***
Last chapter! One thing I want to mention: in the various emails I've gotten, a lot of people have mentioned things they would like to see in this ending or have dealt with, and I wish I could have worked through all the issues. This fic, though, wasn't meant to be all encompassing. A lot of things are implied, or mentioned in summary. If I'd have had the time I would have made this fic longer and dealt with everything, but I didn't so I focused mainly on B/A.
That's all. Thank you to everyone who has sent feedback throughout this fic! I greatly appreciate all the comments you've sent me. I enjoyed writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed reading it!
~Isis
***
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Part 6b – B/A version
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For nearly ten minutes, Buffy stood staring at the door to Willow's hotel room. It had taken her five minutes to get up the nerve to knock on the door to Angel's room and she didn't know whether to be ecstatic or annoyed that he didn't answer. So now she was going to try Willow's door. A small part of her, ok so a large part, was relieved to find out that Angel and Willow weren't sharing a room. She didn't want to think of her ex-lover and former best friend together.
That thought sobered her already dismal mood. Just suspecting that Angel and Willow were more than friends send pangs of jealousy to her heart and she couldn't image what they were feeling knowing that she and Oz were married. The spiteful streak inside of her snickered and said they deserved what they got, but still, she didn't want to purposely hurt them. She didn't quite have it in her to set out to intentionally cause harm to someone, especially those that had been so important to her.
So now she found herself standing in front of Willow's door hoping to talk to Angel. She didn't blame him for walking out on her yesterday. She had done almost the same thing years ago after their encounter in LA. It seemed like one of them was always walking away when things got too tough. But she didn't blame him. He had every right to be angry with her for keeping the fact that he had a son from him for so long.
On the other hand, Buffy had every right to defend and explain her actions. She knew what she had done was wrong, at least on some level, but she had her reasons. And Angel needed to hear them. Where things went from there, she had no idea. Whatever happened, she was aware that her life was about to change. Whether that change was going to be bad or good, she had absolutely no idea.
Finally halting her cowardice, Buffy raised her hand and knocked on the plain white hotel door to Willow's room. Much to her chagrin, it took only a moment for the redhead to answer. The look on her face told Buffy that she was only mildly surprised to find her there, but for a long minute neither had the ability to say anything. Except for the unexpected meeting two days earlier, they had not spoken in five years and the situation was awkward to say the least.
"Um, hi, Willow," Buffy managed to speak at last.
"Buffy," Willow greeted her somewhat coldly.
"I'm, uh, looking for Angel. Do you know where he is?" She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as she tried to avoid the redhead's penetrating gaze. This would have been so much easier if Angel had been in his room and she hadn't have had to go asking Willow where he was.
Instead of answering, Willow simply opened the door wider and nodded her head in the direction of what Buffy assumed was the living room. Peaking inside, Buffy could see Angel sprawled out on the couch staring straight at her. His face was completely masked of any emotion so she had no idea what he was feeling. Given that, she didn't know if she should enter the room, wait for him to come to her, or just turn and walk away.
"Can I come in?" she settled for asking.
Willow hesitated at first, debating about asking Angel, then shrugged. "Sure."
Buffy entered cautiously, wondering what exactly she was supposed to do next. Angel was of no help. He neither moved nor made any attempt to speak to her as she stood just inside the living room. His unwavering stare was a bit unnerving. It felt like he was staring straight into her soul.
"What?" she snapped at him after he continued to stare.
"I see you found me," he stated more calmly than she would have expected him to, and not really answering her question.
"Wasn't hard." She avoided looking at him and wandered slowly around the room.
"And you're here because?" He sat up slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her expectantly.
"Because we're not done talking," she stated firmly, turning to face him.
"What? Got more secrets you want to lay on me?" Angel snapped harshly at her.
"Um, maybe I should g-go," Willow interrupted, reminding them both she was still in the room.
"No," Buffy waved her hand. "You might as well stay. At least to hear what I have to say."
Angel made no move to say yes or no so Willow went and sat in one of the chairs. "Okay."
Now that she had Angel's, and also Willow's, attention, Buffy had no idea how to start what she needed to say. Maybe she should have written herself a script or something, or at least some note cards with all the main points she needed to get to. She hadn't really thought about what she would say. She'd just gone straight to the hotel once Oz had managed to find where they were staying via the computer. Glancing at Angel, she knew she needed to say something.
"I'm sorry." It was the first thing that came to her mind, and was probably the most important thing to get out. "I should have told you about Jared."
"You're damn right you should have!" he shouted at her, coming to a full sitting position on the couch. "We didn't even have any idea where you were!"
"You just ran off, Buffy," Willow butted in, momentarily sidetracking the Jared-issue. "How could you just disappear and not tell anybody where you were?"
Buffy looked down in guilt. She knew it had been wrong to do what she did, but still she had her reasons. "It's my life. I can do with it whatever I want."
"Great, that's real mature," Angel snapped back at her. "What about all the people who care about you? Don't you think they were worried?"
"So I should have told the 'people who care about me' where I was?" she enunciated slowly. "Right. Look who's talking Mr-I-Turn-Human-And-Get-Engaged-But-Don't-Bother-To-Tell-Someone-Who's-Supposed-To-Be-Important-To-Me!"
