Elizabeth Anne Summers- Buffy,
How you and I ever made it this far was a miracle, to lose you like that was a tragedy, and the aftermath of it all is total chaos. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be the watcher (or ex-watcher, as Quentin Travers decided) of the longest living slayer in the history of slayer lineage. It only amazes me, that such a brash, and almost uncontrollable young woman as you were could turn into such an amazing woman, as you had become. I am most amazed at your talents, your willingness to fight for another, and your ability to balance a relatively normal life with that of the chosen one. You are like my own daughter Buffy, and that is how I will always think of you.
Your death was quite a devastating event. The rest of the 'Scoobies' as you called them, and I cried for days on end. It was as though we had all lost part of ourselves when we lost you Buffy. You are, and will be forever, greatly missed. I look back now and wonder if there was something different I could have possibly taught you about the Cleveland hellmouth that would have aided in keeping you alive. It haunts me to know that you are actually gone from us, and will not be returning. I kept Willow from ruining herself once again to attempt to bring you back to life after we found your body. It wasn't fair to you to pull you out of heaven again. You have done enough for many lifetimes Buffy, it was finally time for you to take a rest out of the routine.
I have never worked with a slayer so unwilling to cooperate. After meeting you I was sure you were doomed to not make it past your 18th birthday. Did you ever prove me wrong. There was always something about you, a fire inside that I had never seen in the slayers before you. They all seemed dull and robotic, going through the motions with no passion. I believe actually allowing you to live a semi-normal life brought that glow to you, it let you have something to fight for. I'm am very proud of you Buffy, you fought you're hardest all the time, and you never truly gave up on anyone or anything. You are, and always will be Buffy Summers.
You are like a daughter to me. I taught you things you'd never learned to deal with before, I aided in raising you, even in your mother's disapproving eye, I still helped. I wished I could have a daughter like you, you brought me to my senses when I made stupid decisions, and kept me alive through all of this. You should be proud of what you accomplished, what differences you made in the world, and be proud of how many times you saved the world, even if I didn't think you would be able to do it. I can only hope you thought of my like a father figure and not just like a watcher, because you were not just a slayer to me, but a daughter. I know I have said that many times, and it is getting repetitive, but it is the truth Buffy, I love you like I would love my own.
Losing you was not like losing any slayer before you. Even in my Ripper days people died, but I never felt an uncontrollable loss. I never felt as though my heart had been ripped out and trampled on. Losing you Buffy was like tearing off one of my own limbs and sacrificing it to a O'halakin demon. Look at me, even bringing demons into this which I thought to write, and wanted to keep it demon free.
You always brought a smile to my face. Even though I never showed it, when you would make fun of me for wiping down my glasses when I got nervous, I smiled. When you poked fun at me for wearing tweed and my musty old book collection, I still had to smile. You did it in such a way that one could do nothing but smile. You were the ever glowing light in my life, which has now died.
I got rid of all of my musty books and tweed jackets. They all got shipped off to the next watcher in line. I couldn't bear to keep them around when they would be no use to me and reminded me daily of you. I think the rest of the people in the house were quite glad too, they smelled quite old. It makes me free to do other things with my life, but I believe for now I'm going to reside in this house, helping to pay the bills and keep the place relatively tidy. We had suggested we all split up and Willow take Dawn, but Dawn was not happy with that suggestion, and I believe it would have been extremely difficult on Willow. She herself seems to be doing alright, as does Dawn. Dawn has been doing exceptionally well with school given the circumstances, and I believe will graduate with some kind of honors. Although, like you, she worries about boys and clothes and all of the high school things you were quite enamored with. Xander has been alright, he and Dawn attempt to cook dinner together, a very solemn time, which usually doesn't turn out to wonderful and we order pizza. He tries, but I don't think he realizes that time is what people need here. The humans, I believe have been doing better than your fiancé. Although I did not totally approve of your choice to marry Spike, it was what you wanted so I went along with it. He has been sitting in the basement, crying for hours on end. He goes out at dusk and comes back before the sun rises, sometimes asking if you've come home yet. The poor vampire has gone almost a little delirious. He is all disheveled and for a week or so, would not eat a thing. Nothing has depressed me more than to see him wander through the house looking for you. Sometimes he goes up to your room and locks the door. Disturbing him would be inappropriate, but we hear him talk to you, and cry more. We removed all the pictures of you from the walls, as to help keep him somewhat sane. I've discovered he also goes out late at night and sits by your grave, protecting you, and waiting for you to come out of the ground. He misses you more than I can imagine Buffy. We all do, it's been so very hard on all of us.
I send with this letter, a poem I found, written by another slayer, from the early 1700's. It was in one of the watcher's journals I was flipping through and thought it to be beautiful. It describes you perfectly Buffy.
She was made to shine in the sun
Hair flowing, a tribute to beauty
But she lives in the darkness
Beauty being blinded by evil
Ever cowering under her hand
A stake, a cross, and water from the church
She never falters, never fails
Coming through to yet again
Save the unknowing world
What she does, not another soul knows
Nor do they understand
The pain, the loneliness, or the gift
Her gift, their death
A painful combination
A beauty hidden, something never seen
Always because she is fighting for another
She never falters, never fails
Quick hands, quick feet make her prevail
Until the final conquest she takes
Alone in the beginning
Alone in the end
Alone as in her final battle, she breaks.
Your watcher, your friend, your father,
Rupert Giles
A/N- poem by yours truly. J it's mine!