** Disclaimer: I only own Zana******************
Back from university!
Thank you very much for your reviews! Finally I got the 100th! : ) And also for your information on Haldir.. I was so glad to read that there were two Haldirs and "mine" was the single one : ) Now my story makes more sense and nobody else will be offended. And thank you very much for all the kind words that some of you said about me, encouraging and so on.. really, thank you!
********** ******** ************* ************ ***********
Find me here
speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
I find peace again
- Everything- Lifehouse
At that point I needed to think, laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I decided to be logical and make a schema inside my head. I would be alone for the whole night and there were too many things to understand. The first one about Gandalf's words, some time ago.. Middle Earth had disappeared and the Big Bang brought a new world.. but.. why did that happen? How could a world full of magic stop existing? And if all of them were reincarnated again, then the habitants of Middle Earth were still over the Earth but inside another bodies.. even myself.. so millions of years ago I had belonged to some place there.. that was confusing.
Gandalf had also mentioned something about elves who had died of broken hearts.. did he say two of them? I couldn't remember.. but that was strange and I really wanted to discover what was inside those words. I wanted to know how could I stop that disaster, and, at the same time, I was wondering if it would be the correct decision considering that all my own world would change because of me and I would be responsible of everything.. but.. if I was sent there was because they expected it from me.. too much responsibility for a simple girl like me. And I couldn't tell what would happen if Middle Earth and the current Earth coexisted.. all our crazy world with wars, famous people and illnesses mixed with elves, dwarves and magicians? No, I couldn't imagine an elf going to the cinema or a dwarf fighting for the UN.. yes, Gimli saying "I'm sorry, Colin Powel, but I disagree with your decision.."
I sat up and looked through the balcony's door. I wondered if Galadriel would accept meeting me in that moment, I couldn't wait more and I needed to get some advises. But, at the same time, I was too shy to wake her up and the whole palace too.. my only option was to wait until the morning and that would kill my nerves. Soon my head started working again.. but the thoughts were a bit different.. I had an internal confusion, as I used to call the mess inside me. What had happened since I left Mirkwood ? All my feelings had changed in a strange way.. I remembered the first day I ended up in Middle Earth.. when I had seen Legolas and I became even more crazy about him.. then, when I met Haldir in the halls and how I hated him in that moment.. the dance, the drinks.. I blushed remembering all the things I had said to both of them and I realised that I had acted stupidly. I acted like a stupid girl in a stupid party , instead of trying to do my best to adapt myself to that place and make good friends, real friends.. suddenly I was so sorry about everything I had done since I had arrived.. I wanted to change myself, and the opinion that most of them would have about me.
I missed Gandalf and his advices. He was the only one who really understood my position and now he had left me alone.. he wanted me to take my own decisions, and that was scary and, at the same time, it made me feel good.. this meant that he trusted me and he knew I would follow the correct path. But if I wanted to choose one, I would need some help.. I couldn't take a decision based on nothing. And if Galadriel couldn't help me, then I would have a big problem. I didn't know where to go, what to do, I felt alone and lost. But something told me that things would go on in the way they should.
A knock on my door. My heart started beating fast and I stepped outside the bed, walking slowly.
"Yes?.." I asked, waiting for an answer, and the voice on the other side sounded so familiar to me.
"Zana, it's me. I think we have to talk about.. well, we have to talk now" Haldir opened the door and looked inside. He smiled. "Please, can you walk with me?"
"Where?" I asked, but he just gave me my shoes and a blanket to cover myself.
"The night is cold" He explained, and took my arm , leading me to the halls.
"What happened? You're scaring me.." He didn't reply and we walked outside, among the trees and the houses on them. A blue light filled everything and I couldn't help watching each and every detail in front of me. After some minutes in silence we reached an open place, under the moonlight, with a very big lake, completely different from Mirkwood ones. More magical, more.. I just couldn't describe it.
"Sit with me, Zana " He said, firmly , and we both sat on the edge of the path, over the water. The grass was so comfortable, as if it was made with a special plant. But soon my attention moved to another place, because Haldir was staring at me, with a very serious gaze. I became nervous.
"What a nice night.." I commented, without knowing what to say or what to do. His blue eyes still on me.
"Stop with this, Zana" I looked at him, so confused. "All this time you've been hiding and now I won't allow you to go on like this. You're driving me crazy and.." He stopped, as if he needed to think for a while. I breathed, because for a moment I kept myself completely still, afraid of him. I managed to say some words.
