Eclipse
By: Kalimyre
Email: kalimyre@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Jack/Daniel
Category: Drama, First Time, H/C
Season/Episode: Season seven
Spoilers: The Light, Need, FIAD
Warnings: None
Summary: Sometimes the truth that was hidden in the light comes out when the sun is gone.
Notes: Thanks to Mamabeast for the lovely comments and suggestions, and for giving me the idea I needed when the story stalled out. Also thanks to everyone on the Gateway list for helping me with the science aspect of the eclipses and to Susan for catching my typos.
~~~
Part 1
"Sand. Oh, goody."
The rest of us ignore Jack and his complaints about the sand. This place actually isn't too bad, compared to some of the desert planets we've seen. It's clearly dry and hot, but not on the level of, say, Abydos, or even Egypt. The sand is shallow, dull brown grit that lies heavy and flat rather than scooped into dunes, and the sun seems distant, bright but cool.
"There's your pillar, Daniel," Sam says, pointing at what is actually a stele, half buried in a drift of sand.
"We came halfway across the galaxy so he could look at that?"
We all keep ignoring Jack. Sometimes, it's just easier. He sighs when he sees no one is going to play ball with him, and starts giving orders. Set up the camp, patrol the area, all that stuff. I'm already tuning him out, focused on the stele and the sand-worn inscriptions. The markings are like Linear B script, but they don't spell anything I recognize. Except that one...
"Hey, Teal'c, does this look familiar to you?"
He stops setting up his tent, much to Jack's annoyance, and comes to stand behind me. "It does not, Daniel Jackson," he says, and I frown. The carvings are barely there, worn by who knows how many years of wind and sand. I let my fingers trace over them, awed as always by the sense of sheer age. How many people have touched this thing before me? How many lives were lived around it?
"Jack," I call over my shoulder. "Would you grab the paper and charcoal out of my pack? I need your help with a frottage."
When he doesn't appear after a few seconds, I turn to look at him. Jack is staring at me with an odd sort of crooked smile, his eyebrows raised behind his sunglasses.
"Jack? The rubbing? A little help?"
The eyebrows go a tad higher, and the smile sharpens at the corners. "Of course," he says slowly. "The rubbing. Whatever you say, Daniel."
I roll my eyes. "Oh, stop it, Jack. How old are you again?"
"Old enough," he says briskly, bringing the pack over to me. "Now get your own paper and stuff. I've got to get the perimeter secured."
Right. I notice that securing the perimeter involves a lot of standing around and supervising while Sam and Teal'c do the actual work. But that's okay, I really should ask Teal'c for help with this anyway. He has the required patience and ability to be quiet for more than five minutes at a time.
I let them bustle around me while I crouch in the sand, peering at the stele. I suppose I should be grateful that Jack is letting me study it instead of insisting I help with setting up the camp. I continue being grateful until some indeterminate time later, when I look up and notice that the camp was fully constructed while I was distracted. Fully constructed with only two tents.
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Two tents?"
"It's a desert, Daniel," he says with exaggerated patience. "It'll get damn cold tonight, and we'll need to share."
"Oh," I say dryly. "Goody."
I normally wouldn't mind, except that Jack insists on sharing with me, and he snores. He says I'm worse, but I have yet to see proof of that. His snoring is doubly irritating because if I try to nudge him in any way, he tends to come awake violently, often grabbing me around the neck. Understandable, but not fun.
"Colonel! Daniel! Look!"
Jack bounces to his feet immediately, his weapon up, and I struggle to follow, my legs cramping from so much time hunched over by the stele. Sam is pointing at the sky, Teal'c beside her, both of them staring upwards.
Jack and I follow where she's pointing, and see that the bright, distant sun is not so bright anymore. I blink at it, my sunglasses not quite enough to make looking at it directly comfortable, and I finally get what's wrong. The side of the white disc is being eaten away by a black mouth.
"It's an eclipse," Jack murmurs beside me. I glance over at him, white spots hovering in my vision, and see that he's grinning like a kid.
