I got into town a little early
Had eight hours to kill before the show
I thought about heading up north of the Bay
But then I knew where I had to go
I whistled to myself as I stepped off the plane at San Francisco National Air Park, the breeze at the top of the steps was crisp and clean on my face as it played through my long ash blond hair. The wind was refreshing after 4 hours of breathing recycled air inside the cabin.
"Back in Frisco, who would have thought?" I muttered to myself as I made my way across the tarmac to the double doors leading inside and in the mean time struggled to hoist my two large bags across my shoulders
"Did you say something Katie?" asked my agent and one time girlfriend Anita. As she waited for an answer she disentangled me from one of my bags and threw it over her shoulder with her own smaller luggage.
"Nothing worth repeating." I smiled at her then, because I had realized that my earlier question hadn't been accurate at all because I had known, ever since that rainy day 5 years ago when I first left San Francisco that I would be back. Unfinished business doesn't sit long in my life if there was any one word to describe my relationship with Jessie Sammler - sorry, Jessica Kaine - it was 'unfinished'.
"Damn, we're way ahead of schedule, your book reading isn't until 9 o'clock," Anita said as she shifted the luggage to catch a glimpse of her watch.
"How ahead of time?" I asked, and she grimaced knowing how much I hate wasting time. I had discovered early on in life that to waste time was equivalent to early death and now that my life was back on track I had seized the motto 'live life to the fullest' and run with it.
She grimaced again and tugged on one of her long black curls, a clear sign of guilt, "Um, about eight hours..." And then, to Anita's surprise, I laughed. She looked at me curiously and I giggled again. "Fate works in mysterious ways, my dear," I said.
"What do you...? Oh! Really? Awesome, Katie, just be back in time for the book reading. In fact, if all goes well, bring her with you." I hugged Anita tightly and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. I was glad that I had found a friend who knew what I was thinking without me having to put it into words. The last person who had understood me that well was Jessie and that had been 13 years ago when we'd first become best friends and then lovers.
I thought about taking a limousine
Or at least a fancy car
But I ended up taking a taxi
Because that's how I got this far
I unloaded the rest of my bags onto my entourage which included Anita and my other close friend Jayson. I explained to Jayson quickly where I was going and who I was going to see. When I first met Jayson and Anita I had no intention of telling them the 'sordid' Jessie story but after a long night of drinking and drugs in New York City, the whole thing came out in a tumble of words and tears. Together, they had helped me deal with my various vices and that same night I gave up my substance abuse and started getting my act together again.
I walked away from my two best friends and the further I got from them, the less sure I seemed to be of my plan. I turned to look at them and, as though sensing my fear, they both turned back and gave me the thumbs up simultaneously. We all laughed at that and I instantly felt better about what I was about to do.
I walked out to the front of the airport. I had the number for the limousine we were supposed to take to the hotel but I decided to leave it for the others. It seemed fair because I only had my small shoulder bag left and they were carrying all my things. It was the least I could do, really.
So I stepped up to the curb and, after 5 years of living in New York City, expertly hailed a taxi within the minute.
You see, five years ago it was the front seat
Driving stoned and feeling no pain
I climbed in the back seat of the taxi, as my customers had done years ago. I shot the cabbie a smile because I remembered how invisible you could feel sometimes in that job. You see, I hadn't always been a successful newspaper columnist turned novelist. In fact, it was only 5 years ago that I spent my days driving a taxi and getting high and spent my nights hunched over my typewriter, churning out story after story and... getting high...
Now here I am straight, and sitting in the back
Hitting 16 Parkside Lane
But now, writing had become my full time job and I tried to avoid taxis as much as I could except today it seemed fitting somehow. Had I never driven a taxi or had I not been on a particular street in San Francisco 5 years ago today, I would never have picked Jessie up in my cab and we may have gone the rest of our lives wondering what happened to each other after graduation. Not that seeing each other again had changed the nature of our relationship but it had been an instigator for cleaning up my act and pursuing my dreams.
I fidgeted again as the driver looked at me in the rearview mirror.
