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Last chapter of the non-B/A ending (don't cheer too loud *g*). B/A ending will out in a few days.
Thank you to those of you who read and sent feedback on part 5a. I greatly appreciate it!
~Isis
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Part 6 – non-B/A version
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Angel stared out the window of the cab as it drove out of New Orleans and into one of its suburbs. He watched the terrain turn from busy city to comfortable residential neighborhoods, all the while wondering whether he was doing the right thing by going and talking to Buffy. Something inside his mind told him he wasn't going to like what she had to say. He wanted to believe that things would go well and that maybe, just maybe, she'd come back to him, but instinct told him this conversation would not end well.
As the taxi screeched to a halt, Angel was pulled from his thoughts. He looked up to find the vehicle stopped in front of a medium-sized two story house with a one car garage, a lush green yard, and many brightly colored flowers lining a flagstone walkway. It was quaint, and peaceful, and exactly the type of place he always pictured Buffy living in. The only thing missing was a white picket fence.
A cough from the driver reminded him that he needed to get out of the car so he quickly pulled out some money and paid before stepping out into the bright midday sun. His steps faltered as he went to walk up to the house. He was suddenly unsure about what he was doing. Could he really walk in there and face Buffy? Was he really ready to hear whatever it was she wanted to tell him? He supposed he didn't have a choice now. He was already at the house. Gathering up every ounce of courage he had, Angel finally approached the front door.
The knock came as only a mild surprise to Buffy. She knew immediately who was on the other side of the door. She wasn't expecting anyone else to stop by so the only person it could be was Angel. Smoothing out a non-existent wrinkle in her calf length, blue floral skirt, she walked into the foyer and opened up the front door.
"Angel," she nodded in greeting.
"Buffy. Hi," Angel tried to smile, shifting nervously on his feet.
"Come in," she stepped back and gestured for him to enter.
"You can, umm, go into the living room. I have some water boiling for tea so I'll, uh, be right back." Buffy hated babbling, but being around Angel made her uncomfortable.
"Okay, thanks," he looked down, noticing Buffy anxiety. Once she walked away from him, he entered the living room.
The sight that greeted him made his heart twist. The room reeked of family and love. Pictures eyed him from every corner, almost mocking him. Despite the desire not to see the images, Angel found himself wandering around the room looking at each one. They were all of Buffy, Oz and their child: a family portrait, lazy days at a park, holidays, and every other pose imaginable. And in each one the subjects were smiling and happy.
Hearing Buffy reenter the room, he turned around thankful for the interruption of his perusal of their family photos. She carefully set a tray with a tea pot, cups, and accessories down onto the coffee table and then eyed him for a moment. Saying nothing, she simply sat down on one of the chairs next to the couch. He followed her lead and sat opposite her.
"You have a nice house." He avoided looking into her eyes as he spoke.
"Thank you," she smiled, but Angel could tell it was forced.
"How long have you lived here?" he proceeded with the generic conversation.
"We bought the house about three and a half years ago," Buffy answered as she poured herself a cup of tea. "Want some?"
"No, thank you," he declined the drink.
Buffy sat back against the chair and took a sip of her tea. "So I suppose you want to know how all this," she motioned to her surroundings. "Happened."
"You don't have to tell me." Angel tried to casually glance at her, attempting to decipher her mood. Her face was shuttered, though, giving him no idea as to what she was thinking.
"No, it's okay. I guess it's as good a place as any to start." Buffy set her cup back down on the coffee table and then crossed her legs.
"Okay," he agreed and sat further back in the chair, preparing himself for a story he knew he probably would rather not hear.
"Good." Buffy's hands fidgeted, tracing the seam of her shirt. "I, uh, know you'll probably want to ask questions, but please let me get everything out and then you can say...whatever you want to say."
Angel nodded instead of responding verbally. Their eyes met and held for just a moment before Buffy broke the gaze and looked down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths as she pulled all of her thoughts together in her head. When she felt as prepared as possible, she looked back up, though avoided looking directly at Angel.
