Disclaimers:
Insert them all here.
My Lost Valentine
PiperZ
I could still see his face, expressionless, as it always was, betraying nothing to those who would look. I can still envision his stance, bland, his hands clasped to the small of his back, holding firm as he watched with what appeared to be total disinterest, but.. his eyes. Oh his eyes betrayed everything. I remembered them most vividly, hiding behind those tattered bangs of raven, just beneath the cloth that covered the jagan he bore. Ruby eyes that were not the placid appearance of the rest of his small form, but a fiery set of twin orbs that saw everything, yet nothing at all. They had a depth about them that swam almost to his soul, yet they were so shallow....
I hugged close the small white and black panda I had gotten for him, my own eyes closed tightly as I rocked to and fro, poised on the windowsill. I knew he would not be coming tonight, nor any night afterward. Never again would his small form grace my bedroom as it had so many times before, never to peek in on me when he thought I was sleeping. I could wait up all I liked, hoping he would return to me, but it would all be so futile.
I opened my eyes slightly, staring at the wide, red ribbon that looped the little panda's neck. I thought back to the origin of the bear, and what followed shortly after the day I had gotten it....
************* A Week Ago:
"Hiei, look at this!" I looped a hand around his small wrist, and pulled him, rather reluctantly, after me as I waded through the crowd towards a shelf stacked with rows of Valentines gifts. "I know you don't really like some of these chocolates, but.." I said as I released his hand, reaching for one of the heart-shaped candy boxes. I paused as I heard him clear his throat, and turned to face him, the little box of love in my hands.
Hiei was frowning up at me, his gaze practically glaring. My expression fell, and I lowered the box slowly. I knew what he wanted, but...
He must have noted my fall of excitement, and he reached a hand out to me, taking me by the sleeve. Stepping close, he leaned upward, so he could whisper words only I could hear, though I swore by the look the clerk gave us, she had heard as well. "Shut up, Fox, and follow me..."
I didn't really get a chance to protest before Hiei began to pull me away from the display unit, past the rows of flowers and balloons, past the little snack shop, and past the racks of clothes... I saw where he was leading me, and my eyes widened slightly. It took a moment for me to realize that I was still holding onto the box of chocolates, and the edges were bent where I was gripping them so hard. I loosened my grip a bit.
I watched Hiei turn his eyes this way and that as we approached the dressing rooms, and seeing no clerk in sight, he headed for a free unit, and pushed me roughly inside. I grunt as my shoulder hit the far wall of the small unit, and began to turn around as Hiei slipped inside, locking the door behind us. The box of chocolates was crushed between me and the wall, though, when the little fire demon once more pushed against me roughly.
This wasn't a new event, to say the least. Every time we went out, it seemed, Hiei was becoming more and more aggressive with the relationship, not that I minded in the least. It was better than trying for four hours to coax him into just KISSING me, and perhaps another hour to TOUCH me. This was much, MUCH better. I closed my eyes, and bit my lip to stifle a moan as I felt one of his palms press into my back, holding me firmly in place, the other reaching for my waistline.
"Hiei," I whispered in a gruff whisper, trying to be as quiet as I could. ".. let's not get thrown out of THIS store as well, alright...?"
My plead might have been heard, but it definitely wasn't heeded. Twenty minutes later, we sat on the curb outside of the very store we had moments before been booted out of. I had been forced to buy the chocolates none-the- less, because I had practically crushed the entire box in the small dressing unit, and I held the disfigured box in my hands.
"Well, Fox.. "
I looked up slowly, a faint smile on my face as my eyes settled upon the one I called lover. "That's the fifth store, Hiei... please. I want to have SOMEWHERE left to shop in the future."
Hiei's eyes lit up, and he laughed softly. Was I dreaming, did Hiei actually LAUGH? My smile softened, and I pushed myself to my feet. Pausing only a second, I held the crunched box out to him after he too had rose to his feet. Hiei snorted, and pushed it back to me.
"Hell no, Fox. You crushed them, you eat them."
--
We left shortly after, though didn't return to my place until later that night; I, through the front door, and Hiei, through my window. We lay together for hours afterwards, merely holding each other. I was content in this, and sighed softly into the darkness. I was asleep by the time Hiei left that night, and when I finally did awake, dawn had long been broke.
As per normal, I went about my morning routines of making the bed, getting a shower, getting dressed, and other such the like, but it wasn't until I went to close the window that my routine was broken. There was a letter from Hiei.. why hadn't I noticed it when I got up?
