** Disclaimer: I only own Zana **************
Another fast chapter! Thanks for the reviews! I'm making things too confused, right? : ) But I love it! : ) What can I say?.. I'm a complicated girl.. : )
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Hey, you can be so unfair
And you know I will remember
You said you'd always be there
When you go
Well I've been in love
But nothing lasts forever
So just hold on long enough
And maybe you'll end up together
It's alright, yeah, yeah, yeah
You can lie to my face and I'll believe it
It's OK, 'cause there's a feeling you can't replace
You didn't mean it anyway
I had a good time - Boston
I ran inside the halls of the palace, hoping that I wouldn't find anybody on my way. I wanted to be alone and think about all what had happened, because I still couldn't believe that. Haldir had kissed me, yes.. but I had kissed him back.. and then, Legolas.. he had been following us, and all that time I had been thinking that he didn't care about me, I had been forgetting him and now, when my thoughts were more clear, he was there again.. it wasn't fair, and I was totally blocked.
I opened the door of my room and found a paper on the ground.. that was familiar to me.. Gandalf.. yes, he had done this some time ago.. I smiled, with hope in my heart.. maybe he had come to help me. I picked it up and read.. his handwriting! My fingers were shaking, I was expecting something bad, and I didn't know why.
"Dear Zana.. I've come here because Galadriel called me.. we both are so lost that we can't give advises to you.. yes, my friend.. this has reached a point of no return.. you found half of your destiny but you're forgetting about the most important part. And probably you're thinking what did you do to find it.. but I'm sure you know the answer.. tomorrow before breakfast, meet me in the gardens. We must talk, Zana.. we must talk"
And that was everything? I was so confused.. and tired. I went to bed, trying to forget about everything and sleep in peace.. but some minutes passed and I was still awake, too many things inside my head, and too many things I wanted to talk about. I wanted to meet Haldir and ask him what was going to happen now.. I wanted to meet Legolas and ask him if it was true all what he had said that night in my balcony.. and most of all, I wanted to know what was inside my head.
I had a stormy night, as I called it when I had nightmares.. my dreams were so strange that when I woke up I wished I had a paper and a pencil to write about them.. I was in the middle of nowhere, it was cold, very cold, and I was walking on ice, it was snowing and the wind was so strong that I couldn't see anything in the distance... I didn't know what was I doing there, but I knew I had to walk towards a big iceberg over the sea.. and a small boat waited for me.. it looked like the Antarctica, the sea was grey, the landscape white. I sat inside the boat and sailed away.. the waves led me to the big block of ice and I walked again. And then, the ice broke and I fell...
I woke up sweating, breathing strongly.. the dream was so vivid, like a vision of the future.. I was so scared, shaking. And I needed some minutes to realise where I was.. the sun was already shining inside my room, and the blue light of the night turned into green.. Lorien was awake.. I checked my watch, it was time to meet Gandalf. But I took a bath first, and I tried to relax a bit. Maybe that dream meant something.. but the vision of myself in that hell wasn't the best thing to encourage me..
After half an hour I walked to the place where I had been last night.. all the memories came to my head again and I couldn't help feeling ashamed.. I hoped that Haldir wasn't there too, and I was happy to see that the only person sitting there was an old man dressed in white. I smiled, so happy to see him again.
"Good morning, Zana" He smiled too, and hugged me. "We meet again, after short time"
"But it seemed it was a century" I said, sitting with him. "Gandalf, I need help and I need it now.. I can't explain you what happened yesterday but I'll just say that things are getting complicated.."
"I know" Was his short answer. "I know that finally you opened your heart to Haldir.. but your heart also belongs to Legolas, and this is what I can't understand.. it's impossible to be divided like you are, and we must solve this or else you'll be confused following your own way"
"And how can I make it clear?" Gandalf looked at me.
"Listen to your heart" I sighed, shaking my head.
"As if it was so simple.."
"It's simple, girl" The magician looked angry. "What were you doing last night? Thinking about Legolas? "I detected some sarcasm in his voice. "Zana.. we both know that you already chose, so you must forget about the other part of your heart.. Legolas is not sure about you, he's confused and he will make a big mistake if you go on like this.. he should be in Mirkwood but he's here.."
"Stop, stop,Gandalf" I said, impatiently. "Once you told me about two elves who died of broken hearts.. please, explain me this" Gandalf closed his eyes and smiled.
"Zana.. you can't save everything.. you can't save each being here.. you were sent here to try to find the way of changing your world.. and changing a whole world implicates sacrificing.. some things.."