"What do you mean?" My voice was shaking, and when he looked at me again I felt so small.
"I want to know, now, what is inside your head. I want to know what do you think about everything and, specially, about me"
"What?" I blinked, and he turned a bit, facing me. Yes, he looked so decided that I felt even more scared. He wouldn't give up easily.
"Zana.. I've been thinking during all the journey, thinking about myself and all the changes I've experienced. Since I met you I'm a different elf and I don't recognise myself" He took a deep breath. Some moments of silence. "You won't say anything?" He asked, half smiling.
"I can't say anything because I don't understand what do you mean.." In some way I wished that he wasn't talking about what I thought he was talking about. He smiled now, moving his head.
"See? You're hiding again. But I promised myself that after this night things would be different for both of us.. better or worse, I can't tell.. but at least I have to know, stop doubting, thinking or wondering.. I want clear things in order to go on with my normal life.. or at least, I want to be the Haldir I've always been."
"What do you want to know..? " I asked in a whisper, so nervous I was.
"You know" He said, convinced.
"No, I don't , Haldir. I'm confused" I only wanted to escape, stand up and escape running. He took my hand, noticing that I was about to leave.
"Don't move from here" His eyes fixed on my face. I was shocked and without capacity of reaction. If an orc would have appeared and sure I would have said hello to him instead of running away. "Remember the dance? "He asked, and I nodded, thinking of the past hour when I was so ashamed of my acts on that day. His hand still holding mine. "Remember when Legolas left us alone?" When I heard Legolas name I felt strange.. because I wanted to feel something about that name.. and nothing came. I only saw Haldir and that was irritating.
"You want me to apologise again, right?" I said, trying to stand up, but he forced me to stay there.
"No". A simple no from him. Stressing.. what the hell did he want from me?
"Then.. what's wrong? Why did you bring me here? Why did you wake me up?" And he just smiled, and then stood up, lifting my hand and I followed him. We were so close, but this time I didn't feel uncomfortable. We were looking at each other in silence, as if we could stay like this forever. Maybe it was the place, the magic, the night or the moonlight.. maybe Galadriel put a spell on me, I didn't know.. but when Haldir put one of his arms around my waist I didn't move or say anything. His other hand on my neck.
"Zana.. I want to test something and this time for real.." He smiled, and I remembered the last time I had heard those words and what had almost happened. But that time Gimli wasn't there to spoil anything.
"I don't understand anything" I lied, blushing and feeling so nervous.
"Yes, you do, because you're not stopping me" He whispered. He was right, but I just couldn't stop him.. why??
"I'm stopping you.." But he laughed lightly, as if that was a joke.
"You're impossible.. but.. you managed to catch one of the most important elvish hearts of Lorien" He said, and I really blushed deeply.. did I hear that? Was that real?
"I didn't catch anything.. you're crazy, you know? What are you talking about?" But he didn't reply, he just came closer and kissed me. Yes, he was kissing me!! How come did I allow that? What was happening? His arms wrapped me and to my big surprise, I did the same. My body didn't obey my brain and that made me angry.. but I couldn't be angry too many time because I found myself kissing him back. I felt him so close and his lips on mines made me feel so different.. all the times I had thought I was in love with my boyfriend, I was wrong.. because never before I had felt like this. After what it seemed a century we stared at each other, in silence. And suddenly a thunder, a lightening, and a big noise.. like a storm coming.. we looked at the sky, surprised, because there weren't clouds above us.. and I heard a voice inside my head.. the voice of Gandalf..
"Zana.. half of your mission is done.. go on, look for the second part.." But I didn't understand anything.. what did he mean with that? Why that thunder? But I felt Haldir's hand again on my face, he made me look at him and he kissed me once more, while he touched my cheek and then my neck. After some seconds his lips got separated from mines, and he smiled.
"And now.. what?" I whispered. When he opened his mouth to go on speaking, my heart froze with the voice I heard instead of his.
"Haldir, Zana.." We both turned around and met Legolas and Gimli. I almost fainted, unable to understand anything, I was so shocked, so so shocked.. what was Legolas doing there? Was he following us?
"What does this mean?" I asked, now angry. "What are you both doing here? "
"I followed you because I was worried about you" Legolas whispered, and there was pain in his eyes.. he looked shocked and upset, amazed and sad.. something inside me changed again and this time it was too strong to stay there. Confusion was too big and it hurt me. When I looked at Haldir I saw the same pain on his eyes.. he had just read my mind and I hated that.. I felt the tears in my eyes and I ran away before they came out.