"This is amazing, sir!" Sam yells. "Solar eclipses are quite rare. The odds of us coming here on the right day, and being in the right place to see it are, well, astronomical."
I squeeze my eyes shut and then face the ground for a few minutes, rubbing beneath my sunglasses. When I open them again, I see that our shadows are fading on the ground, slowly and steadily. It's already cooler, and there is a kind of eerie half-dusk light that is getting dimmer by the second.
"Wow," Jack says, and I smile at his wonder. He's still staring up, his lenses reflecting the eclipse for me. I watch it that way, so my eyes won't hurt. Soon, there is nothing but a black circle with some bright white beads of light along one edge.
"Don't look at it directly, sir," Sam says, coming over to stand beside us. "It could damage your eyes."
He nods but doesn't look away. His lips are parted, half-smiling, his hands slack at his sides. I can't help feeling a little uneasy—he looks hypnotized. In the reflection on his glasses, I see that we've reached totality—a perfect black circle surrounded by a blaze of light.
"The insects believe it is night," Teal'c says, joining our little bunch. Now that's he's pointed it out, I can hear them, chirping away. We still have shadows, but they're barely there, and I can see a few stars appearing. I rub at my arms, feeling the prickling of goose bumps. My first eclipse.
The period of totality lasts only a few minutes, and then the black disc begins to slide away, revealing first white, liquid beads of light welling on one side, growing to a crescent and more. I have to look away again, watching the sun re-emerge in the lenses of my own glasses, which I've taken off.
"That was fantastic," Sam chirps happily, blinking away the sun dazzle. "The next eclipse on Earth isn't due for several years, and then the path of totality is only going to be visible in parts of Africa. I never expected to see one myself."
"I have seen two previously," Teal'c says. "On Chulak, they are far more common, due to the number of moons."
"Nice," Jack says softly. "Nice."
I give him a sideways look, fighting the urge to grab him and shake him. He's still staring up at the sky, his mouth open and his eyes wide.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
"Are your eyes okay?"
Sam looks over at him when she hears my question, and frowns. "Sir? You really shouldn't look directly at the sun. Even sunglasses are inadequate protection. You could damage your retinas."
"I'm not looking directly, Carter," he says distantly. "And I'm fine."
He stares blankly for a few more seconds, and then shakes it off, beaming at me. "So, Danny. How'd you like the show?"
Danny. He hasn't called me that in a long time. Didn't realize how much I'd missed it. "I liked it fine," I reply evenly. He nods and claps me on the back, squeezing my shoulder. The arm stays around my shoulders longer than is really necessary, but he ducks my questioning look.
"Something to tell your grandkids about, right Carter?"
Sam gives him a thin smile that says she knows perfectly well her chances of having grandkids are not great. She's almost forty, after all. Jack winces a little when he realizes what he just said, and heads off to 'patrol the perimeter.'
So. Back to work. Looks like the show's over.
~~~
I may have gotten lucky this time. The dry air seems to actually help Jack's sinuses, because he's being very quiet. I've taken first watch, as usual, and after waking Sam I'm quite glad to crawl into my Jack-warmed tent. He was right about it getting cold at night. My hands are freezing, and I'm tempted to put one on the back of his neck, but I think that sort of thing would be hazardous to my health.
I quickly shuck my outerwear and burrow into the sleeping bag still wearing my thermals and two pairs of socks. I hate cold weather, I really do. Jack shifts and mumbles a little, and he pats me lightly with one hand before drawing it back in. Okay... slightly weird, not something he's done before, but it's only a little pat.
Mmm... warm sleeping bag, and the kind of perfect quiet in the tent that you don't get anywhere near civilization. The view of the stars outside was really quite spectacular, and the moon was impressively huge. Kind of blank and smooth, though, which I guess means there aren't many asteroids around here.
I'm almost asleep when Jack starts making odd little huffing noises. His breath catches, then gasps, then speeds up. The moonlight is enough for me to see him clutching at nothing, his hands squeezing and releasing rapidly. He kicks out, twitches, and the low murmuring rises in pitch and volume.