"I don't like how this sounds, Gandalf.. I don't want to be responsible of the death of anybody.."
"Zana.. nothing is decided yet.. now you must tell me if you had.. visions.." He looked so interested at that point. And I remembered my dream.
"Well.. I had a dream last night.. it was so.. strange.. "I told him about it, and he was nodding from time to time. When I finished, we were in silence for some minutes.
"Zana.." He finally spoke. "In your world you have religions, beliefs , ideals.. "I nodded with curiosity. "Zana.. maybe all the base of your world would change if you reached the end of this mission."
"What do you mean?" I was completely lost, but something told me that maybe his answer wouldn't be the one I wanted or liked.
"Your world is divided.. science and religion.. yes, I can see it.." Gandalf spoke very slowly. "There's a strong and big religion, with a book that explains the origin of humans, the story about a man who died for all of them.."
"I hope you won't start talking about god, angels and so on, Gandalf" I said, wondering if he was becoming crazy. But he didn't pay attention to me.
"And the science says that everything started with a big explosion called Big Bang.." He was moving his head, as if he was understanding everything. "Zana.." His voice changed and I felt scared. "What if I told you that maybe you will find out the whole truth about your origins? And what if after this discovery, the base of your world changed, your religions and your traditions, all your culture based on this? "
"It would be a destruction.. all the most important civilizations would disappear, and all the art based on my religion would be lost too! Gandalf, I can't go on if what you say is true!" I was really scared, I wouldn't be the one who changed that, I didn't want to be.
"You were sent here for this, Zana. You must find out the truth and, then.. decide"
"Decide? About what?" I didn't realise I was shouting too much.
"You must decide if you want to bring those news to your world, you must decide if you want our two worlds to be together"
"I can't do that, are you crazy?" I was out of control.
"Take your time, Zana" He stood up, and walked back to the palace. I stayed there for a while, thinking.. I felt dizzy.. I covered my face with my hands, trying to make a clear image of everything.. but it was impossible.
"Zana" I heard a voice behind me, and I turned around to meet Haldir. He walked towards me.
"Hello.." I whispered, blushing, when I remembered about last night.
"What are you doing here? I saw Gandalf this morning, I couldn't believe he was in Lorien.. and now I went to your room but you weren't there.." He kneeled beside me, looking at me.
"I came here to think for a while.." He took my hand, and I didn't move.
"We must talk again.." He said, and I nodded. "I saw your face when Legolas appeared last night.. and I think that there was something in your eyes that.. well.. I don't know how to explain it" His eyes were sad, and I felt something new inside me, something that encouraged me..
"Haldir.. if I remember well.. it wasn't Legolas the one I was kissing last night.." I couldn't believe I had said that, and he looked so surprised too, because he stared at me, he didn't move or say anything "And if I'm not mistaken, the one who is here with me holding my hand is not Legolas.." He went on staring at me, and then he stood up.
"Breakfast is waiting for us.. "He murmured, confused.. or surprised, I couldn't tell. "And also Legolas is there.. "He looked at me, and I stood up too. "Zana, talk to Legolas and make your feelings more clear"
"I don't need to talk to anybody, Haldir.. because now half of my mission is done" He looked at me in surprise, and walked two steps towards me.
"What do you mean?" He whispered.
"Last night.. I heard Gandalf's voice telling me so.. and this morning I talked to him and.. well.. I only have to solve the final part."
"I don't understand anything.. when did you solve the first part of the mission? "He looked so confused and I couldn't help smiling.
"You're telling me that Haldir of Lorien can't remember anything of last night? "I joked, and he smiled.
"I remember each and every detail" His voice sounded so sweet and I blushed.
"Well.. then you should understand when did I solve the first part.." I said, with mystery in my voice, and I left, walking back. And I heard his voice again, close to me.
"Then now I'm part of your mission and of your life.." I turned around and met his gaze. A completely different gaze.
"It seems so.." I whispered. We looked at each other for a while, and then we heard Gimli's voice.
"I'm hungry! Can't you understand this, elf? Where is the dining room or dinning tree or whatever you have here?" He walked in front of us, and smiled. "Hey, my friends! Nice morning, right? Haldir!" He took his arm. "Lead me to the big dining room full of food!" I noticed that Legolas was standing there, watching at us with a sad face. Haldir and Gimli started to walk in front of us, and Haldir gave me a worried look. I was walking alone with Legolas, after all..
