The rest of the holiday break seemed to be over in a minute. While everyone had fun in the snow, New Years' Eve parties, and other fun, things were over all too soon. The only problem seemed to be how the marauders were gone a few nights after the dance, Lily wondered at this, but still said nothing.
She found herself sitting in class one January day, staring out the window at the snow. She brought herself back and headed to lunch. Although they had enjoyed the festivities the winter had brought, now that class was in session, N.E.W.T.s were drawing closer and required more attention.
She walked up from behind James and sat down next to him. She couldn't help but notice the way they stopped talking, and Sirius had managed to find something irrelevant to talk about. He was covering up, she knew it, but she wouldn't let on yet. Though slightly irritated, she looked around for someone else to talk to.
"So, how are things with Will?" Lily asked Isobel who sat beside her. The lovely couple had gone to the dance, but seemed to have had a spat between then and now. Isobel was more than happy, if that was the proper word, to tell Lily of her drama.
Ava wasn't to be found at lunch that day. She spent some more time in the library. She had even worked it out with Lily and some other students to use an empty classroom once a week to practice spells with the professor's approval. The closer they came to the testing days, the more days they would spend practicing. It was better to start a harder review now, and gradually work up, than to just cram.
She came into the common room after a night of studying, falling into a chair next to Isobel. She seemed to be back on good terms with William by the way she was smiling. Ava asked her. Isobel spilled into her upcoming Valentine's Day plans. Ava just cringed only being able to think of how it wasn't even February yet and their were people planning this type of thing all ready.
As she headed up to her dormitory, she ran into the four boys who seemed to be on their way out. She gave polite hellos, followed by goodbyes, as they smiled in acknowledgment but kept on walking soon out the porthole. Shrugging at their impassiveness, she went on up to her room. As she opened the door she found Lily alone crying quietly on her bed.
"Lils, what wrong?" She sat down on Lily's bed and put a hand on her friend. Lily sat up, hugging her as he rest her head on Ava's shoulder. Ava put her arm around Lily, trying to soothe her. "Tell me what happened?"
"I don't know what's going on," she managed drying her tears." I asked James to spend sometime with me, study-do something. And he said he couldn't. He said he had detention that night, but I saw him head out with the rest of them."
Ava decided not to mention how she had just witnessed them leaving quite in a hurry. She was pretty sure Lily was aware though.
"Than tonight, he said he was just going to hang out with the guys. But he has been all week, every week at that. Why does it have to be tonight? It is obvious something is going on." Lily muttered. "I don't think he's cheating but…"
Ava couldn't quite see James cheating. She saw the way he looked at Lily. Who could miss it? And from Ava had heard, he had worked hard on improving himself and getting her. He had loved her for a while now. She told Lily as much.
"But still, he is gone at least once a month, usually more." Lily whimpered. "If it's not a girl. I don't know what to think. Haven't you noticed how they disappear?"
She shrugged. Ava had been trying to avoid getting involved. But she wasn't going to ignore her friend's question. "I hadn't really noticed, no."
"Don't you wonder than?" Lily asked her, turning to see her face. Ava shook her head for a no. Lily fumed. "You mean you're telling me you don't care where Sirius goes once or more a month?"
Ava's eyes grew at her friend turning her anger on her. Lily was very upset about this it was obvious. It's apparent that this had been building for sometime now. Not wanting to get into a fight with her either, which Ava could feel was going to happen for James-the poor boy, she was direct with Lily. "Just ask him. It's no use to worry about it. Worrying doesn't get you anywhere."
Lily just glared at her. She knew she was right, but it was easier said than done. She fell backwards on to her bed. Ava fell next to her. Lily closed her eyes in thought, eventually wearing herself out and drifting to sleep.
*(~)*(~)*
The next day, Lily waited until she had a clear shot alone with James. She pulled him off the main flow of traffic into a side hallway. Taking a deep breath, she thought of Ava. Direct, she told herself. "What is going on with you, James?"
James knew what she meant, but wasn't going to admit it. He knew that she had been hurt the past few days when he told her he had been busy, which he had. Just not in the way he told her. He had made this commitment along time ago and was going to stick with it. "What?" he looked at her, trying his best to look surprised.
"Is there something you need to tell me?"
"No." Yes.
"Is there someone else?" She just threw it out there. She felt like he had another secret though. She wasn't sure what though. He was sweet and faithful to her she was confidant, but what could his other secret be? Did he and his friends secretly dress around in drag? Spy in the girls showers? She couldn't stand this piece of himself he was keeping deliberately from her.
He took her in his arms. "There is no one else. Never was, or will be, Lily."