"You know why I didn't tell you!" he growled in frustration over the issue.
"Oh, right. I was off living the 'good life' according to Willow." Sarcasm rolled off her voice as she spoke about their perceptions of her. "How do you know that was even true?! You never bothered to even call and see!"
"I could say the same for you!" he argued in response. "It's not like you picked up a phone either to see how things were in LA. Maybe I would have told you if you'd have bothered to let me know how you were!"
"Oh, so now it's my fault you hid things from me?!?" Her eyes were nearly bulging over the fact that Angel was placing blame on her. How had this conversation suddenly turned against her? "What good would it have done to call? Was I just supposed to pick up the phone and say 'Hey Angel, just wanted to let you know I still love you, but it doesn't matter because nothing's changed'? Or at least I thought it hadn't. Little did I know you went and turned human, got engaged and never bothered to fucking tell me!"
"You're one to talk about hiding things!" Angel's eyes narrowed over her accusations as he stared hard at her. "Or are you forgetting about the son you never told me about?"
"I told you I'm sorry!" Buffy practically screamed at him, her emotions overflowing.
"You had no right to keep that from me," he stated definitively. "You should have told me."
"I know," Buffy voice dropped to a whisper, conceding defeat on at least that point.
Angel took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. As angry as he was, he didn't want to argue with Buffy and so far that's all they had done. "Why didn't you tell me?" He forced himself to be composed as he spoke this time.
"It's not a simple answer, Angel." And it wasn't. There wasn't really one single reason why she never told him. She knew that she needed to try to get him to understand, though. So she set her purse down on the counter near the kitchenette and then took a seat on the remaining chair in the living room.
"I've got time," he told her pointedly.
"Okay. I guess...I ended up here in New Orleans a few weeks after I left LA," Buffy began the complicated tale of her life after leaving LA. "I ran into Oz about a month later at a club. He was doing work on the sound system there and I just needed to get out for a while."
"We started hanging out. It was just nice to have someone familiar to talk to." Buffy could see she had both Angel and Willow's full attention, so she kept going. "About three months after I left Los Angeles I realized I was pregnant. I was in shock. I just didn't expect it and didn't know what to do."
"You could have come to me." The hurt in Angel's voice wasn't easy to miss, but Buffy tried not to let it get to her.
"I know I could have," she conceded with only a small amount of conviction. "But, Angel, it was only three months after...what happened. I was still so angry with you."
"So you did it because you were angry with me?" he bit out spitefully.
"No, at least not like you think," Buffy corrected him. "Yes, I was angry with you, but I was also hurt. I didn't think I could go to LA and see you with your new life and married to someone else. I just...couldn't do it."
Angel was somewhat mollified by her answer, but still did not accept it. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I don't know," she told him honestly. "Oz told me I should go to you, but I just wasn't ready. And then the dreams started. They were...they were so horrible. I was completely thrown by it."
"Everyday I worried and tried to figure out what going on. Everything else just fell into the background." She knew her reason was only marginally acceptable, but she hoped he would try to understand. "I just knew something horrible was going to happen."
Willow took this moment to speak up for the first time in a while. "Angel told me what happened, Buffy. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
"Thank you," Buffy accepted the sympathetic gesture, knowing that the redhead was being sincere despite the animosity between them.
"I was afraid," Buffy started again. "That something would happen to me after the baby was born and that it would be left alone. I didn't want it to have no one...so that's why I married Oz."
The gasps came from both of her listeners, but it was Willow who stood up and stared hard at her. "You used him?"
"No, yes...sort of." Tears were threatening to fall down Buffy's face once again, but she pressed on. "It was his idea. He saw what the dreams were doing to me and he knew my dreams often turned into something. So he said that he would marry me so that he could be there in case anything happened."
"Are you saying that...that...," Angel trailed off and frowned as he tried to ignore the small glimmer of hope he felt inside.
"That Oz and I are married in name only?" Buffy filled in for him, her cheeks becoming wet and hands trembling over the force of the memories. "Yes. He was there for me when I needed it most. He helped me through the recovery, taking care of the baby, and all my doctor's appointments. I don't know how I would have made it through without him."
A multitude of divergent emotions battled inside Angel; anger over her concealment of his son, hurt of her lack of trust in him, jealousy that she went to someone else, and sadness that she'd had to deal with so much she didn't deserve. It was the latter that seemed to resonate strongest within him. No matter how angry he was over the news of his son, his love for her was beyond reason and before he knew it, he was standing before her, picking her up out of her chair and setting her down on his lap. She didn't fight the move, nor did she embrace it, just sat there crying into her hands.
"You could have come to me. I would have helped you whether or not I was married," he cooed softly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"I know you would have, and I-I wanted to," Buffy sobbed, resisting the urge to fling her arms around his neck and bury her face against his chest. She wanted to seek comfort in him; let him wipe away the pain, but his actions in LA still rested in the forefront of her mind. "You hurt me, Angel. I've nev-...never felt as betrayed as I did that morning in LA. Over and over in my head I kept seeing you in sunlight and hearing you say you were getting married."
"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I wish I could do it all over again," Angel cried into her hair, losing the internal struggle over trying to keep himself from crushing her against him.
