Part 5
"Let me just see if I've got this." Janet is really trying to be professional and not laugh. She really is. It's not working too well, but I have to give her credit for the effort.
"It's not that tough, doc," Jack says wearily. "Some alien mind-whammy basically gave me a permanent dose of truth serum, or something like that, and I can't lie or hide anything. At all. No matter how much I want to." That said with a guilty little glance at me. I pretend I didn't notice.
"Your blood work is normal, Colonel," Janet says evenly. "I'm not finding any unusual chemicals, let alone an... alien truth serum." She manages that with a straight face. Barely.
"I think Jack was speaking metaphorically," I say, before he can really get himself in trouble. In his current state, Jack is likely to say something to Janet that he'll seriously regret when his annual physical comes up.
Janet sighs and nods slowly. "Yes, I know, Daniel. And if he is indeed incapable of lying, it could be a serious problem. If the goa'uld got a hold of him, or the NID, or some reporter..."
"Yes, you see?" Jack says impatiently. "Honesty is all well and good, but not for a man in my position."
"And you believe this was caused by a pattern of light pulses during a solar eclipse?"
"Yes," Jack and I say together. He glances at me and some of the tension goes out of his shoulders. He smiles and runs a hand through my hair before I can stop him, and then he freezes and looks at Janet nervously.
She's staring at him, one eyebrow raised. "Uh..." I say, "The eclipse also seems to be affecting Jack's behavior. It's made him a bit... tactile."
"Oh," Janet says. "With everyone, or just with Daniel, sir?"
"With Daniel," Jack promptly replies, and then winces. "I mean... it wasn't the eclipse that made me want to touch him, it's just that this whole truth thing means I can't stop myself from doing what I want to... uh..." He throws me a panicked look.
"I think it's rather unfair to question Jack right now, don't you?" I ask pointedly. And I keep a hand over Jack's mouth, just for good measure.
She's trying not to laugh again. "Yes, I think you're right, Daniel. The MRI comparison should be ready by now, I'll go over that. In the meantime, the Colonel should be kept in isolation to prevent any... um... loss of confidential information."
"Very diplomatic of you," Jack mumbles past my hand.
Janet grins. "Don't worry, sir, I won't say a word. Except that it's about time!"
Jack and I stare at each other as she walks out. "Am I the only one who didn't know?" I ask weakly.
He smiles and throws an arm over my shoulders, squeezing me. "It's looking that way, Danny."
"Jack!" I hiss as he gets dangerously close to nuzzling my ear. "We're in the infirmary!"
"I'm under alien influence. I can get away with anything."
I tear myself away and cross my arms over my chest. "No, you can't," I say flatly. "I won't take advantage of you."
He sighs and sits down on an infirmary bed. "I had to fall for mister noble," he complains. "Why couldn't you be like any other guy and just take the opportunity when it throws itself at you?"
I blink at him and frown, my mouth opening and closing without actually speaking. What am I supposed to say to that? That I'm not like any other guy? That would sound... I don't know. Weird.
"Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean that. Well, no, I did mean that, right now I mean everything I say, but I didn't mean it the way it sounds. I just... I finally realize what I want, and I don't want to wait anymore."
You should have to wait, Jack. I had to.
Okay, I'm not saying *that* out loud. Besides, there's nothing to wait for. Nothing is going to happen. Janet will figure this out, Jack will be back to normal, and I won't have to tell him no every five minutes. Because that's getting really old, not to mention it gets harder every time.
"You know, I've got some work I should be doing," I start, edging toward the door. "I think Janet has things under control now."
"Wait, Daniel." He stands again, crossing to me and grabbing my arm. "I know I shouldn't have said that. I know this isn't fair to you. I just... I have zero tact right now, you know?"
I can't help smiling a little. "And this is different how, exactly?"
Jack smiles back at me. "Yeah, I know. See, that's how I knew you loved me! Why else would you put up with my crap?"
I duck my head and then dart a quick glance around. Luckily it doesn't look like anyone heard that, but our luck isn't going to last forever. "Jack! You really, really can't say things like that in the middle of the infirmary!"
He nods earnestly. "I know! I can't stop!"
