** Disclaimer: I only own Zana ********************
I got 20 reviews in 4 days, that was amazing! Thank you very much for all the things you said about me! I'm really happy to get this support. Anyway, as you can see, nothing is decided yet : ) Zana is still confused , well, somehow I put myself in her place : ) I mean, in this moment my life is a chaos, and writing about similar situations helps me : ) Anyway, as I promised the other day, when I'll finish this story I'll tell you some of my "secrets" and I'm sure that after knowing them, you all will understand better why I decided to make this story so so confusing : ) Yes, my life is a bit unpredictable and every day I get amazing news.. I could say that I don't have time to get bored : ) Thank you very much and I hope you'll like this chapter too!
********** ************* *********** ****************
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone - Heart
The past four days we have walked without exchanging a word.. Haldir was mute, quiet, serious.. the only ones speaking were Legolas and Gimli.. and the most depressing thing was that Legolas also avoided me.. I was alone, or at least, I felt alone. We crossed valleys, hills.. the landscape became boring, or maybe it was me the one who wasn't able to get all the beauty of the land, as lost in my thoughts as I was. At nights I was too tired to think, so I used to fall asleep as soon as I stepped inside my sleeping bag. And no one looked at me, no one asked me how I felt, if I was OK.. nothing.
It was late in the afternoon when we reached the top of a hill. The sun was red in the horizon and some clouds shone with a mix of yellow and orange light. It was so nice to watch at, and I sighed, remembering the good times that seemed to be so far away from that moment. We all were lost in our thoughts, leaving the bags in the ground and getting ready to spend the night in that wonderful place. I saw the first star of the night shining above us and I couldn't help smiling, remembering my nights in Mirkwood. I froze when I heard a voice close to me.
"It's the first time I see your smile in four days" I turned around to Haldir's gaze, his eyes were sad and serious, but after a while they smiled too.
"I didn't have any reason to be happy, Haldir" My words sounded sharp, and I felt guilty. After all, I had caused that situation. Well, Legolas had caused it.. but I was guilty as well and I had to accept it. Haldir was about to leave but I called him. He turned around. "Please, wait a minute" He doubted, and then walked back, close to me. Legolas and Gimli were looking at us, but I didn't care.
"I don't want to hear any explanation about what happened, Zana" Haldir looked so angry, but soon he took a deep breath and stared at me.
"Haldir, since that day I was wishing to talk to you, but you were avoiding me. I didn't dare to approach you and ask what was wrong, because obviously you would get mad at me." Some seconds of silence followed my statement.
"I wasn't able to talk to you, Zana.. I'm not angry, but you have to understand that this hurted me" He took his sleeping bag and passed me mine. It was already dark, but in the horizon there were still light blue colours. Gimli had made a fire and he was laying next to it, together with Legolas. I saw him giving me a look, and I looked back, confused. When I saw his smile I felt even worse.
"I'm curious about something, and I would like to ask you a question.." Haldir looked at me surprised.
"Of course, tell me" He sat down and stared at me. I covered myself with the blanket and then looked at him.
"When I fell in the hole, only Legolas jumped.." Haldir's face changed, as if all from the sudden he had understood all the mysteries in the universe. I went on talking before he started talking back. " So when I was in the cave, scared, afraid of everything. I only had Legolas with me. You didn't jump, and I thought you didn't care enough about me, that finally I had discovered who of you really loved me.. I was so disappointed, Haldir.. and now I ask you.. why did you have doubts about jumping, when Legolas followed me at once, without thinking?" Haldir smiled and took a deep breath. I was surprised to see his reaction, he looked so sure about himself again.
"So this is the explanation I needed" He commented, in low voice. His eyes looked at me again , and he came closer. I was shocked when he kissed me. What happened to him? He was driving me crazy!
"Haldir, I don't understand you.. first.."
"Stop talking" He whispered, interrupting me. His blue eyes were so close to me, and I felt well again. "I didn't jump because I couldn't.. a root caught my feet and stopped me. Gimli can tell you this, if you don't believe me.. and when I finally was able to escape, the tree fell over the hole and the space was too small to jump into." I looked at him in surprise, and al my thoughts became a bit more clear.
