+++++
A miserable night, so full of ugly sights, of ghastly dreams…
-William Shakespeare
+++++
Chapter 18: Hell within…
I didn't bawl; I just gazed uncomprehendingly up into space, straightforwardly shaken.
How could have Dumbledore been so daft? I speculated on that strange phenomenon of the Headmaster being senseless, and I felt the bed shift and my eyes darted to Draco, who was giving the impression of being just as wound up as I was.
"And now where's your hero, Hermione?" He asked, and I was very aware of him looking over at me, a scowl on his lips, sapphire eyes looking twitchy and his attitude was a bit on the edge.
"What?" I asked, blinking quite a few times, and I noticed him roll his eyes at me. "Hey!" He just shook his head at me and I sat up and looked over at him.
"You're a exquisite lady in distress. Where's your hero? You don't have a hero. You have a boy going on Death Eater to protect you, who can't even do a bloody summoning charm." He gnashed his teeth, a bitter look on his face, as if consuming a very bad tasting wine. (An: That all screwed-up kind of looking face… You know, when you're just so angry you're about to cry, but you hit something instead and it turns out to be a wall and your fist starts swelling… From experience…)
"You don't know how to do a Accio?" I arched an eyebrow at him. He was doing it during classes… What the hell was he saying?
----------
"I couldn't pull off a locking charm… I don't think I passed in First Year with the whole floating feather trick, either." He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back, and his head brushed against her foot. "You can do it, not me…"
"Do you listen in classes, Draco?" She shot him a bewildered look and he actually had the grace to look thoughtful for a moment.
"Actually, no." He answered simply and she released a testy sigh.
"No question why we're in AM…" She covered her face with her hands and Draco just stared curiously at her. She's always so mysterious… He thought.
"Fine, Mia, I hope we don't have to bloody do AM tomorrow… I'd kill Dumbledore…" Draco muttered, looking up at the ceiling of her room, the red mixing with gold swirls looking quite beautiful, though he thought green and silver would look better.
"Why did he sodding decide it? Is he mad?" Hermione screamed, pounding her head into her hard and very solid headboard. Oh, f… She thought, and Draco caught her sooner than she fell. He placed her head in his lap and started rubbing her temples.
"I think he very much has gotten even more ridiculous than Voldemort was when he decided this whole marriage scam… Okay, I would have decided on the marriage thing, not the AM classes during Quidditch practice…" He shuddered, a small part of him wanted to hurt Volde, but a larger part wanted to thank him. Now tell me, isn't love pathetic?
"Must be hard," Hermione assumed, looking up into his sapphire orbs that weren't showing any emotion now.
"What?" He asked blankly, blinking a few times. "What are you saying? Are you trying to say that life's hard for me because of my busy schedule?" Hermione felt him tense up, and though his hands were still massaging her temples, (And very well, I might add,) they were moving in a slapdash fashion.
"No, of course not!" She then added hastily, "I was just wondering how you could live the way you do, you know?"
"So you want to get to know me. Hermione Malfoy, you already know me, what more could you want? My favourite colour? My first word? The first time I li… Never mind… What matters is, Mia, I don't know you, and I'm married to you, and I don't think this marriage would last long; just until the Dark Lord dies…" He stopped, knowing he was rambling and exhaled quietly.
"The first time you what?" She arched a brow at him and he swallowed. "Draco, I'm your wife! You can tell me!"
"Forget it." He stood and left the room, and a positively enraged Hermione.
+
Oh Merlin! Ring bell, ring… Draco thought; staring at the glass filled with sand, praying for class to be over soon.
Hermione wasn't much herself that day. Any given days she would have been jotting down notes like it would keep her alive, but today she was drooling on her desk, much less than half-awake. That's what worried Draco. Sure, it's normal to be sleeping in Binns class, he did it all the time, but it wasn't normal for the smartest witch in school. He was probably the only person more than a quarter awake, and that was only because of Hermione.
"I wonder if you can get in twouble in here…" Draco heard Hermione mumble and he looked over at her desk to see a quill moving when Binns talked and stopped when he would pause. He blinked a few times. So, that's how she passes! (An: Yes, I meant for her to say 'twouble' because she's sleepy! LIKE ME!)
Just as Draco laid his head on his desk, that noise woke him up. Damn. He thought and stood, scooping up his books, and followed an enormously lethargic Hermione to lunch.
++
"I'm feeling a bit frazzled, that's all, Draco…" Hermione said to him, and he just glanced distraughtly at her again. "I'm in good health, just a bit drowsy… Could you stop that?" He glanced at her again and shrugged.
"I'm sitting beside you again, just in case…" He could feel eyes on him and her as they strolled together toward the Gryffindor table.
"I told you…" Hermione muttered, and he scowled at her. She took a seat next to Lavender and he sat beside her, muttering curses.
"Don't be stupid." He whispered to her and her head turned sharply towards him. "It's true, though. You're acting like a bloody weak-willed mudblood, Hermione."
"Well, isn't that what I'm supposed to be?" She shot back, and he stuck his fork into his casserole and played around with it. Hermione rolled her eyes at him and he caught it.
"Whatever, Mrs. Malfoy." He grinned evilly at her and she swallowed down her pumpkin juice, which went through the wrong hole. She ended up coughing awfully.
Draco glanced at her after a few moments. "You okay?" He asked her, but she couldn't answer, she was just coughing too much. "Merlin…" Draco rolled his eyes at her. "Tussinol…" He muttered, performing many odd and hard wand movements in the air. After a few seconds, Hermione's coughing stopped.