She melted when he said her name, but stood her ground. "Then what is it? Please tell me. You can't deny the fact you run off once a month. Are you wandering the castle at night? Stalking Slytherins? A werewolf? Vampire? What?"
He had to tell her. If he was ever going to have the future he wanted with this girl, he would need to come clean. He asked Remus if he could tell her eventually, if he was able to. Remus agreed, trusting her completely. So with a deep breath, James sat her down with him on the bare floor, and told her the whole truth and nothing but.
Lily, although feeling better about her relationship with James, didn't feel any better. The feelings had just transferred. She felt sorry for Remus. Not pity, but a caring love at all he had been through. She apologized to James for the way that she had acted.
"I understand," He wrapped his arms around her. "I had to go through it too. Though, I was a smidge more curious than you and stuck my nose in it to find out. Thank you for respecting us enough to just ask me."
Lily nodded quietly. It did make sense now. How could she have never noticed the moon before? She had even done extremely well in Astronomy. Probably because no one thinks there is a wolf running around school, she told herself. She couldn't imagine if anyone else found out, it would be terrible. She was lucky enough to have heard the real truth from James, someone she trusted and would be honest. Werewolves weren't thought of well.
They walked back to the dining hall together. Lily remained fairly quiet until James stopped her outside of the hall. He gave her a small smile. "I'll tell Moony tonight, so don't say anything yet. He'll probably already be able to read it in our faces, but still don't make anything of it. It's so crowded in there, who knows who could overhear anything wrong."
"Of course," she gave James a smile. She knew he didn't think her stupid, but she could understand why he wanted to keep it inconspicuous.
She played with the locket he had given her for Christmas. "Let's go."
The meal went well. Although, like James had said, Remus could read it all over both their faces. He trusted Lily though. She knew all about discrimination being muggle born and all. He would talk to her later. It was funny the silent conversation that went on that only the five of them could see. The surrounding students didn't pick up on any of the looks.
Late that night, Remus took Lily aside. They had a deep conversation in private. She assured him that she was completely trustworthy, and she was. He knew it. Hugging him, she went on patrol as he went back to the common room.
*(~)*(~)*
"What are you and James doing for V day?" Isobel flopped into a chair next to Lily. "William and I are going to do something, I don't know what though, he said it was a surprise." She gave a small squeal at the end.
"Well, I suppose it's up to him." Lily shrugged looking up from her book. "He hasn't mentioned it, but he might be up to something. It doesn't matter though. As long as we're together we don't have to do anything exceptional."
Isobel shrugged. She seemed to be the only one getting into Valentine's Day. Ava hadn't even said the word Valentine. Devon seemed to be trying to decide on a new guy, Remus just wasn't the settling down type, no matter how hard she tried. And Lily? Well, Lily had a steady date, but seemed content in just spending time with him no matter what they were doing. Isobel must have been the only one who had ever had a good Valentine's Day or knew how it was supposed to go, she supposed. She bounced off leaving Lily in search of girls who knew about the big February 14th day.
Lily shut her book, taking it with her upstairs to study in quiet. She shut the door quietly behind her, hoping no one had heard-she didn't want visitors. She walked over to her bed and almost tripped over her trunk. She tossed herself onto her bed, noticing Ava for the first time since she walked in. Ava, however, was on her bed, loads of books sprawled around her, while she herself, was dead to the world. She must have fallen asleep studying Lily mused. Lily got up and removed all the books from her bed, even taking the one out of her hand. She looked down and took off Ava's necklace. Lily wouldn't want to sleep in one, figuring no one else would want to either. She pulled the hangings closed around Ava's bed.
She fell back onto her own bed. Ava was working herself too hard. Lily hadn't noticed because she was dealing with James and her own studying. She felt slightly guilty. Sirius had even asked her to check on Ava. He said she hasn't been around in awhile. Remus mentioned he had seen her in the library. When Lily had asked. Remus said when had he not seen her in there should be the question. But again, Lily had gotten distracted and not followed through.
Ava would never listen to Lily anyway, she mused. That girl did what she wanted. But this studying was getting a bit excessive. She would talk to her in the morning about it.
*(~)*(~)*
Lily wasn't surprised to see Ava's bed empty in the morning. She was, however, surprised to see her at breakfast. Ava had a piece toast as she was getting up from the table right when Lily was sitting. "Sit, eat with me," Lily looked up at her. Ava shook her head. "Please." She begged.
Rolling her eyes, Ava sat down. She finished her toast and started at Lily eating. "So?"