-------- ---------- ------------ ------------ --------- --------------
------------
Legolas looked at Haldir with cold eyes. Gimli was trying not to laugh, but soon he understood that the situation was too tense to make something stupid, and he opted for sitting and watching the stars, without any comment.
"So finally you did it, Haldir" Legolas almost couldn't speak.
"Legolas, don't talk to me as if I had done something bad.. you would have done the same, if I'm right, because you followed us since the day we left.. did you think you could play a trick on me? Come on, my friend.. I'm Haldir, not any common elf.. "Legolas got so angry with that comment and tried to control himself.
"I followed you because I knew something would happen!" He pointed at him with his finger.
"And what happened? That I like Zana? Is it a crime? I don't think so! " Haldir shouted, and Legolas took a deep breath. They heard Gimli singing, as if nothing happened, and somehow the tension disappeared. Legolas walked towards Haldir, he looked ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Haldir.. I don't know what happened to me, I never had a reaction like this before.. I suppose it's too much for me because.. well, because I thought I felt something about her too.. but I realised now that my heart is empty and from now on, I'll stay away from her". Gimli laughed out loud, and Haldir didn't believe a word.
"Sure! And I believe you!" The dwarf stood up and looked at the elves. "You both should be ashamed of yourselves. You both played with Zana's feelings and now she's confused. And now you're arguing and loosing your friendship.. come one, she's just a girl! "With those words Haldir became angry.
"She's not just a girl, Gimli" Even Legolas was surprised with his reaction.
"Haldir.. we should go to bed or we'll wake up the whole Lorien. And it would be too embarrassing for all of us.." Legolas whispered, feeling hurt and disappointed.. things had turned into something unexpected and complicated.. he wished Gandalf was there. The three friends left the lake, in silence. And Galadriel saw them from the place where she was watching everything.
"This situation needs to be solved, Gandalf" She whispered, and the magician followed her.
"Yes.. who could have expected that Legolas was following them? " He sighed. "It's the first time I see elves acting like humans.. "He shook his head while he started walking. They both went back home.
Back from university!
Thank you very much for your reviews! Finally I got the 100th! : ) And also for your information on Haldir.. I was so glad to read that there were two Haldirs and "mine" was the single one : ) Now my story makes more sense and nobody else will be offended. And thank you very much for all the kind words that some of you said about me, encouraging and so on.. really, thank you!
********** ******** ************* ************ ***********
Find me here
speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
I find peace again
- Everything- Lifehouse
At that point I needed to think, laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I decided to be logical and make a schema inside my head. I would be alone for the whole night and there were too many things to understand. The first one about Gandalf's words, some time ago.. Middle Earth had disappeared and the Big Bang brought a new world.. but.. why did that happen? How could a world full of magic stop existing? And if all of them were reincarnated again, then the habitants of Middle Earth were still over the Earth but inside another bodies.. even myself.. so millions of years ago I had belonged to some place there.. that was confusing.
Gandalf had also mentioned something about elves who had died of broken hearts.. did he say two of them? I couldn't remember.. but that was strange and I really wanted to discover what was inside those words. I wanted to know how could I stop that disaster, and, at the same time, I was wondering if it would be the correct decision considering that all my own world would change because of me and I would be responsible of everything.. but.. if I was sent there was because they expected it from me.. too much responsibility for a simple girl like me. And I couldn't tell what would happen if Middle Earth and the current Earth coexisted.. all our crazy world with wars, famous people and illnesses mixed with elves, dwarves and magicians? No, I couldn't imagine an elf going to the cinema or a dwarf fighting for the UN.. yes, Gimli saying "I'm sorry, Colin Powel, but I disagree with your decision.."
I sat up and looked through the balcony's door. I wondered if Galadriel would accept meeting me in that moment, I couldn't wait more and I needed to get some advises. But, at the same time, I was too shy to wake her up and the whole palace too.. my only option was to wait until the morning and that would kill my nerves. Soon my head started working again.. but the thoughts were a bit different.. I had an internal confusion, as I used to call the mess inside me. What had happened since I left Mirkwood ? All my feelings had changed in a strange way.. I remembered the first day I ended up in Middle Earth.. when I had seen Legolas and I became even more crazy about him.. then, when I met Haldir in the halls and how I hated him in that moment.. the dance, the drinks.. I blushed remembering all the things I had said to both of them and I realised that I had acted stupidly. I acted like a stupid girl in a stupid party , instead of trying to do my best to adapt myself to that place and make good friends, real friends.. suddenly I was so sorry about everything I had done since I had arrived.. I wanted to change myself, and the opinion that most of them would have about me.
