Now 4 hours, a dinner with Lyndsay who finally left 1 hour ago and a severe
reprimand of her mother later, Jesse finally found herself in bed. She was
dead tired but she wanted to finish to write this evenings occurrence in
her diary. Just as she lay down that book and was about to turn off the
light there was a light knock on the door. A knock? On her door? That was
new. Normally everyone just storms into her room Jesse mused. "Come on in."
"Hi Jess!"
"Dad?" Jesse let out in surprise. He was the last that she expected. But what surprised her more than him being here was that he actually appeared to be nervous. That confused the heck out of her. What would come now? Carefully he stepped into her room. Silently he asked her with his eyes for permission to sit down on the end of her bed. "Dad, What's up?"
"Ehm, .. your mother, .. she talked to you?"
"Yeah, she did. If you can call that talking. It was rather a very heated monolog about my .. let's say actions today. I now have three weeks house arrest." She told her father.
"Mhm, well maybe I can .. beat her down to two." This comment of her father threw her. It seemed her father made a 180 degree turn in his behavior from when he came home today to now. "What's that suppose to mean dad? I mean you totally lost me here."
"I ehm well I just .. God damn it I never thought it would be that hard." He swear more to himself than to her. And that settled her a big deal, cause that sounded much more like her dad. "I mean I just want to make it up to you. I know I can't make it up to you in just one instance but I try. I mean I really see now what kind of idiot I was the last 5 years." During his speech he had jumped up and now ran around in her room like a caged tiger. It amused Jesse a big deal. "Just think about it, you were always my princess, daddy's little girl, and then my brother dies and from one moment to the other I became the bastard that I am. Of course it confused you and of course you threw a fit. I really appeared to just not be interested in your life anymore, so I am partially to blame for this whole shit, too. I ...!" at that moment Jesse had enough and she interrupted her father with a yelled ´Dad`. Confusion showed in his face. "Dad, it's enough. Really I think I understand your intensions. It's okay. And all I ever wanted since this happened was to .. oh god .. what I now will tell you is totally embarrassing for me and if you will tell anyone I will deny it .. got it? ..okay. So, all I ever wanted was to be your little princess again. And you promise me to never tell anyone!" After her father sat down again and made a cross with his thump above his heart she continued. "I missed what we did together, like going fishing and that stuff. And I think I know why you shut me out of your heart. You said it hurts too much to be remembered of Ezra and you just said I remember you of Ezra so much, I can understand it. But I do hope it will change sometime."
"Maybe it is understandable but it is not acceptable. And I promised myself and I will give you the same promise now I will change. I really try. Now I know that I've done things wrong and I know what I have to change. And the first thing will be, to become a good father again. And maybe you can forgive me sometime." She didn't know what it was. She didn't know if it was her tiredness, the words her father choose or his totally devastated look. But tears started to search their way down her cheeks. Her father sat at the edge of her bed, shoulders slumped in defeat and he looked down at his hands. She didn't know what happened next. One moment she sat there leaning against the headboard of her bed and the next she flung her arms around her father, buried her face in his chest, stammered that she already forgave him and sobbed uncontrollable. She felt as her father shifted their position so that they could sit more comfortable and then she felt his arms encircle her in a tight but soft embrace. It was that kind of embrace that just he was able to give. Her arms tightened around him as if she was afraid that he would let go of her. She longed for that touch for years, she couldn't remember the last time she shared that with her father. She felt once again loved and save. By now she didn't has the hope that it will become better someday anymore. By now she knew it is already better than she would have ever hoped for. And Chris felt the same.
About 20 minutes later Jesse had calmed down, and they had changed their position. Chris now had his legs outstretched on the bed and was leaning against the headboard. He had his right arm drawn tightly around his daughter's shoulders. She encircled his waist with her arms, had her head buried in his shoulder and was curled up next to him. They sat in a comfortable silence. And both knew that they had found their ´normal` communication again. It was a similar one to that that he shared with Vin and that he had shared with Ezra, when they didn't argued of course. It was the one that always annoyed the heck out of everyone else. It was that communication that needed no words, just simple understanding with a light touch or a small smile or a simple look. For the first time in many years Chris felt a bit settled. The soaring pain that burned in his chest since his little brother's death seemed to have lessened. And for the first time since that happened he could smile at the thought of him. Oh yes, Ezra would have loved this whole situation here. He imagined him standing in the door way, leaning at the frame in an expensive suite and flashes them one of his smug grins. He let out a content sigh as his daughter snuggled up close to him. "So dad, ehm .. Ezra is just your half-brother .. right?"