Jesus. This really is a serious problem. Jack looks miserable, and I have to admit I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. To not be able to hide anything about myself? To bluntly say whatever I was thinking, no matter how tactless or foolish?
"Stay with me, Daniel." He looks embarrassed, but he can't stop himself from telling me the whole truth. "I'm scared. I don't know what I'll say next, and I don't have any control over it. I need your help."
"Okay, Jack," I say immediately. Of course I'll stay. What was I thinking, going to do some work? I can't leave him like this.
He smiles brightly and gives me an impulsive hug, which I wriggle out of as quickly as I can. "Not in the infirmary, Jack."
"Right," he says. "Sorry. I can't help it."
"I know." I pat his back awkwardly and he smiles again. It's really unfair of him to be so damn charming.
"Uh... stay right there, Jack. I'm going to tell Janet we're going to an iso room. She can catch up with us later."
"Good idea." He sits heavily on the bed and frowns, staring at the floor between his feet.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying very hard to think about nothing."
Oh. "Um... good luck with that."
He doesn't look up. "Go, Daniel. Hurry."
Right. I'm halfway to Janet's office before it occurs to me that I'll have to stay with Jack. To help him avoid saying the wrong thing to the wrong person until this gets fixed. Which means that I'll be sleeping in the same room with him again. That's just great.
I wish I knew whether I really mean that or not.
~~~
"Janet said it might be temporary."
"Oh," Jack says, not looking at me. He's sitting on the edge of the bed in his isolation room, staring at the floor between his feet.
"Apparently your MRI is a bit off, but she checked the latest one against the one she took just after you came through the gate, and it looks like it's going back to normal."
"Uh-huh."
"Maybe if you're not exposed to the eclipse every day, the effect fades."
"Maybe."
I sigh and sit beside Jack on the bed. He looks at me with hollow eyes and then leans over, resting his forehead against my shoulder. I pat at his hair uncertainly. I'm just not used to Jack acting vulnerable like this.
"Jack, what's wrong?"
He shrugs and presses a little closer to my side, his breath tickling my neck. "I don't know, exactly. Lots of things. I don't want to stay like this—it's embarrassing. I feel like I'm being childish and weak. But I don't want to lose this, either."
I put an arm around his shoulders and squeeze him a little. "Lose what?"
He lifts his head and meets my eyes. "This," he whispers, and then he kisses me. Soft, quick, dry, warm. Nice.
"Jack. I can't—"
"Don't tell me you can't take advantage of me. Don't tell me I don't know what I want. I know *exactly* what I want. That's the problem. I can't hide anything, not even from myself."
I think about that for a while, idly stroking his back. It's amazing how easy it is to touch him when he's like this. I know he doesn't like being vulnerable and open like this, but it makes me feel more confident. Stronger by comparison, if that makes any sense.
"Do you want to hide this?"
"I have to," he says bleakly.
"Why?"
He gives me an incredulous look. "Why? Why do you think? I can't even count how many rules this breaks."
"So you'd rather pretend you don't feel this way? Just shove it down and hide it and that'll make everything okay?"
Jack smiles at me, slowly bringing one hand to trace the line of my jaw. I can feel the roughness of his fingertips against the rasp of my unshaven skin, and I shiver.
"Jack?"
"That's the first time you haven't argued with me. The first time you've believed that this is really how I feel, and not some alien influence talking."
I blink at him. "Oh."
He laughs, quick and easy, and kisses me again. Does he always want to do it this often?
I pull back and try to center myself again, shaking my head quickly to clear it. "Wait. You're concerned about breaking the rules, remember?"
"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just can't seem to keep that in mind. I feel like I'm all instinct and emotion right now. Rational thought doesn't enter into it."
"Aren't you the one that told me I should trust my instincts?"
He gives me that sideways half smile. "Throwing my words back at me, Danny? Sneaky."
"Guess who taught me that trick."
"I should stop teaching you things. You're getting smarter than me."
I raise my eyebrows at him and he laughs again, raising his hands.
"Jack."
"Yeah, I know. Be serious, right? I'm trying, Daniel."
"I asked you if you thought it was better to not act on what you feel. To deny it."