They sat there for several long minutes and cried in each other's arms for the mistakes they'd both made. Neither of them even noticed when Willow quietly gathered her keys and left them alone in the room. They were too caught up in the memories of the past and all the pain they seemed to cause each other. It was a release of sorts; a release of all the anger, of all the spite, and every other emotion that was pent up inside of them.
"Why are we always hurting each other, Angel? Why can't we just be happy?" Buffy's muffled voice spoke after a while. "That's all I ever wanted."
"I don't know." He'd wondered the same thing. Nothing between them was ever simple. It seemed as though they were always causing each other pain.
"We've really made a mess of things, haven't we?" she sniffled, swiping at the tears in her eyes.
"Yes, we certainly have," Angel agreed quietly.
Buffy's next question came out of the blue and surprised Angel. "Who did you marry?"
The next several hours were spent talking, really talking, for the first time in longer than either of them could remember. Angel held nothing back as he realized that if he had any chance of gaining Buffy's trust ever again he needed to tell her everything. So he told her about Wolfram & Hart, and about Nina. He explained their relationship and why he married her, and how their marriage deteriorated so quickly. Buffy, for her part, tried to listen with an open mind. She, too, knew that these things needed to be said.
Angel also spoke about his regrets; how he realized he should have talked to her about many things. He told her tearfully about the Forgotten Day and faced her anger head on. He still believed he'd made the right choice, but he now understood that it wasn't one he should have made alone, just as they should have talked about his decision to leave Sunnydale in the first place. It surprised him when she said she understood the choices he'd made, but that she wished he would have let her have an opinion in it all.
They also spoke of the years since their last meeting in Los Angeles. Angel told of the solitary life he'd lived since the divorce, and Buffy talked more about her arrival in New Orleans and the events of her pregnancy. She spoke lovingly of her son, their son, and Angel greedily absorbed every bit of information about the boy he barely knew.
By the time four hours had passed, both felt as if huge weights were lifted from their shoulders. Over the course of their relationship and the intervening years, so much had been left unsaid; so much done for what one felt was better for the other. Now, all the dirty laundry was being aired, and both would be hard pressed to say it wasn't a relief. The secrets, the feelings, the sorrow, were now all out in the open. Where they were supposed to go from there, neither knew nor wanted to predict.
A glance at her watch shocked Buffy. She quickly climbed off the couch. "I better go, Oz is probably getting worried."
"Oh, okay." Angel was clearly disappointed that she had to leave. Even though they had said so much there was still a lot to talk about, and in all honesty, he just didn't want her to go.
"Um, would you like to, uh, go with me?" Buffy half babbled, unsure of her words. "I'd like you to meet Jared."
"Does...does he know about me?" It hadn't occurred to Angel to ask that before, and now he wondered what her son knew and if he called Oz 'Daddy'.
"He knows that he has a Father and that Oz isn't him," she relayed gently. "I-I told him a little about who you are."
Angel smiled gratefully that Buffy hadn't completely pushed him from his son's life. "Sure, I'd love to go."
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
A short while later, Buffy and Angel arrived at the house she shared with Oz. They were surprised when they walked out to the backyard to find Willow sitting at the picnic table talking to Oz. Buffy was glad to seem them getting along, though. From many nights of long conversation with her husband, she was well aware that his heart would always belong to his high school girlfriend. Their relationship was not all that unlike the relationship she'd had with Angel and she could understand the love he still had for the redhead.
Angel's attention was elsewhere. Immediately after entering the backyard, his eyes were trained on the little boy sitting out on the grass, quietly coloring in a coloring book. Buffy could see the tears in his eyes as he looked at the boy as his son for the first time. It was something she'd imagined numerous times over the years. Whenever she tried to convince herself to find him and tell him, she would picture their first meeting in her head. The fantasies, though, were no match for the reality.
With everyone watching, Buffy walked over toward her son and knelt down next to him. "Hey, Jared."
"Mommy!" he shrieked and threw down his crayons, leaping up to give her a hug.
"Hey, Sweetie," she smiled at him, preparing herself for what was to come. "I have someone I want you to meet."
"Who?" Jared looked up and stared wide-eyed at Angel who was a few feet away.
"Do you remember when I told you about your Daddy?" When he nodded, and chewed on his lower lip, a habit so much like her own, Buffy pointed to Angel. "See that man right there? His name is Angel, and he is your Daddy."
Jared stood, his young mind trying to understand what his Mommy was telling him, and watched as Angel took a few steps toward him. "Are you my Daddy?"
"Yeah," Angel smiled nervously and knelt down to his height.
Angel let out an 'oomph' and fell back on his butt when his son threw himself into Angel's arms. He was shocked and awed by the action, and wasn't able to do anything but wrap his arms around the boy and hold him tightly. Tears fell down his cheeks as he looked up to meet Buffy's eyes and saw that she too was crying. There were no words to express what he was feeling at that moment. He wished he could hold his son forever, but he knew that they had all the time in the world to get to know each other. And he planned on doing just that.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Later, after spending some time with his son, Angel approached Buffy as she sat at the picnic table alone where she'd been watching them. "I want to be a part of his life." His statement was direct and to the point. He had no intention of missing out on any more of Jared's life no matter what was between him and Buffy.