"Yeah, that's right, sweetheart." He told her silently. "I still remember seeing him for the first time. I was twelve. It was on an early Sunday morning, Buck was just spending the night over at my parents house as the doorbell rang..
# "I'll take it." Violet Larabee yelled and threw open the door. On the porch stood a small fancy dressed little boy. He seemed to be at the age of 5. "What can I do for you small one?" she asked him.
"It would be extremely nice of you if you could tell me if a mister Josef Larabee is residing in this fine domicile?" That little boy answered her in a rather adult like voice. And the words he choose were definitely not common for such a young aged. Pretty irritated she told him that that would be her husband. His mother's call for her husband awoke Chris and Buck and they sneaked downstairs to be greeted by a quite unusual scene. A small child who talked like an adult with a huge bag beside him and his mother who was a bit flustered. As her husband joined those both the small one introduced himself: "Good morning sir. My name is Ezra P. Standish and first of all I want to apologies for interrupting you in such an ungodly hour. However my dearest mother brought me by to pass over this correspondence to you." He said and handed a stunned Josef Larabee a letter. Uncertainly he tore it open and began to reed. By each passing second he seemed to become paler. "Oh my god!" He whispered.
"Joe, what is it? Is it bad?"
"Well, Violet it is..!" He pressed out. After an audible gulp he continued: "You remember that godforsaken incident on which I betrayed you with that other woman?" The face of Chris's mother fell. "Unfortunately yes."
"Well it seems that that boy there .. is my son.!"
"What?"
"Well that letter is from Maude Standish, that certain woman, she tells me that that is her and my son and that she needs to attend to an emergency and that I should care about him." Joe told her feeling extremely uncomfortable.
"That is not possible. Joe, how could you do that? And, you don't think to keep him here, do you?" Violet yelled and soon Chris's parents yelled at each other in earnest. In between the two adults stood small Ezra his face never faltered but his nervously twitching hands told Chris enough to recognize that the boy, no his brother, was petrified. Chris always was someone who stood up for those who couldn't defend themselves and Chris always was a very short tempered boy. Now seeing his new little brother, for him it was immediately clear that that was his brother and he never wavered in his believe, Chris knew that he had to do something. And that something had to be done very quickly. "Stop that!" Chris yelled and raced forward. His parents stared in shock at their son. "Stop arguing in front of my little brother. He is my brother and he will stay here with me. Please mom." Violet locked from her son to her husband to the little boy.. And suddenly her anger towards her husband turned to proud to her son. And suddenly her motherly feelings towards the little boy started to grow. "You're right Chris. Okay little one I'm Vi and we surely get used to each other." .. .. ..#
"Hi Jess!"
"Dad?" Jesse let out in surprise. He was the last that she expected. But what surprised her more than him being here was that he actually appeared to be nervous. That confused the heck out of her. What would come now? Carefully he stepped into her room. Silently he asked her with his eyes for permission to sit down on the end of her bed. "Dad, What's up?"
"Ehm, .. your mother, .. she talked to you?"
"Yeah, she did. If you can call that talking. It was rather a very heated monolog about my .. let's say actions today. I now have three weeks house arrest." She told her father.
"Mhm, well maybe I can .. beat her down to two." This comment of her father threw her. It seemed her father made a 180 degree turn in his behavior from when he came home today to now. "What's that suppose to mean dad? I mean you totally lost me here."
"I ehm well I just .. God damn it I never thought it would be that hard." He swear more to himself than to her. And that settled her a big deal, cause that sounded much more like her dad. "I mean I just want to make it up to you. I know I can't make it up to you in just one instance but I try. I mean I really see now what kind of idiot I was the last 5 years." During his speech he had jumped up and now ran around in her room like a caged tiger. It amused Jesse a big deal. "Just think about it, you were always my princess, daddy's little girl, and then my brother dies and from one moment to the other I became the bastard that I am. Of course it confused you and of course you threw a fit. I really appeared to just not be interested in your life anymore, so I am partially to blame for this whole shit, too. I ...!" at that moment Jesse had enough and she interrupted her father with a yelled ´Dad`. Confusion showed in his face. "Dad, it's enough. Really I think I understand your intensions. It's okay. And all I ever wanted since this happened was to .. oh god .. what I now will tell you is totally embarrassing for me and if you will tell anyone I will deny it .. got it? ..okay. So, all I ever wanted was to be your little princess again. And you promise me to never tell anyone!" After her father sat down again and made a cross with his thump above his heart she continued. "I missed what we did together, like going fishing and that stuff. And I think I know why you shut me out of your heart. You said it hurts too much to be remembered of Ezra and you just said I remember you of Ezra so much, I can understand it. But I do hope it will change sometime."
