked to the edge.
"Because if you fall, I'll fall with you" I looked at him, but he was staring at the sky. Yes, he was always absent minded. But with my hand in his hands I felt more self confident, and I looked down.. I had never seen a place like this before.. it was so high that it seemed we were inside a plane.
"Wow.. and I thought I was completely safe inside those machines.." I murmured, remembering all my journeys I had made. Crossing the Alps in a small Boeing in the middle of a storm like last summer seemed nothing in comparison with that.
"You always talk about strange things" He looked at me, but I didn't explain anything. I knew that he wouldn't listen to me although I did it. And I didn't realise I was holding his hand so tightly , probably deep inside me I was afraid of falling. He looked down and smiled. " I see you don't trust me enough.. well, well.. this is not a good sign, after all, you're lost in the middle of nowhere with an elf, someone you think that would let you fall from this cliff.. how would you protect yourself form someone so horrible like me?" he was always with that irony..
" I know you would never let me fall, Galadriel would kill you" I smiled and walked back to a safer place.. but he kept my hand in his, and when I looked back he was upset, sad.. I didn't know how to describe that expression.
"You don't believe that elves are the most perfect beings of Middle Earth, right? " he was asking that seriously. Perfects? He was so arrogant. "You really think that I would hurt you? Or kill you? " He came close to me and there was pain in his gaze. I was a bit ashamed of myself.. after all, in the Earth we were more used to jokes and double- sensed phrases.. because I had to admit that humans were worst beings than them..
"I'm sorry" I murmured. " I was only joking" We stared at each other until he left my hand and went on walking. During one hour he didn't open his mouth again. But that time would be different, because I asked the question he less expected for sure.
"Haldir.. what about your.. eh.. elf-girl? " He watched at me so surprised.
"What ?" He was upset.. or shocked.. well, obviously he didn't react very well. But it was too late and I had to go on asking.
"I asked you about your girlfriend." He still looked confused. "You know.. like the Arwen for every Aragorn" I smiled, trying to make that situation less uncomfortable. But he moved his hand in the air.
"I know what you're asking me, Zana. But I can't believe that you asked it" He said, with a sharp voice.
"Why is it so bad? It's just a common question.." I said, and he stopped walking, near from the edge of the cliff, because we were still walking down to the valley. I looked down and saw the height, and something inside my head started to spin. Haldir didn't notice it. He was angry.
"Haldir.. I'm feeling dizzy.." I whispered. And it was true.. but he went on talking.
"The heart of an elf is so private and when we decide to give it, it's forever, you know? So we don't have old girlfriends, like humans.. once we find the elf girl we never leave her" His words were so nice, yes, but I felt as if I was going to faint.it was so strange, I was resistant to those things.. but it seemed I was too nervous.
"Haldir, please.."
"What?" And I saw the ground moving and moving.. he looked at me worried, and fortunately I didn't faint, I just fell on my knees.
"Zana!" he held my arm and helped me to stand up. He was really worried. "You almost fainted, you could have fallen!" He shouted, nervous, checking if I was ok.
"I know, it's because of height.." I closed my eyes, but feeling a bit better.. "If I had a Coke here I would be the happiest girl in the world.. Coke always helps me, you know? " I asked him but of course, he was confused. I smiled. He didn't stop looking at me. "I just need some sugar.. it's because I walked too much and.." I stopped talking.. I had admitted it.. too much exercise for me.
"I told you that you needed to rest" He said, and looked for a stone where to sit. It was big enough for both of us. I drank some of that sweet juice I had in a bottle, and felt a lot better. Inside me, because I was wondering about my appearance.. sure I was a mess.. I laughed, thinking of my behaviour on Earth.. when it was rainy and windy outside I was worried about hair, about everything.. yes, sometimes I was so stupid.. and now I was sitting there, without mirrors, without anything.. not even water or toilets or showers.. and the thing that most surprised me was that Haldir looked perfect.. yes, elves were perfect after all..
"Why are you laughing?" He asked me, looking over his shoulder. But he looked kind..
"Nothing.. I was remembering some stupid things from Earth.. " I went on smiling.