I slowly picked it up, my eyes falling over the words, so childishly scrawled to the paper:
Fox,
I have a few things to do, and I won't be coming over for a while. Leave the window open for me.
Hiei
Not much of a letter, but puzzling for that simple fact. I held the little note in my hands and walked back over to the bed to sit. Hiei was predicable for flittering off without much notice, but this truly came as a shock. He KNEW I had planned a special night for us in a few days, one day before Valentines day, and yet he chose to leave? I didn't understand it at all.
I left the note on my side table, and headed out for the day.
----
Since my choice of shops had dwindled greatly since becoming lovers with Hiei, I chose a shop on the far side of town. Even though Hiei had taken leave, that didn't mean that I should change my plans. After all, he might come back before the planned night. So, after wading through several crowds, each person trying to get the best items for themselves, I managed to spirit away two little presents for him, both of which he would probably hate anyway.
A little panda with a wide, red ribbon looping its neck, with large brown eyes, and a red, crystal rose.
Departing the far end of town, and depositing the gifts in my room, I managed to slip out once more for a long, aimless walk. For some reason, I felt restless, and disturbed, as if something was stirring within me that I couldn't place a name on. I hadn't been walking for too long, though, when my 'aimless' wanderings brought me practically to Yusuke's doorstep. Of course, I knew that I hadn't intentionally happened upon his place...
None-the-less, I felt that I suddenly needed to talk to someone. After a knock, and a brief greeting with Atsuko, I wandered my way to Yusuke's room. Keiko was there, and I greeted her warmly as well before taking a seat, cross-legged, upon the floor.
"What's up, Kurama?" Yusuke asked rather cheerfully.. unusually cheerfully... one hand propping up his head as he lay on the bed.
I smiled warmly in reply, though I don't think it really reached my eyes, and Yusuke seemed to sense something was wrong, Keiko as well. She excused herself a few minutes later, muttering something about having to speak with Atsuko, and Yusuke sat up in the bed, his eyes intent on me.
"Kurama, are you okay?"
I shook my head slowly, and lowered my eyes to the ground. Of all the people, save for Hiei, I had felt closest to Yusuke. I had even shared a bed with him twice before, though it was only for sex, I bluntly kept telling myself this. I felt I could tell him anything, and since he already knew a great deal of what went on between Hiei, and myself I felt I could tell him this as well.
"Hiei has left for a while, yet I feel something is wrong, Yusuke." No sense in beating around the bush, as they say. I kept my eyes lowered as I spoke. "He left a note saying he had things to do, and wouldn't be back for a while. I can't name it, but I have a feeling something is wrong." A pause broke my words, but I continued a moment later. "We had plans, you know..."
Yusuke nodded. I didn't continue, and suddenly I was beginning to feel a little on the stupid side coming inside to talk to him. I could have just kept on walking...
"He didn't say where he was going?"
I shook my head, and lifted my eyes to him. Yusuke was always so helpful when I was having trouble coping with Hiei, though recently it seemed that I came to Yusuke less and less as Hiei and myself became more adjusted with each other. "No, I only found a letter from him."
I proceeded to tell Yusuke all about the last few days with Hiei, the experience in the store in which we once more were booted out of. Neither of us could see anything that I may have done to drive Hiei away to do whatever he might be doing. Yusuke mentioned the fact of maybe he was getting me something for the planned night, but I discarded the idea, mentioning that Hiei had already, rather defensively, said he was getting me NOTHING. The only thing we could both agree upon was that perhaps he had conflicts in the Makai that needed tending to, but even that seemed shaky. There was very little that needed his attention anymore in the Makai...
The rest of the conversation went slow, with a sense of tenseness that didn't quite befit the friendship between Yusuke and myself, and shortly after I let myself out. Lost in thought, I wandered back towards my house, and retreated to my room once more, to puzzle over the scribbled note.
That night I was plagued with a restless sleep, and a sense of overbearing darkness brimming the edges of my dream-state. Too soon did those darkened trimmings seep into my mind, and bring me a truly frightening nightmare that left me stifling a scream, drenched in sweat, and trembling in the darkness as I awoke in the dead of night. My eyes quickly jerked towards the open window, and the curtain that swayed lightly in the breeze that filtered through into the room.
Shaking, I stumbled out of the bed, and to the window. The wind felt cool, almost cold, against my dampened skin, and I sucked in a deep breath. As I stared out into the night, I began to push aside the dark, cruel sense that still clung to me from the nightmare I had managed to cut short. The faint trace of emptiness that remained in Hiei's eyes still etched itself into my mind, though, and I hung my head, closing my eyes.