"Where to, lady?" he said around his cigarette.
I hesitated again though only briefly this time, "16 Parkside Lane, please sir."
The driveway was the same as I remembered
And a butler came and answered the door
The neighborhood was a shorter drive from the airport than it had been the day I picked Jessie up. Within 15 minutes the driver was pulling up in front of the stately old house that I had seen night after night in my dreams. I remembered that day so well that I expected to see Jessie come out the front door wearing that magnificent blue dress, blond hair sparkling in the sun shine. The only difference being that even though I had seen her for the last time 5 years ago, I still pictured her as she was in high school - vibrant, youthful and magnificent - every inch the girl I had fallen in love with and then abandoned so cruelly.
He just shook his head when I asked for her
And said she doesn't live here any more
I walked up the long driveway as though walking to my doom. I approached slowly, I figured she didn't know I was coming so it didn't really matter how long it took me to get there. The longer the better, in fact though I knew deep down I was simply being cowardly which was one trait I had tried to rid myself of ever since I took off after I graduated. With that thought my confidence renewed and I marched straight up to the door and rang the doorbell. I could hear it sounding inside and once again I thought of someone walking to their boom, a resounding gong in the distance.
The door swung open and I actually closed my eyes in fear before opening them slowly one at a time. I had the thought then that if Jessie did actually answer the door, her first sight of me in 5 years would be one of a clearly stalker like girl squinting creepily on her front porch. I opened my eyes all the way and saw that in the place of the familiar face I had anticipated was a middle aged man wearing a suit. He was clearly the Kaine's butler so I cleared my throat and stammered in a very un-Katie like way "Um, is Jessie here? Or Jessica, Jessice Kaine?"
The butler gave me the once over as though by my appearance alone he would decide whether or not I was worthy enough to speak to Mrs. Kaine. "Your name?" he asked finally.
I blinked, I hadn't expected this. I guess a good butler has to introduce guests or some rich person garbage like that. "Katie Singer," I said.
But he offered to give me the address
That they were forwarding her letters to
I just took it and returned to the cabby and said
"I've got one more fare for you"
He looked surprised at that but recovered himself quickly, "Well Ms. Singer... Katie, Jessie doesn't live here anymore. She moved out two years ago, to an apartment in the city. I have the address if you'll just give me a moment to get it."
"Oh sure, that would be great thanks," My heart was in my throat as he ushered me in the front door and walked back through the grand entry way towards what I assumed was the kitchen. So Jessie and Gregory weren't together anymore. My brain tried to process this information but all I could think was that Jessie was single, Jessie could be mine again... Jessie might hate me and want nothing to do with me. This thought snuck in again as it usually did when my Katie/Jessie fantasies got out of hand. I had left Jessie back in Chicago when I moved to San Francisco and I knew from our brief meeting in my cab that she certainly hadn't forgiven me for that oversight.
I hovered in the entry way and while I waited, I looked at all the pictures displayed there. I felt that old familiar lump of tears building in my throat again as I went from frame to frame. Jessie and Gregory on their wedding day... Jessie and Gregory on their honeymoon... Jessie and Gregory holding a baby (a baby?!)... Jessie and Gregory in L.A when he won his first Academy Award... my God, he'd gotten to live the life I had wanted with Jessie, the life I had stupidly thrown away on a whim. I worried for a second that he would come down the stairs and I wasn't sure I would be able to stop myself pouring out all my anger and regret on him.
The butler returned then with a small piece of paper in his hand and he held it out to me tentatively. "Here you are Katie, I trust Ms. Sammler will be happy to see you again," and before I could respond through my surprise he had ushered me back out the door and to the waiting cab.
I stumbled back to the cab, still surprised that the butler had known who I was. Perhaps he hadn't, perhaps he just assumed I was an old friend coming to call on Jess. But I remembered his knowing gaze when I had introduced myself. No, he definitely knew who I was which meant Jessie hadn't forgotten about me completely. I climbed in the back of the cab and the driver looked at me expectantly. "It's your lucky night, I've got a long fare for you," I told him the second address and we were off, back into San Francisco.