"I'll start, I guess with how I ended up here," she began the story of the last five years of her life. "I left the hotel that day in LA and then wandered the streets for hours in a total daze. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I couldn't go back to my room because I knew someone was likely there waiting for me, and I didn't want to go back home. Somehow I ended up at an ATM taking out all my money and then at a bus station."
"I got on the first available bus which ended up taking me to Las Vegas of all places." The laugh that followed was not a happy one. She shook her head and went on. "Neat place. Somewhere I could get lost, which is what I wanted to do, but it was too close to LA. I stayed the night there and then got on the next available bus which eventually took me to San Antonio."
Her nose wrinkled at the memory. "Not my kind of place. I missed the mindless crowd of Vegas and realized I wanted to go somewhere like that. When I went back to the bus station I saw one heading to New Orleans and it just seemed to call to me. So I bought a ticket and came here."
She stopped to take a sip of her tea, licking her lips afterwards in a manner that made Angel bite back a groan. "The next couple months were a bit of a blur. I kind of...," she paused and a hand nervously reached up to run through her hair. "I kind of went a little nuts. I spent every night in clubs and bars, dancing and drinking till dawn and then sleeping through the days."
"I'm sorry," Angel mumbled, his guilt clearly evident.
Buffy acted as if she never heard him speak and continued. "Oz says it was a combination of what happened and some sort of repressed youth thing. Anyways, I went on like that for a while. Then one night I was at a club and ran into Oz. Literally ran into him. And we just started hanging out."
A minute passed while Buffy said nothing. Angel could tell she was thinking about something. He wanted to ask questions. He wanted to know more, but he wasn't sure how responsive she would be. So he too remained silent, waiting for her cue.
"That's how I ended up here," Buffy finally settled on saying.
"A-and your...son?" he asked the foremost question on his mind.
Her lips pursed at the subject. She wanted to tell him it was none of his business, but she quickly realized she had no reason to hide anything. This was her life and she wasn't ashamed of any of it especially not her son or her marriage.
"His name is Jared, which I guess you already know. He'll be four years old soon." A brilliant smile lit up her face, one that made Angel incredibly envious. "He's a little darling. Right now he's with Oz's parents."
"So you and Oz are...," Angel couldn't make himself say the final word.
"Married?" Buffy supplied for him, her voice even and calm. "Yes." She wasn't going to say more, but the look in his eyes made her volunteer the rest. "We've been married for three and a half years."
"And since I know you've already done the math, yes Jared was born before we were married." She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward slightly as she realized full disclosure was probably the best route. "Which means, obviously, that Oz and I were together beforehand."
Angel's eyes closed, little pinpoints of hurt stabbing at his heart with the knowledge of Buffy with someone else. "You don't have to tell me."
"No. I think it's best if I do." Her eyes studied him for a minute before revealing the last bit of her life he was unaware of. "Oz and I were hanging out a lot. It was nice to have someone familiar to be around, and we just sort of...connected...I guess because of our pasts."
"He had a party at his apartment one night. We were pretty drunk by the time everyone left, and then we started talking about everything...Sunnydale, him leaving, Willow, you, what happened in LA...and we just got totally wasted," she paused, almost as if for dramatic effect. "I woke up the next morning in his bed. Naked."
The last part made Angel cringe. He really didn't need those details. She hadn't said it yet, but Angel had a strong idea of what was to come next. And he didn't want to hear it; didn't want to know that she'd turned to someone else because of his actions; didn't want to know that a child had been the result. He didn't want to know any of it. Unfortunately, Buffy had no thoughts of stopping.
"Neither of us were even sure anything happened until a month and a half later I realized I was pregnant," she told him almost nonchalantly.
"You'd think, considering that situation," she gave an unexpected chuckle. "That I'd have totally freaked, but I was happy. Ecstatic even. I don't know why, but when I saw the plus sign on the test I just...smiled."
"I...I'm happy for you," Angel forced a smiled. The comment was out of place, and he knew it.