Death. Blood.. Hiei's blood.. smattered across the blade of a sword. A familiar sword..
The thoughts weren't whole, and the dream was slowly fading from my mind. I only saw ruby eyes, empty in death, no longer alight with even the smallest spark of life. I shook my head slowly, and sunk down by the window, the curtain whipping softly around near my head. I fell asleep shortly afterwards
---
The next two days were painstakingly slow, and they passed by like a hazed dream. Nothing seemed real, and everyone seemed like a ghost. I felt cold all the time now, and at one point, I even felt as though I couldn't catch my breath. I returned home early on the fourth day since I had last seen Hiei, and stumbled blindly through the house. I felt physically ill, and after a brief worshipping session to the grand porcelain god, I managed to somehow find, and crawl into, my bed. The window, at this point, was still open, and I stared blankly towards it.
I vaguely remember my mother coming in later that night, murmuring softly to me, and pressing a cool cloth to my head for a while before departing. Once more, later that night, she peeked in to ask me if I wanted some chicken broth, but I pretended I was asleep. She left me alone shortly after, and I rolled over to face the window again.
Four days. Four days without Hiei, and I was practically a wreck. I had went longer without seeing him, of course, but simply knowing he wouldn't be randomly visiting until... until who knew when! ... it didn't sit well with me at all. And this terrible sense of hovering darkness that I couldn't help push away. I had managed to avoid the others, even Yusuke, the last day or two. I didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to share my hurts, my fears... especially my dreams, which had turned oddly violent.
I felt as if I was suffocating, as if not knowing something about where Hiei had went was closing in around me, cutting off the air around me, bearing me down into a hole of darkness with no escape in sight. I shivered, and pulled the covers up over my head.
---
There was no concept of time, only a unnamed nothingness that bore me down into the darkness of my mind. I could hear the faint, muffled sound of voices, they sounded so distant, though I could sense a worry in their tone. If I would have had the strength to open my eyes, I might have, but the lids felt so heavy. In truth, I felt drugged out of my mind. I sucked in a slow, deep breath, and groaned.
"Kurama?"
It was Yusuke, he sounded so far away.... As much as I wanted to at that point, I still couldn't open my eyes. I lolled my head slightly, and I could feel my hair as it pulled away from my sweat-drenched forehead. Something was wrong... I couldn't breath... felt like I was smothering... I heard myself gasp.. there was a sharp, stabbing pain deep within my chest that I clutched for... then once again.. nothingness.
******* The Present
Tonight was the night after Valentines Day, a day which had come and gone without much eventfulness, and it was three days after the incident in my room, in which my mother had been talking with Yusuke in the front room when I had apparently began screaming in my sleep. I had had an extremely high fever, and she had passed it off as being delusional. I knew better.. something had been wrong, and it wasn't until it had been too late that I found out exactly what that "wrong" had been.
Valentines morning, the morning after the special night I had had planned for Hiei and myself, had been a muted, grayish rise of the sun. Nothing seemed to focus for me as Yusuke bowed his head, his eyes closed tight. It had been his duty to deliver the message of Hiei's death, and as he held Hiei's broken katana in his hands, its blade broken in half, and its silvery glint stained a slight faded crimson, he struggled to hold back his own tears. I couldn't breath... I felt as though my world were caving in. My heart hurt, my soul hurt...
I was on my knees, clutching my chest, my own eyes closed tightly. There were no details for me to grasp, nothing to reveal what had taken my Hiei from me, only death. The familiar blade in my dreams had been Hiei's, and the lifeless stare had been a warning. If I had been more attuned, or perhaps less ill, I might have reacted differently. How would I have found him, anyway, even if I had taken the warnings to heart?
I never questioned Yusuke about what Koenma told him of Hiei's death, and I did not take the katana from the detective either. He had been friends with Hiei, and since he did not have near the amount of memories that I had, I allowed him the tangible reminants of the little fire demon instead.
I looked down hard at the little bear I held in my arms. It's large brown eyes stared sullenly back up at me, almost questioning why I was crying as I held it. I don't think I could have answered the little thing even if I didn't feel that doing so would cost me a few marks of sanity. I felt saddened as I remember Yusuke, offering me the sword once more before he left. I quietly refused.
I didn't need to keep the katana. I had my memories, and those were enough for me at the moment. So many, yet so few, of my little lost valentine.