"I know." Buffy gave a slight nod of her head. His demand was expected, even more so after seeing the two of them together for the first time. It was like she'd always imagined it. "I'm not moving back to LA."
"What?" he questioned in mild surprise. Part of him had thought that now that they were working things out she'd return home so her announcement caught him a little off guard.
"I like New Orleans, and I have a life here," she explained to him. "This place has nothing to do with slaying or demons. It's just about my life. I'm happy here."
"Oh," Angel's shoulders drooped.
"But I want you to be a part of Jared's life," she placed a sincere hand on his arm. "No matter what happens between us, he should know his father."
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~a year and a half later~
Oz grinned as he sat on a couch next to Willow in the lobby of their hotel in Los Angeles. The past year and a half had brought about numerous changes for his life as well as Buffy, Angel, and Willow's. His divorce from Buffy was finalized over a year ago, but they still remained close. For a while, they both remained at their house before they moved on to new phases in their lives.
Shortly after meeting his son for the first time, Angel packed up all his belongings and moved to New Orleans since Buffy wanted to remain there. He bought a large house just down the street from the one Oz lived in with Buffy. The first few months were awkward as they all tried to move on from the past and reacquaint themselves with each other. And for Angel, he had to get to know his son and become a part of his life. Jared accepted him with open arms, for which Angel was immensely happy.
Buffy and Angel used the time to rebuild the trust that both thought had been permanently destroyed over the previous years. Each day was a learning experience as they were allowed, for the first time over the course of their relationship, to be around each other without anything in the way. There was no longer the Slayer/Vampire dichotomy, or disapproving friends and family, or a Gypsy curse with loopholes. For once, they were just two people who just happened to have a complicated and painful past between them. Many days and evenings were spent talking and learning about the person the other had become.
They weren't together, in the literal sense, those first few months. A relationship was never brought up, but slowly, they fell in love all over again. Actually, it was more like they rediscovered the love that was buried under years of hurt. It took a while for Buffy to allow herself to trust Angel once again, but Oz wasn't surprised when she came home one day and told him she and Jared were going to move in with Angel. He was sad to see her go, and he would miss her and Jared, but he knew it was for the best. At least they would be close by.
From their long talks, Oz knew forgiving Angel wasn't something Buffy had done easily. There was always a fear in her mind that something would come along to tear them apart or that past mistakes would be repeated. Buffy wondered more than once if it was something she'd ever be able to get over. She wanted to. She wanted to just fall into his arms and be with him, but the lack of trust kept her from doing it. Over many nights of drawn out discussions with Angel, though, she'd managed to look beyond the past and toward the future. True, she would never forget the years of hurt and distrust, but in the end, their love was too strong for the past to keep them apart.
Six months ago they were married in a small ceremony in the backyard of their house surrounded only by their closest friends. Oz couldn't have been happier for her. She'd survived so much and now she was finally living the dream she'd had since she was a teenager. The emotional scars of the past were still there, but there came a time when the past had to be left behind and both Angel and Buffy realized that. They had the opportunity for true happiness, and neither was going to let it slip by them.
As for Oz, he and Willow followed Buffy and Angel's lead and also reunited. Willow's initial business trip to New Orleans had been successful and she was offered a promotion, which allowed her to move near Oz several months after her trip. Like Buffy and Angel, they too had a past to work through, though theirs wasn't nearly as painful. But in the end, they both looked to the future. Willow moved into his house not long after Buffy left and they were married four months ago.
Willow and Buffy's friendship had also been mended, at least somewhat. At Angel and Oz's urging, the two had sat down to talk about the issues between them. It hadn't been easy to dredge up the past, but it allowed them to have an understanding that hadn't been there before. As close as they always thought they were, it seemed as though there was much they hid from each other for a variety of reasons. Both agreed that if they were to try and repair their friendship they needed to make an effort to communicate better. For a while, things were tense between them, but they managed to move on from the past. They were close again now, not as much as before, but at least to an acceptable level.
Now, they were in Los Angeles to attend their high school reunion. Fifteen years was an odd time for a reunion, but after Sunnydale was destroyed no one thought to have a ten year one. Apparently, and enterprising classmate decided to organize a fifteen year get together so they all decided to attend which was why Oz was sitting on a couch in the lobby of the hotel smiling at the sight a few feet away.
"If you two are going to do that all night you might as well have stayed in your room," Willow teased loudly at Buffy and Angel who were practically necking on another couch.
"Party pooper," pouted Buffy, tearing herself away from Angel's lips.
"Should we go in?" Oz nodded toward the door beyond which their classmates were gathering.
"Yeah, Xander is probably waiting for us." Willow took her husband's hand and got off the couch.
"All right, all right," Buffy whined, accepting Angel's help to stand up.
"Come on, beloved." Angel wrapped his arms around her from behind, his hands coming to rest over her enlarged belly.
His smile was blinding as he caressed the skin protecting his unborn child, and pressed himself against his wife. Life certainly had a way of working out, and he couldn't have been happier about it.