This would be the other reason I don't generally like to share tents with Jack. His dreams are not always pleasant. I'd wake him, but then he'll be embarrassed and get all distant with me.
"Dan... Daniel... nonono..."
Oh, that's not good. Dreaming about me, obviously, and if he knows he said my name out loud, he'll be even more snarly when I wake him. On the other hand, he's gearing up for a real screamer, and if he wakes the whole camp, he'll be mortified. Better to stop this before it gets out of control.
"Jack. Wake up. Jack!" I'd rather not touch him if I have a choice. After a black eye and some bruised ribs, I learned to avoid that.
He jerks in response to my voice, pauses, and then one hand reaches out tentatively. He fumbles along my side, sliding up to press against my chest, and then squeezing my shoulder.
"Danny?"
I shiver a little. I've never heard his voice so small, and it's freaking me out. Jack does not do small and scared. Jack does loud and sarcastic.
"Yeah. I think you were dreaming. You okay?"
His eyes are still closed. He seems frozen for a long moment, his hand still tight on my shoulder, and then he launches himself forward, plastering his body against my side. His head ducks under my chin and I can feel his face grinding into my chest, almost painful even through layers of clothing.
This is... this is just weird. Jack does *not* do this. I've seen him wake up from plenty of nightmares, and no matter how shaken he is, he handles it on his own. Pulls away, busies his hands with something, and stays quiet until he's under control. He most definitely does not cling and tremble.
"Uh... Jack?"
"Danny," he mumbles, or at least I think that's what he's saying. That's three 'Dannys' in a day, when I haven't heard one in nearly three years. Not that I was keeping track. He's actually starting to scare me, here. I'm thinking alien influence, or something weird in the air, or... or something.
"Okay, you're okay. It's going to be all right," I say softly, because the situation seems to call for it. I start rubbing his back a little, and he nods vigorously, tightening his arms around me.
Maybe I should call Sam over. Jack's behavior is seriously off, and I can't just ignore what could possibly be a sign of some deeper problem.
But maybe he's just still sleeping? He never did open his eyes. If I call Sam and she sees this, and it turns out to just be Jack having a strange sleep episode, he'll be so embarrassed. And angry with me for exposing him like that, too.
I can feel a wet, spreading warmth on my chest that can only be one thing, but I don't want to think about that. Jack doesn't do that. Ever. I can feel him shaking, his chest hitching, and I can hear his breathing catching, but... no. It's just too weird. It's just not Jack.
And if it is, so what? Hasn't he been through a lot of crap in his life? Doesn't he deserve to break down a little from time to time? I don't know why it would happen now, in this seemingly harmless place, but maybe that's not for me to know. Maybe I should just be a good friend and help him through it.
I start to ease back, trying to see his face, but he makes a muffled sound of protest and squeezes me tighter. "Okay," I murmur, stroking him awkwardly. He's done this for me a time or two, but I never expected the tables to be turned. Besides, the only times I've broken down like this, I was either going through withdrawal from the sarcophagus, or I had just lost Sha're.
He hasn't lost anyone recently that I'm aware of, other than me and that doesn't really count because I came back, so I'm left with alien influence again. But what kind of influence? And moreover, why? What could possibly be gained by doing this to Jack? If anything, he probably needed the release.
"Daniel," he mumbles into my shoulder. "Don't do it again."
"What? Do what?"
"Don't die anymore. Don't."
Ooookay. "I'll, uh... I'll try not to, Jack."
He finally lifts his head, and the theory that he's still sleeping is shot down by the fierce awareness in his eyes. "Don't just try," he hisses. "Do *not* die again. Do you have any idea what it did to me the last time?"
I blink at him, my mouth working but no sound coming out. "Uh... well, technically, I didn't die. I ascended."
I get the feeling he's not into the technical details right now.
"You were *gone.* You left me," he insists. I can see more moisture welling in his eyes, and I wince. It's amazing how upsetting it is to see him like this. Jack is strong, but even more than that, Jack is self- controlled. He never lets things show like this.
"Are, uh... are you feeling all right? You're acting a little..."