Insert them all here.
My Lost Valentine
PiperZ
I could still see his face, expressionless, as it always was, betraying nothing to those who would look. I can still envision his stance, bland, his hands clasped to the small of his back, holding firm as he watched with what appeared to be total disinterest, but.. his eyes. Oh his eyes betrayed everything. I remembered them most vividly, hiding behind those tattered bangs of raven, just beneath the cloth that covered the jagan he bore. Ruby eyes that were not the placid appearance of the rest of his small form, but a fiery set of twin orbs that saw everything, yet nothing at all. They had a depth about them that swam almost to his soul, yet they were so shallow....
I hugged close the small white and black panda I had gotten for him, my own eyes closed tightly as I rocked to and fro, poised on the windowsill. I knew he would not be coming tonight, nor any night afterward. Never again would his small form grace my bedroom as it had so many times before, never to peek in on me when he thought I was sleeping. I could wait up all I liked, hoping he would return to me, but it would all be so futile.
I opened my eyes slightly, staring at the wide, red ribbon that looped the little panda's neck. I thought back to the origin of the bear, and what followed shortly after the day I had gotten it....
************* A Week Ago:
"Hiei, look at this!" I looped a hand around his small wrist, and pulled him, rather reluctantly, after me as I waded through the crowd towards a shelf stacked with rows of Valentines gifts. "I know you don't really like some of these chocolates, but.." I said as I released his hand, reaching for one of the heart-shaped candy boxes. I paused as I heard him clear his throat, and turned to face him, the little box of love in my hands.
Hiei was frowning up at me, his gaze practically glaring. My expression fell, and I lowered the box slowly. I knew what he wanted, but...
He must have noted my fall of excitement, and he reached a hand out to me, taking me by the sleeve. Stepping close, he leaned upward, so he could whisper words only I could hear, though I swore by the look the clerk gave us, she had heard as well. "Shut up, Fox, and follow me..."
I didn't really get a chance to protest before Hiei began to pull me away from the display unit, past the rows of flowers and balloons, past the little snack shop, and past the racks of clothes... I saw where he was leading me, and my eyes widened slightly. It took a moment for me to realize that I was still holding onto the box of chocolates, and the edges were bent where I was gripping them so hard. I loosened my grip a bit.
I watched Hiei turn his eyes this way and that as we approached the dressing rooms, and seeing no clerk in sight, he headed for a free unit, and pushed me roughly inside. I grunt as my shoulder hit the far wall of the small unit, and began to turn around as Hiei slipped inside, locking the door behind us. The box of chocolates was crushed between me and the wall, though, when the little fire demon once more pushed against me roughly.
This wasn't a new event, to say the least. Every time we went out, it seemed, Hiei was becoming more and more aggressive with the relationship, not that I minded in the least. It was better than trying for four hours to coax him into just KISSING me, and perhaps another hour to TOUCH me. This was much, MUCH better. I closed my eyes, and bit my lip to stifle a moan as I felt one of his palms press into my back, holding me firmly in place, the other reaching for my waistline.
"Hiei," I whispered in a gruff whisper, trying to be as quiet as I could. ".. let's not get thrown out of THIS store as well, alright...?"
My plead might have been heard, but it definitely wasn't heeded. Twenty minutes later, we sat on the curb outside of the very store we had moments before been booted out of. I had been forced to buy the chocolates none-the- less, because I had practically crushed the entire box in the small dressing unit, and I held the disfigured box in my hands.
"Well, Fox.. "
I looked up slowly, a faint smile on my face as my eyes settled upon the one I called lover. "That's the fifth store, Hiei... please. I want to have SOMEWHERE left to shop in the future."
Hiei's eyes lit up, and he laughed softly. Was I dreaming, did Hiei actually LAUGH? My smile softened, and I pushed myself to my feet. Pausing only a second, I held the crunched box out to him after he too had rose to his feet. Hiei snorted, and pushed it back to me.
"Hell no, Fox. You crushed them, you eat them."
--
We left shortly after, though didn't return to my place until later that night; I, through the front door, and Hiei, through my window. We lay together for hours afterwards, merely holding each other. I was content in this, and sighed softly into the darkness. I was asleep by the time Hiei left that night, and when I finally did awake, dawn had long been broke.
As per normal, I went about my morning routines of making the bed, getting a shower, getting dressed, and other such the like, but it wasn't until I went to close the window that my routine was broken. There was a letter from Hiei.. why hadn't I noticed it when I got up?