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THE END!! (B/A version)
Last chapter! One thing I want to mention: in the various emails I've gotten, a lot of people have mentioned things they would like to see in this ending or have dealt with, and I wish I could have worked through all the issues. This fic, though, wasn't meant to be all encompassing. A lot of things are implied, or mentioned in summary. If I'd have had the time I would have made this fic longer and dealt with everything, but I didn't so I focused mainly on B/A.
That's all. Thank you to everyone who has sent feedback throughout this fic! I greatly appreciate all the comments you've sent me. I enjoyed writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed reading it!
~Isis
***
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Part 6b – B/A version
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For nearly ten minutes, Buffy stood staring at the door to Willow's hotel room. It had taken her five minutes to get up the nerve to knock on the door to Angel's room and she didn't know whether to be ecstatic or annoyed that he didn't answer. So now she was going to try Willow's door. A small part of her, ok so a large part, was relieved to find out that Angel and Willow weren't sharing a room. She didn't want to think of her ex-lover and former best friend together.
That thought sobered her already dismal mood. Just suspecting that Angel and Willow were more than friends send pangs of jealousy to her heart and she couldn't image what they were feeling knowing that she and Oz were married. The spiteful streak inside of her snickered and said they deserved what they got, but still, she didn't want to purposely hurt them. She didn't quite have it in her to set out to intentionally cause harm to someone, especially those that had been so important to her.
So now she found herself standing in front of Willow's door hoping to talk to Angel. She didn't blame him for walking out on her yesterday. She had done almost the same thing years ago after their encounter in LA. It seemed like one of them was always walking away when things got too tough. But she didn't blame him. He had every right to be angry with her for keeping the fact that he had a son from him for so long.
On the other hand, Buffy had every right to defend and explain her actions. She knew what she had done was wrong, at least on some level, but she had her reasons. And Angel needed to hear them. Where things went from there, she had no idea. Whatever happened, she was aware that her life was about to change. Whether that change was going to be bad or good, she had absolutely no idea.
Finally halting her cowardice, Buffy raised her hand and knocked on the plain white hotel door to Willow's room. Much to her chagrin, it took only a moment for the redhead to answer. The look on her face told Buffy that she was only mildly surprised to find her there, but for a long minute neither had the ability to say anything. Except for the unexpected meeting two days earlier, they had not spoken in five years and the situation was awkward to say the least.
"Um, hi, Willow," Buffy managed to speak at last.
"Buffy," Willow greeted her somewhat coldly.
"I'm, uh, looking for Angel. Do you know where he is?" She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as she tried to avoid the redhead's penetrating gaze. This would have been so much easier if Angel had been in his room and she hadn't have had to go asking Willow where he was.
Instead of answering, Willow simply opened the door wider and nodded her head in the direction of what Buffy assumed was the living room. Peaking inside, Buffy could see Angel sprawled out on the couch staring straight at her. His face was completely masked of any emotion so she had no idea what he was feeling. Given that, she didn't know if she should enter the room, wait for him to come to her, or just turn and walk away.
"Can I come in?" she settled for asking.
Willow hesitated at first, debating about asking Angel, then shrugged. "Sure."
Buffy entered cautiously, wondering what exactly she was supposed to do next. Angel was of no help. He neither moved nor made any attempt to speak to her as she stood just inside the living room. His unwavering stare was a bit unnerving. It felt like he was staring straight into her soul.
"What?" she snapped at him after he continued to stare.
"I see you found me," he stated more calmly than she would have expected him to, and not really answering her question.
"Wasn't hard." She avoided looking at him and wandered slowly around the room.
"And you're here because?" He sat up slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at her expectantly.
"Because we're not done talking," she stated firmly, turning to face him.
"What? Got more secrets you want to lay on me?" Angel snapped harshly at her.
"Um, maybe I should g-go," Willow interrupted, reminding them both she was still in the room.
"No," Buffy waved her hand. "You might as well stay. At least to hear what I have to say."
Angel made no move to say yes or no so Willow went and sat in one of the chairs. "Okay."
Now that she had Angel's, and also Willow's, attention, Buffy had no idea how to start what she needed to say. Maybe she should have written herself a script or something, or at least some note cards with all the main points she needed to get to. She hadn't really thought about what she would say. She'd just gone straight to the hotel once Oz had managed to find where they were staying via the computer. Glancing at Angel, she knew she needed to say something.
"I'm sorry." It was the first thing that came to her mind, and was probably the most important thing to get out. "I should have told you about Jared."
"You're damn right you should have!" he shouted at her, coming to a full sitting position on the couch. "We didn't even have any idea where you were!"
"You just ran off, Buffy," Willow butted in, momentarily sidetracking the Jared-issue. "How could you just disappear and not tell anybody where you were?"
Buffy looked down in guilt. She knew it had been wrong to do what she did, but still she had her reasons. "It's my life. I can do with it whatever I want."
"Great, that's real mature," Angel snapped back at her. "What about all the people who care about you? Don't you think they were worried?"
"So I should have told the 'people who care about me' where I was?" she enunciated slowly. "Right. Look who's talking Mr-I-Turn-Human-And-Get-Engaged-But-Don't-Bother-To-Tell-Someone-Who's-Supposed-To-Be-Important-To-Me!"