"Thanks." Buffy shifted in her chair, suddenly feeling more awkward than she had been. "I didn't know what to do at first. I knew I wanted the baby, but because of how it happened...it was...weird."
"When I told Oz, though, he was just as happy as I was." The smile on her face told Angel she was recalling a fond memory. "He just got this look on his face, and I knew everything would work out."
"We talked about it and neither of us regretted it. So we decided to have the baby and see where things led," she shrugged her shoulders slightly. "A few months after the baby was born we got married and bought this house."
"Oz owns a music store a few blocks away, and I work in the photo department of the local newspaper," she finished, her tone telling Angel that her story was complete.
He considered everything she said for a minute, a multitude of thoughts going through his head. In the end he settled for what he wanted to know most. "You're happy?"
"Very," Buffy replied in all seriousness.
The steady, honest answer wasn't quite what Angel expected. Before he could stop himself, the next words were out of his mouth. "What about us?"
"Us?" her eyebrows raised noticeably in shock. She opened her mouth to speak again, then narrowed her eyes in a clear act of anger. "There is no 'us', Angel."
"But I love you." If she hadn't been listening intently, she wouldn't even have heard him.
Buffy's face softened, but only minutely. "I love you, too, Angel. You'll always be a part of me. But...," she closed her eyes momentarily before reopening them and looking directly at Angel. Her next words would be hard, but she had to say them. "It's too late. It's just...too late."
"It's never too late," Angel stated determinedly.
"Yes, it is, Angel." Her eyes conveyed the truth behind her statement. "Too much has happened between us. Too much trust has been lost."
"How can you say that?" He didn't mean to sound pleading, but he did. It wasn't over. It couldn't be over. He just wouldn't believe that.
"How can I...," she snapped at him, anger suddenly rising. "I think the question should be how can I possibly consider even trusting you ever again?"
"You know you can trust me!" he growled at her, his own anger growing.
"Can I?" Buffy stood hastily as she spoke, moving to pace around the room. "I'm supposed to trust someone who continuously has made decisions involving my life without me? I'm supposed to trust you when you can't even bother to tell me that you've turned human or that you're getting married. Yeah," she snorted. "That makes it really easy to trust you."
"I did what I thought was best," Angel defended himself.
"That's beside the point," she glared at him. "We were supposed to have been in a relationship, Angel. That means there were two of us involved. Two people. You and Me. We should have made decisions together. But no, you decided all on your own that you weren't good enough for me. Maybe you leaving was the right thing to do, but that decision should have been made by both of us."
"And what about you turning human?" Buffy kept going, finally getting to say all the things that had built up over the years. "What was your reason for not telling me about that? Oh, wait, I remember. I was supposedly off living the good life and you didn't want to ruin it."
"I didn't," he reiterated his reasons.
"Why is it that people think they can make decisions about my life?" she reached up and squeezed the back of her neck trying to release some of the tension she was feeling. "Shouldn't it have been my choice? You should have told me. You should have come to me. And if you had and I didn't want you in my life I would have told you to leave. Even if you didn't want to be with me when you became human you still should have told me. But no, you chose all on your own to keep it from me. And don't even get me started on the getting married thing."
Angel looked down guiltily, understanding for maybe the first time the mistakes he made over the years. "I'm sorry."
Bristling at the apology, Buffy marched onwards with her tirade. "Do you know I still hoped? All those years after we talked in the cemetery and you asked me about the future I held out hope in the back of my mind that someday things would change and everything that'd kept us apart would go away somehow."
"I thought...," she brushed away a stray tear. "I thought that morning in LA that finally...finally we had our chance."
"We can still have that chance!" Angel nearly shouted at her.
"No, we can't," Buffy shook her head definitively. "I'm happy with my life, Angel. I've got a husband, and a son, and everything that I ever wanted...that normal life I never thought I'd have. And even if I didn't...there's no way I could ever put my faith and trust in you again."
"So that's it? You're just giving up?" He couldn't believe what she was saying, but in the very back of his mind, he did. Somewhere in his head, he understood and knew Buffy had every right to feel the way she did.