I slowly picked it up, my eyes falling over the words, so childishly scrawled to the paper:
Fox,
I have a few things to do, and I won't be coming over for a while. Leave the window open for me.
Hiei
Not much of a letter, but puzzling for that simple fact. I held the little note in my hands and walked back over to the bed to sit. Hiei was predicable for flittering off without much notice, but this truly came as a shock. He KNEW I had planned a special night for us in a few days, one day before Valentines day, and yet he chose to leave? I didn't understand it at all.
I left the note on my side table, and headed out for the day.
----
Since my choice of shops had dwindled greatly since becoming lovers with Hiei, I chose a shop on the far side of town. Even though Hiei had taken leave, that didn't mean that I should change my plans. After all, he might come back before the planned night. So, after wading through several crowds, each person trying to get the best items for themselves, I managed to spirit away two little presents for him, both of which he would probably hate anyway.
A little panda with a wide, red ribbon looping its neck, with large brown eyes, and a red, crystal rose.
Departing the far end of town, and depositing the gifts in my room, I managed to slip out once more for a long, aimless walk. For some reason, I felt restless, and disturbed, as if something was stirring within me that I couldn't place a name on. I hadn't been walking for too long, though, when my 'aimless' wanderings brought me practically to Yusuke's doorstep. Of course, I knew that I hadn't intentionally happened upon his place...
None-the-less, I felt that I suddenly needed to talk to someone. After a knock, and a brief greeting with Atsuko, I wandered my way to Yusuke's room. Keiko was there, and I greeted her warmly as well before taking a seat, cross-legged, upon the floor.
"What's up, Kurama?" Yusuke asked rather cheerfully.. unusually cheerfully... one hand propping up his head as he lay on the bed.
I smiled warmly in reply, though I don't think it really reached my eyes, and Yusuke seemed to sense something was wrong, Keiko as well. She excused herself a few minutes later, muttering something about having to speak with Atsuko, and Yusuke sat up in the bed, his eyes intent on me.
"Kurama, are you okay?"
I shook my head slowly, and lowered my eyes to the ground. Of all the people, save for Hiei, I had felt closest to Yusuke. I had even shared a bed with him twice before, though it was only for sex, I bluntly kept telling myself this. I felt I could tell him anything, and since he already knew a great deal of what went on between Hiei, and myself I felt I could tell him this as well.
"Hiei has left for a while, yet I feel something is wrong, Yusuke." No sense in beating around the bush, as they say. I kept my eyes lowered as I spoke. "He left a note saying he had things to do, and wouldn't be back for a while. I can't name it, but I have a feeling something is wrong." A pause broke my words, but I continued a moment later. "We had plans, you know..."
Yusuke nodded. I didn't continue, and suddenly I was beginning to feel a little on the stupid side coming inside to talk to him. I could have just kept on walking...
"He didn't say where he was going?"
I shook my head, and lifted my eyes to him. Yusuke was always so helpful when I was having trouble coping with Hiei, though recently it seemed that I came to Yusuke less and less as Hiei and myself became more adjusted with each other. "No, I only found a letter from him."
I proceeded to tell Yusuke all about the last few days with Hiei, the experience in the store in which we once more were booted out of. Neither of us could see anything that I may have done to drive Hiei away to do whatever he might be doing. Yusuke mentioned the fact of maybe he was getting me something for the planned night, but I discarded the idea, mentioning that Hiei had already, rather defensively, said he was getting me NOTHING. The only thing we could both agree upon was that perhaps he had conflicts in the Makai that needed tending to, but even that seemed shaky. There was very little that needed his attention anymore in the Makai...
The rest of the conversation went slow, with a sense of tenseness that didn't quite befit the friendship between Yusuke and myself, and shortly after I let myself out. Lost in thought, I wandered back towards my house, and retreated to my room once more, to puzzle over the scribbled note.
That night I was plagued with a restless sleep, and a sense of overbearing darkness brimming the edges of my dream-state. Too soon did those darkened trimmings seep into my mind, and bring me a truly frightening nightmare that left me stifling a scream, drenched in sweat, and trembling in the darkness as I awoke in the dead of night. My eyes quickly jerked towards the open window, and the curtain that swayed lightly in the breeze that filtered through into the room.
Shaking, I stumbled out of the bed, and to the window. The wind felt cool, almost cold, against my dampened skin, and I sucked in a deep breath. As I stared out into the night, I began to push aside the dark, cruel sense that still clung to me from the nightmare I had managed to cut short. The faint trace of emptiness that remained in Hiei's eyes still etched itself into my mind, though, and I hung my head, closing my eyes.