"You know why I didn't tell you!" he growled in frustration over the issue.
"Oh, right. I was off living the 'good life' according to Willow." Sarcasm rolled off her voice as she spoke about their perceptions of her. "How do you know that was even true?! You never bothered to even call and see!"
"I could say the same for you!" he argued in response. "It's not like you picked up a phone either to see how things were in LA. Maybe I would have told you if you'd have bothered to let me know how you were!"
"Oh, so now it's my fault you hid things from me?!?" Her eyes were nearly bulging over the fact that Angel was placing blame on her. How had this conversation suddenly turned against her? "What good would it have done to call? Was I just supposed to pick up the phone and say 'Hey Angel, just wanted to let you know I still love you, but it doesn't matter because nothing's changed'? Or at least I thought it hadn't. Little did I know you went and turned human, got engaged and never bothered to fucking tell me!"
"You're one to talk about hiding things!" Angel's eyes narrowed over her accusations as he stared hard at her. "Or are you forgetting about the son you never told me about?"
"I told you I'm sorry!" Buffy practically screamed at him, her emotions overflowing.
"You had no right to keep that from me," he stated definitively. "You should have told me."
"I know," Buffy voice dropped to a whisper, conceding defeat on at least that point.
Angel took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. As angry as he was, he didn't want to argue with Buffy and so far that's all they had done. "Why didn't you tell me?" He forced himself to be composed as he spoke this time.
"It's not a simple answer, Angel." And it wasn't. There wasn't really one single reason why she never told him. She knew that she needed to try to get him to understand, though. So she set her purse down on the counter near the kitchenette and then took a seat on the remaining chair in the living room.
"I've got time," he told her pointedly.
"Okay. I guess...I ended up here in New Orleans a few weeks after I left LA," Buffy began the complicated tale of her life after leaving LA. "I ran into Oz about a month later at a club. He was doing work on the sound system there and I just needed to get out for a while."
"We started hanging out. It was just nice to have someone familiar to talk to." Buffy could see she had both Angel and Willow's full attention, so she kept going. "About three months after I left Los Angeles I realized I was pregnant. I was in shock. I just didn't expect it and didn't know what to do."
"You could have come to me." The hurt in Angel's voice wasn't easy to miss, but Buffy tried not to let it get to her.
"I know I could have," she conceded with only a small amount of conviction. "But, Angel, it was only three months after...what happened. I was still so angry with you."
"So you did it because you were angry with me?" he bit out spitefully.
"No, at least not like you think," Buffy corrected him. "Yes, I was angry with you, but I was also hurt. I didn't think I could go to LA and see you with your new life and married to someone else. I just...couldn't do it."
Angel was somewhat mollified by her answer, but still did not accept it. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I don't know," she told him honestly. "Oz told me I should go to you, but I just wasn't ready. And then the dreams started. They were...they were so horrible. I was completely thrown by it."
"Everyday I worried and tried to figure out what going on. Everything else just fell into the background." She knew her reason was only marginally acceptable, but she hoped he would try to understand. "I just knew something horrible was going to happen."
Willow took this moment to speak up for the first time in a while. "Angel told me what happened, Buffy. I'm so sorry you had to go through that."
"Thank you," Buffy accepted the sympathetic gesture, knowing that the redhead was being sincere despite the animosity between them.
"I was afraid," Buffy started again. "That something would happen to me after the baby was born and that it would be left alone. I didn't want it to have no one...so that's why I married Oz."
The gasps came from both of her listeners, but it was Willow who stood up and stared hard at her. "You used him?"
"No, yes...sort of." Tears were threatening to fall down Buffy's face once again, but she pressed on. "It was his idea. He saw what the dreams were doing to me and he knew my dreams often turned into something. So he said that he would marry me so that he could be there in case anything happened."
"Are you saying that...that...," Angel trailed off and frowned as he tried to ignore the small glimmer of hope he felt inside.
"That Oz and I are married in name only?" Buffy filled in for him, her cheeks becoming wet and hands trembling over the force of the memories. "Yes. He was there for me when I needed it most. He helped me through the recovery, taking care of the baby, and all my doctor's appointments. I don't know how I would have made it through without him."
A multitude of divergent emotions battled inside Angel; anger over her concealment of his son, hurt of her lack of trust in him, jealousy that she went to someone else, and sadness that she'd had to deal with so much she didn't deserve. It was the latter that seemed to resonate strongest within him. No matter how angry he was over the news of his son, his love for her was beyond reason and before he knew it, he was standing before her, picking her up out of her chair and setting her down on his lap. She didn't fight the move, nor did she embrace it, just sat there crying into her hands.
"You could have come to me. I would have helped you whether or not I was married," he cooed softly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
"I know you would have, and I-I wanted to," Buffy sobbed, resisting the urge to fling her arms around his neck and bury her face against his chest. She wanted to seek comfort in him; let him wipe away the pain, but his actions in LA still rested in the forefront of her mind. "You hurt me, Angel. I've nev-...never felt as betrayed as I did that morning in LA. Over and over in my head I kept seeing you in sunlight and hearing you say you were getting married."