"I've accepted my feelings," she corrected him. "If that's giving up, then yes, I have."
Angel felt tears welling in his eyes. In that moment, he knew it was really over and he couldn't blame her one bit. The blame lay with him. He was the one to put the final nail in their coffin. If he had just gone to her after his Shanshu then they would be the ones married right now. They would have a child together. But he hadn't, and now she belonged to someone else.
"Do you love him?" he asked, resignation clear in his voice.
"Yes." Buffy was going to leave it at that, but she suddenly felt the need to say more. "Am I 'in love' with him? No, or at least not in the way I was with you. But I do love him, very much. He makes me happy. I trust and respect him, and he trusts and respects me."
"T-that's good." Angel wanted to leave. He wanted to get away from her, and not hear any more about her happy life that wasn't with him.
"You're probably thinking it, so I'll answer before you ask," she sat back down on the chair she'd abandoned minutes ago. "I don't feel like I'm settling. We may not have that all-consuming love, but there's not a thing about my life I would change. I'm happy with my husband, and with my son. I'm happy with my house, and my job. There's nothing I regret."
"I...I need to g-go," he stuttered out, quickly rising from his seat.
Buffy nodded, giving him a conciliatory smile. She felt bad about, well, everything, but she was only being honest. There was nothing wrong with that. She just wished she didn't have to hurt him in the process. Despite all the pain he caused her, she didn't have it in her heart to purposely do the same to him. But she needed to be honest with him.
Swiftly, Angel walked to the front door with Buffy following behind him. When he reached door he pulled it open and then turned to face Buffy again. "I hope you remain happy."
"Thank you." She placed a sympathetic hand on his arm.
Logic told him not to do it, but he didn't listen. Slowly, he bent down and placed a feather-light kiss on her lips, remaining there fore only a second before pulling away. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Angel." A few tears fell, but she didn't try to stop them.
As Angel walked slowly down the walkway, Buffy stood in her spot and watched. A small ache echoed in her heart at the sight. They never before said goodbye, but she didn't regret her choices. She hadn't lied when she told him she still loved him, and would always love him. In the end, though, it wasn't enough. There were some things that love just couldn't conquer.
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~a year and a half later~
"Are you sure you're up to going in there?" Oz asked, Buffy's hand in his.
They were currently standing a few feet away from the doors leading into the large ballroom of a hotel in Los Angeles. Since Sunnydale had turned into a giant crater over ten years earlier, the graduating class of Sunnydale High School 1999 never got to have a ten year reunion. It was kind of hard to have a celebration when your whole town was destroyed. Someone, however, decided that the class should have a fifteen year reunion and hold it in Los Angeles. Neither of them particularly wanted to attend, but after much debating, here they were about to go in.
"I'm fine," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Stop worrying about me."
"I'll always worry about you," he gave her hand a squeeze.
"Me too," she kissed him lovingly. "All right, let's go in. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go home. I miss Jared."
Inside the ballroom, Angel knew the moment Buffy entered. If he hadn't seen Willow suddenly grow tense he would have known it by the tingle in his gut. Swiveling his head to the right, he saw her walking hand and hand with Oz toward the registration table. She looked radiant as usual, but that wasn't what caught his attention; that was held by the immediately obvious bulge around her abdomen. Buffy was pregnant. Again. With Oz. He squeezed his eyes shut and quickly turned away from them.
Why, oh why, had he decided to come to this thing? Well, truthfully, he hadn't. Willow had dragged him along as her date. Plus, he also felt like he was representing Cordelia. He wondered if she was looking down on him right now. If she was, she was probably scowling at him because he was sitting at the table brooding.
A bark of laughter, Buffy's laughter, trickled through to his ears. He looked up and found her and Oz standing off to the side talking to a guy he thought was named Devon. Her head was resting on Oz's shoulder and his arm was around her waist, the hand gently stroking over top of their unborn child. The glowing smile on her face told him she was happy. That's all he ever really wanted for her. He just wished it had been with him that she'd found that happiness.
