** Disclaimer: I only own Zana **************
A fast chapter before leaving again! Thank you for all the reviews! I'm a bit in a hurry so I can't talk more, I hope to see you all next weekend! Have fun!
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And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
- Angels - Robbie Williams
As we were walking in the corridors, I felt as if I was carrying a heavy stone in one of my pockets. Hours had passed since we had kissed, and until now I hadn't noticed anything. Surprised, I put my hand inside and suddenly, many memories came to my head.. the ring that Haldir had given me.. I picked it and it shone under the green light. I felt tears in my eyes and, without thinking, I placed it in my finger. Haldir was in my minds again, and all what I wanted to do was leaving the cave. I felt Legolas gaze on me.
"You look sad, Zana" He said, and I nodded, a bit angry.
"I betrayed him, I allowed you to kiss me.. this shouldn't have happened, I wish it had never happened" Legolas stopped and faced me.
"Are you serious about this?" Hs voice sounded hard in my ears, his blue eyes cold. "Are you completely sure?" We stared at each other and, for a moment, I didn't know what to say, as confused I was. "Zana.." He gave a step towards me. "By now you should know a bit more about your feelings, don't you think?" He took my hand, but I refused it. He looked hurted, but said nothing.
"Legolas, I feel something very strong about Haldir, things are very different now from the day I arrived in Mirkwood.. I mean, if this had happened the day you found me in the forest.." I smiled, and shrugged " I assure you that Haldir wouldn't have existed for me.." Legolas half smiled, but I went on talking. " But this didn't happen.. and now the consequences are those ones.. " I noticed that he was looking at the ring.
"So it's serious then.. you wear the ring of Lorien.." I looked at him confused, checking the small jewel. His blue eyes were amazing, but I tried not to think about that.
"What do you mean? He gave me this ring because it's a family's memory.." But Legolas smiled sadly, and shook his head, taking my hand to analyse it.
"Zana, this ring is the symbol of Lorien, the ring that only very important elves wear.. it was given to Haldir when he became the Captain of the Guard of Lorien.. it's something very special and I'm so surprised that he gave it to you.. I wonder what Galadriel would have said about that.." I felt even worse after his words, as if I was a horrible person. Haldir really had opened his heart to me, and I had kissed Legolas..
"What will happen now, Legolas? Will you tell Haldir that." I looked at him , expectantly, but he smiled.
"Don't worry, this will be our secret.. I shouldn't have pressed you like I did.. I understand that you were confused.. and I also understand that you already made your choice and.. maybe I should respect it.." He took a deep breath. " But I also think that if you feel something for me, something different from what you feel about Haldir.. you should consider it and decide which feeling is stronger." He left my hand and looked at me. "We're running out of time, Zana. We don't know when will this journey finish.. and when the time will come."
"I know, I know.. but the only thing I want now is to go outside and forget that we were here" I went on walking and Legolas followed me. I was becoming asleep, probably it was already dark outside.
"Maybe we should get some sleep here.." Legolas read my mind, and we stopped again, taking our sleeping bags. This time I had mine with me and I was so happy for that.. again, the memories attacked me.. the nights I had spent in Haldir's arms.. Legolas placed himself next to me, and we both covered with the green clothes. The silence between us grew up. Minutes passed, and my eyes were closing. The sound of water was relaxing, like a cascade. And I fell asleep.
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"It's late and we must sleep, Haldir" Gimli stopped in the middle of a field, looking at the sky. Haldir had been silent all the way ,since the dwarf had checked the hole in the rock. Maybe he suspected something, after all, he wasn't stupid.
"I know.." Haldir murmured, taking his sleeping bag. His pale face shone in the moonlight, and his blue eyes were sad. They both were laying in their bags when the elf broke the silence. "Gimli, what happened in the rock?"
"What do you mean?" The dwarf looked at him, scared. He never used to lie, he was a sincere being, besides all his defects, now Haldir was a good friend and he didn't know if he would be able to hide such a thing to him.
"I saw your gaze when you came outside.. you were different from the moment you stepped inside.. since that moment I knew that you were hiding me something.. " Haldir's voice sounded strong and demanding. Gimli didn't know what to say.
"You're a crazy and worried elf! " He tried to look happy, or angry.. " Get some sleep or tomorrow you'll be unbearable". He turned around on his kind of bed, but he knew that Haldir wouldn't give up so easily.
"If you go on lying to me, dwarf.. you'll be sorry for your behaviour" Haldir sat down and stared at Gimli. The dwarf felt a bit scared, and this made him be angry with himself. Sitting down too, he took a deep breath.