"And all this time I had been thinking that.. I wasn't enough for you, or that you had stopped loving me, or.." I was speechless, shocked.. and after this confession I felt even more guilty for all what had happened. "I'm sorry, Haldir, I'm so sorry.." My eyes were full of tears, and his hand touched my face.
"Zana.. during those four days I've been thinking.. that even if you loved Legolas, or even if you liked him a bit.. I wouldn't give up. You're too important for me and I had decided that whatever had happened inside the cave, I would never leave you.. and now that things are more clear, I understand better the way you acted, and I understand you.. and I'm so happy to see that there's still hope for me in your heart.." Those words caught me by surprise, exactly the same words that Legolas had said to me. Legolas.. he obviously was listening to us, and suddenly I felt sorry for him too.. and I got angry with myself and with my reaction. Without thinking, I avoided Haldir's gaze, and separated a bit from him.
"We must sleep, Haldir" I said, and he looked at me.
"What's wrong? " He analysed my face and followed my eyes.. when he saw Legolas his expression changed. "I understand.." He whispered, and then laid down on his sleeping bag.
"Haldir, please, don't start again with this.. I'm with you, right? If I preferred Legolas, I would be right now with him, don't you think? " But I got silence in reply. He looked at the sky.
"Good night, Zana. Tomorrow we'll talk more"
"Haldir.." But he ignored me. I laid down too, looking at the fire. Through it, I met Legolas eyes. Suddenly he smiled, and then, disappeared inside his blanket.
------- ----------- ------------ -------------- --------------- --- --------------
I felt a hand in my shoulders.. I couldn't open my eyes, I was too asleep. For a while I thought I was dreaming, but then I heard a voice.
"Zana.. wake up" It was so sweet, and I smiled.. not sure about the elf who was talking to me. "Zana.. come on.." I opened my eyes, it was too dark, and the fire was almost disappearing. Legolas was standing there, together with Haldir. I sat down, worried, when I saw their faces.
"What's wrong?" I was shaking , it was cold. And Haldir gave me his cloak.
"We heard steps, Haldir woke me up and Gimli is checking the path. Come on, we must get ready" Legolas took my arm and made me stand up.
"Steps? What are you saying? " I was a bit scared, but as soon as I saw Haldir, when he took my hand, I felt better. I came closer to him, with the stupid need of feeling protected. He noticed it, because he put his arm around my shoulders. Legolas avoided us, turning around and murmuring something about taking the bags.
"Someone is near, and we can't know who.. but don't fear anything, I'm sure he won't be a problem for us.." Haldir smiled, comforting me. He seemed to have forgotten about the last night's conversation and that made me happy.
"How do you know he's a "he" and not a "she"? I asked, confused, and Haldir smiled again.
"You won't find a girl walking alone in Middle Earth , I assure you this "
"I was alone when Legolas found me" I said, fearing that a new girl would come from Earth.. but that was stupid.. Legolas looked at me in the distance.
"He's a human man, I know it because of the sound of his steps" He said to us, and Haldir agreed.
"And he's near from here, I can feel it.." Haldir's eyes looked around, he left his arm, and I felt the cold. I felt alone. I suddenly remembered Galadriel's predictions.. someone else would join us.. someone from my world. My heart started beating so fast, and the elves heard it, because both of them stared at me.
We were waiting, in silence.. nerves, fears.. all came to me and I felt scared. I wondered who was him, the mysterious man from Earth who had helped me in the distance, the one who cared about me and I even didn't know myself .. I noticed that Haldir and Legolas exchanged worried looks, and Gimli returned.
"I saw a man, not too tall.. like Zana, I could say.. he doesn't wear weapons, and he's not a threaten for us.. he comes alone.. in some minutes he'll find us" The dwarf was breathing strongly, he had come running. I tried to remember all the people I knew.. trying to adapt his descriptions to the memories I had.. but I couldn't find a match. Haldir took a deep breath.. he looked worried. As well as Legolas.. and they both made me worried too.
"What's wrong, elves? " I asked, and they looked at me.
"Galadriel said he would change things.." Haldir commented, with a strange voice.
"We're worried, Zana.." Legolas remarked.