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THE END!! (non-B/A ending)
Last chapter of the non-B/A ending (don't cheer too loud *g*). B/A ending will out in a few days.
Thank you to those of you who read and sent feedback on part 5a. I greatly appreciate it!
~Isis
***
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Part 6 – non-B/A version
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Angel stared out the window of the cab as it drove out of New Orleans and into one of its suburbs. He watched the terrain turn from busy city to comfortable residential neighborhoods, all the while wondering whether he was doing the right thing by going and talking to Buffy. Something inside his mind told him he wasn't going to like what she had to say. He wanted to believe that things would go well and that maybe, just maybe, she'd come back to him, but instinct told him this conversation would not end well.
As the taxi screeched to a halt, Angel was pulled from his thoughts. He looked up to find the vehicle stopped in front of a medium-sized two story house with a one car garage, a lush green yard, and many brightly colored flowers lining a flagstone walkway. It was quaint, and peaceful, and exactly the type of place he always pictured Buffy living in. The only thing missing was a white picket fence.
A cough from the driver reminded him that he needed to get out of the car so he quickly pulled out some money and paid before stepping out into the bright midday sun. His steps faltered as he went to walk up to the house. He was suddenly unsure about what he was doing. Could he really walk in there and face Buffy? Was he really ready to hear whatever it was she wanted to tell him? He supposed he didn't have a choice now. He was already at the house. Gathering up every ounce of courage he had, Angel finally approached the front door.
The knock came as only a mild surprise to Buffy. She knew immediately who was on the other side of the door. She wasn't expecting anyone else to stop by so the only person it could be was Angel. Smoothing out a non-existent wrinkle in her calf length, blue floral skirt, she walked into the foyer and opened up the front door.
"Angel," she nodded in greeting.
"Buffy. Hi," Angel tried to smile, shifting nervously on his feet.
"Come in," she stepped back and gestured for him to enter.
"You can, umm, go into the living room. I have some water boiling for tea so I'll, uh, be right back." Buffy hated babbling, but being around Angel made her uncomfortable.
"Okay, thanks," he looked down, noticing Buffy anxiety. Once she walked away from him, he entered the living room.
The sight that greeted him made his heart twist. The room reeked of family and love. Pictures eyed him from every corner, almost mocking him. Despite the desire not to see the images, Angel found himself wandering around the room looking at each one. They were all of Buffy, Oz and their child: a family portrait, lazy days at a park, holidays, and every other pose imaginable. And in each one the subjects were smiling and happy.
Hearing Buffy reenter the room, he turned around thankful for the interruption of his perusal of their family photos. She carefully set a tray with a tea pot, cups, and accessories down onto the coffee table and then eyed him for a moment. Saying nothing, she simply sat down on one of the chairs next to the couch. He followed her lead and sat opposite her.
"You have a nice house." He avoided looking into her eyes as he spoke.
"Thank you," she smiled, but Angel could tell it was forced.
"How long have you lived here?" he proceeded with the generic conversation.
"We bought the house about three and a half years ago," Buffy answered as she poured herself a cup of tea. "Want some?"
"No, thank you," he declined the drink.
Buffy sat back against the chair and took a sip of her tea. "So I suppose you want to know how all this," she motioned to her surroundings. "Happened."
"You don't have to tell me." Angel tried to casually glance at her, attempting to decipher her mood. Her face was shuttered, though, giving him no idea as to what she was thinking.
"No, it's okay. I guess it's as good a place as any to start." Buffy set her cup back down on the coffee table and then crossed her legs.
"Okay," he agreed and sat further back in the chair, preparing himself for a story he knew he probably would rather not hear.
"Good." Buffy's hands fidgeted, tracing the seam of her shirt. "I, uh, know you'll probably want to ask questions, but please let me get everything out and then you can say...whatever you want to say."
Angel nodded instead of responding verbally. Their eyes met and held for just a moment before Buffy broke the gaze and looked down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths as she pulled all of her thoughts together in her head. When she felt as prepared as possible, she looked back up, though avoided looking directly at Angel.