"Haldir, what I've seen can't be told by me.. you must wait to see the girl and ask her, OK? " The silence became uncomfortable.
"I perfectly know what happened, because I've been afraid of this since the moment they fell in the hole" Gimli couldn't tell if he was sad or angry, he looked so strange and that was scary. "I knew that Legolas would take any chance to come closer to her.."
"Don't talk about my friend like this, Haldir.. he would never force her to do anything she didn't want to happen" Gimli's voice became sharp too.
"You're telling me that she caused the situation too?" Now it was a shout and he stood up. "I trust Zana and I know that she would have never given the first step.. when Legolas will meet me he will have a big problem to deal with.."
"Haldir.. calm down.. you know that Legolas loved her since the first day.. and you know that she also felt the same about him.. " Gimli walked towards the elf, more friendly. "But you also know that she chose you, and whatever had happened inside the cave, doesn't mean anything.."
"Maybe not for you, dwarf.. but Legolas forced Zana to do something she would have never allowed and this won't remain like this.."
"You trust this girl too much, elf, and you don't know her.. Legolas is the best friend I've ever had, I trust him and he's loyal.. she's just a human girl ,remember this" Gimli returned to his bag and laid down. Haldir was speechless, and tried to scare away all doubts from his head. He indeed trusted her, and he knew that she would never betray him.. or this he wanted to think.
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The morning had come and we were walking in silence for hours.. I was afraid of what was expecting to me.. the light became stronger inside the cave, but it was day light .. the exit was closer, and Legolas felt a lot better, breathing the fresh air he recuperated all his optimism, he was obviously willing to see the sun.
And the idea of meeting Haldir again was too beautiful to be true.. and at the same time, it would be too painful for me.. even if Legolas kept the secret, my heart would know and remember it.. and I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes again.. I was nervous, and scared.
" Look, Zana.. the light, upon us.. we've arrived in the rivers!" Legoals shouted, running towards a big lake.. the river had grown up and found the outside.. I saw the shadow of some trees.. but I noticed the silence.. no voices, no elves or dwarves.. "Zana, we're outside!" I ran there too, and saw the amazing lands in front of us. I passed under a stone arc and the sunlight forced me to close my eyes for a while. I felt the warmth of its rays and suddenly this made me happy. Legolas smiled and hugged me. "We're outside!" I hugged him back, feeling a bit uncomfortable.. he noticed it, and got separated from me. "I'm sorry.." he murmured.. and I blushed. Then ,looking around, I heard some steps. And a strong voice complaining.no doubt about that ,it was Gimli. I smiled and walked towards that place. He saw me and came running.
"Zana, how nice to se you all!" He shouted, greeting Legoals too. And then, my heart stopped for a while. Haldir was standing there, with a strange gaze in his eyes.. as if he felt pain because of something.. I didn't know what to do.. if I should move, or stay..he looked so serious, so.. angry, maybe..
"You won't say hello to me, Zana?" He said, with a sarcastic voice, and I smiled. I walked there, stood in front of him, waiting.. he didn't hug me.. what was he waiting for? He looked at Legolas in the distance, and his eyes became darker. I felt so scared.. he knew something indeed.. but.. how was that possible? Maybe it was just my imagination.. "Legolas.. are you both OK?" Still without hugging me.. Legolas nodded, and Gimli took his arm and led him to a place apart, leaving us alone. Haldir's eyes returned to mines. More silence.
"What's wrong..? "I whispered. "I thought you would also be happy to see me again.." I was about to cry, my voice shaking.. I felt so bad, so guilty, I hated Legolas. And Haldir didn't reply, he just stared at me. My heart was beating so fast. He took my hand and looked at the ring, then back to my eyes. "Haldir, please.." And in that moment he wrapped me with his arms and kissed me. All my sorrow was gone and kissed him back.. so happy that, whatever was inside his mind, he had forgiven me.. or maybe he just didn't know anything.. whatever.. I was so happy and I didn't want that moment to finish.
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Gimli made Legolas stop, looking at him with an angry gaze.
"You, stupid elf.. I thought you were.. you were.. I don't have words for the thing you made!!" Legoals stared at him, shocked.
"What do you mean?" Gimli's face became red, so red, he was trying not to shout, and his whisper came like a thunder.
"By all the mines of Moria, you kissed her!!"
"How do you know this?" Legolas was shocked, ashamed.. he sat down in a rock, trying to think.. if Gimli knew that.. then Haldir knew it too!