Had eight hours to kill before the show
I thought about heading up north of the Bay
But then I knew where I had to go
I whistled to myself as I stepped off the plane at San Francisco National Air Park, the breeze at the top of the steps was crisp and clean on my face as it played through my long ash blond hair. The wind was refreshing after 4 hours of breathing recycled air inside the cabin.
"Back in Frisco, who would have thought?" I muttered to myself as I made my way across the tarmac to the double doors leading inside and in the mean time struggled to hoist my two large bags across my shoulders
"Did you say something Katie?" asked my agent and one time girlfriend Anita. As she waited for an answer she disentangled me from one of my bags and threw it over her shoulder with her own smaller luggage.
"Nothing worth repeating." I smiled at her then, because I had realized that my earlier question hadn't been accurate at all because I had known, ever since that rainy day 5 years ago when I first left San Francisco that I would be back. Unfinished business doesn't sit long in my life if there was any one word to describe my relationship with Jessie Sammler - sorry, Jessica Kaine - it was 'unfinished'.
"Damn, we're way ahead of schedule, your book reading isn't until 9 o'clock," Anita said as she shifted the luggage to catch a glimpse of her watch.
"How ahead of time?" I asked, and she grimaced knowing how much I hate wasting time. I had discovered early on in life that to waste time was equivalent to early death and now that my life was back on track I had seized the motto 'live life to the fullest' and run with it.
She grimaced again and tugged on one of her long black curls, a clear sign of guilt, "Um, about eight hours..." And then, to Anita's surprise, I laughed. She looked at me curiously and I giggled again. "Fate works in mysterious ways, my dear," I said.
"What do you...? Oh! Really? Awesome, Katie, just be back in time for the book reading. In fact, if all goes well, bring her with you." I hugged Anita tightly and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. I was glad that I had found a friend who knew what I was thinking without me having to put it into words. The last person who had understood me that well was Jessie and that had been 13 years ago when we'd first become best friends and then lovers.
I thought about taking a limousine
Or at least a fancy car
But I ended up taking a taxi
Because that's how I got this far
I unloaded the rest of my bags onto my entourage which included Anita and my other close friend Jayson. I explained to Jayson quickly where I was going and who I was going to see. When I first met Jayson and Anita I had no intention of telling them the 'sordid' Jessie story but after a long night of drinking and drugs in New York City, the whole thing came out in a tumble of words and tears. Together, they had helped me deal with my various vices and that same night I gave up my substance abuse and started getting my act together again.
I walked away from my two best friends and the further I got from them, the less sure I seemed to be of my plan. I turned to look at them and, as though sensing my fear, they both turned back and gave me the thumbs up simultaneously. We all laughed at that and I instantly felt better about what I was about to do.
I walked out to the front of the airport. I had the number for the limousine we were supposed to take to the hotel but I decided to leave it for the others. It seemed fair because I only had my small shoulder bag left and they were carrying all my things. It was the least I could do, really.
So I stepped up to the curb and, after 5 years of living in New York City, expertly hailed a taxi within the minute.
You see, five years ago it was the front seat
Driving stoned and feeling no pain
I climbed in the back seat of the taxi, as my customers had done years ago. I shot the cabbie a smile because I remembered how invisible you could feel sometimes in that job. You see, I hadn't always been a successful newspaper columnist turned novelist. In fact, it was only 5 years ago that I spent my days driving a taxi and getting high and spent my nights hunched over my typewriter, churning out story after story and... getting high...
Now here I am straight, and sitting in the back
Hitting 16 Parkside Lane
But now, writing had become my full time job and I tried to avoid taxis as much as I could except today it seemed fitting somehow. Had I never driven a taxi or had I not been on a particular street in San Francisco 5 years ago today, I would never have picked Jessie up in my cab and we may have gone the rest of our lives wondering what happened to each other after graduation. Not that seeing each other again had changed the nature of our relationship but it had been an instigator for cleaning up my act and pursuing my dreams.
I fidgeted again as the driver looked at me in the rearview mirror.
"Where to, lady?" he said around his cigarette.