He watches me silently for a long moment, bringing his hand up and brushing the ball of his thumb across my mouth. I let him do it, unable to stop myself from flicking my tongue out to taste him. His eyes don't soften so much as melt. I never knew he could look like that.
"Right now? I don't think denying anything is a good idea." He sighs and drops his hand. "But I think we've established that I'm not thinking clearly right now."
I narrow my eyes at him. "I thought you couldn't do anything *but* think clearly."
"Well, okay, not rationally, then. Not realistically."
Ah. That's different. "You think that giving in to what we want would be a bad idea."
He raises his eyebrows. "What *we* want?" he asks softly.
Oops. "Uh... well..."
"I know, Danny. Remember, I knew before you did."
I shrug and focus somewhere over his left shoulder. "Yeah."
He ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead again, a touch that should feel fatherly and chaste but is somehow tender and promising. "And yes," he says, "I do think giving in would be a bad idea. No matter how good it would be."
"No matter how good," I echo. "Why would it be a bad idea?" And why am I trying to talk him into this when I've spent the last two nights trying to talk him out of it?
"It would hurt the team," he says regretfully.
"Why?"
"Favoritism. Conflict of interest. Inappropriate relationship compromising the chain of command," he recites.
"All of which doesn't apply to us."
He raises his eyebrows and leans back. "It doesn't?"
I shake my head earnestly, already warming to my argument. "No. Think about it, Jack. Favoritism? How much more could you favor me than you do already? I'm always in the most protected position, always the last in and the first out, always guarded and watched over. You make sure I eat and sleep and take breaks and get enough water. Somebody from the team comes by my office before briefings to make sure I'm not late. The whole team hovers in the infirmary if I'm hurt. I've always been like the team puppy, and much as it drives me crazy sometimes, it's kind of... well, nice. I don't see how us acting on our feelings is going to change that."
Jack is chuckling a little. "The team puppy? I'm going to remember that one, Daniel. I think Carter and Teal'c would like it."
I think about arguing but give it up as pointless. He knows it would only be a token protest anyway.
"So you agree that favoritism isn't an issue?"
"Well..." He glances down at his lap, and I follow his gaze, realizing I've taken his hand without even being aware of it. Our tangled fingers rest on his thigh, very close to... very close. Why does my face suddenly feel hot?
"Well?"
"I'll agree," he says grudgingly. "Bearing in mind that I'm easy right now."
My lips twitch into what wants to be a smile. "Easy," I reply. "I'll remember that."
"Yes, please do."
I catch myself staring rather sappily at him and take a deep breath, scooting away a little on the bed. I can smell him and it's distracting me. "Okay," I say briskly. "Second point. Conflict of interest. What does that mean, exactly?"
"It means me putting your safety over accomplishing the mission. It means me splitting the team in such a way that you go with me when you should really go with Carter or Teal'c, just because I want to be with you. Anything that involves basing command decisions on something other than a risk assessment and the mission at hand."
"You don't do that now?"
Jack actually looks shocked. "No! I never do that. I don't let how I feel about you affect my command."
"If we were together, would it change how you feel about me?"
He pauses, sensing a trap. "Noooo..."
"So how would us being together change your command?"
He blinks and then snorts laughter, shaking his head. "Damn," he mutters. "Never argue with a genius."
"So it wouldn't change anything, right?" I ask, pressing my advantage. I wasn't captain of the debate team in college for nothing. "There would be no conflict of interest that isn't there already?"
"I guess not," he says slowly. "But there are no guarantees. I don't think I can feel much more for you than I do now—I don't think there is more. But I could be wrong."
I just sit there and swallow for a few minutes. What do I say to something like that? How can I possibly live up to it?
"Hey." He nudges my shoulder with his own. "Don't go all mushy on me now, Daniel. I'm in no shape to resist that."
"Right," I say gruffly. "Sorry."
"Daniel." He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. "Come on, keep arguing. I hate falling apart. Don't make me."
I take a deep breath and give myself a little shake. Pull it together, Jackson. "So. The third point—an inappropriate relationship compromising the chain of command. How does that work?"
