-A postcard from the dentist that reads, "Long time no see!" "Yeah, I keep getting those. I went once when I was sixteen on a dare, and the bastard's just never given up. I admire his perseverance."
-A dusty beret "Ah, when I was young…I went to France to chase those gorgeous Beauxbatons girls when I was 18. Good times…naturally, I failed miserably. But I did get a beret."
-A large collection of Madame Alexander dolls in a glass case "Oh, for the love of-they were my mother's! Draco may be gay, Lockhart may be gay, but I am NOT!!! How can I prove it…just go down to Azkaban, talk to Bellatrix Lestrange, and ask her about the "Wax Paper Incident." That's right. She hasn't forgotten."
-A picture of Trelawney wearing nothing but strategically placed Tarot cards "Well, it was her idea. And Flitwick's. That man has a sick mind. Why I still have it…well, I'm an obsessive-compulsive pack rat. Happy?"
-A coffee table book called Strange Things Floating in Jars "We all need a hobby."
-Copious amounts of Swiss cheese "Hell is a place without Swiss cheese. And since I'll probably be going there, I really should stock up while I get the chance."
-That gray nightshirt…yeah, that one "Why would I need good-looking sleepwear? It's not like I'm having wild threesomes in my apartment every night…though it's not like I haven't tried to get any started. I got this close with Trelawney and a Hufflepuff prefect one night…this close…"
-Tickets to The Passion of the Christ "I don't know where I got these or what I'm going to do with them…I think Dumbledore might have been handing them out. Yeah, now that I think about it…I thought that they were for a porno called Harry Potter and the Leather Slave of Azkaban. I was probably drunk. Heh.
-A Hillary Duff poster "Oh, god…get the hell out of my closet, you idiots! Okay, that's it. This ends now."