I hesitated again though only briefly this time, "16 Parkside Lane, please sir."
The driveway was the same as I remembered
And a butler came and answered the door
The neighborhood was a shorter drive from the airport than it had been the day I picked Jessie up. Within 15 minutes the driver was pulling up in front of the stately old house that I had seen night after night in my dreams. I remembered that day so well that I expected to see Jessie come out the front door wearing that magnificent blue dress, blond hair sparkling in the sun shine. The only difference being that even though I had seen her for the last time 5 years ago, I still pictured her as she was in high school - vibrant, youthful and magnificent - every inch the girl I had fallen in love with and then abandoned so cruelly.
He just shook his head when I asked for her
And said she doesn't live here any more
I walked up the long driveway as though walking to my doom. I approached slowly, I figured she didn't know I was coming so it didn't really matter how long it took me to get there. The longer the better, in fact though I knew deep down I was simply being cowardly which was one trait I had tried to rid myself of ever since I took off after I graduated. With that thought my confidence renewed and I marched straight up to the door and rang the doorbell. I could hear it sounding inside and once again I thought of someone walking to their boom, a resounding gong in the distance.
The door swung open and I actually closed my eyes in fear before opening them slowly one at a time. I had the thought then that if Jessie did actually answer the door, her first sight of me in 5 years would be one of a clearly stalker like girl squinting creepily on her front porch. I opened my eyes all the way and saw that in the place of the familiar face I had anticipated was a middle aged man wearing a suit. He was clearly the Kaine's butler so I cleared my throat and stammered in a very un-Katie like way "Um, is Jessie here? Or Jessica, Jessice Kaine?"
The butler gave me the once over as though by my appearance alone he would decide whether or not I was worthy enough to speak to Mrs. Kaine. "Your name?" he asked finally.
I blinked, I hadn't expected this. I guess a good butler has to introduce guests or some rich person garbage like that. "Katie Singer," I said.
But he offered to give me the address
That they were forwarding her letters to
I just took it and returned to the cabby and said
"I've got one more fare for you"
He looked surprised at that but recovered himself quickly, "Well Ms. Singer... Katie, Jessie doesn't live here anymore. She moved out two years ago, to an apartment in the city. I have the address if you'll just give me a moment to get it."
"Oh sure, that would be great thanks," My heart was in my throat as he ushered me in the front door and walked back through the grand entry way towards what I assumed was the kitchen. So Jessie and Gregory weren't together anymore. My brain tried to process this information but all I could think was that Jessie was single, Jessie could be mine again... Jessie might hate me and want nothing to do with me. This thought snuck in again as it usually did when my Katie/Jessie fantasies got out of hand. I had left Jessie back in Chicago when I moved to San Francisco and I knew from our brief meeting in my cab that she certainly hadn't forgiven me for that oversight.
I hovered in the entry way and while I waited, I looked at all the pictures displayed there. I felt that old familiar lump of tears building in my throat again as I went from frame to frame. Jessie and Gregory on their wedding day... Jessie and Gregory on their honeymoon... Jessie and Gregory holding a baby (a baby?!)... Jessie and Gregory in L.A when he won his first Academy Award... my God, he'd gotten to live the life I had wanted with Jessie, the life I had stupidly thrown away on a whim. I worried for a second that he would come down the stairs and I wasn't sure I would be able to stop myself pouring out all my anger and regret on him.
The butler returned then with a small piece of paper in his hand and he held it out to me tentatively. "Here you are Katie, I trust Ms. Sammler will be happy to see you again," and before I could respond through my surprise he had ushered me back out the door and to the waiting cab.
I stumbled back to the cab, still surprised that the butler had known who I was. Perhaps he hadn't, perhaps he just assumed I was an old friend coming to call on Jess. But I remembered his knowing gaze when I had introduced myself. No, he definitely knew who I was which meant Jessie hadn't forgotten about me completely. I climbed in the back of the cab and the driver looked at me expectantly. "It's your lucky night, I've got a long fare for you," I told him the second address and we were off, back into San Francisco.