** Disclaimer: I only own Zana********** *****************
I have just bought the soundtrack of "Return of the King", and the truth is that it's amazing! I already chose a song for the last chapter of this story, it's a sad song, but it's not time to include it yet : ) You must listen to it, really.. while I was writing this chapter I even became sad : ) Thanks for all the reviews!!
************* *************** *************************
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all
My immortal - Evanescence
It was already night.. the rest of the day had been exhausting, helping in the ship. I didn't have more chances to talk to Achilles, and he hadn't tried to find me.. the curiosity was too big and it was killing me.. I was willing to know the secret of Haldir, and also what was waiting for us in Troy. I was scared, but I had already accepted that even if I wanted or not, I couldn't escape from my Destiny, and this one was to finish my mission no matter what.
The wooden floor was to hard to sleep on it, I checked my watch, that mysteriously , it still worked.. 3 in the night. The moonlight was coming throw the small windows, and the sea was calmed. I needed to breath fresh air, so I left the small cabin where we all were sleeping. I would have paid for having more comfortable clothes, that stupid dress that the King Arthur had given to me was very uncomfortable.. and weather had suddenly changed, it was really hot and sunny.
I walked towards the prow, the moon shinning over the sea. I sat on a big rope that someone put on the ground. It was big enough to look like a small chair, and I put my arms on the edge of the prow, watching at the waves and also at the stars.. I had a strange feeling inside me, as if I was waiting for something to happen, something that would change things completely. I sighed, worried.
"Don't be so sad, Zana" A voice scared me, and I turned around to meet Haldir. He was smiling, but his eyes looked worried. He sat next to me, with his sight lost somewhere. We were in silence for some moments, and I wished that nothing had changed, I wished to come back to past, before we had crossed the Fountain of Truth, when he still loved me. I wished so many things by then. "What are you thinking?" He asked, and looked at me with a strange face.
"I was thinking about everything.. I have the sensation that suddenly I lost everything and that I'm being led somewhere.. and I can't do anything to stop it.." My voice was a whisper, and a grey cloud hide the moon. The soft sound of the waves breaking against the prow relaxed me a bit.
"You think you lost me.." It wasn't a question, and I looked at his blue eyes. "And I don't blame on you for it. Galadriel failed me, and now I failed you.."
"What do you mean?" I turned a bit to see him better. He had an ashamed expression on his face, and suddenly he gave a beat on the wooden ground. "I can't do anything to stop what's coming.. and I can't do anything to come back to the past.. I'll break a promise and I can't do anything to avoid it.."
"Haldir, please.. what are you talking about?" I touched his arm, but he refused my hand.
"No, Zana.. I don't deserve to be here. I can't count on Galadriel.. she lied to me.. she lied to all of us.."
"Galadriel is not a god, Haldir.. she's not perfect, she can make mistakes, you know?" But Haldir was shaking his head with a sad smile. Finally he looked at me, and his gaze scared me a bit. He was changed.
"I'll tell you everything, Zana.. all what happened, all what I know.. because I can't bear this any more.. I promised Galadriel that I wouldn't say it.. but if she failed me, then I'll also fail her.."
"No, please, don't do anything that will make you be sorry later.." But he didn't pay attention to me. He looked around to make sure that nobody was listening to us.
"Now I understand your mission, Zana.. now I understand things.. and I know how this will end up.. the only think I don't know is the objective of this journey.. but I know what's going on, and I'll tell you it. " My heart was beating so fast that I almost couldn't swallow.
"Ok then.. tell me.." I didn't know if I really wanted to be informed about it, but I knew it would help me to understand things better. He looked at me and didn't move his eyes from me.
"You were sent to Middle Earth, because before your world began to exist, my world was the last thing that existed.. it was destroyed by something, it exploded, disappeared.. and then your world was created.. but the souls of the habitants of previous worlds didn't disappear.. they were born in your world.."
"Until here I understand it, and I already knew it.." He nodded, and went on talking.
"Each soul took a place in your world.. and when it died, when a century ended, they were born again in another time, in another place.. so each of us existed in a different time in your world.. like you.. but this wasn't supposed to happen, so you were sent to change things.. Middle Earth and Earth should be the same world, and not two worlds apart, this is why you're here." I nodded, nervous. "Galadriel gave me a mission, Zana.. she asked me something.. she said: "Haldir.. you must stop her when the moment will come.." I kept my breath, scared.
"What does this mean, Haldir?" He looked at me, sadly.