"I'll start, I guess with how I ended up here," she began the story of the last five years of her life. "I left the hotel that day in LA and then wandered the streets for hours in a total daze. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I couldn't go back to my room because I knew someone was likely there waiting for me, and I didn't want to go back home. Somehow I ended up at an ATM taking out all my money and then at a bus station."
"I got on the first available bus which ended up taking me to Las Vegas of all places." The laugh that followed was not a happy one. She shook her head and went on. "Neat place. Somewhere I could get lost, which is what I wanted to do, but it was too close to LA. I stayed the night there and then got on the next available bus which eventually took me to San Antonio."
Her nose wrinkled at the memory. "Not my kind of place. I missed the mindless crowd of Vegas and realized I wanted to go somewhere like that. When I went back to the bus station I saw one heading to New Orleans and it just seemed to call to me. So I bought a ticket and came here."
She stopped to take a sip of her tea, licking her lips afterwards in a manner that made Angel bite back a groan. "The next couple months were a bit of a blur. I kind of...," she paused and a hand nervously reached up to run through her hair. "I kind of went a little nuts. I spent every night in clubs and bars, dancing and drinking till dawn and then sleeping through the days."
"I'm sorry," Angel mumbled, his guilt clearly evident.
Buffy acted as if she never heard him speak and continued. "Oz says it was a combination of what happened and some sort of repressed youth thing. Anyways, I went on like that for a while. Then one night I was at a club and ran into Oz. Literally ran into him. And we just started hanging out."
A minute passed while Buffy said nothing. Angel could tell she was thinking about something. He wanted to ask questions. He wanted to know more, but he wasn't sure how responsive she would be. So he too remained silent, waiting for her cue.
"That's how I ended up here," Buffy finally settled on saying.
"A-and your...son?" he asked the foremost question on his mind.
Her lips pursed at the subject. She wanted to tell him it was none of his business, but she quickly realized she had no reason to hide anything. This was her life and she wasn't ashamed of any of it especially not her son or her marriage.
"His name is Jared, which I guess you already know. He'll be four years old soon." A brilliant smile lit up her face, one that made Angel incredibly envious. "He's a little darling. Right now he's with Oz's parents."
"So you and Oz are...," Angel couldn't make himself say the final word.
"Married?" Buffy supplied for him, her voice even and calm. "Yes." She wasn't going to say more, but the look in his eyes made her volunteer the rest. "We've been married for three and a half years."
"And since I know you've already done the math, yes Jared was born before we were married." She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward slightly as she realized full disclosure was probably the best route. "Which means, obviously, that Oz and I were together beforehand."
Angel's eyes closed, little pinpoints of hurt stabbing at his heart with the knowledge of Buffy with someone else. "You don't have to tell me."
"No. I think it's best if I do." Her eyes studied him for a minute before revealing the last bit of her life he was unaware of. "Oz and I were hanging out a lot. It was nice to have someone familiar to be around, and we just sort of...connected...I guess because of our pasts."
"He had a party at his apartment one night. We were pretty drunk by the time everyone left, and then we started talking about everything...Sunnydale, him leaving, Willow, you, what happened in LA...and we just got totally wasted," she paused, almost as if for dramatic effect. "I woke up the next morning in his bed. Naked."
The last part made Angel cringe. He really didn't need those details. She hadn't said it yet, but Angel had a strong idea of what was to come next. And he didn't want to hear it; didn't want to know that she'd turned to someone else because of his actions; didn't want to know that a child had been the result. He didn't want to know any of it. Unfortunately, Buffy had no thoughts of stopping.
"Neither of us were even sure anything happened until a month and a half later I realized I was pregnant," she told him almost nonchalantly.
"You'd think, considering that situation," she gave an unexpected chuckle. "That I'd have totally freaked, but I was happy. Ecstatic even. I don't know why, but when I saw the plus sign on the test I just...smiled."
"I...I'm happy for you," Angel forced a smiled. The comment was out of place, and he knew it.
"Thanks." Buffy shifted in her chair, suddenly feeling more awkward than she had been. "I didn't know what to do at first. I knew I wanted the baby, but because of how it happened...it was...weird."