"I saw you both.. we found a hole in a rock and I checked it, Haldir waited outside.. and when I reached the end, I saw how you.." He stopped talking and put a face, as if he had eaten a dozen of acid lemons all together. " How could you do that?"
"How come Haldir wasn't there?" Now Legolas was so worried and scared. So sorry for having made that big mistake.
"The space wasn't big enough for him ,don't worry. He didn't see anything.." Gimli's voice became lower..
"But he knows it.." Legolas murmured, shaking his head. "Gimli, I can't explain what happened to me.. the situation was so.. proper.. we were alone there.. nobody else.. and.."
"But you knew that the girl was confused! So how could you do that? Legolas, since she arrived you're not the good elf I met.. you're like a human, exactly like a human.. but not a noble one, like Aragorn.. you're.. you're.."
"Stop with this, Gimli.. I made a big mistake and now I'll pay for it.. I must speak with Haldir."
"No" Gimli stopped him, sharply. "Let Zana do this.. now you don't have anything to do with her.. leave them alone and go on with your own way.." Legolas felt too ashamed to reply, all his world fell down.
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Haldir touched my face with his hand, looking into my eyes. He wasn't smiling, still that sad gaze..
"Haldir.. I must tell you something, and it's not easy.." I felt the tears again. " But I promise you that it wasn't my intention, I didn't want that to happen.. I didn't cause it.." Was I accusing Legolas? But, after all, it was him the one who had kissed me.. haldir took a deep breath.
"I knew that he had pressed you, Zana.. I knew that you would never have kissed him back.. right?" His blue eyes became darker again, I was shocked because he knew everything and, besides it, he was still standing there, hugging me. "Zana.. did you kiss him back?" I blushed, and I noticed that his muscles got tensed.
"Just for a second.. and then I pushed him away, I promise you it was like this, Haldir, you must believe me.. everything happened so fast that I couldn't react!" But Haldir had his face like the stone ,unreadable.
"I believe you.." But his voice sounded so different, and he walked away from me. "We must go on walking." He went away, and I ran after him. I took his arm,and he looked back.
"Haldir, please.. tell me that you believe me and that you're not angry.."
"I believe each and every word you told me, Zana.. and I appreciate your sincerity. I'm not angry with you.. I'm just.. confused.." And he left me, walking towards Gimli and Legolas. I felt so bad that I wanted to die.
A fast chapter before leaving again! Thank you for all the reviews! I'm a bit in a hurry so I can't talk more, I hope to see you all next weekend! Have fun!
*************** ************* ***************** ************
And through it all she offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever it may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call she won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
- Angels - Robbie Williams
As we were walking in the corridors, I felt as if I was carrying a heavy stone in one of my pockets. Hours had passed since we had kissed, and until now I hadn't noticed anything. Surprised, I put my hand inside and suddenly, many memories came to my head.. the ring that Haldir had given me.. I picked it and it shone under the green light. I felt tears in my eyes and, without thinking, I placed it in my finger. Haldir was in my minds again, and all what I wanted to do was leaving the cave. I felt Legolas gaze on me.
"You look sad, Zana" He said, and I nodded, a bit angry.
"I betrayed him, I allowed you to kiss me.. this shouldn't have happened, I wish it had never happened" Legolas stopped and faced me.
"Are you serious about this?" Hs voice sounded hard in my ears, his blue eyes cold. "Are you completely sure?" We stared at each other and, for a moment, I didn't know what to say, as confused I was. "Zana.." He gave a step towards me. "By now you should know a bit more about your feelings, don't you think?" He took my hand, but I refused it. He looked hurted, but said nothing.
"Legolas, I feel something very strong about Haldir, things are very different now from the day I arrived in Mirkwood.. I mean, if this had happened the day you found me in the forest.." I smiled, and shrugged " I assure you that Haldir wouldn't have existed for me.." Legolas half smiled, but I went on talking. " But this didn't happen.. and now the consequences are those ones.. " I noticed that he was looking at the ring.
"So it's serious then.. you wear the ring of Lorien.." I looked at him confused, checking the small jewel. His blue eyes were amazing, but I tried not to think about that.
"What do you mean? He gave me this ring because it's a family's memory.." But Legolas smiled sadly, and shook his head, taking my hand to analyse it.
"Zana, this ring is the symbol of Lorien, the ring that only very important elves wear.. it was given to Haldir when he became the Captain of the Guard of Lorien.. it's something very special and I'm so surprised that he gave it to you.. I wonder what Galadriel would have said about that.." I felt even worse after his words, as if I was a horrible person. Haldir really had opened his heart to me, and I had kissed Legolas..