"You're destined to make a mistake.. and when the moment will come, I have to stop you, no matter what"
"What was the whole story that Galadriel told you, Haldir?" I asked, a bit angry. He looked in the distance and repeated Galadriel's words.
""For the future of both worlds, some , or one of you, must die. For the future of habitants of Earth , the secret must be kept. Both worlds shouldn't be joined, this would mean a big mess.. I want to tell you something, and I'm afraid that for the first time in our lives, Gandalf and I were wrong.. Zana was sent here for unknown reasons, although at first we were sure about them.. now I can say that everything has changed. She wasn't sent here to join worlds.. she was sent here to test one of you, to check if your heart is really as honourable as we all thought.. but on her way she will find a big dilemma, and this is the dangerous thing.. Gandalf saw it and now I see it too.. all depends on her, and unfortunately, I don't trust humans too much. I don't know if she will take the right decision, I can't know if she will sacrifice .. something.. or someone.. if the discovery she will make will be a too big lack, a too big charge for her, something that won't allow Zana to have a normal life.. maybe it will be too much for a human... you must stop her when the moment will come..this is exactly what Galadriel told me, Zana.." His blue eyes fixed on mines, and I almost couldn't breath. I was shocked.
"She doesn't trust me.. one of us already died.. most of her predictions are true.." I murmured, feeling my face paler than ever. I lost all the self- confidence I had on myself, I lost all optimism. "My mission wasn't to help both worlds.. then.. why was I sent here?" My eyes were full of tears. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Please, calm down, Zana.." Haldir took my hand, but I was too shocked to notice it.
"What am I doing here?" I started to cry, I wasn't able to stop. Now I felt Haldir's arm over me, but it didn't calm me at all. "You all lost your feelings.. you all were tested.. Fern used me to meet that woman.. now he died.. things were changed in the past, and things will be changed in my world.. don't you understand it, Haldir? The simplest detail, changed in the past, can make the future so different.."
"I know" He was still hugging me, but I knew his action was friendly, that he didn't have more feelings towards me. I felt empty of emotions. "But you'll solve things, Zana.. you'll see how things will go well when you'll return.." I separated from him and looked in his eyes.
"Do you know that some days ago, you wouldn't have allowed me to leave your world? You wanted me to live with you in Lorien.." He nodded.
"But you know it would be impossible. You're human, I'm immortal.."
"You weren't saying so some days ago!" I shouted, feeling stupid. I couldn't change anything.
"Zana.. I can't ask you this now and you have to understand it.." I separated even more and gave him a sharp look.
"Go on telling me, Haldir.. about your secret." He sighed.
"You already know that Lancelot was a young Aragorn.. his reincarnation.. he talked to Merlin.. or Gandalf.. he told me about our next stage of the mission. I knew we would come here and.. I know who are the persons we'll meet tomorrow." I turned again and looked at him. He waited some seconds before replying. "We'll meet Legolas reincarnation.. but there will be a problem.. you can't meet your own reincarnation, it would be like meeting yourself.. so Legolas won't be able to see himself, but we all will see him.. and there's more.. your reincarnation is also there.. and you won't be able to see her.. so we all will live confusing things and this will bring problems.."
"But I didn't meet my reincarnation in King Arthur's castle.."
"Because we weren't enough time there, Zana.. you met the reincarnations of Arwen and Aragorn.."
"And.. who was King Arthur?" Haldir kept silence.. I couldn't' imagine nobody who could have loved Arwen, besides Aragorn.
"He was Celeborn.."
"What? Now I'm confused.."
"Because this is difficult to explain.. when you reincarnate, situation changes.. you can be anybody.." I looked at the moon, a headache was coming after all that confusing speech.
"So in Troy I'll meet Legolas reincarnation, and also mine.. but I won't be able to see her, and he won't be able to see him" Haldir nodded. "And.. which is this personal thing about yourself? Will you meet your own reincarnation?"
"It's complicated.. because it seems I didn't live this life.. in this century and in this time.. so.. I'll cause bad things, Zana.. it's not my intention but I'll make a mess"
"How?.." I needed to know more, but he didn't want to speak. He just looked at me.
"I'm sorry, Zana.. about everything.. I've lost faith , I've lost feelings.. and believe me that I'll hurt you in this life." I didn't understand anything.
"It's so difficult to me to have you here when I know that things won't ever be the same.." I whispered, but he didn't show any kind of emotion.
"We must go on sleeping" He stood up, without saying a word.