"Why? Why would you worry about someone who helped me in my world? " And I understood the real meaning of their words.. they were afraid of him, but.. why? It was more a personal matter than a real danger, and suddenly I became more calmed. I was terribly curious about the identity of my helper, if he could be called like this. Haldir came close to me again.
"I'm afraid that something else could separate us.." I looked at him, surprised.
"Something "else"? " I blushed when I realised what he wanted to mean. "You're still worried about Legolas, right? " Haldir didn't reply, but I saw his eyes and it was enough for me.. he had the answer written on them. And now it was me the one who gave one step and kissed him. He looked surprised but soon kissed me back, and for some seconds we both forgot about what was happening around us, I felt so safe in his arms that I wanted to make the rest of the world disappear.
"I'm sorry for the interruption.." Legolas voice sounded sad and, again, I felt a kind of pain inside me. " But he's here" We all kept the breath, and I couldn't help walking towards the path, when I felt Haldir's hand keeping mine and stopping me.
We four were standing there, waiting.. now the steps were more clear and it was obvious that someone else was coming.. I couldn't wait more to know who was him, which was his mission here.. the waiting was killing me, Gimli breathed strongly, nervously . And finally he showed up.
"Oh, my god" I whispered, almost fainting.. he was the less expected person there.. I would have never guessed that, it was impossible! Of course I knew him, but since one year ago I had thought that he was ignoring me, that he was apart from my life.. I couldn't believe my eyes and I even didn't notice when Haldir left my hand.. the human man was looking me back, shocked.. his dark eyes on mines, standing and waiting.. suddenly he smiled.
"This is a miracle, Zana.. I've been searching for you during days!" He shouted, and walked towards me.. I didn't know if I should hug him or not, after all, he was one of my professors. One of my professors! The one who was so nice tome once that I couldn't forget about him in a whole year.. the one I saw every day in the faculty, in the distance, thinking that he didn't even know that I existed.. and he had followed me.. why? We both stared at each other, and finally it was him the one who hugged me.
"I'm so happy to see that you're ok, Zana" I saw Legolas and Haldir's gazes, and I came back to reality. Things were getting complicated.
I got 20 reviews in 4 days, that was amazing! Thank you very much for all the things you said about me! I'm really happy to get this support. Anyway, as you can see, nothing is decided yet : ) Zana is still confused , well, somehow I put myself in her place : ) I mean, in this moment my life is a chaos, and writing about similar situations helps me : ) Anyway, as I promised the other day, when I'll finish this story I'll tell you some of my "secrets" and I'm sure that after knowing them, you all will understand better why I decided to make this story so so confusing : ) Yes, my life is a bit unpredictable and every day I get amazing news.. I could say that I don't have time to get bored : ) Thank you very much and I hope you'll like this chapter too!
********** ************* *********** ****************
Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
You don't know how long I have wanted
to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited
and I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
and my love for you is still unknown
Alone - Heart
The past four days we have walked without exchanging a word.. Haldir was mute, quiet, serious.. the only ones speaking were Legolas and Gimli.. and the most depressing thing was that Legolas also avoided me.. I was alone, or at least, I felt alone. We crossed valleys, hills.. the landscape became boring, or maybe it was me the one who wasn't able to get all the beauty of the land, as lost in my thoughts as I was. At nights I was too tired to think, so I used to fall asleep as soon as I stepped inside my sleeping bag. And no one looked at me, no one asked me how I felt, if I was OK.. nothing.
It was late in the afternoon when we reached the top of a hill. The sun was red in the horizon and some clouds shone with a mix of yellow and orange light. It was so nice to watch at, and I sighed, remembering the good times that seemed to be so far away from that moment. We all were lost in our thoughts, leaving the bags in the ground and getting ready to spend the night in that wonderful place. I saw the first star of the night shining above us and I couldn't help smiling, remembering my nights in Mirkwood. I froze when I heard a voice close to me.
"It's the first time I see your smile in four days" I turned around to Haldir's gaze, his eyes were sad and serious, but after a while they smiled too.
"I didn't have any reason to be happy, Haldir" My words sounded sharp, and I felt guilty. After all, I had caused that situation. Well, Legolas had caused it.. but I was guilty as well and I had to accept it. Haldir was about to leave but I called him. He turned around. "Please, wait a minute" He doubted, and then walked back, close to me. Legolas and Gimli were looking at us, but I didn't care.