I missed Gandalf and his advices. He was the only one who really understood my position and now he had left me alone.. he wanted me to take my own decisions, and that was scary and, at the same time, it made me feel good.. this meant that he trusted me and he knew I would follow the correct path. But if I wanted to choose one, I would need some help.. I couldn't take a decision based on nothing. And if Galadriel couldn't help me, then I would have a big problem. I didn't know where to go, what to do, I felt alone and lost. But something told me that things would go on in the way they should.
A knock on my door. My heart started beating fast and I stepped outside the bed, walking slowly.
"Yes?.." I asked, waiting for an answer, and the voice on the other side sounded so familiar to me.
"Zana, it's me. I think we have to talk about.. well, we have to talk now" Haldir opened the door and looked inside. He smiled. "Please, can you walk with me?"
"Where?" I asked, but he just gave me my shoes and a blanket to cover myself.
"The night is cold" He explained, and took my arm , leading me to the halls.
"What happened? You're scaring me.." He didn't reply and we walked outside, among the trees and the houses on them. A blue light filled everything and I couldn't help watching each and every detail in front of me. After some minutes in silence we reached an open place, under the moonlight, with a very big lake, completely different from Mirkwood ones. More magical, more.. I just couldn't describe it.
"Sit with me, Zana " He said, firmly , and we both sat on the edge of the path, over the water. The grass was so comfortable, as if it was made with a special plant. But soon my attention moved to another place, because Haldir was staring at me, with a very serious gaze. I became nervous.
"What a nice night.." I commented, without knowing what to say or what to do. His blue eyes still on me.
"Stop with this, Zana" I looked at him, so confused. "All this time you've been hiding and now I won't allow you to go on like this. You're driving me crazy and.." He stopped, as if he needed to think for a while. I breathed, because for a moment I kept myself completely still, afraid of him. I managed to say some words.
"What do you mean?" My voice was shaking, and when he looked at me again I felt so small.
"I want to know, now, what is inside your head. I want to know what do you think about everything and, specially, about me"
"What?" I blinked, and he turned a bit, facing me. Yes, he looked so decided that I felt even more scared. He wouldn't give up easily.
"Zana.. I've been thinking during all the journey, thinking about myself and all the changes I've experienced. Since I met you I'm a different elf and I don't recognise myself" He took a deep breath. Some moments of silence. "You won't say anything?" He asked, half smiling.
"I can't say anything because I don't understand what do you mean.." In some way I wished that he wasn't talking about what I thought he was talking about. He smiled now, moving his head.
"See? You're hiding again. But I promised myself that after this night things would be different for both of us.. better or worse, I can't tell.. but at least I have to know, stop doubting, thinking or wondering.. I want clear things in order to go on with my normal life.. or at least, I want to be the Haldir I've always been."
"What do you want to know..? " I asked in a whisper, so nervous I was.
"You know" He said, convinced.
"No, I don't , Haldir. I'm confused" I only wanted to escape, stand up and escape running. He took my hand, noticing that I was about to leave.
"Don't move from here" His eyes fixed on my face. I was shocked and without capacity of reaction. If an orc would have appeared and sure I would have said hello to him instead of running away. "Remember the dance? "He asked, and I nodded, thinking of the past hour when I was so ashamed of my acts on that day. His hand still holding mine. "Remember when Legolas left us alone?" When I heard Legolas name I felt strange.. because I wanted to feel something about that name.. and nothing came. I only saw Haldir and that was irritating.
"You want me to apologise again, right?" I said, trying to stand up, but he forced me to stay there.
"No". A simple no from him. Stressing.. what the hell did he want from me?
"Then.. what's wrong? Why did you bring me here? Why did you wake me up?" And he just smiled, and then stood up, lifting my hand and I followed him. We were so close, but this time I didn't feel uncomfortable. We were looking at each other in silence, as if we could stay like this forever. Maybe it was the place, the magic, the night or the moonlight.. maybe Galadriel put a spell on me, I didn't know.. but when Haldir put one of his arms around my waist I didn't move or say anything. His other hand on my neck.