"Along the same lines as sexual harassment," Jack says, his voice gaining strength as he speaks. "I would be giving you your way in the field, exercising my position of authority to give you undue attention and perks in exchange for sexual favors."
"How is that like sexual harassment?"
He grins. "Basically, if I approached you and said 'hey, sleep with me and I'll let you stay longer and play with the old rocks,' that would be sexual harassment."
"And if I approach you with the same deal?"
Jack shrugs. "I don't know what that's called. I'm sure the military has a label for it, though."
"Yes, I'm sure they do," I reply grimly.
"The point is that you would have an influence over me. I might be more inclined to listen to you and give you your way just to make you happy, even if it isn't the best decision."
"Aren't I always right?"
Jack rolls his eyes. "Daniel..."
"Yes, okay." I sigh and let my eyes trace the line of his back. "You may have a point with that one."
"Although..."
I sit straighter, brightening. "Although? What?"
"Well, before I started... uh, trying to push you away," he gives me a guilty look, "I did always try to make you happy. Give you as much time to study your artifacts as I reasonably could. And I did try to listen, even if I didn't agree. I guess listening a little more wouldn't kill me."
I sense a victory coming up. "You know, Jack, I remember that. I remember you listening and having patience and us being friendly and close and comfortable together. I also remember how much better the team functioned then. How Sam didn't feel uncomfortable around you, and how we went out of our way to show Teal'c the planet and include him in things."
"Hey!" He's staring at me, his brow furrowed. "I don't ignore Teal'c! And what do you mean about Carter being uncomfortable? What did I do?"
"Didn't you notice how we never seem to get together off base with Teal'c anymore? He spends a lot of time with me, but we lost that cohesion that the four of us used to have. And Sam is just confused by the way you've been acting around her. Asking her to go fishing with you, for one. She felt that was inappropriate, but she didn't know how to tell you."
"So she told you?" Now he looks embarrassed again, his head lowered and his shoulders hunched.
"Yes," I say gently. "She could see you shutting me out, and she felt bad about it. She felt like somehow you were favoring her over me, and she didn't know what to do about it. She didn't want to lose our friendship, but to a certain degree, we lost some of that connection we used to have."
Jack sighs and rests his forehead on my shoulder again. "Because of me. I knew I'd screwed things up with you, Daniel, but I didn't realize I'd hurt the whole team."
I stroke his back again—somehow it's not awkward anymore. I could get used to this. "You meant well, Jack," I say reassuringly. "You were trying to do what was best for all of us."
He nods against me, still not raising his head. I think he likes resting it on me like that. "Yeah, I meant well, but what's that saying about the road to hell and good intentions? Here I was trying to avoid hurting the team, and that's exactly what I did."
"It's okay," I tell him. "It's not too late."
His arms go around me, one on my lower back, rubbing gently, the other cupping the back of my neck. He lifts his head to face me, so close I can feel the soft rush of his breathing on my skin. "It isn't?" he asks. "We can fix this?"
"Colonel?"
Oh, hell. We jerk apart, Jack wiping ineffectually at his face, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. Janet stands in the doorway, smiling a secret smile.
"J-Janet," I stammer, standing and then immediately shoving my hands into my pockets and leaning forward. Janet just smirks. That woman doesn't miss a trick.
"I need to take Colonel O'Neill for another MRI. If I've gauged the results of the first two correctly, he should be completely back to normal by now."
"What?" Jack and I ask in unison. Our eyes meet, and he swallows, blinking nervously. Normal? For how long? And how much of our conversation was with Jack in his right mind?
Janet's face is calm, but her eyes are dancing. "Colonel? If you'll follow me?"
Jack swallows and stands awkwardly, his hands moving like he doesn't know what to do with them. "Right. I'm coming." Then he flushes and gives me a quick glance, ducking his head. I bite my lip to keep from laughing.
I go to follow Jack, but Janet stops me with a hand on my chest. "I won't ask him any difficult questions, Daniel, don't worry. I don't need to be tripping over you—there isn't much room in the examination area."
"Oh," I say. "Okay. See you later, Jack. Good luck."
He just looks at me. Good luck—what does that mean?