"I don't want to hear any explanation about what happened, Zana" Haldir looked so angry, but soon he took a deep breath and stared at me.
"Haldir, since that day I was wishing to talk to you, but you were avoiding me. I didn't dare to approach you and ask what was wrong, because obviously you would get mad at me." Some seconds of silence followed my statement.
"I wasn't able to talk to you, Zana.. I'm not angry, but you have to understand that this hurted me" He took his sleeping bag and passed me mine. It was already dark, but in the horizon there were still light blue colours. Gimli had made a fire and he was laying next to it, together with Legolas. I saw him giving me a look, and I looked back, confused. When I saw his smile I felt even worse.
"I'm curious about something, and I would like to ask you a question.." Haldir looked at me surprised.
"Of course, tell me" He sat down and stared at me. I covered myself with the blanket and then looked at him.
"When I fell in the hole, only Legolas jumped.." Haldir's face changed, as if all from the sudden he had understood all the mysteries in the universe. I went on talking before he started talking back. " So when I was in the cave, scared, afraid of everything. I only had Legolas with me. You didn't jump, and I thought you didn't care enough about me, that finally I had discovered who of you really loved me.. I was so disappointed, Haldir.. and now I ask you.. why did you have doubts about jumping, when Legolas followed me at once, without thinking?" Haldir smiled and took a deep breath. I was surprised to see his reaction, he looked so sure about himself again.
"So this is the explanation I needed" He commented, in low voice. His eyes looked at me again , and he came closer. I was shocked when he kissed me. What happened to him? He was driving me crazy!
"Haldir, I don't understand you.. first.."
"Stop talking" He whispered, interrupting me. His blue eyes were so close to me, and I felt well again. "I didn't jump because I couldn't.. a root caught my feet and stopped me. Gimli can tell you this, if you don't believe me.. and when I finally was able to escape, the tree fell over the hole and the space was too small to jump into." I looked at him in surprise, and al my thoughts became a bit more clear.
"And all this time I had been thinking that.. I wasn't enough for you, or that you had stopped loving me, or.." I was speechless, shocked.. and after this confession I felt even more guilty for all what had happened. "I'm sorry, Haldir, I'm so sorry.." My eyes were full of tears, and his hand touched my face.
"Zana.. during those four days I've been thinking.. that even if you loved Legolas, or even if you liked him a bit.. I wouldn't give up. You're too important for me and I had decided that whatever had happened inside the cave, I would never leave you.. and now that things are more clear, I understand better the way you acted, and I understand you.. and I'm so happy to see that there's still hope for me in your heart.." Those words caught me by surprise, exactly the same words that Legolas had said to me. Legolas.. he obviously was listening to us, and suddenly I felt sorry for him too.. and I got angry with myself and with my reaction. Without thinking, I avoided Haldir's gaze, and separated a bit from him.
"We must sleep, Haldir" I said, and he looked at me.
"What's wrong? " He analysed my face and followed my eyes.. when he saw Legolas his expression changed. "I understand.." He whispered, and then laid down on his sleeping bag.
"Haldir, please, don't start again with this.. I'm with you, right? If I preferred Legolas, I would be right now with him, don't you think? " But I got silence in reply. He looked at the sky.
"Good night, Zana. Tomorrow we'll talk more"
"Haldir.." But he ignored me. I laid down too, looking at the fire. Through it, I met Legolas eyes. Suddenly he smiled, and then, disappeared inside his blanket.
------- ----------- ------------ -------------- --------------- --- --------------
I felt a hand in my shoulders.. I couldn't open my eyes, I was too asleep. For a while I thought I was dreaming, but then I heard a voice.
"Zana.. wake up" It was so sweet, and I smiled.. not sure about the elf who was talking to me. "Zana.. come on.." I opened my eyes, it was too dark, and the fire was almost disappearing. Legolas was standing there, together with Haldir. I sat down, worried, when I saw their faces.
"What's wrong?" I was shaking , it was cold. And Haldir gave me his cloak.