"I missed you," he says hoarsely, and I feel my stomach tightening. This is too much, too intense. I can't be comfortable with this kind of stark honesty.
"That's... uh..." I'm stammering, helpless. What do I say to something like that? And what the hell has gotten into Jack? I've been back for months now. I didn't get so much as a hug when I rejoined SG-1, but now he does this? Hell, *Sam* showed more emotion then he did when I was dying, and when I came back.
"Don't leave again."
I shake my head, still patting his back nervously. "Okay, sure Jack. I won't leave."
He glares at me. "You're not taking this seriously."
"No, no, I am. I really, really am. I just... I don't know what you want me to say."
"Promise me," he whispers. His cheeks are getting wet again. I'm torn between wiping them off and pretending I don't notice. The Jack I know would rather I act like I didn't see it, but this doesn't seem to be the Jack I know.
"All right," I say solemnly. "I promise."
"You'll stay?"
"Yes. I'll stay."
He fixes me with an intense stare for a long moment, and then nods and heaves a huge sigh, sagging against me. My arms go back around him automatically, and I'm a little surprised at how comfortable this is. I'm certainly warm enough, and for someone who seems to be all muscle and bone, Jack is eminently squeezeable. If that's a word.
He wiggles against me, tucks his head back under my chin, and relaxes completely. He's snoring within minutes. Which leaves me with the rather interesting problem of what to do when Teal'c comes to wake him for last watch. This position is more than a little compromising. I have the utmost faith in Teal'c's discretion, but still... it's weird. And I have no idea how Jack is going to feel about this in the morning.
He might be embarrassed to have anyone know about his moment of weakness, or he might just shrug it off. He cares so much about having the respect of his team—I know he wouldn't want to lose face in their eyes, or in mine. But he has to know we wouldn't think less of him for showing how he feels, right?
Maybe I should work on how I feel about it first. Or maybe... maybe I should just go to sleep and see what happens next. Jack's reaction is really nothing I can control, and he got himself into this position of his own free will. He can't blame me for it.
Of course, that doesn't mean he won't.
~~~
By: Kalimyre
Email: kalimyre@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Jack/Daniel
Category: Drama, First Time, H/C
Season/Episode: Season seven
Spoilers: The Light, Need, FIAD
Warnings: None
Summary: Sometimes the truth that was hidden in the light comes out when the sun is gone.
Notes: Thanks to Mamabeast for the lovely comments and suggestions, and for giving me the idea I needed when the story stalled out. Also thanks to everyone on the Gateway list for helping me with the science aspect of the eclipses and to Susan for catching my typos.
~~~
Part 1
"Sand. Oh, goody."
The rest of us ignore Jack and his complaints about the sand. This place actually isn't too bad, compared to some of the desert planets we've seen. It's clearly dry and hot, but not on the level of, say, Abydos, or even Egypt. The sand is shallow, dull brown grit that lies heavy and flat rather than scooped into dunes, and the sun seems distant, bright but cool.
"There's your pillar, Daniel," Sam says, pointing at what is actually a stele, half buried in a drift of sand.
"We came halfway across the galaxy so he could look at that?"
We all keep ignoring Jack. Sometimes, it's just easier. He sighs when he sees no one is going to play ball with him, and starts giving orders. Set up the camp, patrol the area, all that stuff. I'm already tuning him out, focused on the stele and the sand-worn inscriptions. The markings are like Linear B script, but they don't spell anything I recognize. Except that one...
"Hey, Teal'c, does this look familiar to you?"
He stops setting up his tent, much to Jack's annoyance, and comes to stand behind me. "It does not, Daniel Jackson," he says, and I frown. The carvings are barely there, worn by who knows how many years of wind and sand. I let my fingers trace over them, awed as always by the sense of sheer age. How many people have touched this thing before me? How many lives were lived around it?
"Jack," I call over my shoulder. "Would you grab the paper and charcoal out of my pack? I need your help with a frottage."
When he doesn't appear after a few seconds, I turn to look at him. Jack is staring at me with an odd sort of crooked smile, his eyebrows raised behind his sunglasses.