"Thank you, Draco." She smiled brightly at him, and for the 100th time he felt his stomach do about twenty cartwheels.
"Just don't fall asleep in your food…" He muttered to her, and she shrugged.
"I'll just fall asleep while watching you practice Quidditch. Is that all right with you? Because I'll do it anyhow if it isn't." Hermione poked her fork into her macaroni and when Draco didn't answer her, she just started eating.
"Fine." He muttered finally and she paused eating to watch Draco push back his chair and walk out of the Great Hall, leaving Hermione for the second time that day.
+++
Ingratitude that comes with ignorance…
Silence that comes with cowardice…
Solutions that come with negotiations…
Problems that come with sadness…
My life is filled with nuisances…
Hermione was scribbling away in her diary, occasionally taking glances at Draco, who was flying on his broom with the rest of the Slytherin team
It doesn't feel so real anymore, she wrote with her golden quill, chocolate eyes looking restless. It's as if the fear has ebbed away… However, what about my insomnia?
Draco flew right above her, dodging several misguided bludgers. Hermione glared at him and continued writing in her diary.
Draco's doing an excellent job annoying me, as well. She heard a "whizzing" sound behind her and rolled her eyes. Quidditch is just another game. Why do they treat it like life? It's only a game, after all.
"Move!" She heard an unknown Slytherin shout at her. She rolled her eyes and raised two fingers at him, re-reading what she had written.
"Whatever! Draco told me to tell you to move or else you'd be hit by the bludgers!" He shouted again, but Hermione blocked him out after he said her husband's name and still didn't move.
"Damn it, what the hell is she doing?!" Draco muttered, looking over in her direction, the snitch clenched tightly in his right hand, its wings fluttering helplessly. Is she trying to be hit? To see if I would save her?
Hell yeah, he'd save her… He'd do so much more… Would he fill her every desire? Hell yeah. Would he protect her even if he can't lift up his own wand? Yeah…
Hermione was still writing in her diary, though she could feel his eyes on her. She could always feel his on her everywhere she went, but now she didn't care. She had important things to do. Like, one thing, write her ass off.
Drown… I can't stop drowning into these fears of failure.
I've always been the perfectionist and now I don't give a damn anymore.
I can't believe I'm still alive after all of this…
I can't survive any more, unless the voices show up again.
This time, she looked up and met Draco's widened eyes. She arched an eyebrow at him and mouthed, 'What?'
'The Bludger…' He mouthed back, and he watched helplessly as Hermione scrambled to put together her quill and parchment and barely avoid the first Bludger… Nevertheless, she wasn't so lucky the second time.
"Holy-!" Draco heard Hermione shout before he heard a sickening crack, which he suspected, was bone. The force of the bludger sent her across the field and halfway to the other side, her bushy hair flying everywhere.
Draco flew over to her and landed running towards her bloody mass on the grass. He dropped his broomstick and took her in her arms.
"Hermione…?" He frowned worriedly and brushed the hair from her face and his eyes widen with shock and horror. There were tons of cuts on her face; three under her left eye and her right one was blackened. Her lip was bleeding, and her nose looked like it was just a bloody twig. "Merlin, Merlin, Merlin…" He muttered a spell for this broom to follow him and he ran out of the Quidditch field, leaving his friends shouting after him.
++++
Draco was pacing around her bed, his eyes on the girl the entire time, a scowl on his lips, platinum hair tossed everywhere from lack of sleep, and to add to his sleepiness, huge dark circles under his eyes.
"I don't think she's going to be waking up…" Pumfrey had said to him, but he was still hopeful for Hermione.
When he finally stopped pacing, he stopped at her bed and took her hand, feeling for a pulse, forcing the tears to not fall. Don't cry… He thought, Malfoy's don't cry… When he found a pulse, it was slight and barely audible. He choked down his tears and laid his head on her flat stomach, interlacing their fingers, crying into the covers.
"By Merlin…" He heard a voice above him and didn't even sit up or change his position. He just tensed up, listening to Hermione's faint heartbeat. "A Malfoy crying… Who would have ever thought…?"
"Please let her be alive…" He whispered to no one in particular, not bothering to stop the tears from spilling down.
"You care for the girl, don't you?" Asked the unknown voice.
"Very much. I'd do anything for her…" His voice was muffled, and he was now aware that Hermione's heart beat was getting faster.
"Do you love her, Mr. Malfoy?" The anonymous voice seemed a bit sceptical…
"I love her, I'd be her wizard in starched black robes… Hell, I'd be her knight in shining armour if she wanted!" He squeezed Hermione's hand with his left and was clenching the covers with the right.
"The feelings aren't yet truly the same…" The nameless voice droned, and Draco looked up, but who ever was there was now gone. He shook his head, thinking he had heard things and rested his chin on Hermione's stomach.
"Of course they're the same. Hermione told me she loved me, so the feeling's mutual… I know they are…" He glanced over at her and reached with his right hand and caressed her face, waiting for her eyes to open.
+++++
Albums I listened to while writing this:
Hybrid Theory- Linkin Park
Reanimation- Linkin Park
Meteora- Linkin Park
Payable on Death- by P.O.D.
The Young and Hopeless- Good Charlotte
Fallen- Evanescence
Marshall Matters LP- Eminem
Hey, I'd just like to tell everyone that I'm depressed again… So, please review…
I decided to lay off humour for a while, because depressed people can't write humorous stories- or so I've heard… Hope you guys can forgive me…
Jamie
Lynn
********