~~~
"Let me just see if I've got this." Janet is really trying to be professional and not laugh. She really is. It's not working too well, but I have to give her credit for the effort.
"It's not that tough, doc," Jack says wearily. "Some alien mind-whammy basically gave me a permanent dose of truth serum, or something like that, and I can't lie or hide anything. At all. No matter how much I want to." That said with a guilty little glance at me. I pretend I didn't notice.
"Your blood work is normal, Colonel," Janet says evenly. "I'm not finding any unusual chemicals, let alone an... alien truth serum." She manages that with a straight face. Barely.
"I think Jack was speaking metaphorically," I say, before he can really get himself in trouble. In his current state, Jack is likely to say something to Janet that he'll seriously regret when his annual physical comes up.
Janet sighs and nods slowly. "Yes, I know, Daniel. And if he is indeed incapable of lying, it could be a serious problem. If the goa'uld got a hold of him, or the NID, or some reporter..."
"Yes, you see?" Jack says impatiently. "Honesty is all well and good, but not for a man in my position."
"And you believe this was caused by a pattern of light pulses during a solar eclipse?"
"Yes," Jack and I say together. He glances at me and some of the tension goes out of his shoulders. He smiles and runs a hand through my hair before I can stop him, and then he freezes and looks at Janet nervously.
She's staring at him, one eyebrow raised. "Uh..." I say, "The eclipse also seems to be affecting Jack's behavior. It's made him a bit... tactile."
"Oh," Janet says. "With everyone, or just with Daniel, sir?"
"With Daniel," Jack promptly replies, and then winces. "I mean... it wasn't the eclipse that made me want to touch him, it's just that this whole truth thing means I can't stop myself from doing what I want to... uh..." He throws me a panicked look.
"I think it's rather unfair to question Jack right now, don't you?" I ask pointedly. And I keep a hand over Jack's mouth, just for good measure.
She's trying not to laugh again. "Yes, I think you're right, Daniel. The MRI comparison should be ready by now, I'll go over that. In the meantime, the Colonel should be kept in isolation to prevent any... um... loss of confidential information."
"Very diplomatic of you," Jack mumbles past my hand.
Janet grins. "Don't worry, sir, I won't say a word. Except that it's about time!"
Jack and I stare at each other as she walks out. "Am I the only one who didn't know?" I ask weakly.
He smiles and throws an arm over my shoulders, squeezing me. "It's looking that way, Danny."
"Jack!" I hiss as he gets dangerously close to nuzzling my ear. "We're in the infirmary!"
"I'm under alien influence. I can get away with anything."
I tear myself away and cross my arms over my chest. "No, you can't," I say flatly. "I won't take advantage of you."
He sighs and sits down on an infirmary bed. "I had to fall for mister noble," he complains. "Why couldn't you be like any other guy and just take the opportunity when it throws itself at you?"
I blink at him and frown, my mouth opening and closing without actually speaking. What am I supposed to say to that? That I'm not like any other guy? That would sound... I don't know. Weird.
"Sorry," he says. "I didn't mean that. Well, no, I did mean that, right now I mean everything I say, but I didn't mean it the way it sounds. I just... I finally realize what I want, and I don't want to wait anymore."
You should have to wait, Jack. I had to.
Okay, I'm not saying *that* out loud. Besides, there's nothing to wait for. Nothing is going to happen. Janet will figure this out, Jack will be back to normal, and I won't have to tell him no every five minutes. Because that's getting really old, not to mention it gets harder every time.
"You know, I've got some work I should be doing," I start, edging toward the door. "I think Janet has things under control now."
"Wait, Daniel." He stands again, crossing to me and grabbing my arm. "I know I shouldn't have said that. I know this isn't fair to you. I just... I have zero tact right now, you know?"
I can't help smiling a little. "And this is different how, exactly?"
Jack smiles back at me. "Yeah, I know. See, that's how I knew you loved me! Why else would you put up with my crap?"
I duck my head and then dart a quick glance around. Luckily it doesn't look like anyone heard that, but our luck isn't going to last forever. "Jack! You really, really can't say things like that in the middle of the infirmary!"
He nods earnestly. "I know! I can't stop!"