"Jack? The rubbing? A little help?"
The eyebrows go a tad higher, and the smile sharpens at the corners. "Of course," he says slowly. "The rubbing. Whatever you say, Daniel."
I roll my eyes. "Oh, stop it, Jack. How old are you again?"
"Old enough," he says briskly, bringing the pack over to me. "Now get your own paper and stuff. I've got to get the perimeter secured."
Right. I notice that securing the perimeter involves a lot of standing around and supervising while Sam and Teal'c do the actual work. But that's okay, I really should ask Teal'c for help with this anyway. He has the required patience and ability to be quiet for more than five minutes at a time.
I let them bustle around me while I crouch in the sand, peering at the stele. I suppose I should be grateful that Jack is letting me study it instead of insisting I help with setting up the camp. I continue being grateful until some indeterminate time later, when I look up and notice that the camp was fully constructed while I was distracted. Fully constructed with only two tents.
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Two tents?"
"It's a desert, Daniel," he says with exaggerated patience. "It'll get damn cold tonight, and we'll need to share."
"Oh," I say dryly. "Goody."
I normally wouldn't mind, except that Jack insists on sharing with me, and he snores. He says I'm worse, but I have yet to see proof of that. His snoring is doubly irritating because if I try to nudge him in any way, he tends to come awake violently, often grabbing me around the neck. Understandable, but not fun.
"Colonel! Daniel! Look!"
Jack bounces to his feet immediately, his weapon up, and I struggle to follow, my legs cramping from so much time hunched over by the stele. Sam is pointing at the sky, Teal'c beside her, both of them staring upwards.
Jack and I follow where she's pointing, and see that the bright, distant sun is not so bright anymore. I blink at it, my sunglasses not quite enough to make looking at it directly comfortable, and I finally get what's wrong. The side of the white disc is being eaten away by a black mouth.
"It's an eclipse," Jack murmurs beside me. I glance over at him, white spots hovering in my vision, and see that he's grinning like a kid.
"This is amazing, sir!" Sam yells. "Solar eclipses are quite rare. The odds of us coming here on the right day, and being in the right place to see it are, well, astronomical."
I squeeze my eyes shut and then face the ground for a few minutes, rubbing beneath my sunglasses. When I open them again, I see that our shadows are fading on the ground, slowly and steadily. It's already cooler, and there is a kind of eerie half-dusk light that is getting dimmer by the second.
"Wow," Jack says, and I smile at his wonder. He's still staring up, his lenses reflecting the eclipse for me. I watch it that way, so my eyes won't hurt. Soon, there is nothing but a black circle with some bright white beads of light along one edge.
"Don't look at it directly, sir," Sam says, coming over to stand beside us. "It could damage your eyes."
He nods but doesn't look away. His lips are parted, half-smiling, his hands slack at his sides. I can't help feeling a little uneasy—he looks hypnotized. In the reflection on his glasses, I see that we've reached totality—a perfect black circle surrounded by a blaze of light.
"The insects believe it is night," Teal'c says, joining our little bunch. Now that's he's pointed it out, I can hear them, chirping away. We still have shadows, but they're barely there, and I can see a few stars appearing. I rub at my arms, feeling the prickling of goose bumps. My first eclipse.
The period of totality lasts only a few minutes, and then the black disc begins to slide away, revealing first white, liquid beads of light welling on one side, growing to a crescent and more. I have to look away again, watching the sun re-emerge in the lenses of my own glasses, which I've taken off.
"That was fantastic," Sam chirps happily, blinking away the sun dazzle. "The next eclipse on Earth isn't due for several years, and then the path of totality is only going to be visible in parts of Africa. I never expected to see one myself."
"I have seen two previously," Teal'c says. "On Chulak, they are far more common, due to the number of moons."
"Nice," Jack says softly. "Nice."
I give him a sideways look, fighting the urge to grab him and shake him. He's still staring up at the sky, his mouth open and his eyes wide.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
"Are your eyes okay?"
Sam looks over at him when she hears my question, and frowns. "Sir? You really shouldn't look directly at the sun. Even sunglasses are inadequate protection. You could damage your retinas."
