Megaman 3 (The GS Version)
"Well [if you're not behind this,] then WHO IS?! This isn't just some bigoted civilian! Every robot Sennet HAD is off the deep end! No civilian could do this! … If you're not behind this Wily… then who is?"- Android/Advanced Robot Master Rock, shortly after the beginning of the Third Robot Rebellion, Mega Man 3: Return of the Forsaken, Magus523
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Ivan! Ivan, wake up!" A voice permeated the gloom of Ivan's dreams. Moaning slightly, he twisted over in his bed. Or he tried to. He was stuck in place.
"Oi, what the?" Ivan sat up in bed. And promptly bashed his head on a glass panel. Finally deciding to open his eyes, Ivan started as he realized he was currently in a what seemed to be a rather large test tube. And it had no exits far as he could see.
"What the?" He yelled. "Author! Get me out of this thing!" Angrily, he punched at the glass tubing. And was rewarded with the glass completely shattering and flying everywhere. And a bruised hand.
Staring at the results of his handiwork, he blinked a few times before pushing aside the remains of the glass with his gloved hands.
Gloved hands? Ivan stared at his hands, then his body. They were entirely covered in a strange blue material, which was ductile (that means bendable for those of you not in secondary school), but also extremely tough. Shrugging, he climbed out of the tube thingy, and looked around. "I am so going to get the author for this later." He muttered under his breath as he strode out of the room.
And stopped short as he glanced into a mirror. No. Way. Backtracking slightly, he stared at the full-length mirror, his brain refusing to process the information. But it was true. All too painfully true.
He was wearing tights.
"AUUTTHHOORR!!!!"
Suddenly, a piece of paper materialized in midair. Ivan snatched at the paper and stared balefully at the words on it.
Yes, Ivan?
"What- I- how- Just… just get me out of this! I will NOT wear tights for this thing!"
Another paper. No can do, Ivan. Once the parodymaker V 1.0 has been set in motion, the only way to end it is to complete the game or movie or whatever you're parodying. I'm looking to fix that in V 2.1, but, hey, you can't win 'em all. And by the way, you're a robot now, so you have improved strength, vision, etc. Ta.
Ivan crumpled the paper into an itty-bitty ball (not hard with his new-found strength), and stomped downstairs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The author leaned back in his chair, whistling as Ivan murmured several expletives under his breath. He had expected this, of course, but what was the fun unless you got the characters riled up?
Sitting forward, he began to type, preparing the next phase of the story. And paused short with an exclamation of "What the hell?" When his fingers made contact with a strange, clear liquid that covered the right side of the keyboard. After staring at it for a moment, the author sighed.
"Sheba, would you kindly stop drooling on the keyboard?"
"Buh, Ivampf in-"
"Yes, I am well aware Ivan is in underwear. As if I'd let him forget that. And here." The author handed Sheba towel. "Go wipe your mouth. Please."
After Sheba had left, the author raised an eyebrow as he saw Hama greet Ivan. Where were the two doctors?
"Oh… right." The author mused. Probably working on their new 'project'. Well, two new projects, but one was just about completed. Either case, Ivan's mood hadn't brightened too much…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Cheer up, Ivan." Hama tried to reassure him as he flopped down onto the couch. "I've checked. This game isn't too long if you know what you're doing. We'll be out of it sooner or later!"
Ivan merely growled to himself as he grabbed a remote and switched on the TV. Or at least, he tried to. And instant later, the wall to his side slid away.
"Wrong remote." He grumbled to himself as he grabbed another one. This remote made the chair shrink, rendering Ivan unable to fit in it. Ivan came this close to frying something with a Plasma.
"Why does he need so many remotes for?" Ivan muttered as he tossed aside a sofa cushion. Third one.
Click. Beep.
"Ah, there we go." Ivan grunted with satisfaction as the TV turned on. Or at least, he assumed it was a TV… but since when did a television have arms and legs?
"What on Weyard?" Hama managed as she stared at the walking television. The screen flickered, and a face appeared on it.