"Tell me about your home" I looked at him surprised. He was interested on my past life, amazing.. more lightenings came and a cold wind with them.. but I always had liked storms.. I found them fascinating. "What?" He said " You're surprised that I want to know a bit more about the girl who is crossing half of Middle Earth with me? "
"Well, what do you want to know? I already made you a too personal question that made you so angry.. so you have my permission to ask what you want" I hoped he would be kind.. but I was wrong.
"Ok.. I return you the question" His blue eyes smiled with an evil bright. I knew it.
"Yes.. well, I had a boyfriend on Earth" He was looking at me but I wasn't able to do the same, because I was afraid of the end of that speech.. usually when I started talking about feelings I always got a bit lost.. " He lived in another country.well, place, if you understand it better.. and I thought I loved him so much"
"You "thought"? " He asked, with curiosity.. "How can you not know it?"
"Because one day your life changes so much and you realise that you didn't think of him for the past four days and.." I stopped, because I was talking too much. He was still staring at me.
"And?" He was insisting.. and he was sitting too close to me again.
"And I suppose that if you can forget about someone so easily, it's because you didn't love him at all.. I was confused and I discovered that there was no love between us." I shut up and looked at the sky.
"Zana.." I was afraid of watching at him. "How did you discover that you didn't love him?" His voice had changed.. it sounded deep and.. sweet.. I took a deep breath.
"Because I know it" This didn't sound convincing, and he repeated the question, half smiling. I smiled too.. all the sadness was almost gone.
"If you go on insisting like this I won't tell you anything else" But he became serious.
"It's Legolas, right? " He finally had said that.. why? I blushed deeply, and he noticed it because he smiled.
"What do you mean?" I felt so embarrassed, and he sighed.
"You know what I mean, because you're not stupid" He whispered.
"So now I'm intelligent? But you had the worst idea about me, and now you say something good! I'm surprised" I tried to make a joke out of that, but he was talking seriously.
"Zana, why don't you want to admit it? You love him, it's obvious" I stood up, feeling bad.. but feeling bad because I couldn't admit that.. it wasn't true.. in that moment Legolas wasn't inside my head and I was so sure about that. Haldir looked at me as I started to walk around the place.
"Haldir, I can't admit something that it's not true.. I don't know if you'll believe me or not.. but I promise you that right now in this moment is not Legolas the one who is inside my head" I realised about what I had just said.. no, no! that sounded almost like a confession! Haldir frowned, and I tried to fix the situation. "I mean, you know.. he's not inside my head because nobody is inside my head! " I tried to look indifferent, and started to play with a small flower I had taken from the ground. But Haldir was quiet. "Ok, Haldir.. I don't know what did you understand from this conversation, but.."
"You're too complicated , you know?" He interrupted me, standing up too. But there was something different in his eyes again. "Lets go on walking.. we already rested enough time" He turned around and followed a path. I hoped that soon we would be in the valley, near from a river that could be seen from there.. and although it was so cold that it seemed that snow was coming, I was wishing to take a kind of bath..
"How deep is that river? Do you think I could come inside?" I asked, trying to make a new conversation.
"That river is deep enough to take a bath, if this is what you're asking.. but you're crazy if you plan to swim with this temperature" He looked at me with surprised eyes.
"Well.. I think I need all those wonderful elvish products that keep humans clean for three or four days.." I said, and he smiled.
"You took a bath yesterday so the effect of those products still will last for some more time" He was right.. but what if we didn't find a river again? He read my mind, of course. "Don't worry, there's a nice small lake in our way, and in two days you'll be able to do there all what you want. Now, walk with me and don't talk too much or you'll get tired"
"Just one more question, Haldir" He stopped and watched at me. The path was so narrow that we were so close. "Why are you smiling all time? Maybe you don't realise but you have a kind of smile in your lips since we left the top of the hill"
"Maybe because of something that you said.." He said, with mysterious voice. Giving me a last look before going on walking, he smiled kindly. Ahh.. those elves and their mysteries..
Another chapter that comes so fast! TV is so boring lately that I prefer to sit here with my music and make Zana advance a bit.. : ) Well, if you're curious.. no, Legolas didn't disappear from the story, of course! : )
Thanks for all your reviews!