"What will happen now, Legolas? Will you tell Haldir that." I looked at him , expectantly, but he smiled.
"Don't worry, this will be our secret.. I shouldn't have pressed you like I did.. I understand that you were confused.. and I also understand that you already made your choice and.. maybe I should respect it.." He took a deep breath. " But I also think that if you feel something for me, something different from what you feel about Haldir.. you should consider it and decide which feeling is stronger." He left my hand and looked at me. "We're running out of time, Zana. We don't know when will this journey finish.. and when the time will come."
"I know, I know.. but the only thing I want now is to go outside and forget that we were here" I went on walking and Legolas followed me. I was becoming asleep, probably it was already dark outside.
"Maybe we should get some sleep here.." Legolas read my mind, and we stopped again, taking our sleeping bags. This time I had mine with me and I was so happy for that.. again, the memories attacked me.. the nights I had spent in Haldir's arms.. Legolas placed himself next to me, and we both covered with the green clothes. The silence between us grew up. Minutes passed, and my eyes were closing. The sound of water was relaxing, like a cascade. And I fell asleep.
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"It's late and we must sleep, Haldir" Gimli stopped in the middle of a field, looking at the sky. Haldir had been silent all the way ,since the dwarf had checked the hole in the rock. Maybe he suspected something, after all, he wasn't stupid.
"I know.." Haldir murmured, taking his sleeping bag. His pale face shone in the moonlight, and his blue eyes were sad. They both were laying in their bags when the elf broke the silence. "Gimli, what happened in the rock?"
"What do you mean?" The dwarf looked at him, scared. He never used to lie, he was a sincere being, besides all his defects, now Haldir was a good friend and he didn't know if he would be able to hide such a thing to him.
"I saw your gaze when you came outside.. you were different from the moment you stepped inside.. since that moment I knew that you were hiding me something.. " Haldir's voice sounded strong and demanding. Gimli didn't know what to say.
"You're a crazy and worried elf! " He tried to look happy, or angry.. " Get some sleep or tomorrow you'll be unbearable". He turned around on his kind of bed, but he knew that Haldir wouldn't give up so easily.
"If you go on lying to me, dwarf.. you'll be sorry for your behaviour" Haldir sat down and stared at Gimli. The dwarf felt a bit scared, and this made him be angry with himself. Sitting down too, he took a deep breath.
"Haldir, what I've seen can't be told by me.. you must wait to see the girl and ask her, OK? " The silence became uncomfortable.
"I perfectly know what happened, because I've been afraid of this since the moment they fell in the hole" Gimli couldn't tell if he was sad or angry, he looked so strange and that was scary. "I knew that Legolas would take any chance to come closer to her.."
"Don't talk about my friend like this, Haldir.. he would never force her to do anything she didn't want to happen" Gimli's voice became sharp too.
"You're telling me that she caused the situation too?" Now it was a shout and he stood up. "I trust Zana and I know that she would have never given the first step.. when Legolas will meet me he will have a big problem to deal with.."
"Haldir.. calm down.. you know that Legolas loved her since the first day.. and you know that she also felt the same about him.. " Gimli walked towards the elf, more friendly. "But you also know that she chose you, and whatever had happened inside the cave, doesn't mean anything.."
"Maybe not for you, dwarf.. but Legolas forced Zana to do something she would have never allowed and this won't remain like this.."
"You trust this girl too much, elf, and you don't know her.. Legolas is the best friend I've ever had, I trust him and he's loyal.. she's just a human girl ,remember this" Gimli returned to his bag and laid down. Haldir was speechless, and tried to scare away all doubts from his head. He indeed trusted her, and he knew that she would never betray him.. or this he wanted to think.
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The morning had come and we were walking in silence for hours.. I was afraid of what was expecting to me.. the light became stronger inside the cave, but it was day light .. the exit was closer, and Legolas felt a lot better, breathing the fresh air he recuperated all his optimism, he was obviously willing to see the sun.
And the idea of meeting Haldir again was too beautiful to be true.. and at the same time, it would be too painful for me.. even if Legolas kept the secret, my heart would know and remember it.. and I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes again.. I was nervous, and scared.
" Look, Zana.. the light, upon us.. we've arrived in the rivers!" Legoals shouted, running towards a big lake.. the river had grown up and found the outside.. I saw the shadow of some trees.. but I noticed the silence.. no voices, no elves or dwarves.. "Zana, we're outside!" I ran there too, and saw the amazing lands in front of us. I passed under a stone arc and the sunlight forced me to close my eyes for a while. I felt the warmth of its rays and suddenly this made me happy. Legolas smiled and hugged me. "We're outside!" I hugged him back, feeling a bit uncomfortable.. he noticed it, and got separated from me. "I'm sorry.." he murmured.. and I blushed. Then ,looking around, I heard some steps. And a strong voice complaining.no doubt about that ,it was Gimli. I smiled and walked towards that place. He saw me and came running.