"When I told Oz, though, he was just as happy as I was." The smile on her face told Angel she was recalling a fond memory. "He just got this look on his face, and I knew everything would work out."
"We talked about it and neither of us regretted it. So we decided to have the baby and see where things led," she shrugged her shoulders slightly. "A few months after the baby was born we got married and bought this house."
"Oz owns a music store a few blocks away, and I work in the photo department of the local newspaper," she finished, her tone telling Angel that her story was complete.
He considered everything she said for a minute, a multitude of thoughts going through his head. In the end he settled for what he wanted to know most. "You're happy?"
"Very," Buffy replied in all seriousness.
The steady, honest answer wasn't quite what Angel expected. Before he could stop himself, the next words were out of his mouth. "What about us?"
"Us?" her eyebrows raised noticeably in shock. She opened her mouth to speak again, then narrowed her eyes in a clear act of anger. "There is no 'us', Angel."
"But I love you." If she hadn't been listening intently, she wouldn't even have heard him.
Buffy's face softened, but only minutely. "I love you, too, Angel. You'll always be a part of me. But...," she closed her eyes momentarily before reopening them and looking directly at Angel. Her next words would be hard, but she had to say them. "It's too late. It's just...too late."
"It's never too late," Angel stated determinedly.
"Yes, it is, Angel." Her eyes conveyed the truth behind her statement. "Too much has happened between us. Too much trust has been lost."
"How can you say that?" He didn't mean to sound pleading, but he did. It wasn't over. It couldn't be over. He just wouldn't believe that.
"How can I...," she snapped at him, anger suddenly rising. "I think the question should be how can I possibly consider even trusting you ever again?"
"You know you can trust me!" he growled at her, his own anger growing.
"Can I?" Buffy stood hastily as she spoke, moving to pace around the room. "I'm supposed to trust someone who continuously has made decisions involving my life without me? I'm supposed to trust you when you can't even bother to tell me that you've turned human or that you're getting married. Yeah," she snorted. "That makes it really easy to trust you."
"I did what I thought was best," Angel defended himself.
"That's beside the point," she glared at him. "We were supposed to have been in a relationship, Angel. That means there were two of us involved. Two people. You and Me. We should have made decisions together. But no, you decided all on your own that you weren't good enough for me. Maybe you leaving was the right thing to do, but that decision should have been made by both of us."
"And what about you turning human?" Buffy kept going, finally getting to say all the things that had built up over the years. "What was your reason for not telling me about that? Oh, wait, I remember. I was supposedly off living the good life and you didn't want to ruin it."
"I didn't," he reiterated his reasons.
"Why is it that people think they can make decisions about my life?" she reached up and squeezed the back of her neck trying to release some of the tension she was feeling. "Shouldn't it have been my choice? You should have told me. You should have come to me. And if you had and I didn't want you in my life I would have told you to leave. Even if you didn't want to be with me when you became human you still should have told me. But no, you chose all on your own to keep it from me. And don't even get me started on the getting married thing."
Angel looked down guiltily, understanding for maybe the first time the mistakes he made over the years. "I'm sorry."
Bristling at the apology, Buffy marched onwards with her tirade. "Do you know I still hoped? All those years after we talked in the cemetery and you asked me about the future I held out hope in the back of my mind that someday things would change and everything that'd kept us apart would go away somehow."
"I thought...," she brushed away a stray tear. "I thought that morning in LA that finally...finally we had our chance."
"We can still have that chance!" Angel nearly shouted at her.
"No, we can't," Buffy shook her head definitively. "I'm happy with my life, Angel. I've got a husband, and a son, and everything that I ever wanted...that normal life I never thought I'd have. And even if I didn't...there's no way I could ever put my faith and trust in you again."
"So that's it? You're just giving up?" He couldn't believe what she was saying, but in the very back of his mind, he did. Somewhere in his head, he understood and knew Buffy had every right to feel the way she did.
"I've accepted my feelings," she corrected him. "If that's giving up, then yes, I have."