*********** **************** ***************** ***************
Something that you said
Turned me from the inside out
Running threw my head
Something i have dreamed about
And i feel so real, and it feels so right
Something that you said- The Bangles
I couldn't believe that we had been walking only for one hour and that I was already so tired.. that elf was right, maybe I wasn't in my best shape.. I remembered the days I played basketball in the school team.. I wasn't the best but I exercised twice a week and I was more resistant.. now, after a lot of years, I had lost all that energy.. well, with classes, travelling by bus.. who had time to play a sport? Nobody, of course.
I was breathing strongly after climbing a small hill.. stones were wet and I was sliding and falling from time to time.. and Haldir sometimes helped me, sometimes smiled at me.. he was so agile and strong and I was sure that, after all, I would loose the bet and who knows what kind of thing I would have to make as a punishment.. maybe climbing or running for the rest of my days there.. yes, sure he would make me move, make footing every morning while they would be sleeping..
And I wondered why he was so silent.. the journey was hard itself, but that silence didn't help too much. He even didn't look at me. Strange. Well, what could I expect? I had jumped on him while I was sleeping.. but .. if elves were so sensitive and they woke up so easily.. how come he didn't wake up? Everything was so confusing and it was better not to think.. i already had spent too many hours thinking the past days.
----------- -------------- ---------------- -------------- ---------- ------
Haldir found a new difficulty on that journey.. he was afraid of looking at Zana , about her reaction.. what had happened last night made him change completely. After all, he spent the night holding a human girl next to him.. he pretended he was sleeping, he had watched her while she was lost somewhere, dreaming, resting.. and when suddenly a nightmare made her shake and he hugged her closer, until she put her face on his shoulder.. Why did he do that? Yes, he was wondering this all time. But he couldn't find a reasonable explanation. He had to admit that he liked to be near from her. And when he heard the king saying that he was the chosen one to travel with her, he was so surprised that he couldn't react.. he felt.. happy.. Haldir of Lorien happy with a human girl? He smiled at himself.. that was impossible.
Sometimes he watched at her.. she looked so tired.. the journey was too hard for a normal person who is not used to that.. she had come from a strange place where they moved using machines, between big buildings.. and he felt a bit sorry for her.. only a bit, because she was too proud to admit how she felt.. her face was pale and she had red nose because of cold temperatures.. she looked so young and .. no, no, he should stop thinking about her in that way.. she was a human! Her dark eyes looked at him , and they reminded him of the stars in the night. But something worried him, and he couldn't tell what was it.. the mission.. it would be a lot more difficult than they all had thought.
------------------ ------------------ ----------------------- ---------- ------
The wind became stronger after we crossed the forest, and I had to close my eyes for a while. Haldir was smiling.. he was so strange. Suddenly he looked back and became serious again.
"Can you walk, Zana? Or maybe you give up and we can say that I already won the bet?" His sarcastic voice gave me forces to go on.
"I feel well, and you won't ever win " I said , but I was almost breathless. He smiled.
"Look at yourself, you almost can't breath.. come on, walk here and we'll sit for some minutes" He said, taking my arm. But I refused him.
"I don't need to sit down, we can go on walking" He looked at me with sceptical gaze, his blue eyes on mines.
"Ok, we'll see if you can go on like this for more time, Zana. Don't be so proud and stupid, you need to rest"
"Oh.. and now you worry about me?" He shook his head, giving up, and went on walking. I didn't know why I was angry with him.. after all, he was showing a kind of kindness.. but I was tired and when I was like this, I was unbearable.
Some metres away there was a high cliff, something shocking.. the green grass, the rocks, everything ended in a narrow path. From the edge everything could be seen.. all the wonderful landscape of Middle Earth. Haldir stood there for a moment, watching that amazing view. He looked back.
"Come here, you must see it" He said. But he was too close to the edge, and I felt something in my stomach.. I wasn't afraid of high places, but that was too high for me. I shook my head, wrapping myself in those big clothes. The clouds in the sky moved with the wind, and in the distance I saw a lightening. Haldir walked towards me and gave me his hand. "I won't let you fall" His smile was suspicious. Well, or this I thought in that moment.. I knew that an elf would never let that happen.