"Zana" He said "I'm sorry about last night, I really didn't want to say those things.."
"Don't worry, Legolas.. the truth is that I was so confused when I saw you there, and.. well, I can't explain" He took my arm and made me stop walking.
"Wait some minutes, please, I need to talk to you" I felt uncomfortable, and I felt something more too.. something I didn't want to feel but that was there.. being alone with Legolas made me feel different, and I didn't like that. "I know you're confused because I can notice it.. and I was only wondering what would have happened if it was me and not Haldir the one who had travelled with you.." His voice was a whisper.
"Nobody can tell, I suppose.. "I said, unable to comment anything else. He took my hand.
"Look at me, Zana.." I did so, and I felt small under his gaze. "Can you tell me here, right now, that you don't feel anything, absolutely anything for me?"
"You both want to drive me crazy, right? "I said, angry. But he didn't move.
"Just reply me, please"
"Half of my mission is done, Legolas. Gandalf told me so.. so now I'll ask you to leave me alone and don't press me more.. I've always liked you, this is what you wanted to hear? "Legolas looked at me in surprise, and came closer to me, but I made him stop. "No, Legolas.. now listen to me.. you were acting in a way I didn't like.. you were ignoring me and you didn't fight for anything.. Haldir showed me that he's more worth than you because at least he was more interested on me.."
"What?" He shouted, so angry. "Zana, I've been following you since you left Mirkwood! I've defended you when Haldir treated you.. like he treated you at first.. so don't say that I didn't worry about you because you know it's not true!" His blue eyes were cold and he left my hand. I felt tears in my eyes again.
"Legolas, please.. don't make this more difficult.. I've already taken a decision. Please, go back to Mirkwood and forget about me" I started to walk but he took my arm and made me stop.
"I'll never give up, Zana. Don't forget this. Haldir is stronger than you and he made you change your mind.. but this is not what you really feel, I'm sure" He said, with strong voice.. he looked so convinced that he made me doubt for a second. But then I became angry.
"Legolas, let me go. "He left my arm and I ran towards Gimli and Haldir. We went to the dining room, and we had breakfast. Legolas didn't show up, and Haldir looked sad and worried. Fortunately Gimli made our morning more comfortable.
Another fast chapter! Thanks for the reviews! I'm making things too confused, right? : ) But I love it! : ) What can I say?.. I'm a complicated girl.. : )
*************** ************ ************* ***************
Hey, you can be so unfair
And you know I will remember
You said you'd always be there
When you go
Well I've been in love
But nothing lasts forever
So just hold on long enough
And maybe you'll end up together
It's alright, yeah, yeah, yeah
You can lie to my face and I'll believe it
It's OK, 'cause there's a feeling you can't replace
You didn't mean it anyway
I had a good time - Boston
I ran inside the halls of the palace, hoping that I wouldn't find anybody on my way. I wanted to be alone and think about all what had happened, because I still couldn't believe that. Haldir had kissed me, yes.. but I had kissed him back.. and then, Legolas.. he had been following us, and all that time I had been thinking that he didn't care about me, I had been forgetting him and now, when my thoughts were more clear, he was there again.. it wasn't fair, and I was totally blocked.
I opened the door of my room and found a paper on the ground.. that was familiar to me.. Gandalf.. yes, he had done this some time ago.. I smiled, with hope in my heart.. maybe he had come to help me. I picked it up and read.. his handwriting! My fingers were shaking, I was expecting something bad, and I didn't know why.
"Dear Zana.. I've come here because Galadriel called me.. we both are so lost that we can't give advises to you.. yes, my friend.. this has reached a point of no return.. you found half of your destiny but you're forgetting about the most important part. And probably you're thinking what did you do to find it.. but I'm sure you know the answer.. tomorrow before breakfast, meet me in the gardens. We must talk, Zana.. we must talk"
And that was everything? I was so confused.. and tired. I went to bed, trying to forget about everything and sleep in peace.. but some minutes passed and I was still awake, too many things inside my head, and too many things I wanted to talk about. I wanted to meet Haldir and ask him what was going to happen now.. I wanted to meet Legolas and ask him if it was true all what he had said that night in my balcony.. and most of all, I wanted to know what was inside my head.