"Maybe it is understandable but it is not acceptable. And I promised myself and I will give you the same promise now I will change. I really try. Now I know that I've done things wrong and I know what I have to change. And the first thing will be, to become a good father again. And maybe you can forgive me sometime." She didn't know what it was. She didn't know if it was her tiredness, the words her father choose or his totally devastated look. But tears started to search their way down her cheeks. Her father sat at the edge of her bed, shoulders slumped in defeat and he looked down at his hands. She didn't know what happened next. One moment she sat there leaning against the headboard of her bed and the next she flung her arms around her father, buried her face in his chest, stammered that she already forgave him and sobbed uncontrollable. She felt as her father shifted their position so that they could sit more comfortable and then she felt his arms encircle her in a tight but soft embrace. It was that kind of embrace that just he was able to give. Her arms tightened around him as if she was afraid that he would let go of her. She longed for that touch for years, she couldn't remember the last time she shared that with her father. She felt once again loved and save. By now she didn't has the hope that it will become better someday anymore. By now she knew it is already better than she would have ever hoped for. And Chris felt the same.
About 20 minutes later Jesse had calmed down, and they had changed their position. Chris now had his legs outstretched on the bed and was leaning against the headboard. He had his right arm drawn tightly around his daughter's shoulders. She encircled his waist with her arms, had her head buried in his shoulder and was curled up next to him. They sat in a comfortable silence. And both knew that they had found their ´normal` communication again. It was a similar one to that that he shared with Vin and that he had shared with Ezra, when they didn't argued of course. It was the one that always annoyed the heck out of everyone else. It was that communication that needed no words, just simple understanding with a light touch or a small smile or a simple look. For the first time in many years Chris felt a bit settled. The soaring pain that burned in his chest since his little brother's death seemed to have lessened. And for the first time since that happened he could smile at the thought of him. Oh yes, Ezra would have loved this whole situation here. He imagined him standing in the door way, leaning at the frame in an expensive suite and flashes them one of his smug grins. He let out a content sigh as his daughter snuggled up close to him. "So dad, ehm .. Ezra is just your half-brother .. right?"
"Yeah, that's right, sweetheart." He told her silently. "I still remember seeing him for the first time. I was twelve. It was on an early Sunday morning, Buck was just spending the night over at my parents house as the doorbell rang..
# "I'll take it." Violet Larabee yelled and threw open the door. On the porch stood a small fancy dressed little boy. He seemed to be at the age of 5. "What can I do for you small one?" she asked him.
"It would be extremely nice of you if you could tell me if a mister Josef Larabee is residing in this fine domicile?" That little boy answered her in a rather adult like voice. And the words he choose were definitely not common for such a young aged. Pretty irritated she told him that that would be her husband. His mother's call for her husband awoke Chris and Buck and they sneaked downstairs to be greeted by a quite unusual scene. A small child who talked like an adult with a huge bag beside him and his mother who was a bit flustered. As her husband joined those both the small one introduced himself: "Good morning sir. My name is Ezra P. Standish and first of all I want to apologies for interrupting you in such an ungodly hour. However my dearest mother brought me by to pass over this correspondence to you." He said and handed a stunned Josef Larabee a letter. Uncertainly he tore it open and began to reed. By each passing second he seemed to become paler. "Oh my god!" He whispered.
"Joe, what is it? Is it bad?"
"Well, Violet it is..!" He pressed out. After an audible gulp he continued: "You remember that godforsaken incident on which I betrayed you with that other woman?" The face of Chris's mother fell. "Unfortunately yes."
"Well it seems that that boy there .. is my son.!"
"What?"
"Well that letter is from Maude Standish, that certain woman, she tells me that that is her and my son and that she needs to attend to an emergency and that I should care about him." Joe told her feeling extremely uncomfortable.
"That is not possible. Joe, how could you do that? And, you don't think to keep him here, do you?" Violet yelled and soon Chris's parents yelled at each other in earnest. In between the two adults stood small Ezra his face never faltered but his nervously twitching hands told Chris enough to recognize that the boy, no his brother, was petrified. Chris always was someone who stood up for those who couldn't defend themselves and Chris always was a very short tempered boy. Now seeing his new little brother, for him it was immediately clear that that was his brother and he never wavered in his believe, Chris knew that he had to do something. And that something had to be done very quickly. "Stop that!" Chris yelled and raced forward. His parents stared in shock at their son. "Stop arguing in front of my little brother. He is my brother and he will stay here with me. Please mom." Violet locked from her son to her husband to the little boy.. And suddenly her anger towards her husband turned to proud to her son. And suddenly her motherly feelings towards the little boy started to grow. "You're right Chris. Okay little one I'm Vi and we surely get used to each other." .. .. ..#