"I'll stay here for a while" He didn't reply and walked back, disappearing. Tears were coming to my eyes again and I couldn't help starting to cry. More than before, I wanted to die, I wanted to come back.. I wished I had never come to this world.. to that world.. A breeze came , drying my tears. Somehow, all from the sudden I took a strong resolution.. going on with this, whatever would happened.. I remembered all Gandalf's advises, his words, supporting me.. I knew that the whole journey would make sense sooner or later.. Galadriel didn't trust humans too much, but I would show her that she was wrong. I would show her that I didn't give up easily.. because at least, I still had friends. Anyway, tears were still there and I couldn't fight them. Loneliness was what I felt. Haldir would be there, yes.. but I was alone anyway.
----------------- --------------------- --------------------- ---------- ---------------- ------
Haldir wasn't able to sleep.. he couldn't stop thinking about what he had told to Zana.. he felt so bad, because he had lied to her.. he wasn't able to tell her that since they had left the Glastonbury Tor, his feelings towards her had been developed again.. he loved her more than before.. but, remembering Galadriel's words, although she had been wrong, he took the decision. He wouldn't change Zana's destiny just because of feelings.. she needed to be concentrated, and for this, her heart had to be empty.. or else, the mission would fail.. Haldir was making what Galadriel had asked him.. he was doing all possible things to make Zana free. He had stopped her, her heart.. and now Destiny went on for her. He was only worried about what would happen after.. when everything would finish, if it was going to happen.. he would tell her the whole truth.. and he wondered if she would ever forgive him.
--------------------- ------------------------- --------------------- ---------------------------
Legolas knew that Haldir and Zana had been talking, but he decided to leave them alone. Now Haldir had come back, but Zana didn't. He waited for some time, to make sure that Haldir was sleeping.. and he stood up, walking towards the door. The moon was still shining, the sea calmed. And he saw her, sitting on the prow, lost in her thoughts. He wanted to go there, hug her.. but the time still hadn't come. After being in the Tor his feelings had come back too, but somehow he knew he should wait. Fighting against his need of joining her, he turned around to go back to the cabin, when he heard her voice.
"Legolas, please, come here" She didn't turn around to say this, but she knew he was there. With a smile, he walked towards her. When he sat close to her, she hugged him, without saying a word. And he hugged her too. They spent the rest of the night in silence.
I have just bought the soundtrack of "Return of the King", and the truth is that it's amazing! I already chose a song for the last chapter of this story, it's a sad song, but it's not time to include it yet : ) You must listen to it, really.. while I was writing this chapter I even became sad : ) Thanks for all the reviews!!
************* *************** *************************
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all
My immortal - Evanescence
It was already night.. the rest of the day had been exhausting, helping in the ship. I didn't have more chances to talk to Achilles, and he hadn't tried to find me.. the curiosity was too big and it was killing me.. I was willing to know the secret of Haldir, and also what was waiting for us in Troy. I was scared, but I had already accepted that even if I wanted or not, I couldn't escape from my Destiny, and this one was to finish my mission no matter what.
The wooden floor was to hard to sleep on it, I checked my watch, that mysteriously , it still worked.. 3 in the night. The moonlight was coming throw the small windows, and the sea was calmed. I needed to breath fresh air, so I left the small cabin where we all were sleeping. I would have paid for having more comfortable clothes, that stupid dress that the King Arthur had given to me was very uncomfortable.. and weather had suddenly changed, it was really hot and sunny.
I walked towards the prow, the moon shinning over the sea. I sat on a big rope that someone put on the ground. It was big enough to look like a small chair, and I put my arms on the edge of the prow, watching at the waves and also at the stars.. I had a strange feeling inside me, as if I was waiting for something to happen, something that would change things completely. I sighed, worried.
"Don't be so sad, Zana" A voice scared me, and I turned around to meet Haldir. He was smiling, but his eyes looked worried. He sat next to me, with his sight lost somewhere. We were in silence for some moments, and I wished that nothing had changed, I wished to come back to past, before we had crossed the Fountain of Truth, when he still loved me. I wished so many things by then. "What are you thinking?" He asked, and looked at me with a strange face.
"I was thinking about everything.. I have the sensation that suddenly I lost everything and that I'm being led somewhere.. and I can't do anything to stop it.." My voice was a whisper, and a grey cloud hide the moon. The soft sound of the waves breaking against the prow relaxed me a bit.
"You think you lost me.." It wasn't a question, and I looked at his blue eyes. "And I don't blame on you for it. Galadriel failed me, and now I failed you.."
