A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I was having the shittiest day, so I decided to check my email and there were your reviews! I couldn't stop smiling for 20 minutes! Please let me know how I'm doing, okay? Thnx. 1st chapter, the lyrics were from "The Darkest Years" by the Distillers, 2nd chapter, it was "Forgotten" by Linkin Park, and this chapter it's "Between Love & Hate" by The Strokes. That's all!

Chapter Three: Between Love & Hate

**Thinking about that high school dance

Worrying about the finals

Yes I know

You're feeling lonely

Oh lonely, so lonely

Never needed anybody, I never needed anybody

I never needed anybody, I never needed nobody

Don't worry about it honey

I never needed anybody

I never needed anybody, it won't change now **

Jess stood on the Gilmores' porch, breathing heavily. His heart was beating painfully against his ribs. Damn it. Every time I'm around that girl I lose it! He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

He knew he shouldn't have touched her. He shouldn't have even followed her from the Diner. But it hurt him to not speak to her. It hurt to know exactly what he'd missed out on.

He sat on the top step, his head in his hands. His jaw muscles tightened and released as he tried to calm himself. His fingers twitched, and he reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. He only had one left, and he took a long drag off of it, feeling the nicotine flow through his veins.

He sighed, relief finally coming to his racing heart. The air was cold enough to make it uncomfortable outside, and he was about to get up and leave when he heard the door open slowly behind him. He could feel Rory's eyes on his back. He turned to look at her.

She was leaning against the door-frame, bathed in warm light. She was grasping her forearms tightly, trying not to shiver in the breeze.

"If you put that out, you can come in." Rory said quietly.

But not because I like you or anything. It's just cold, and I wouldn't want you to get sick. Even though I hate you. Well, for all I care you can get sick! Smoke those goddamn cigarettes and sit outside in the cold and see if I care! Get pneumonia! Get cancer! I'll laugh when you die! I'll spit on your grave. No, don't die. I didn't mean it. Oh don't kill Jess I was joking!

Rory shook her head, attempting to clear her inner monologue. Jess put out his cigarette and walked into the house, relaxing immediately as the warm air hit him. They settled into opposite ends of the couch, facing each other.

The clock ticked loudly from the kitchen.

Rory jumped up.

"So, you want a drink?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Oh. Okay."

"Okay."

Rory wiped her hands nervously on her pants.

"Well I'm gonna go get a drink."

"Okay."

Rory ran into the kitchen. She rested her forehead against the cool fridge. She felt a presence behind her and turned. Jess was standing all too close, and she flattened herself against the fridge. She could feel his body heat against hers, and it sent shivers coursing through every appendage in her body.

"I uh- I decided I wanted a drink."

"Oh." Rory replied breathily, not moving. He stepped closer.

"Rory, you're gonna have to move."

 Jess's voice said huskily in her ear as he took another step towards her, their bodies almost touching.

"Oh."

Rory didn't move. She looked up at him, her eyes locking with his. She felt him start to move towards her, and her eyes fluttered closed. She could feel his breath on her lips, his skin so close to her.

You're losing it, Mariano! Don't make this same mistake again. She'll just push you away.

Suddenly there was an absence of warmth, and Rory opened her eyes. Jess was 3 feet away, staring awkwardly at the floor with his hand in his hair.

"Okay so, you wanted a drink, right?"

Rory opened the fridge.

"We've got coke, water, and. . . well, that's it."

"Uh- Coke, thanks." Jess replied thickly. She handed him a coke and got one for herself, then led the way into the living room and sat on the couch again.

The clock ticked loudly.

"So, did you want to talk to me, or were you just planning on sitting on my couch in awkward silence until I fall asleep and stealing all our appliances?"

Jess smiled slightly.

"Pretty much just sitting in awkward silence, but I guess I should talk, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess you should."

Jess took a deep breath. Talking wasn't really his thing. He'd never understood what the outcome was supposed to be of talking. People tended to talk themselves in circles and usually ended up more confused than when they'd started. But somehow he knew if he didn't talk, he wouldn't get another chance to say what needed to be said, so he began speaking.

"When Jimmy came into town, it screwed everything up. Well everything was already screwed up with us, but it just made things worse. I never fit in this small fairy-tale bullshit town, and we both know it. The only thing keeping me here was you and I just. . . I could feel that falling apart. I didn't want to be around for the end, so I just skipped it. I went to Jimmy and tried to figure things out. All I thought about was you, Rory, and how I had to come back someday and apologize. I had to tell you that I love you, so here I am. . . I'm sorry, and I love you. That pretty much concludes this speech. Refreshments will be served at your convenience. . . here. Cause, well, it is your house."

Rory attempted a small smile.

"You're an idiot."

Jess's features darkened.

"Well, that's my cue to leave," he replied.

He got up and started walking towards the door.

"Don't walk out on me again."

Jess froze, his blood boiling.

"I don't need your permission, thank you very much," he replied, but didn't move towards the door.

"It's my turn."

Jess sat on the sofa next to the couch.

"How long?"

Jess was confused.

"How long what?"

"How long have you thought you felt like that?"

Jess laughed hollowly.

"I don't know, Rory."

Maybe when we first kissed, or when we first held hands. Maybe when she read Ayn Rand out loud to me. Maybe it was that last glance at the back of her head as she got off the bus in Hartford.  

A nagging voice repeated itself over and over again in the back of his head.

Maybe when I first laid eyes on her.

"You don't know? Well that's not good enough. I want to know when. At least approximately. I mean there must have been some big epiphany or something where you woke up and said 'Oh! I love Rory! I'm an idiot!'"

Only every single moment since I left this god forsaken town.

"Nope, not really."

Rory nearly screamed in frustration. Things were so hot and cold with Jess. She never knew which it was going to be. Suddenly she had an inspiration. She got up and walked over to Jess, kneeling on the floor in front of him. She put her hands on his knees, and forced him to look at her.

"Jess. . ." She said quietly, "Be honest with me. Please."

Jess looked into her eyes and could feel the walls that he'd built tumbling down upon him. It was like he was suffocating and Rory was to be his sweet release.

"It was gradual. It started the moment I met you. . . I knew as soon as I saw you that I'd have to make you mine. I guess I realized it when I called you at graduation, when you said that you loved me."

"So, that was you then."

Jess nodded silently, a small smile playing at his lips.

"I should go."

AN/ Oh geez please review. This chapter was impossibly hard to write. Sorry it took so long though.