"I'm so sorry, Buffy. I wish I could do it all over again," Angel cried into her hair, losing the internal struggle over trying to keep himself from crushing her against him.
They sat there for several long minutes and cried in each other's arms for the mistakes they'd both made. Neither of them even noticed when Willow quietly gathered her keys and left them alone in the room. They were too caught up in the memories of the past and all the pain they seemed to cause each other. It was a release of sorts; a release of all the anger, of all the spite, and every other emotion that was pent up inside of them.
"Why are we always hurting each other, Angel? Why can't we just be happy?" Buffy's muffled voice spoke after a while. "That's all I ever wanted."
"I don't know." He'd wondered the same thing. Nothing between them was ever simple. It seemed as though they were always causing each other pain.
"We've really made a mess of things, haven't we?" she sniffled, swiping at the tears in her eyes.
"Yes, we certainly have," Angel agreed quietly.
Buffy's next question came out of the blue and surprised Angel. "Who did you marry?"
The next several hours were spent talking, really talking, for the first time in longer than either of them could remember. Angel held nothing back as he realized that if he had any chance of gaining Buffy's trust ever again he needed to tell her everything. So he told her about Wolfram & Hart, and about Nina. He explained their relationship and why he married her, and how their marriage deteriorated so quickly. Buffy, for her part, tried to listen with an open mind. She, too, knew that these things needed to be said.
Angel also spoke about his regrets; how he realized he should have talked to her about many things. He told her tearfully about the Forgotten Day and faced her anger head on. He still believed he'd made the right choice, but he now understood that it wasn't one he should have made alone, just as they should have talked about his decision to leave Sunnydale in the first place. It surprised him when she said she understood the choices he'd made, but that she wished he would have let her have an opinion in it all.
They also spoke of the years since their last meeting in Los Angeles. Angel told of the solitary life he'd lived since the divorce, and Buffy talked more about her arrival in New Orleans and the events of her pregnancy. She spoke lovingly of her son, their son, and Angel greedily absorbed every bit of information about the boy he barely knew.
By the time four hours had passed, both felt as if huge weights were lifted from their shoulders. Over the course of their relationship and the intervening years, so much had been left unsaid; so much done for what one felt was better for the other. Now, all the dirty laundry was being aired, and both would be hard pressed to say it wasn't a relief. The secrets, the feelings, the sorrow, were now all out in the open. Where they were supposed to go from there, neither knew nor wanted to predict.
A glance at her watch shocked Buffy. She quickly climbed off the couch. "I better go, Oz is probably getting worried."
"Oh, okay." Angel was clearly disappointed that she had to leave. Even though they had said so much there was still a lot to talk about, and in all honesty, he just didn't want her to go.
"Um, would you like to, uh, go with me?" Buffy half babbled, unsure of her words. "I'd like you to meet Jared."
"Does...does he know about me?" It hadn't occurred to Angel to ask that before, and now he wondered what her son knew and if he called Oz 'Daddy'.
"He knows that he has a Father and that Oz isn't him," she relayed gently. "I-I told him a little about who you are."
Angel smiled gratefully that Buffy hadn't completely pushed him from his son's life. "Sure, I'd love to go."
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
A short while later, Buffy and Angel arrived at the house she shared with Oz. They were surprised when they walked out to the backyard to find Willow sitting at the picnic table talking to Oz. Buffy was glad to seem them getting along, though. From many nights of long conversation with her husband, she was well aware that his heart would always belong to his high school girlfriend. Their relationship was not all that unlike the relationship she'd had with Angel and she could understand the love he still had for the redhead.
Angel's attention was elsewhere. Immediately after entering the backyard, his eyes were trained on the little boy sitting out on the grass, quietly coloring in a coloring book. Buffy could see the tears in his eyes as he looked at the boy as his son for the first time. It was something she'd imagined numerous times over the years. Whenever she tried to convince herself to find him and tell him, she would picture their first meeting in her head. The fantasies, though, were no match for the reality.
With everyone watching, Buffy walked over toward her son and knelt down next to him. "Hey, Jared."
"Mommy!" he shrieked and threw down his crayons, leaping up to give her a hug.
"Hey, Sweetie," she smiled at him, preparing herself for what was to come. "I have someone I want you to meet."
"Who?" Jared looked up and stared wide-eyed at Angel who was a few feet away.
"Do you remember when I told you about your Daddy?" When he nodded, and chewed on his lower lip, a habit so much like her own, Buffy pointed to Angel. "See that man right there? His name is Angel, and he is your Daddy."
Jared stood, his young mind trying to understand what his Mommy was telling him, and watched as Angel took a few steps toward him. "Are you my Daddy?"
"Yeah," Angel smiled nervously and knelt down to his height.
Angel let out an 'oomph' and fell back on his butt when his son threw himself into Angel's arms. He was shocked and awed by the action, and wasn't able to do anything but wrap his arms around the boy and hold him tightly. Tears fell down his cheeks as he looked up to meet Buffy's eyes and saw that she too was crying. There were no words to express what he was feeling at that moment. He wished he could hold his son forever, but he knew that they had all the time in the world to get to know each other. And he planned on doing just that.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Later, after spending some time with his son, Angel approached Buffy as she sat at the picnic table alone where she'd been watching them. "I want to be a part of his life." His statement was direct and to the point. He had no intention of missing out on any more of Jared's life no matter what was between him and Buffy.