"What do you mean?" I turned a bit to see him better. He had an ashamed expression on his face, and suddenly he gave a beat on the wooden ground. "I can't do anything to stop what's coming.. and I can't do anything to come back to the past.. I'll break a promise and I can't do anything to avoid it.."
"Haldir, please.. what are you talking about?" I touched his arm, but he refused my hand.
"No, Zana.. I don't deserve to be here. I can't count on Galadriel.. she lied to me.. she lied to all of us.."
"Galadriel is not a god, Haldir.. she's not perfect, she can make mistakes, you know?" But Haldir was shaking his head with a sad smile. Finally he looked at me, and his gaze scared me a bit. He was changed.
"I'll tell you everything, Zana.. all what happened, all what I know.. because I can't bear this any more.. I promised Galadriel that I wouldn't say it.. but if she failed me, then I'll also fail her.."
"No, please, don't do anything that will make you be sorry later.." But he didn't pay attention to me. He looked around to make sure that nobody was listening to us.
"Now I understand your mission, Zana.. now I understand things.. and I know how this will end up.. the only think I don't know is the objective of this journey.. but I know what's going on, and I'll tell you it. " My heart was beating so fast that I almost couldn't swallow.
"Ok then.. tell me.." I didn't know if I really wanted to be informed about it, but I knew it would help me to understand things better. He looked at me and didn't move his eyes from me.
"You were sent to Middle Earth, because before your world began to exist, my world was the last thing that existed.. it was destroyed by something, it exploded, disappeared.. and then your world was created.. but the souls of the habitants of previous worlds didn't disappear.. they were born in your world.."
"Until here I understand it, and I already knew it.." He nodded, and went on talking.
"Each soul took a place in your world.. and when it died, when a century ended, they were born again in another time, in another place.. so each of us existed in a different time in your world.. like you.. but this wasn't supposed to happen, so you were sent to change things.. Middle Earth and Earth should be the same world, and not two worlds apart, this is why you're here." I nodded, nervous. "Galadriel gave me a mission, Zana.. she asked me something.. she said: "Haldir.. you must stop her when the moment will come.." I kept my breath, scared.
"What does this mean, Haldir?" He looked at me, sadly.
"You're destined to make a mistake.. and when the moment will come, I have to stop you, no matter what"
"What was the whole story that Galadriel told you, Haldir?" I asked, a bit angry. He looked in the distance and repeated Galadriel's words.
""For the future of both worlds, some , or one of you, must die. For the future of habitants of Earth , the secret must be kept. Both worlds shouldn't be joined, this would mean a big mess.. I want to tell you something, and I'm afraid that for the first time in our lives, Gandalf and I were wrong.. Zana was sent here for unknown reasons, although at first we were sure about them.. now I can say that everything has changed. She wasn't sent here to join worlds.. she was sent here to test one of you, to check if your heart is really as honourable as we all thought.. but on her way she will find a big dilemma, and this is the dangerous thing.. Gandalf saw it and now I see it too.. all depends on her, and unfortunately, I don't trust humans too much. I don't know if she will take the right decision, I can't know if she will sacrifice .. something.. or someone.. if the discovery she will make will be a too big lack, a too big charge for her, something that won't allow Zana to have a normal life.. maybe it will be too much for a human... you must stop her when the moment will come..this is exactly what Galadriel told me, Zana.." His blue eyes fixed on mines, and I almost couldn't breath. I was shocked.
"She doesn't trust me.. one of us already died.. most of her predictions are true.." I murmured, feeling my face paler than ever. I lost all the self- confidence I had on myself, I lost all optimism. "My mission wasn't to help both worlds.. then.. why was I sent here?" My eyes were full of tears. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Please, calm down, Zana.." Haldir took my hand, but I was too shocked to notice it.
"What am I doing here?" I started to cry, I wasn't able to stop. Now I felt Haldir's arm over me, but it didn't calm me at all. "You all lost your feelings.. you all were tested.. Fern used me to meet that woman.. now he died.. things were changed in the past, and things will be changed in my world.. don't you understand it, Haldir? The simplest detail, changed in the past, can make the future so different.."
"I know" He was still hugging me, but I knew his action was friendly, that he didn't have more feelings towards me. I felt empty of emotions. "But you'll solve things, Zana.. you'll see how things will go well when you'll return.." I separated from him and looked in his eyes.
"Do you know that some days ago, you wouldn't have allowed me to leave your world? You wanted me to live with you in Lorien.." He nodded.