"I'm not looking directly, Carter," he says distantly. "And I'm fine."
He stares blankly for a few more seconds, and then shakes it off, beaming at me. "So, Danny. How'd you like the show?"
Danny. He hasn't called me that in a long time. Didn't realize how much I'd missed it. "I liked it fine," I reply evenly. He nods and claps me on the back, squeezing my shoulder. The arm stays around my shoulders longer than is really necessary, but he ducks my questioning look.
"Something to tell your grandkids about, right Carter?"
Sam gives him a thin smile that says she knows perfectly well her chances of having grandkids are not great. She's almost forty, after all. Jack winces a little when he realizes what he just said, and heads off to 'patrol the perimeter.'
So. Back to work. Looks like the show's over.
~~~
I may have gotten lucky this time. The dry air seems to actually help Jack's sinuses, because he's being very quiet. I've taken first watch, as usual, and after waking Sam I'm quite glad to crawl into my Jack-warmed tent. He was right about it getting cold at night. My hands are freezing, and I'm tempted to put one on the back of his neck, but I think that sort of thing would be hazardous to my health.
I quickly shuck my outerwear and burrow into the sleeping bag still wearing my thermals and two pairs of socks. I hate cold weather, I really do. Jack shifts and mumbles a little, and he pats me lightly with one hand before drawing it back in. Okay... slightly weird, not something he's done before, but it's only a little pat.
Mmm... warm sleeping bag, and the kind of perfect quiet in the tent that you don't get anywhere near civilization. The view of the stars outside was really quite spectacular, and the moon was impressively huge. Kind of blank and smooth, though, which I guess means there aren't many asteroids around here.
I'm almost asleep when Jack starts making odd little huffing noises. His breath catches, then gasps, then speeds up. The moonlight is enough for me to see him clutching at nothing, his hands squeezing and releasing rapidly. He kicks out, twitches, and the low murmuring rises in pitch and volume.
This would be the other reason I don't generally like to share tents with Jack. His dreams are not always pleasant. I'd wake him, but then he'll be embarrassed and get all distant with me.
"Dan... Daniel... nonono..."
Oh, that's not good. Dreaming about me, obviously, and if he knows he said my name out loud, he'll be even more snarly when I wake him. On the other hand, he's gearing up for a real screamer, and if he wakes the whole camp, he'll be mortified. Better to stop this before it gets out of control.
"Jack. Wake up. Jack!" I'd rather not touch him if I have a choice. After a black eye and some bruised ribs, I learned to avoid that.
He jerks in response to my voice, pauses, and then one hand reaches out tentatively. He fumbles along my side, sliding up to press against my chest, and then squeezing my shoulder.
"Danny?"
I shiver a little. I've never heard his voice so small, and it's freaking me out. Jack does not do small and scared. Jack does loud and sarcastic.
"Yeah. I think you were dreaming. You okay?"
His eyes are still closed. He seems frozen for a long moment, his hand still tight on my shoulder, and then he launches himself forward, plastering his body against my side. His head ducks under my chin and I can feel his face grinding into my chest, almost painful even through layers of clothing.
This is... this is just weird. Jack does *not* do this. I've seen him wake up from plenty of nightmares, and no matter how shaken he is, he handles it on his own. Pulls away, busies his hands with something, and stays quiet until he's under control. He most definitely does not cling and tremble.
"Uh... Jack?"
"Danny," he mumbles, or at least I think that's what he's saying. That's three 'Dannys' in a day, when I haven't heard one in nearly three years. Not that I was keeping track. He's actually starting to scare me, here. I'm thinking alien influence, or something weird in the air, or... or something.
"Okay, you're okay. It's going to be all right," I say softly, because the situation seems to call for it. I start rubbing his back a little, and he nods vigorously, tightening his arms around me.
Maybe I should call Sam over. Jack's behavior is seriously off, and I can't just ignore what could possibly be a sign of some deeper problem.