"So what?" Lily laughed at her. "On a tight schedule? Have to get all that studying in?"
Ava didn't seem amused. She just tilted her head to the side, "Maybe."
Lily felt bad now that she had made her friend uncomfortable. "Sorry."
Ava patted her on the shoulder. "See you later."
Lily sighed in frustration. James sat down next to her. "What was that for?"
"Ava." Lily said simply as she shook her head rubbing her forehead. "I don't know what to do about her. She's always gone, barely eating it seems. I haven't talked to her in ages it feels."
James ate instead of saying something. He wasn't great with girl logic. Look at how long it took him to get through to Lily. He sent a look to Sirius and Remus who sat across from him. Maybe they could help Lily. James gave her a hug with one arm. "We'll take a shot at it."
Sirius and Remus found Ava in the library later that day. She was in a quiet room reserved for studying. Sirius knocked on it then went right in, Remus waited outside.
"So is it rhyfian or wryvryn roots?" he tried to make conversation. He flashed a smile at her. She looked up at him distracted. "Want to tutor me?"
"Like you need it." she rolled her eyes and went back to her books. He walked over to her, leaning on the table, planting his hand right on the book so she couldn't read.
"It's not time for studying," he grinned wickedly. "It's time for some fun. So let's go have some fun." He picked up her hand, which she yanked back out.
"I have to study." She told him seriously.
"But I'm bored," he whined playfully at her. "You're smart and don't need all this studying right now, anyway."
"No," Ava said through her teeth, trying to force down her irritation. "You are smart and born into magic. Maybe you don't have to study, but some of us do."
"Why's that?" Sirius dropped his teasing. "You don't need to be so wrapped in this right now. You need to have fun."
"Don't tell me what I need." Ava 's voice was quiet but severe. She didn't look up from her work.
Sirius didn't know what to say. He was slightly, if not more, put off by her rudeness. It simply wasn't like her. He waited for a few moments to see what she would do, testing her limits. She looked up at him, her eyes asking 'you're still here?' "What?"
"I want to ask you the same thing," He said simply, not taking her attitude. "What?"
"Well, I'm not yours to worry about am I?" she stood up and glared at him. She had reached her breaking point. "All I want to do is studying. Apparently, that isn't allowed in this school. Ironically." She started to stuff her books in her bag.
"What's the big deal?" Sirius exclaimed. "It's just now February!"
"The big deal," She turned to him, fire brimming in her eyes, "is the fact that I need to study but can't!"
Sirius was as pissed off as she was now. Why wouldn't she tell him what was going on? Going against his instinct, he pressured and goaded her. "Why does it matter so much? Got to go get high N.E.W.T.s, get a good job, get paid well, have a great life? I wish it were that easy, my life would be than."
"That's the point, you ass!" She fumed at him. "You have a great life! You have an Uncle who left you money! You have magic pouring out of your very being, bred and raised on it! Even Lily has her blasted wonderful family if things go wrong for her, and hell, let's just throw James in there too! Me? I have nothing-no one! This is my only shot. So I'm not going to waste it." She picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder. She looked at him and stopped. "You don't even know what I had to do to get the tuition to come here, do you?"
Obviously he hadn't. She never told him. His heart froze. He searched her eyes as she pushed past him. What had she had to do? He came back to himself fast enough to grab her arm gently and spin her around. She read the look in his eyes.
"You don't even know me if you think that." She saw that he thought she had sold her body to get there, which she hadn't. But she had not had it easy. She tried to leave again, but he stopped her again. Her head fell to the side, asking him 'what' with a single sharp look. His eyes asked her to tell him.
"I sold my blood, my plasma, all to different people multiple times." She shoved up her sleeve to show him her arms in exaggeration. She ticked off her fingers. "I sold anything and everything of value to me or other people. Books, clothes, jewelry, anything valuable. I panhandled. I worked in some of the sleaziest places you can imagine.
"So don't tell me what I need to do. I need to study. I need to be able to support myself when I leave here. And if that means that I lose a few friends so I can feed myself in a few months, than fine."
"What about mechanics and cars?" he pulled something randomly out as a suggestion.
"What about it? I can't just live off somewhere playing with other people's cars. And I won't live in my friends' pockets. There are things that I want for myself, and this is the only way I see to getting them. I will have a magical garage or whatever the hell I think I want, but I need something to fall back on. And if you, of all people, don't understand that than…"She trailed off with her shoulders raised and her hands out in front of her. She mistook the look he gave her. "I didn't think so."