"But you know it would be impossible. You're human, I'm immortal.."
"You weren't saying so some days ago!" I shouted, feeling stupid. I couldn't change anything.
"Zana.. I can't ask you this now and you have to understand it.." I separated even more and gave him a sharp look.
"Go on telling me, Haldir.. about your secret." He sighed.
"You already know that Lancelot was a young Aragorn.. his reincarnation.. he talked to Merlin.. or Gandalf.. he told me about our next stage of the mission. I knew we would come here and.. I know who are the persons we'll meet tomorrow." I turned again and looked at him. He waited some seconds before replying. "We'll meet Legolas reincarnation.. but there will be a problem.. you can't meet your own reincarnation, it would be like meeting yourself.. so Legolas won't be able to see himself, but we all will see him.. and there's more.. your reincarnation is also there.. and you won't be able to see her.. so we all will live confusing things and this will bring problems.."
"But I didn't meet my reincarnation in King Arthur's castle.."
"Because we weren't enough time there, Zana.. you met the reincarnations of Arwen and Aragorn.."
"And.. who was King Arthur?" Haldir kept silence.. I couldn't' imagine nobody who could have loved Arwen, besides Aragorn.
"He was Celeborn.."
"What? Now I'm confused.."
"Because this is difficult to explain.. when you reincarnate, situation changes.. you can be anybody.." I looked at the moon, a headache was coming after all that confusing speech.
"So in Troy I'll meet Legolas reincarnation, and also mine.. but I won't be able to see her, and he won't be able to see him" Haldir nodded. "And.. which is this personal thing about yourself? Will you meet your own reincarnation?"
"It's complicated.. because it seems I didn't live this life.. in this century and in this time.. so.. I'll cause bad things, Zana.. it's not my intention but I'll make a mess"
"How?.." I needed to know more, but he didn't want to speak. He just looked at me.
"I'm sorry, Zana.. about everything.. I've lost faith , I've lost feelings.. and believe me that I'll hurt you in this life." I didn't understand anything.
"It's so difficult to me to have you here when I know that things won't ever be the same.." I whispered, but he didn't show any kind of emotion.
"We must go on sleeping" He stood up, without saying a word.
"I'll stay here for a while" He didn't reply and walked back, disappearing. Tears were coming to my eyes again and I couldn't help starting to cry. More than before, I wanted to die, I wanted to come back.. I wished I had never come to this world.. to that world.. A breeze came , drying my tears. Somehow, all from the sudden I took a strong resolution.. going on with this, whatever would happened.. I remembered all Gandalf's advises, his words, supporting me.. I knew that the whole journey would make sense sooner or later.. Galadriel didn't trust humans too much, but I would show her that she was wrong. I would show her that I didn't give up easily.. because at least, I still had friends. Anyway, tears were still there and I couldn't fight them. Loneliness was what I felt. Haldir would be there, yes.. but I was alone anyway.
----------------- --------------------- --------------------- ---------- ---------------- ------
Haldir wasn't able to sleep.. he couldn't stop thinking about what he had told to Zana.. he felt so bad, because he had lied to her.. he wasn't able to tell her that since they had left the Glastonbury Tor, his feelings towards her had been developed again.. he loved her more than before.. but, remembering Galadriel's words, although she had been wrong, he took the decision. He wouldn't change Zana's destiny just because of feelings.. she needed to be concentrated, and for this, her heart had to be empty.. or else, the mission would fail.. Haldir was making what Galadriel had asked him.. he was doing all possible things to make Zana free. He had stopped her, her heart.. and now Destiny went on for her. He was only worried about what would happen after.. when everything would finish, if it was going to happen.. he would tell her the whole truth.. and he wondered if she would ever forgive him.
--------------------- ------------------------- --------------------- ---------------------------
Legolas knew that Haldir and Zana had been talking, but he decided to leave them alone. Now Haldir had come back, but Zana didn't. He waited for some time, to make sure that Haldir was sleeping.. and he stood up, walking towards the door. The moon was still shining, the sea calmed. And he saw her, sitting on the prow, lost in her thoughts. He wanted to go there, hug her.. but the time still hadn't come. After being in the Tor his feelings had come back too, but somehow he knew he should wait. Fighting against his need of joining her, he turned around to go back to the cabin, when he heard her voice.
"Legolas, please, come here" She didn't turn around to say this, but she knew he was there. With a smile, he walked towards her. When he sat close to her, she hugged him, without saying a word. And he hugged her too. They spent the rest of the night in silence.