"Zana, how nice to se you all!" He shouted, greeting Legoals too. And then, my heart stopped for a while. Haldir was standing there, with a strange gaze in his eyes.. as if he felt pain because of something.. I didn't know what to do.. if I should move, or stay..he looked so serious, so.. angry, maybe..
"You won't say hello to me, Zana?" He said, with a sarcastic voice, and I smiled. I walked there, stood in front of him, waiting.. he didn't hug me.. what was he waiting for? He looked at Legolas in the distance, and his eyes became darker. I felt so scared.. he knew something indeed.. but.. how was that possible? Maybe it was just my imagination.. "Legolas.. are you both OK?" Still without hugging me.. Legolas nodded, and Gimli took his arm and led him to a place apart, leaving us alone. Haldir's eyes returned to mines. More silence.
"What's wrong..? "I whispered. "I thought you would also be happy to see me again.." I was about to cry, my voice shaking.. I felt so bad, so guilty, I hated Legolas. And Haldir didn't reply, he just stared at me. My heart was beating so fast. He took my hand and looked at the ring, then back to my eyes. "Haldir, please.." And in that moment he wrapped me with his arms and kissed me. All my sorrow was gone and kissed him back.. so happy that, whatever was inside his mind, he had forgiven me.. or maybe he just didn't know anything.. whatever.. I was so happy and I didn't want that moment to finish.
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Gimli made Legolas stop, looking at him with an angry gaze.
"You, stupid elf.. I thought you were.. you were.. I don't have words for the thing you made!!" Legoals stared at him, shocked.
"What do you mean?" Gimli's face became red, so red, he was trying not to shout, and his whisper came like a thunder.
"By all the mines of Moria, you kissed her!!"
"How do you know this?" Legolas was shocked, ashamed.. he sat down in a rock, trying to think.. if Gimli knew that.. then Haldir knew it too!
"I saw you both.. we found a hole in a rock and I checked it, Haldir waited outside.. and when I reached the end, I saw how you.." He stopped talking and put a face, as if he had eaten a dozen of acid lemons all together. " How could you do that?"
"How come Haldir wasn't there?" Now Legolas was so worried and scared. So sorry for having made that big mistake.
"The space wasn't big enough for him ,don't worry. He didn't see anything.." Gimli's voice became lower..
"But he knows it.." Legolas murmured, shaking his head. "Gimli, I can't explain what happened to me.. the situation was so.. proper.. we were alone there.. nobody else.. and.."
"But you knew that the girl was confused! So how could you do that? Legolas, since she arrived you're not the good elf I met.. you're like a human, exactly like a human.. but not a noble one, like Aragorn.. you're.. you're.."
"Stop with this, Gimli.. I made a big mistake and now I'll pay for it.. I must speak with Haldir."
"No" Gimli stopped him, sharply. "Let Zana do this.. now you don't have anything to do with her.. leave them alone and go on with your own way.." Legolas felt too ashamed to reply, all his world fell down.
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Haldir touched my face with his hand, looking into my eyes. He wasn't smiling, still that sad gaze..
"Haldir.. I must tell you something, and it's not easy.." I felt the tears again. " But I promise you that it wasn't my intention, I didn't want that to happen.. I didn't cause it.." Was I accusing Legolas? But, after all, it was him the one who had kissed me.. haldir took a deep breath.
"I knew that he had pressed you, Zana.. I knew that you would never have kissed him back.. right?" His blue eyes became darker again, I was shocked because he knew everything and, besides it, he was still standing there, hugging me. "Zana.. did you kiss him back?" I blushed, and I noticed that his muscles got tensed.
"Just for a second.. and then I pushed him away, I promise you it was like this, Haldir, you must believe me.. everything happened so fast that I couldn't react!" But Haldir had his face like the stone ,unreadable.
"I believe you.." But his voice sounded so different, and he walked away from me. "We must go on walking." He went away, and I ran after him. I took his arm,and he looked back.
"Haldir, please.. tell me that you believe me and that you're not angry.."
"I believe each and every word you told me, Zana.. and I appreciate your sincerity. I'm not angry with you.. I'm just.. confused.." And he left me, walking towards Gimli and Legolas. I felt so bad that I wanted to die.