I had a stormy night, as I called it when I had nightmares.. my dreams were so strange that when I woke up I wished I had a paper and a pencil to write about them.. I was in the middle of nowhere, it was cold, very cold, and I was walking on ice, it was snowing and the wind was so strong that I couldn't see anything in the distance... I didn't know what was I doing there, but I knew I had to walk towards a big iceberg over the sea.. and a small boat waited for me.. it looked like the Antarctica, the sea was grey, the landscape white. I sat inside the boat and sailed away.. the waves led me to the big block of ice and I walked again. And then, the ice broke and I fell...
I woke up sweating, breathing strongly.. the dream was so vivid, like a vision of the future.. I was so scared, shaking. And I needed some minutes to realise where I was.. the sun was already shining inside my room, and the blue light of the night turned into green.. Lorien was awake.. I checked my watch, it was time to meet Gandalf. But I took a bath first, and I tried to relax a bit. Maybe that dream meant something.. but the vision of myself in that hell wasn't the best thing to encourage me..
After half an hour I walked to the place where I had been last night.. all the memories came to my head again and I couldn't help feeling ashamed.. I hoped that Haldir wasn't there too, and I was happy to see that the only person sitting there was an old man dressed in white. I smiled, so happy to see him again.
"Good morning, Zana" He smiled too, and hugged me. "We meet again, after short time"
"But it seemed it was a century" I said, sitting with him. "Gandalf, I need help and I need it now.. I can't explain you what happened yesterday but I'll just say that things are getting complicated.."
"I know" Was his short answer. "I know that finally you opened your heart to Haldir.. but your heart also belongs to Legolas, and this is what I can't understand.. it's impossible to be divided like you are, and we must solve this or else you'll be confused following your own way"
"And how can I make it clear?" Gandalf looked at me.
"Listen to your heart" I sighed, shaking my head.
"As if it was so simple.."
"It's simple, girl" The magician looked angry. "What were you doing last night? Thinking about Legolas? "I detected some sarcasm in his voice. "Zana.. we both know that you already chose, so you must forget about the other part of your heart.. Legolas is not sure about you, he's confused and he will make a big mistake if you go on like this.. he should be in Mirkwood but he's here.."
"Stop, stop,Gandalf" I said, impatiently. "Once you told me about two elves who died of broken hearts.. please, explain me this" Gandalf closed his eyes and smiled.
"Zana.. you can't save everything.. you can't save each being here.. you were sent here to try to find the way of changing your world.. and changing a whole world implicates sacrificing.. some things.."
"I don't like how this sounds, Gandalf.. I don't want to be responsible of the death of anybody.."
"Zana.. nothing is decided yet.. now you must tell me if you had.. visions.." He looked so interested at that point. And I remembered my dream.
"Well.. I had a dream last night.. it was so.. strange.. "I told him about it, and he was nodding from time to time. When I finished, we were in silence for some minutes.
"Zana.." He finally spoke. "In your world you have religions, beliefs , ideals.. "I nodded with curiosity. "Zana.. maybe all the base of your world would change if you reached the end of this mission."
"What do you mean?" I was completely lost, but something told me that maybe his answer wouldn't be the one I wanted or liked.
"Your world is divided.. science and religion.. yes, I can see it.." Gandalf spoke very slowly. "There's a strong and big religion, with a book that explains the origin of humans, the story about a man who died for all of them.."
"I hope you won't start talking about god, angels and so on, Gandalf" I said, wondering if he was becoming crazy. But he didn't pay attention to me.
"And the science says that everything started with a big explosion called Big Bang.." He was moving his head, as if he was understanding everything. "Zana.." His voice changed and I felt scared. "What if I told you that maybe you will find out the whole truth about your origins? And what if after this discovery, the base of your world changed, your religions and your traditions, all your culture based on this? "
"It would be a destruction.. all the most important civilizations would disappear, and all the art based on my religion would be lost too! Gandalf, I can't go on if what you say is true!" I was really scared, I wouldn't be the one who changed that, I didn't want to be.
"You were sent here for this, Zana. You must find out the truth and, then.. decide"
"Decide? About what?" I didn't realise I was shouting too much.
"You must decide if you want to bring those news to your world, you must decide if you want our two worlds to be together"
"I can't do that, are you crazy?" I was out of control.
"Take your time, Zana" He stood up, and walked back to the palace. I stayed there for a while, thinking.. I felt dizzy.. I covered my face with my hands, trying to make a clear image of everything.. but it was impossible.
"Zana" I heard a voice behind me, and I turned around to meet Haldir. He walked towards me.
"Hello.." I whispered, blushing, when I remembered about last night.