"I am Television Man, designed by Dr. Kraden as part of his ultimate plan to rule the- uh, I mean, aid the children of the world in educational programs." With that, Television Man shut down again.
Ivan blinked.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The author sipped a mug of hot coffee as he sifted through the profiles of the Robot Masters. Hm… which one should he introduce first? And who would play which Robot Master? Ah, the lush possibilities… including a special role for a special someone. With a grin, he continued to type away on his computer. This was going to be fun…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Before Ivan could think further about what he just saw, the door swung open and in walked King Hydros, followed closely by Kraden.
"Ah, Ivan!" King Hydros said. "Took you long enough to wake up! We missed a chance earlier to tell you about our lastest project."
"Save it." Ivan replied.
"Ah!" Kraden said, eyes gleaming. "But I'm certain you'll love to hear it! You know how you had to go stop the last two Robot Rebellions alone?"
"Yes, and he succeeded in destroying all your robot armies!" King Hydros laughed. "Wasn't that hilarious?"
"Yes," Kraden ground his teeth together. "Hilarious."
"Anyway," King Hydros continued. "Now, with our new project, you'll never have to stop another rebellion again! It's huge, new robot called Gamma that has enough strength to wipe out a city, and it'll have tons of cool weapons on it!"
"So… you build a huge robot with the ability to vaporize huge amount of stuff, and expect it to keep peace?" Ivan said disbelievingly.
"Of course!" King Hydros said happily. "It's foolproof!"
"Sounds swell." Ivan muttered. "Can I see it?"
"Unfortunately… no." King Hydros coughed. "See, in order to create Gamma, we need a very powerful type of energy source known as energen crystals, found only in eight locations throughout the world. However, we're preparing to send out an order to the mining firms so we can get the energen crystals we need."
"Um… guys?" Hama said suddenly. Television Man's screen had flickered, showing a special news report.
"This is the latest update. All known energen crystal mines have been taken over by strange, hostile robots. That is all. Thank you." With that, the screen shut off.
Ivan was the first to break the silence. "Well… shit."
"I didn't do it!" Kraden yelped. Everyone turned to look at him.
King Hydros shook his head. "This is awful!"
Ivan snorted. "Of course it is. With those Robot Masters occupying the mines, all the humans in there will be kil-"
"We won't be able to get our energen crystals!" King Hydros collapsed weeping.
Ivan merely stared at King Hydros. "Um… yeah. No more energen crystals."
"Hey, I've got an idea!" Kraden said excitedly. Everyone turned to look at him. "Why don't you get Ivan to gather the crystals?"
"WHAT?!" Ivan sputtered. "I- I- What?!"
"You heard me!" Kraden said. "Why don't you go gather them? You have your big arm cannon, and all…"
Suddenly, time seemed to stop for everyone, except Ivan, and a piece of paper once again dropped from the ceiling.
Dear Ivan, this is the author. Just wanted to tell you that since this the entire premise of the game, you accept or you wear underwear on the outside forever. Have fun! ^_^
Growling, Ivan crumpled the paper into a ball, and tossed it aside. The instant it touched the ground, it vanished, and time started again, leaving Ivan to stare at the three figures in the room, all looking expectantly at him.
"Fine, I'll go." Ivan raised his hands in defeat.
"Excellent!" Kraden crowed. "Now, my robot masters shall kill you and I'll be free to steal Gamma!" Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Uh, I mean, best of luck!"
"Sure…" Ivan rolled his eyes. "So, uh, how exactly do I get to those mines or whatever?"
"Teleport, of course!" Hama said.
"Oh, right." Ivan muttered. "I'll be off, then."
"Hang on a minute!" King Hydros said. Disappearing into the lab, he came back out with a red, robotic dog. "His name is Rush! I'm sure you'll find him quite useful in your adventures!"
"What?" Ivan said. "Does he have an ion cannon on him or something?"
"Even better!" King Hydros gushed. "A spring!"