Jesus. This really is a serious problem. Jack looks miserable, and I have to admit I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. To not be able to hide anything about myself? To bluntly say whatever I was thinking, no matter how tactless or foolish?
"Stay with me, Daniel." He looks embarrassed, but he can't stop himself from telling me the whole truth. "I'm scared. I don't know what I'll say next, and I don't have any control over it. I need your help."
"Okay, Jack," I say immediately. Of course I'll stay. What was I thinking, going to do some work? I can't leave him like this.
He smiles brightly and gives me an impulsive hug, which I wriggle out of as quickly as I can. "Not in the infirmary, Jack."
"Right," he says. "Sorry. I can't help it."
"I know." I pat his back awkwardly and he smiles again. It's really unfair of him to be so damn charming.
"Uh... stay right there, Jack. I'm going to tell Janet we're going to an iso room. She can catch up with us later."
"Good idea." He sits heavily on the bed and frowns, staring at the floor between his feet.
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying very hard to think about nothing."
Oh. "Um... good luck with that."
He doesn't look up. "Go, Daniel. Hurry."
Right. I'm halfway to Janet's office before it occurs to me that I'll have to stay with Jack. To help him avoid saying the wrong thing to the wrong person until this gets fixed. Which means that I'll be sleeping in the same room with him again. That's just great.
I wish I knew whether I really mean that or not.
~~~
"Janet said it might be temporary."
"Oh," Jack says, not looking at me. He's sitting on the edge of the bed in his isolation room, staring at the floor between his feet.
"Apparently your MRI is a bit off, but she checked the latest one against the one she took just after you came through the gate, and it looks like it's going back to normal."
"Uh-huh."
"Maybe if you're not exposed to the eclipse every day, the effect fades."
"Maybe."
I sigh and sit beside Jack on the bed. He looks at me with hollow eyes and then leans over, resting his forehead against my shoulder. I pat at his hair uncertainly. I'm just not used to Jack acting vulnerable like this.
"Jack, what's wrong?"
He shrugs and presses a little closer to my side, his breath tickling my neck. "I don't know, exactly. Lots of things. I don't want to stay like this—it's embarrassing. I feel like I'm being childish and weak. But I don't want to lose this, either."
I put an arm around his shoulders and squeeze him a little. "Lose what?"
He lifts his head and meets my eyes. "This," he whispers, and then he kisses me. Soft, quick, dry, warm. Nice.
"Jack. I can't—"
"Don't tell me you can't take advantage of me. Don't tell me I don't know what I want. I know *exactly* what I want. That's the problem. I can't hide anything, not even from myself."
I think about that for a while, idly stroking his back. It's amazing how easy it is to touch him when he's like this. I know he doesn't like being vulnerable and open like this, but it makes me feel more confident. Stronger by comparison, if that makes any sense.
"Do you want to hide this?"
"I have to," he says bleakly.
"Why?"
He gives me an incredulous look. "Why? Why do you think? I can't even count how many rules this breaks."
"So you'd rather pretend you don't feel this way? Just shove it down and hide it and that'll make everything okay?"
Jack smiles at me, slowly bringing one hand to trace the line of my jaw. I can feel the roughness of his fingertips against the rasp of my unshaven skin, and I shiver.
"Jack?"
"That's the first time you haven't argued with me. The first time you've believed that this is really how I feel, and not some alien influence talking."
I blink at him. "Oh."
He laughs, quick and easy, and kisses me again. Does he always want to do it this often?
I pull back and try to center myself again, shaking my head quickly to clear it. "Wait. You're concerned about breaking the rules, remember?"
"Yeah." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just can't seem to keep that in mind. I feel like I'm all instinct and emotion right now. Rational thought doesn't enter into it."
"Aren't you the one that told me I should trust my instincts?"
He gives me that sideways half smile. "Throwing my words back at me, Danny? Sneaky."
"Guess who taught me that trick."
"I should stop teaching you things. You're getting smarter than me."
I raise my eyebrows at him and he laughs again, raising his hands.
"Jack."
"Yeah, I know. Be serious, right? I'm trying, Daniel."
"I asked you if you thought it was better to not act on what you feel. To deny it."
