But first, a word from Severus:
"Did you not hear me? I said that I wouldn't be allowing you to do this any more! It's invasive, and it's pointless, and—is that vodka? All right, come on in. I'm all out of vodka."
-A tangerine iMac "Well, it just fits. Why do I always have an iMac in these stories? Everyone wants me to have an oddly colored iMac for some goddamn reason….do you think I'm a FRUIT?????? Oh my GOD!!!! Listen, people, I don't know how many times I have to say this, but…………SEVERUS SUSANNA SNAPE IS NOT—oh, damn. I really shouldn't have drank that entire bottle of vodka before I started this thing."
On his tangerine iMac:
-A desktop image of Sailor Saturn from Sailor Moon "So I lust over somewhat gothic Japanese schoolgirls in really short skirts. So what? Oh, it's not like any of you fanfic writers should have a problem with that. Honestly—me and Hermione? That's even nastier, in my personal opinion. Where do you people get this stuff from? It boggles the mind."
-The Sims "I make Sims that look like everyone I hate and kill them. I made James, Sirius, and Remus starve to death, and I made Potter get electrocuted by a broken computer, and everyone else I just drown in a pool. Disturbed? Probably. Fun? Definitely."
Songs on his iTunes:
-Hurt, Johnny Cash "I cry every time I hear this song. Every damn time. It just rings so true to my depressing, awful life of loneliness, depression, and substance abuse. Oh, and I wear more black than Johnny Cash EVER did. Just for the record."
-Hey Ya, Outkast "I have had this song…..stuck in my head……for about a month……it's driving me insane………heyyyyyyy ya…..hey ya……."
-So Yesterday, Hilary Duff "Aw, damn, I might as well just admit it. Hilary Duff rox my sox. It's true."
-I Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Aerosmith "I wish I was in love….I wish somebody loved me…..other than Draco, that is. Will I ever find love? Not with my luck. With my luck, I'll probably die in the next book."
-(Can't Get No) Satisfaction, The Rolling Stones "Well, I can't get no satisfaction. Honestly. Nothing ever goes my way in the books. Have you noticed? I think J.K. Rowling has something against pale guys with hooked noses or something. Bitch."
Bookmarked websites:
-alcoholicsanonymous.com "All right, Minerva, all right. I get the picture. Who taught her how to hack computers, anyways?"
-magicaldatingservice.com "Those Internet dating services are pretty scary. For example, once I ended up meeting Professor Sprout for a date. She seemed to think it was hilarious. She's such an evil woman."
-fanfiction.net "Hey, why not?"
-hilaryduffroxmysox.com "Can't you people just let this go?"
-dracomalfoyswebcam.com "Oh, God! Who taught Draco to hack computers, too? That's the most disgusting…..hmmm, I'm strangely intrigued."
And finally, another word from Severus: "You're not going to put this up anywhere, right? Right? You are? I'm….so….disappointed in you! I opened my soul to you people, and this is how you repay me? I'm never talking to you again. Unless you bring some really good bourbon next time."