Sproing! A huge coil with a red platform flew out of the dog's back. Ivan shook his head despairingly. "Whatever. I'm off! Come on… Rush."
Rush barked happily and followed, after pausing to slobber over Hama's dress.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The author spun the wheel slowly. "Eeny Meeny Miny Mo…" He muttered as the wheel rotated, finally coming to rest on a red-garbed Robot Master.
"Magnet Man it is!" The author laughed. Walking over to the computer, he began typing…
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Somewhere in France, a beam of sapphire light shot straight downwards, before finally forming into the slightly dizzy form of Ivan. "Whoa." He murmured. "That was different."
Then, he looked around. The entire area was just about empty. "What kind of bad guy stage is this?" Ivan wondered to himself. Starting forward, he looked around seeing nothing… until he realized he was currently in midair.
"Wha-?" He gasped. Twisting his head, he looked up to spot what looked very much like a magnet with eyes attached to a propellor. And it was generating an electric field that kept him suspended in midair. He blinked. Weird…
But no matter. Easily rectified. Raising an arm, he cast Spark Plasma.
Or, he tried to cast Spark Plasma.
Nothing happened. Frowning, he tried again. Still nothing.
"What's going on here?" He yelled. Just then, time stopped again, and another paper floated lazily down.
I forgot to tell you, so long as this parody is active, you can't cast any psynergys, mainly because I want you to try out your arm cannon and Master Weapons. Have fun, and watch out for bottomless pits!
"Bottomless pits?" Ivan wondered. Suddenly, he felt the magnetic field carrying him dissipate, and he looked down.
Empty blackness yawned back at him.
"Yargh!" Ivan screamed as he fell into the bottomless pit. And as he did, his life flashed before his eyes. Master Hammet, Sheba, his journey, his sister, and everything else, never to be seen agai-
THUMP!! Ivan rubbed his sore head and looked around. "Um… author? I thought you said this was a bottomless pit?"
Another paper fluttered downwards. Sorry, didn't bother to scan that far down. And stop asking me so many questions, you're making me waste a lot of paper, y'know.
Ivan rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to get out… oh yeah! That spring dog! Oh, Rush!"
A flash of red light, and the dog appeared in front of him, spring at the ready. Bracing himself, Ivan hopped onto the spring and was catapulted high into the air… straight into the path of another surprised Magfly.
With a lovely reverberating clang, Ivan's face met the Magfly's head on, and both of them fell to the ground, stunned.
"Ow…" Ivan moaned, picking himself up. "That hurt." Shaking himself off, he uttered a silent curse and continued on, didging more Magfly beams. After experimenting a bit, he figured out how to change his arm into a plasma cannon, and had a merry time littering the ground with pieces of flash-fried Magflies.
Finally, he reached the end of the path, and saw a single ladder leading down. Shrugging, he climbed down it… only to realize that it cut out about five metres above the ground.
"Crap." Ivan muttered as he landed rather painfully. Shaking his head, he looked around once more… only to clap his hands over his ears as a horrible, rending shriek echoed throughout the room. After it ended, there was a flash of yellow light, and Isaac appeared on the far end of the room.
"Isaac?" Ivan asked as he rubbed his ringing ears. "Was that you?"
Isaac shrugged. "Um… yeah."
"Jeez, you have got to learn how to whistle better." Ivan groaned. Then he blinked. "Isaac… are you wearing shades?"
Indeed, Isaac had a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, not to mention a shield on his back. "Yeah… the author said I needed to wear this to keep in form. At least he let me keep my scarf." Then he turned serious. "And by the way, I'm supposed to fight you."
Ivan rolled his eyes. "What? You're the Robot Master for this stage? Talk about a short one."
Isaac shook his head. "Nope, the Robot Master's at the end of this stage. I'm just here to take you out before you reach him."
Ivan shrugged. "If you say so." Suddenly, he leaped into the air, firing with his arm cannon as fast as he could. Isaac, by contrast, merely flipped his shield to the front, deflecting the plasma bullets. Then, ducking out, he returned fire with his own volley, catching Ivan by surprise.