"How can I know that you won't let me fall?" I asked, joking, trying to watch over his shoulder, in the distance. He took my hand in reply and we walked to the edge.
"Because if you fall, I'll fall with you" I looked at him, but he was staring at the sky. Yes, he was always absent minded. But with my hand in his hands I felt more self confident, and I looked down.. I had never seen a place like this before.. it was so high that it seemed we were inside a plane.
"Wow.. and I thought I was completely safe inside those machines.." I murmured, remembering all my journeys I had made. Crossing the Alps in a small Boeing in the middle of a storm like last summer seemed nothing in comparison with that.
"You always talk about strange things" He looked at me, but I didn't explain anything. I knew that he wouldn't listen to me although I did it. And I didn't realise I was holding his hand so tightly , probably deep inside me I was afraid of falling. He looked down and smiled. " I see you don't trust me enough.. well, well.. this is not a good sign, after all, you're lost in the middle of nowhere with an elf, someone you think that would let you fall from this cliff.. how would you protect yourself form someone so horrible like me?" he was always with that irony..
" I know you would never let me fall, Galadriel would kill you" I smiled and walked back to a safer place.. but he kept my hand in his, and when I looked back he was upset, sad.. I didn't know how to describe that expression.
"You don't believe that elves are the most perfect beings of Middle Earth, right? " he was asking that seriously. Perfects? He was so arrogant. "You really think that I would hurt you? Or kill you? " He came close to me and there was pain in his gaze. I was a bit ashamed of myself.. after all, in the Earth we were more used to jokes and double- sensed phrases.. because I had to admit that humans were worst beings than them..
"I'm sorry" I murmured. " I was only joking" We stared at each other until he left my hand and went on walking. During one hour he didn't open his mouth again. But that time would be different, because I asked the question he less expected for sure.
"Haldir.. what about your.. eh.. elf-girl? " He watched at me so surprised.
"What ?" He was upset.. or shocked.. well, obviously he didn't react very well. But it was too late and I had to go on asking.
"I asked you about your girlfriend." He still looked confused. "You know.. like the Arwen for every Aragorn" I smiled, trying to make that situation less uncomfortable. But he moved his hand in the air.
"I know what you're asking me, Zana. But I can't believe that you asked it" He said, with a sharp voice.
"Why is it so bad? It's just a common question.." I said, and he stopped walking, near from the edge of the cliff, because we were still walking down to the valley. I looked down and saw the height, and something inside my head started to spin. Haldir didn't notice it. He was angry.
"Haldir.. I'm feeling dizzy.." I whispered. And it was true.. but he went on talking.
"The heart of an elf is so private and when we decide to give it, it's forever, you know? So we don't have old girlfriends, like humans.. once we find the elf girl we never leave her" His words were so nice, yes, but I felt as if I was going to faint.it was so strange, I was resistant to those things.. but it seemed I was too nervous.
"Haldir, please.."
"What?" And I saw the ground moving and moving.. he looked at me worried, and fortunately I didn't faint, I just fell on my knees.
"Zana!" he held my arm and helped me to stand up. He was really worried. "You almost fainted, you could have fallen!" He shouted, nervous, checking if I was ok.
"I know, it's because of height.." I closed my eyes, but feeling a bit better.. "If I had a Coke here I would be the happiest girl in the world.. Coke always helps me, you know? " I asked him but of course, he was confused. I smiled. He didn't stop looking at me. "I just need some sugar.. it's because I walked too much and.." I stopped talking.. I had admitted it.. too much exercise for me.
"I told you that you needed to rest" He said, and looked for a stone where to sit. It was big enough for both of us. I drank some of that sweet juice I had in a bottle, and felt a lot better. Inside me, because I was wondering about my appearance.. sure I was a mess.. I laughed, thinking of my behaviour on Earth.. when it was rainy and windy outside I was worried about hair, about everything.. yes, sometimes I was so stupid.. and now I was sitting there, without mirrors, without anything.. not even water or toilets or showers.. and the thing that most surprised me was that Haldir looked perfect.. yes, elves were perfect after all..