"Zana.. I want to test something and this time for real.." He smiled, and I remembered the last time I had heard those words and what had almost happened. But that time Gimli wasn't there to spoil anything.
"I don't understand anything" I lied, blushing and feeling so nervous.
"Yes, you do, because you're not stopping me" He whispered. He was right, but I just couldn't stop him.. why??
"I'm stopping you.." But he laughed lightly, as if that was a joke.
"You're impossible.. but.. you managed to catch one of the most important elvish hearts of Lorien" He said, and I really blushed deeply.. did I hear that? Was that real?
"I didn't catch anything.. you're crazy, you know? What are you talking about?" But he didn't reply, he just came closer and kissed me. Yes, he was kissing me!! How come did I allow that? What was happening? His arms wrapped me and to my big surprise, I did the same. My body didn't obey my brain and that made me angry.. but I couldn't be angry too many time because I found myself kissing him back. I felt him so close and his lips on mines made me feel so different.. all the times I had thought I was in love with my boyfriend, I was wrong.. because never before I had felt like this. After what it seemed a century we stared at each other, in silence. And suddenly a thunder, a lightening, and a big noise.. like a storm coming.. we looked at the sky, surprised, because there weren't clouds above us.. and I heard a voice inside my head.. the voice of Gandalf..
"Zana.. half of your mission is done.. go on, look for the second part.." But I didn't understand anything.. what did he mean with that? Why that thunder? But I felt Haldir's hand again on my face, he made me look at him and he kissed me once more, while he touched my cheek and then my neck. After some seconds his lips got separated from mines, and he smiled.
"And now.. what?" I whispered. When he opened his mouth to go on speaking, my heart froze with the voice I heard instead of his.
"Haldir, Zana.." We both turned around and met Legolas and Gimli. I almost fainted, unable to understand anything, I was so shocked, so so shocked.. what was Legolas doing there? Was he following us?
"What does this mean?" I asked, now angry. "What are you both doing here? "
"I followed you because I was worried about you" Legolas whispered, and there was pain in his eyes.. he looked shocked and upset, amazed and sad.. something inside me changed again and this time it was too strong to stay there. Confusion was too big and it hurt me. When I looked at Haldir I saw the same pain on his eyes.. he had just read my mind and I hated that.. I felt the tears in my eyes and I ran away before they came out.
-------- ---------- ------------ ------------ --------- --------------
------------
Legolas looked at Haldir with cold eyes. Gimli was trying not to laugh, but soon he understood that the situation was too tense to make something stupid, and he opted for sitting and watching the stars, without any comment.
"So finally you did it, Haldir" Legolas almost couldn't speak.
"Legolas, don't talk to me as if I had done something bad.. you would have done the same, if I'm right, because you followed us since the day we left.. did you think you could play a trick on me? Come on, my friend.. I'm Haldir, not any common elf.. "Legolas got so angry with that comment and tried to control himself.
"I followed you because I knew something would happen!" He pointed at him with his finger.
"And what happened? That I like Zana? Is it a crime? I don't think so! " Haldir shouted, and Legolas took a deep breath. They heard Gimli singing, as if nothing happened, and somehow the tension disappeared. Legolas walked towards Haldir, he looked ashamed.
"I'm sorry, Haldir.. I don't know what happened to me, I never had a reaction like this before.. I suppose it's too much for me because.. well, because I thought I felt something about her too.. but I realised now that my heart is empty and from now on, I'll stay away from her". Gimli laughed out loud, and Haldir didn't believe a word.
"Sure! And I believe you!" The dwarf stood up and looked at the elves. "You both should be ashamed of yourselves. You both played with Zana's feelings and now she's confused. And now you're arguing and loosing your friendship.. come one, she's just a girl! "With those words Haldir became angry.
"She's not just a girl, Gimli" Even Legolas was surprised with his reaction.
"Haldir.. we should go to bed or we'll wake up the whole Lorien. And it would be too embarrassing for all of us.." Legolas whispered, feeling hurt and disappointed.. things had turned into something unexpected and complicated.. he wished Gandalf was there. The three friends left the lake, in silence. And Galadriel saw them from the place where she was watching everything.
"This situation needs to be solved, Gandalf" She whispered, and the magician followed her.
"Yes.. who could have expected that Legolas was following them? " He sighed. "It's the first time I see elves acting like humans.. "He shook his head while he started walking. They both went back home.