"What are you doing here? I saw Gandalf this morning, I couldn't believe he was in Lorien.. and now I went to your room but you weren't there.." He kneeled beside me, looking at me.
"I came here to think for a while.." He took my hand, and I didn't move.
"We must talk again.." He said, and I nodded. "I saw your face when Legolas appeared last night.. and I think that there was something in your eyes that.. well.. I don't know how to explain it" His eyes were sad, and I felt something new inside me, something that encouraged me..
"Haldir.. if I remember well.. it wasn't Legolas the one I was kissing last night.." I couldn't believe I had said that, and he looked so surprised too, because he stared at me, he didn't move or say anything "And if I'm not mistaken, the one who is here with me holding my hand is not Legolas.." He went on staring at me, and then he stood up.
"Breakfast is waiting for us.. "He murmured, confused.. or surprised, I couldn't tell. "And also Legolas is there.. "He looked at me, and I stood up too. "Zana, talk to Legolas and make your feelings more clear"
"I don't need to talk to anybody, Haldir.. because now half of my mission is done" He looked at me in surprise, and walked two steps towards me.
"What do you mean?" He whispered.
"Last night.. I heard Gandalf's voice telling me so.. and this morning I talked to him and.. well.. I only have to solve the final part."
"I don't understand anything.. when did you solve the first part of the mission? "He looked so confused and I couldn't help smiling.
"You're telling me that Haldir of Lorien can't remember anything of last night? "I joked, and he smiled.
"I remember each and every detail" His voice sounded so sweet and I blushed.
"Well.. then you should understand when did I solve the first part.." I said, with mystery in my voice, and I left, walking back. And I heard his voice again, close to me.
"Then now I'm part of your mission and of your life.." I turned around and met his gaze. A completely different gaze.
"It seems so.." I whispered. We looked at each other for a while, and then we heard Gimli's voice.
"I'm hungry! Can't you understand this, elf? Where is the dining room or dinning tree or whatever you have here?" He walked in front of us, and smiled. "Hey, my friends! Nice morning, right? Haldir!" He took his arm. "Lead me to the big dining room full of food!" I noticed that Legolas was standing there, watching at us with a sad face. Haldir and Gimli started to walk in front of us, and Haldir gave me a worried look. I was walking alone with Legolas, after all..
"Zana" He said "I'm sorry about last night, I really didn't want to say those things.."
"Don't worry, Legolas.. the truth is that I was so confused when I saw you there, and.. well, I can't explain" He took my arm and made me stop walking.
"Wait some minutes, please, I need to talk to you" I felt uncomfortable, and I felt something more too.. something I didn't want to feel but that was there.. being alone with Legolas made me feel different, and I didn't like that. "I know you're confused because I can notice it.. and I was only wondering what would have happened if it was me and not Haldir the one who had travelled with you.." His voice was a whisper.
"Nobody can tell, I suppose.. "I said, unable to comment anything else. He took my hand.
"Look at me, Zana.." I did so, and I felt small under his gaze. "Can you tell me here, right now, that you don't feel anything, absolutely anything for me?"
"You both want to drive me crazy, right? "I said, angry. But he didn't move.
"Just reply me, please"
"Half of my mission is done, Legolas. Gandalf told me so.. so now I'll ask you to leave me alone and don't press me more.. I've always liked you, this is what you wanted to hear? "Legolas looked at me in surprise, and came closer to me, but I made him stop. "No, Legolas.. now listen to me.. you were acting in a way I didn't like.. you were ignoring me and you didn't fight for anything.. Haldir showed me that he's more worth than you because at least he was more interested on me.."
"What?" He shouted, so angry. "Zana, I've been following you since you left Mirkwood! I've defended you when Haldir treated you.. like he treated you at first.. so don't say that I didn't worry about you because you know it's not true!" His blue eyes were cold and he left my hand. I felt tears in my eyes again.
"Legolas, please.. don't make this more difficult.. I've already taken a decision. Please, go back to Mirkwood and forget about me" I started to walk but he took my arm and made me stop.
"I'll never give up, Zana. Don't forget this. Haldir is stronger than you and he made you change your mind.. but this is not what you really feel, I'm sure" He said, with strong voice.. he looked so convinced that he made me doubt for a second. But then I became angry.
"Legolas, let me go. "He left my arm and I ran towards Gimli and Haldir. We went to the dining room, and we had breakfast. Legolas didn't show up, and Haldir looked sad and worried. Fortunately Gimli made our morning more comfortable.