"Why are you laughing?" He asked me, looking over his shoulder. But he looked kind..
"Nothing.. I was remembering some stupid things from Earth.. " I went on smiling.
"Tell me about your home" I looked at him surprised. He was interested on my past life, amazing.. more lightenings came and a cold wind with them.. but I always had liked storms.. I found them fascinating. "What?" He said " You're surprised that I want to know a bit more about the girl who is crossing half of Middle Earth with me? "
"Well, what do you want to know? I already made you a too personal question that made you so angry.. so you have my permission to ask what you want" I hoped he would be kind.. but I was wrong.
"Ok.. I return you the question" His blue eyes smiled with an evil bright. I knew it.
"Yes.. well, I had a boyfriend on Earth" He was looking at me but I wasn't able to do the same, because I was afraid of the end of that speech.. usually when I started talking about feelings I always got a bit lost.. " He lived in another country.well, place, if you understand it better.. and I thought I loved him so much"
"You "thought"? " He asked, with curiosity.. "How can you not know it?"
"Because one day your life changes so much and you realise that you didn't think of him for the past four days and.." I stopped, because I was talking too much. He was still staring at me.
"And?" He was insisting.. and he was sitting too close to me again.
"And I suppose that if you can forget about someone so easily, it's because you didn't love him at all.. I was confused and I discovered that there was no love between us." I shut up and looked at the sky.
"Zana.." I was afraid of watching at him. "How did you discover that you didn't love him?" His voice had changed.. it sounded deep and.. sweet.. I took a deep breath.
"Because I know it" This didn't sound convincing, and he repeated the question, half smiling. I smiled too.. all the sadness was almost gone.
"If you go on insisting like this I won't tell you anything else" But he became serious.
"It's Legolas, right? " He finally had said that.. why? I blushed deeply, and he noticed it because he smiled.
"What do you mean?" I felt so embarrassed, and he sighed.
"You know what I mean, because you're not stupid" He whispered.
"So now I'm intelligent? But you had the worst idea about me, and now you say something good! I'm surprised" I tried to make a joke out of that, but he was talking seriously.
"Zana, why don't you want to admit it? You love him, it's obvious" I stood up, feeling bad.. but feeling bad because I couldn't admit that.. it wasn't true.. in that moment Legolas wasn't inside my head and I was so sure about that. Haldir looked at me as I started to walk around the place.
"Haldir, I can't admit something that it's not true.. I don't know if you'll believe me or not.. but I promise you that right now in this moment is not Legolas the one who is inside my head" I realised about what I had just said.. no, no! that sounded almost like a confession! Haldir frowned, and I tried to fix the situation. "I mean, you know.. he's not inside my head because nobody is inside my head! " I tried to look indifferent, and started to play with a small flower I had taken from the ground. But Haldir was quiet. "Ok, Haldir.. I don't know what did you understand from this conversation, but.."
"You're too complicated , you know?" He interrupted me, standing up too. But there was something different in his eyes again. "Lets go on walking.. we already rested enough time" He turned around and followed a path. I hoped that soon we would be in the valley, near from a river that could be seen from there.. and although it was so cold that it seemed that snow was coming, I was wishing to take a kind of bath..
"How deep is that river? Do you think I could come inside?" I asked, trying to make a new conversation.
"That river is deep enough to take a bath, if this is what you're asking.. but you're crazy if you plan to swim with this temperature" He looked at me with surprised eyes.
"Well.. I think I need all those wonderful elvish products that keep humans clean for three or four days.." I said, and he smiled.
"You took a bath yesterday so the effect of those products still will last for some more time" He was right.. but what if we didn't find a river again? He read my mind, of course. "Don't worry, there's a nice small lake in our way, and in two days you'll be able to do there all what you want. Now, walk with me and don't talk too much or you'll get tired"
"Just one more question, Haldir" He stopped and watched at me. The path was so narrow that we were so close. "Why are you smiling all time? Maybe you don't realise but you have a kind of smile in your lips since we left the top of the hill"
"Maybe because of something that you said.." He said, with mysterious voice. Giving me a last look before going on walking, he smiled kindly. Ahh.. those elves and their mysteries..