He watches me silently for a long moment, bringing his hand up and brushing the ball of his thumb across my mouth. I let him do it, unable to stop myself from flicking my tongue out to taste him. His eyes don't soften so much as melt. I never knew he could look like that.
"Right now? I don't think denying anything is a good idea." He sighs and drops his hand. "But I think we've established that I'm not thinking clearly right now."
I narrow my eyes at him. "I thought you couldn't do anything *but* think clearly."
"Well, okay, not rationally, then. Not realistically."
Ah. That's different. "You think that giving in to what we want would be a bad idea."
He raises his eyebrows. "What *we* want?" he asks softly.
Oops. "Uh... well..."
"I know, Danny. Remember, I knew before you did."
I shrug and focus somewhere over his left shoulder. "Yeah."
He ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead again, a touch that should feel fatherly and chaste but is somehow tender and promising. "And yes," he says, "I do think giving in would be a bad idea. No matter how good it would be."
"No matter how good," I echo. "Why would it be a bad idea?" And why am I trying to talk him into this when I've spent the last two nights trying to talk him out of it?
"It would hurt the team," he says regretfully.
"Why?"
"Favoritism. Conflict of interest. Inappropriate relationship compromising the chain of command," he recites.
"All of which doesn't apply to us."
He raises his eyebrows and leans back. "It doesn't?"
I shake my head earnestly, already warming to my argument. "No. Think about it, Jack. Favoritism? How much more could you favor me than you do already? I'm always in the most protected position, always the last in and the first out, always guarded and watched over. You make sure I eat and sleep and take breaks and get enough water. Somebody from the team comes by my office before briefings to make sure I'm not late. The whole team hovers in the infirmary if I'm hurt. I've always been like the team puppy, and much as it drives me crazy sometimes, it's kind of... well, nice. I don't see how us acting on our feelings is going to change that."
Jack is chuckling a little. "The team puppy? I'm going to remember that one, Daniel. I think Carter and Teal'c would like it."
I think about arguing but give it up as pointless. He knows it would only be a token protest anyway.
"So you agree that favoritism isn't an issue?"
"Well..." He glances down at his lap, and I follow his gaze, realizing I've taken his hand without even being aware of it. Our tangled fingers rest on his thigh, very close to... very close. Why does my face suddenly feel hot?
"Well?"
"I'll agree," he says grudgingly. "Bearing in mind that I'm easy right now."
My lips twitch into what wants to be a smile. "Easy," I reply. "I'll remember that."
"Yes, please do."
I catch myself staring rather sappily at him and take a deep breath, scooting away a little on the bed. I can smell him and it's distracting me. "Okay," I say briskly. "Second point. Conflict of interest. What does that mean, exactly?"
"It means me putting your safety over accomplishing the mission. It means me splitting the team in such a way that you go with me when you should really go with Carter or Teal'c, just because I want to be with you. Anything that involves basing command decisions on something other than a risk assessment and the mission at hand."
"You don't do that now?"
Jack actually looks shocked. "No! I never do that. I don't let how I feel about you affect my command."
"If we were together, would it change how you feel about me?"
He pauses, sensing a trap. "Noooo..."
"So how would us being together change your command?"
He blinks and then snorts laughter, shaking his head. "Damn," he mutters. "Never argue with a genius."
"So it wouldn't change anything, right?" I ask, pressing my advantage. I wasn't captain of the debate team in college for nothing. "There would be no conflict of interest that isn't there already?"
"I guess not," he says slowly. "But there are no guarantees. I don't think I can feel much more for you than I do now—I don't think there is more. But I could be wrong."
I just sit there and swallow for a few minutes. What do I say to something like that? How can I possibly live up to it?
"Hey." He nudges my shoulder with his own. "Don't go all mushy on me now, Daniel. I'm in no shape to resist that."
"Right," I say gruffly. "Sorry."
"Daniel." He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut. "Come on, keep arguing. I hate falling apart. Don't make me."
I take a deep breath and give myself a little shake. Pull it together, Jackson. "So. The third point—an inappropriate relationship compromising the chain of command. How does that work?"