Angel felt tears welling in his eyes. In that moment, he knew it was really over and he couldn't blame her one bit. The blame lay with him. He was the one to put the final nail in their coffin. If he had just gone to her after his Shanshu then they would be the ones married right now. They would have a child together. But he hadn't, and now she belonged to someone else.
"Do you love him?" he asked, resignation clear in his voice.
"Yes." Buffy was going to leave it at that, but she suddenly felt the need to say more. "Am I 'in love' with him? No, or at least not in the way I was with you. But I do love him, very much. He makes me happy. I trust and respect him, and he trusts and respects me."
"T-that's good." Angel wanted to leave. He wanted to get away from her, and not hear any more about her happy life that wasn't with him.
"You're probably thinking it, so I'll answer before you ask," she sat back down on the chair she'd abandoned minutes ago. "I don't feel like I'm settling. We may not have that all-consuming love, but there's not a thing about my life I would change. I'm happy with my husband, and with my son. I'm happy with my house, and my job. There's nothing I regret."
"I...I need to g-go," he stuttered out, quickly rising from his seat.
Buffy nodded, giving him a conciliatory smile. She felt bad about, well, everything, but she was only being honest. There was nothing wrong with that. She just wished she didn't have to hurt him in the process. Despite all the pain he caused her, she didn't have it in her heart to purposely do the same to him. But she needed to be honest with him.
Swiftly, Angel walked to the front door with Buffy following behind him. When he reached door he pulled it open and then turned to face Buffy again. "I hope you remain happy."
"Thank you." She placed a sympathetic hand on his arm.
Logic told him not to do it, but he didn't listen. Slowly, he bent down and placed a feather-light kiss on her lips, remaining there fore only a second before pulling away. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye, Angel." A few tears fell, but she didn't try to stop them.
As Angel walked slowly down the walkway, Buffy stood in her spot and watched. A small ache echoed in her heart at the sight. They never before said goodbye, but she didn't regret her choices. She hadn't lied when she told him she still loved him, and would always love him. In the end, though, it wasn't enough. There were some things that love just couldn't conquer.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~a year and a half later~
"Are you sure you're up to going in there?" Oz asked, Buffy's hand in his.
They were currently standing a few feet away from the doors leading into the large ballroom of a hotel in Los Angeles. Since Sunnydale had turned into a giant crater over ten years earlier, the graduating class of Sunnydale High School 1999 never got to have a ten year reunion. It was kind of hard to have a celebration when your whole town was destroyed. Someone, however, decided that the class should have a fifteen year reunion and hold it in Los Angeles. Neither of them particularly wanted to attend, but after much debating, here they were about to go in.
"I'm fine," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Stop worrying about me."
"I'll always worry about you," he gave her hand a squeeze.
"Me too," she kissed him lovingly. "All right, let's go in. The sooner we do this, the sooner we can go home. I miss Jared."
Inside the ballroom, Angel knew the moment Buffy entered. If he hadn't seen Willow suddenly grow tense he would have known it by the tingle in his gut. Swiveling his head to the right, he saw her walking hand and hand with Oz toward the registration table. She looked radiant as usual, but that wasn't what caught his attention; that was held by the immediately obvious bulge around her abdomen. Buffy was pregnant. Again. With Oz. He squeezed his eyes shut and quickly turned away from them.
Why, oh why, had he decided to come to this thing? Well, truthfully, he hadn't. Willow had dragged him along as her date. Plus, he also felt like he was representing Cordelia. He wondered if she was looking down on him right now. If she was, she was probably scowling at him because he was sitting at the table brooding.
A bark of laughter, Buffy's laughter, trickled through to his ears. He looked up and found her and Oz standing off to the side talking to a guy he thought was named Devon. Her head was resting on Oz's shoulder and his arm was around her waist, the hand gently stroking over top of their unborn child. The glowing smile on her face told him she was happy. That's all he ever really wanted for her. He just wished it had been with him that she'd found that happiness.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
THE END!! (non-B/A ending)