"I know." Buffy gave a slight nod of her head. His demand was expected, even more so after seeing the two of them together for the first time. It was like she'd always imagined it. "I'm not moving back to LA."
"What?" he questioned in mild surprise. Part of him had thought that now that they were working things out she'd return home so her announcement caught him a little off guard.
"I like New Orleans, and I have a life here," she explained to him. "This place has nothing to do with slaying or demons. It's just about my life. I'm happy here."
"Oh," Angel's shoulders drooped.
"But I want you to be a part of Jared's life," she placed a sincere hand on his arm. "No matter what happens between us, he should know his father."
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
~a year and a half later~
Oz grinned as he sat on a couch next to Willow in the lobby of their hotel in Los Angeles. The past year and a half had brought about numerous changes for his life as well as Buffy, Angel, and Willow's. His divorce from Buffy was finalized over a year ago, but they still remained close. For a while, they both remained at their house before they moved on to new phases in their lives.
Shortly after meeting his son for the first time, Angel packed up all his belongings and moved to New Orleans since Buffy wanted to remain there. He bought a large house just down the street from the one Oz lived in with Buffy. The first few months were awkward as they all tried to move on from the past and reacquaint themselves with each other. And for Angel, he had to get to know his son and become a part of his life. Jared accepted him with open arms, for which Angel was immensely happy.
Buffy and Angel used the time to rebuild the trust that both thought had been permanently destroyed over the previous years. Each day was a learning experience as they were allowed, for the first time over the course of their relationship, to be around each other without anything in the way. There was no longer the Slayer/Vampire dichotomy, or disapproving friends and family, or a Gypsy curse with loopholes. For once, they were just two people who just happened to have a complicated and painful past between them. Many days and evenings were spent talking and learning about the person the other had become.
They weren't together, in the literal sense, those first few months. A relationship was never brought up, but slowly, they fell in love all over again. Actually, it was more like they rediscovered the love that was buried under years of hurt. It took a while for Buffy to allow herself to trust Angel once again, but Oz wasn't surprised when she came home one day and told him she and Jared were going to move in with Angel. He was sad to see her go, and he would miss her and Jared, but he knew it was for the best. At least they would be close by.
From their long talks, Oz knew forgiving Angel wasn't something Buffy had done easily. There was always a fear in her mind that something would come along to tear them apart or that past mistakes would be repeated. Buffy wondered more than once if it was something she'd ever be able to get over. She wanted to. She wanted to just fall into his arms and be with him, but the lack of trust kept her from doing it. Over many nights of drawn out discussions with Angel, though, she'd managed to look beyond the past and toward the future. True, she would never forget the years of hurt and distrust, but in the end, their love was too strong for the past to keep them apart.
Six months ago they were married in a small ceremony in the backyard of their house surrounded only by their closest friends. Oz couldn't have been happier for her. She'd survived so much and now she was finally living the dream she'd had since she was a teenager. The emotional scars of the past were still there, but there came a time when the past had to be left behind and both Angel and Buffy realized that. They had the opportunity for true happiness, and neither was going to let it slip by them.
As for Oz, he and Willow followed Buffy and Angel's lead and also reunited. Willow's initial business trip to New Orleans had been successful and she was offered a promotion, which allowed her to move near Oz several months after her trip. Like Buffy and Angel, they too had a past to work through, though theirs wasn't nearly as painful. But in the end, they both looked to the future. Willow moved into his house not long after Buffy left and they were married four months ago.
Willow and Buffy's friendship had also been mended, at least somewhat. At Angel and Oz's urging, the two had sat down to talk about the issues between them. It hadn't been easy to dredge up the past, but it allowed them to have an understanding that hadn't been there before. As close as they always thought they were, it seemed as though there was much they hid from each other for a variety of reasons. Both agreed that if they were to try and repair their friendship they needed to make an effort to communicate better. For a while, things were tense between them, but they managed to move on from the past. They were close again now, not as much as before, but at least to an acceptable level.
Now, they were in Los Angeles to attend their high school reunion. Fifteen years was an odd time for a reunion, but after Sunnydale was destroyed no one thought to have a ten year one. Apparently, and enterprising classmate decided to organize a fifteen year get together so they all decided to attend which was why Oz was sitting on a couch in the lobby of the hotel smiling at the sight a few feet away.
"If you two are going to do that all night you might as well have stayed in your room," Willow teased loudly at Buffy and Angel who were practically necking on another couch.
"Party pooper," pouted Buffy, tearing herself away from Angel's lips.
"Should we go in?" Oz nodded toward the door beyond which their classmates were gathering.
"Yeah, Xander is probably waiting for us." Willow took her husband's hand and got off the couch.
"All right, all right," Buffy whined, accepting Angel's help to stand up.
"Come on, beloved." Angel wrapped his arms around her from behind, his hands coming to rest over her enlarged belly.
His smile was blinding as he caressed the skin protecting his unborn child, and pressed himself against his wife. Life certainly had a way of working out, and he couldn't have been happier about it.
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
THE END!! (B/A version)