"Along the same lines as sexual harassment," Jack says, his voice gaining strength as he speaks. "I would be giving you your way in the field, exercising my position of authority to give you undue attention and perks in exchange for sexual favors."
"How is that like sexual harassment?"
He grins. "Basically, if I approached you and said 'hey, sleep with me and I'll let you stay longer and play with the old rocks,' that would be sexual harassment."
"And if I approach you with the same deal?"
Jack shrugs. "I don't know what that's called. I'm sure the military has a label for it, though."
"Yes, I'm sure they do," I reply grimly.
"The point is that you would have an influence over me. I might be more inclined to listen to you and give you your way just to make you happy, even if it isn't the best decision."
"Aren't I always right?"
Jack rolls his eyes. "Daniel..."
"Yes, okay." I sigh and let my eyes trace the line of his back. "You may have a point with that one."
"Although..."
I sit straighter, brightening. "Although? What?"
"Well, before I started... uh, trying to push you away," he gives me a guilty look, "I did always try to make you happy. Give you as much time to study your artifacts as I reasonably could. And I did try to listen, even if I didn't agree. I guess listening a little more wouldn't kill me."
I sense a victory coming up. "You know, Jack, I remember that. I remember you listening and having patience and us being friendly and close and comfortable together. I also remember how much better the team functioned then. How Sam didn't feel uncomfortable around you, and how we went out of our way to show Teal'c the planet and include him in things."
"Hey!" He's staring at me, his brow furrowed. "I don't ignore Teal'c! And what do you mean about Carter being uncomfortable? What did I do?"
"Didn't you notice how we never seem to get together off base with Teal'c anymore? He spends a lot of time with me, but we lost that cohesion that the four of us used to have. And Sam is just confused by the way you've been acting around her. Asking her to go fishing with you, for one. She felt that was inappropriate, but she didn't know how to tell you."
"So she told you?" Now he looks embarrassed again, his head lowered and his shoulders hunched.
"Yes," I say gently. "She could see you shutting me out, and she felt bad about it. She felt like somehow you were favoring her over me, and she didn't know what to do about it. She didn't want to lose our friendship, but to a certain degree, we lost some of that connection we used to have."
Jack sighs and rests his forehead on my shoulder again. "Because of me. I knew I'd screwed things up with you, Daniel, but I didn't realize I'd hurt the whole team."
I stroke his back again—somehow it's not awkward anymore. I could get used to this. "You meant well, Jack," I say reassuringly. "You were trying to do what was best for all of us."
He nods against me, still not raising his head. I think he likes resting it on me like that. "Yeah, I meant well, but what's that saying about the road to hell and good intentions? Here I was trying to avoid hurting the team, and that's exactly what I did."
"It's okay," I tell him. "It's not too late."
His arms go around me, one on my lower back, rubbing gently, the other cupping the back of my neck. He lifts his head to face me, so close I can feel the soft rush of his breathing on my skin. "It isn't?" he asks. "We can fix this?"
"Colonel?"
Oh, hell. We jerk apart, Jack wiping ineffectually at his face, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes. Janet stands in the doorway, smiling a secret smile.
"J-Janet," I stammer, standing and then immediately shoving my hands into my pockets and leaning forward. Janet just smirks. That woman doesn't miss a trick.
"I need to take Colonel O'Neill for another MRI. If I've gauged the results of the first two correctly, he should be completely back to normal by now."
"What?" Jack and I ask in unison. Our eyes meet, and he swallows, blinking nervously. Normal? For how long? And how much of our conversation was with Jack in his right mind?
Janet's face is calm, but her eyes are dancing. "Colonel? If you'll follow me?"
Jack swallows and stands awkwardly, his hands moving like he doesn't know what to do with them. "Right. I'm coming." Then he flushes and gives me a quick glance, ducking his head. I bite my lip to keep from laughing.
I go to follow Jack, but Janet stops me with a hand on my chest. "I won't ask him any difficult questions, Daniel, don't worry. I don't need to be tripping over you—there isn't much room in the examination area."
"Oh," I say. "Okay. See you later, Jack. Good luck."
He just looks at me. Good luck—what does that mean?
~~~