"Yikes!" Ivan yelled out as he felt the plasma blasts slam into him. "That hurt!"
"It was supposed to." Isaac informed him coolly before leaping into the air and letting loose another volley. Ivan shrugged and ran under Isaac, before twisting around to peg Isaac with a trio of plasma bullets.
"Y'know," Ivan grunted as he rolled out of the way of a stream of ionized plasma. "Mind telling me your Robot Master name? Mine's supposed to be Megaman."
Isaac shrugged. "Apparently, I'm supposed to be called Break Man. Gah!" He cried as Ivan managed to land a shot to his face. "Now I'm mad!" Raising his shield, he deflected another volley of shots, then lunged forward, punching Ivan in the face.
Ivan fell, the wind knocked out of him. As he raised his head, he saw Isaac aim his arm cannon straight at Ivan. "Sorry 'bout this, but… any last words?"
"Yeah…" Ivan choked out. Then he smiled. "Gotcha." Raising his buster, he fired straight into Isaac's own, and was rewarded by a large ball of fire that consumed Isaac's form. After a while, it disappeared, and Ivan glanced around.
"Gone?" Shrugging, Ivan noticed a hole in the floor and dropped down. Turning, he saw a huge pink… thing lumbering towards him. As he watched, a hatch in his head slipped open, and a missile extricated itself. Ivan shrugged and blew it out of the sky, just in time to watch the pink thing get close enough to him to smash it's huge bulk into Ivan.
"Ow! You little-!" Angrily, Ivan returned fire, and was rewarded with the Giant Springer blowing up, and leaving a strange glowing orb behind.
"What on Weyard?" Ivan murmured as he walked up to the orb. Prodding it gingerly, he was surprised to feel energy drain from the orb into his body, refilling him from the fight with Isaac and the Giant Springer.
"Nice." Ivan shrugged as he leaped over a slight rise in the floor… to meet another Giant Springer waiting for him. "I'm getting really annoyed with these things." He muttered to himself.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The author grinned to himself as he stared at Ivan battling the Giant Springer. Swiveling his chair, he raised an eyebrow to consider Isaac, who had just walked in.
"You look like crap." He stated. Isaac snorted.
"Excuse me, you didn't inform me my arm cannon was inflammable."
"Whatever." The author muttered. "Go clean up. No more tussles in the near future."
"Thank Venus." Isaac shot back as he left the room.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ivan dropped down from the ceiling into another room. A pair of weird, robots, looking like little more than eyeballs with legs attached to them glared at him.
Taking careful aim, Ivan managed to blast away both of them before they reached him. Dropping down the next ladder, he shook his head on the way down. "I hate this."
As he landed on the ground of the next room, he felt himself being pulled towards a huge machine on the far end of the room. And waiting for him were more of the eyeball robots. Growling with frustration, Ivan was able to destroy one of them before it reached him, but the second managed to get close enough to Ivan to swing it's stalk-like leg at him.
Wincing from the kick, Ivan blew it away, and leapt onto the next level… only to get pulled straight into another magnet machine. And from above, another eyeball walker bashed him upside the head. Fighting the urge to utter several expletives, Ivan vaporized it with a well aimed volley of plasma, and continued onwards.
Dropping down to the next room, Ivan managed to land on a ledge above the floor, and grab several more of those energy capsules from the Giant Springer, bringing his health back to full.
"Y'know." Ivan commented as he climbed down the next ladder to the lowest level. "This is easier than I thought it'd be. Just as annoying, but easier."
Dropping down onto the lowest level, Ivan glanced around. There was little in the room save for a sheer wall that even Rush's spring wouldn't be able to bypass. Then how-?
SHOOM!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The author shook his head, a grin etched on his face. "Easier than you though, huh?" Chuckling dementedly, he pressed several keys rapidly on the keyboard.
"My dear Ivan…. Welcome to the bane of Megaman everywhere."