Death. Blood.. Hiei's blood.. smattered across the blade of a sword. A familiar sword..
The thoughts weren't whole, and the dream was slowly fading from my mind. I only saw ruby eyes, empty in death, no longer alight with even the smallest spark of life. I shook my head slowly, and sunk down by the window, the curtain whipping softly around near my head. I fell asleep shortly afterwards
---
The next two days were painstakingly slow, and they passed by like a hazed dream. Nothing seemed real, and everyone seemed like a ghost. I felt cold all the time now, and at one point, I even felt as though I couldn't catch my breath. I returned home early on the fourth day since I had last seen Hiei, and stumbled blindly through the house. I felt physically ill, and after a brief worshipping session to the grand porcelain god, I managed to somehow find, and crawl into, my bed. The window, at this point, was still open, and I stared blankly towards it.
I vaguely remember my mother coming in later that night, murmuring softly to me, and pressing a cool cloth to my head for a while before departing. Once more, later that night, she peeked in to ask me if I wanted some chicken broth, but I pretended I was asleep. She left me alone shortly after, and I rolled over to face the window again.
Four days. Four days without Hiei, and I was practically a wreck. I had went longer without seeing him, of course, but simply knowing he wouldn't be randomly visiting until... until who knew when! ... it didn't sit well with me at all. And this terrible sense of hovering darkness that I couldn't help push away. I had managed to avoid the others, even Yusuke, the last day or two. I didn't want to talk to them, didn't want to share my hurts, my fears... especially my dreams, which had turned oddly violent.
I felt as if I was suffocating, as if not knowing something about where Hiei had went was closing in around me, cutting off the air around me, bearing me down into a hole of darkness with no escape in sight. I shivered, and pulled the covers up over my head.
---
There was no concept of time, only a unnamed nothingness that bore me down into the darkness of my mind. I could hear the faint, muffled sound of voices, they sounded so distant, though I could sense a worry in their tone. If I would have had the strength to open my eyes, I might have, but the lids felt so heavy. In truth, I felt drugged out of my mind. I sucked in a slow, deep breath, and groaned.
"Kurama?"
It was Yusuke, he sounded so far away.... As much as I wanted to at that point, I still couldn't open my eyes. I lolled my head slightly, and I could feel my hair as it pulled away from my sweat-drenched forehead. Something was wrong... I couldn't breath... felt like I was smothering... I heard myself gasp.. there was a sharp, stabbing pain deep within my chest that I clutched for... then once again.. nothingness.
******* The Present
Tonight was the night after Valentines Day, a day which had come and gone without much eventfulness, and it was three days after the incident in my room, in which my mother had been talking with Yusuke in the front room when I had apparently began screaming in my sleep. I had had an extremely high fever, and she had passed it off as being delusional. I knew better.. something had been wrong, and it wasn't until it had been too late that I found out exactly what that "wrong" had been.
Valentines morning, the morning after the special night I had had planned for Hiei and myself, had been a muted, grayish rise of the sun. Nothing seemed to focus for me as Yusuke bowed his head, his eyes closed tight. It had been his duty to deliver the message of Hiei's death, and as he held Hiei's broken katana in his hands, its blade broken in half, and its silvery glint stained a slight faded crimson, he struggled to hold back his own tears. I couldn't breath... I felt as though my world were caving in. My heart hurt, my soul hurt...
I was on my knees, clutching my chest, my own eyes closed tightly. There were no details for me to grasp, nothing to reveal what had taken my Hiei from me, only death. The familiar blade in my dreams had been Hiei's, and the lifeless stare had been a warning. If I had been more attuned, or perhaps less ill, I might have reacted differently. How would I have found him, anyway, even if I had taken the warnings to heart?
I never questioned Yusuke about what Koenma told him of Hiei's death, and I did not take the katana from the detective either. He had been friends with Hiei, and since he did not have near the amount of memories that I had, I allowed him the tangible reminants of the little fire demon instead.
I looked down hard at the little bear I held in my arms. It's large brown eyes stared sullenly back up at me, almost questioning why I was crying as I held it. I don't think I could have answered the little thing even if I didn't feel that doing so would cost me a few marks of sanity. I felt saddened as I remember Yusuke, offering me the sword once more before he left. I quietly refused.
I didn't need to keep the katana. I had my memories, and those were enough for me at the moment. So many, yet so few, of my little lost valentine.