She turned around to leave and this time he didn't stop her. He tried to tell her she would have him, but he couldn't find the words. He would give her all his inheritance if that would make her relax. She was stressing herself out, and her friends, over something so far in the future. He didn't know how to be supportive of her, but still look out for her best interest. He sat down in the room.
Remus came in shortly after she had stormed out. Sirius didn't notice. She was right when she said that she wasn't his to worry about. He wished she was though, to save her from all that stress. Did she really not care about losing all her friends she had made here-him-over tests?
Remus watched his friend in a silent battle. He had seen Ava storm out, and run into him. She hadn't even said anything. But he had seen the tears in her eyes. She was pushing her self too hard. Apparently, she and Sirius had had a quarrel. Remus sighed. They were so close, almost there…
Ava, lost somewhere in the castle now, was a mess of emotions. She hadn't meant to say what she did to Sirius. She didn't want to lose him of all people. He understood her. Mostly. Why couldn't he understand this one part of her? She didn't have any safety nets to catch her like the others did. They might deny that they were there, but the fact of the matter was the nets were there.
Part of her wanted to find Sirius-and Remus- and apologize for acting like such a Prima Donna. The other half of her felt justified in what she said. Who were they to decide what was right for her? All her emotions raw, she sunk on to the floor, her back against the wall. She didn't know what to do. Obviously they were all right. She was stressed out, very near to cracking. But a voice kept coming back into her mind telling her she had to do this. She needed to fly after graduation. She couldn't sink-she had to swim.
She sat against the wall for sometime. She didn't even know. The shadows fell on her, and she could tell she needed to get up. But her brain was exhausted from so much battling, she just continued to sit there. Somehow, though, she got herself up to bed.
*(~)*(~)*
After relating the event to James, he told Sirius to just give her some time. And space. Sirius sighed in aggravation, but knew his friend to be right. He tried not to even watch her in the common room, but somehow, he would find his eyes on her. He wanted to go apologize for being so inconsiderate. He hadn't ever thought of what things might be like for her. It had never occurred to him that she would have no money to come here since her dad kicked her out. He wouldn't go talk to her though. He wouldn't go apologize. As much as he wanted to, the problem was obliviously hers. She had something she needed to work through.
Ava did happen to feel his eyes on her. Although it made her slightly disconcerted, she missed talking to him. Lily only managed to get a few words out to her a day now too. She could see her friend trying to communicate but Ava kept pushing her back out. Lily, also exasperated, took to sitting with marauders in the commons. Lily did however talk Isobel into giving it a shot. So she, and the rest of the marauders held their breath as Isobel sat down next to the diligent Ava.
"Hey," Isobel said with her bouncy voice. Ava didn't even acknowledge her. She knew they had sent her over. Ava's patience was wearing thin.
"Charms?" Isobel said looking under Ava's book to see the bind. "I wish I had charm, you know? Like William and Heath?"
She saw she was going nowhere with small talk, so she jumped into the issue. "Aves, we need to talk."
Ava shot her a withering look. Isobel had seen worse though from Ava in all her time with the girl. "Cut the shite. We're all tired of this. You need to take a break. Studying is great, but its not even Valentine's yet."
Ava resisted the absurd urge to stuff her book down Isobel's throat to keep her from saying that fowl word-Valentine. She sighed. Maybe they were right she thought. She would listen to Isobel. Give her a chance to make her case. She looked up at her.
"This is unhealthy, Aves." She went on. "We all love you and are worried. You're making yourself-and us-sick. You know this material cold. Please just take a vacation."
Ava couldn't hear Isobel anymore the way she kept dragging on and repeating herself. Ava was wearing down, and Isobel knew it. Finally, Ava held a hand out to stop her. "Fine," she said in a weary voice, exhausted. She didn't want to fight about it anymore, she didn't know if she could. Standing up, Ava shut the book and leaving it on the table as she quietly walked out of the room. Isobel looked over across the room at James' table, standing up and going over.
"She agreed," Isobel said in an uncertain voice, "but I don't know at what cost. If I know her though, she just needs to be alone for a while."
"But she's been alone this whole time," Peter pointed out. "Studying?"
"Yes, but her brain was busy with that, not with us." Isobel countered. "She knows we're right, I could see it in her eyes. She's just mentally, emotionally exhausted. We'll have Avie back in a few days." Isobel bade goodbye and turned in for the night. The rest eventually followed as well.
:: I know, I know. That was a boring, uneventful chapter. But things happen like that. I guess I'm dragging this story on, but it's just coming out like this, so-my apologies y'all. Don't worry though, it will get better!! They still have to get together of course! Did you think I was going to keep them apart forever? It's just a strong build up. Just keep on reading!!