"We heard steps, Haldir woke me up and Gimli is checking the path. Come on, we must get ready" Legolas took my arm and made me stand up.
"Steps? What are you saying? " I was a bit scared, but as soon as I saw Haldir, when he took my hand, I felt better. I came closer to him, with the stupid need of feeling protected. He noticed it, because he put his arm around my shoulders. Legolas avoided us, turning around and murmuring something about taking the bags.
"Someone is near, and we can't know who.. but don't fear anything, I'm sure he won't be a problem for us.." Haldir smiled, comforting me. He seemed to have forgotten about the last night's conversation and that made me happy.
"How do you know he's a "he" and not a "she"? I asked, confused, and Haldir smiled again.
"You won't find a girl walking alone in Middle Earth , I assure you this "
"I was alone when Legolas found me" I said, fearing that a new girl would come from Earth.. but that was stupid.. Legolas looked at me in the distance.
"He's a human man, I know it because of the sound of his steps" He said to us, and Haldir agreed.
"And he's near from here, I can feel it.." Haldir's eyes looked around, he left his arm, and I felt the cold. I felt alone. I suddenly remembered Galadriel's predictions.. someone else would join us.. someone from my world. My heart started beating so fast, and the elves heard it, because both of them stared at me.
We were waiting, in silence.. nerves, fears.. all came to me and I felt scared. I wondered who was him, the mysterious man from Earth who had helped me in the distance, the one who cared about me and I even didn't know myself .. I noticed that Haldir and Legolas exchanged worried looks, and Gimli returned.
"I saw a man, not too tall.. like Zana, I could say.. he doesn't wear weapons, and he's not a threaten for us.. he comes alone.. in some minutes he'll find us" The dwarf was breathing strongly, he had come running. I tried to remember all the people I knew.. trying to adapt his descriptions to the memories I had.. but I couldn't find a match. Haldir took a deep breath.. he looked worried. As well as Legolas.. and they both made me worried too.
"What's wrong, elves? " I asked, and they looked at me.
"Galadriel said he would change things.." Haldir commented, with a strange voice.
"We're worried, Zana.." Legolas remarked.
"Why? Why would you worry about someone who helped me in my world? " And I understood the real meaning of their words.. they were afraid of him, but.. why? It was more a personal matter than a real danger, and suddenly I became more calmed. I was terribly curious about the identity of my helper, if he could be called like this. Haldir came close to me again.
"I'm afraid that something else could separate us.." I looked at him, surprised.
"Something "else"? " I blushed when I realised what he wanted to mean. "You're still worried about Legolas, right? " Haldir didn't reply, but I saw his eyes and it was enough for me.. he had the answer written on them. And now it was me the one who gave one step and kissed him. He looked surprised but soon kissed me back, and for some seconds we both forgot about what was happening around us, I felt so safe in his arms that I wanted to make the rest of the world disappear.
"I'm sorry for the interruption.." Legolas voice sounded sad and, again, I felt a kind of pain inside me. " But he's here" We all kept the breath, and I couldn't help walking towards the path, when I felt Haldir's hand keeping mine and stopping me.
We four were standing there, waiting.. now the steps were more clear and it was obvious that someone else was coming.. I couldn't wait more to know who was him, which was his mission here.. the waiting was killing me, Gimli breathed strongly, nervously . And finally he showed up.
"Oh, my god" I whispered, almost fainting.. he was the less expected person there.. I would have never guessed that, it was impossible! Of course I knew him, but since one year ago I had thought that he was ignoring me, that he was apart from my life.. I couldn't believe my eyes and I even didn't notice when Haldir left my hand.. the human man was looking me back, shocked.. his dark eyes on mines, standing and waiting.. suddenly he smiled.
"This is a miracle, Zana.. I've been searching for you during days!" He shouted, and walked towards me.. I didn't know if I should hug him or not, after all, he was one of my professors. One of my professors! The one who was so nice tome once that I couldn't forget about him in a whole year.. the one I saw every day in the faculty, in the distance, thinking that he didn't even know that I existed.. and he had followed me.. why? We both stared at each other, and finally it was him the one who hugged me.
"I'm so happy to see that you're ok, Zana" I saw Legolas and Haldir's gazes, and I came back to reality. Things were getting complicated.