But maybe he's just still sleeping? He never did open his eyes. If I call Sam and she sees this, and it turns out to just be Jack having a strange sleep episode, he'll be so embarrassed. And angry with me for exposing him like that, too.
I can feel a wet, spreading warmth on my chest that can only be one thing, but I don't want to think about that. Jack doesn't do that. Ever. I can feel him shaking, his chest hitching, and I can hear his breathing catching, but... no. It's just too weird. It's just not Jack.
And if it is, so what? Hasn't he been through a lot of crap in his life? Doesn't he deserve to break down a little from time to time? I don't know why it would happen now, in this seemingly harmless place, but maybe that's not for me to know. Maybe I should just be a good friend and help him through it.
I start to ease back, trying to see his face, but he makes a muffled sound of protest and squeezes me tighter. "Okay," I murmur, stroking him awkwardly. He's done this for me a time or two, but I never expected the tables to be turned. Besides, the only times I've broken down like this, I was either going through withdrawal from the sarcophagus, or I had just lost Sha're.
He hasn't lost anyone recently that I'm aware of, other than me and that doesn't really count because I came back, so I'm left with alien influence again. But what kind of influence? And moreover, why? What could possibly be gained by doing this to Jack? If anything, he probably needed the release.
"Daniel," he mumbles into my shoulder. "Don't do it again."
"What? Do what?"
"Don't die anymore. Don't."
Ooookay. "I'll, uh... I'll try not to, Jack."
He finally lifts his head, and the theory that he's still sleeping is shot down by the fierce awareness in his eyes. "Don't just try," he hisses. "Do *not* die again. Do you have any idea what it did to me the last time?"
I blink at him, my mouth working but no sound coming out. "Uh... well, technically, I didn't die. I ascended."
I get the feeling he's not into the technical details right now.
"You were *gone.* You left me," he insists. I can see more moisture welling in his eyes, and I wince. It's amazing how upsetting it is to see him like this. Jack is strong, but even more than that, Jack is self- controlled. He never lets things show like this.
"Are, uh... are you feeling all right? You're acting a little..."
"I missed you," he says hoarsely, and I feel my stomach tightening. This is too much, too intense. I can't be comfortable with this kind of stark honesty.
"That's... uh..." I'm stammering, helpless. What do I say to something like that? And what the hell has gotten into Jack? I've been back for months now. I didn't get so much as a hug when I rejoined SG-1, but now he does this? Hell, *Sam* showed more emotion then he did when I was dying, and when I came back.
"Don't leave again."
I shake my head, still patting his back nervously. "Okay, sure Jack. I won't leave."
He glares at me. "You're not taking this seriously."
"No, no, I am. I really, really am. I just... I don't know what you want me to say."
"Promise me," he whispers. His cheeks are getting wet again. I'm torn between wiping them off and pretending I don't notice. The Jack I know would rather I act like I didn't see it, but this doesn't seem to be the Jack I know.
"All right," I say solemnly. "I promise."
"You'll stay?"
"Yes. I'll stay."
He fixes me with an intense stare for a long moment, and then nods and heaves a huge sigh, sagging against me. My arms go back around him automatically, and I'm a little surprised at how comfortable this is. I'm certainly warm enough, and for someone who seems to be all muscle and bone, Jack is eminently squeezeable. If that's a word.
He wiggles against me, tucks his head back under my chin, and relaxes completely. He's snoring within minutes. Which leaves me with the rather interesting problem of what to do when Teal'c comes to wake him for last watch. This position is more than a little compromising. I have the utmost faith in Teal'c's discretion, but still... it's weird. And I have no idea how Jack is going to feel about this in the morning.
He might be embarrassed to have anyone know about his moment of weakness, or he might just shrug it off. He cares so much about having the respect of his team—I know he wouldn't want to lose face in their eyes, or in mine. But he has to know we wouldn't think less of him for showing how he feels, right?
Maybe I should work on how I feel about it first. Or maybe... maybe I should just go to sleep and see what happens next. Jack's reaction is really nothing I can control, and he got himself into this position of his own free will. He can't blame me for it.
Of course, that doesn't mean he won't.
~~~