Part III

Chapter 3

One hand still steady on the gun, Sanzo unbuttoned his shirt with the other, revealing the sutra under it, starkly white against his black leather undershirt. He placed his hand on it as though to pull it from his shoulders.

Flame took a step toward Sanzo. "Will you reconsider so easily?" he leered. "I had hoped to play with you longer. I think these traitorous youkai friends of yours have weakened you, Sanzo…sama."

"No, Sanzo," Goku called, his hoarse cry rising into a wail as his shirt burned up to the bare flesh of his side and back.

Flame took another step toward Sanzo, his hand outstretched, greed in his eyes.

The other assassins looked on, mesmerized.

And Sanzo fired, the blast of the gun echoing twice in rapid succession. Flame threw himself to the ground, thinking to avoid the expected shots, while he screamed to his assistants to finish off Goku.

But the two youkai who had held spear and sword to Goku's body had been blasted by Hakkai's ki in the same second that Sanzo had fired the gun. And the four who ran in to take their place hesitated just long enough for Gojyo's shakujou to cut through them, drawing stunned screams as their necks or chests were sliced by the curving blade.

Goku fell to the ground, Sanzo's two shots having exploded the crumbling stone and mortar around each of the rings to which he was bound. Stunned by the unexpected fall, he had yet to move when Hakkai dropped from the wall to his side and rolled him in the dirt to extinguish the flames consuming his shirt.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo yelled. The healer turned barely in time to throw off a demon crashing into him, breaking the creature's back. Then he smashed his fist fatally into the face of a second one, close behind. The shakujou's chain swirled in the air in front of him as it caught the pair that followed, giving him time to charge his ki and blast two more who were heading toward Goku.

By the time Sanzo had fired his second shot, Flame had rolled to his feet and realized that the monk had not been aiming for him at all. His burning ki already charged, but not spent, he held his palm toward Sanzo and released an angry ball of flame that expanded and burned hotter as it hurtled toward its target.

Sanzo threw himself backward through the opening in the wall through which he had come, colliding with two of the youkai who had been on guard and were just then arriving to join the melee. The first of the two tripped over Sanzo, falling through the opening, into the flaming ki blast. As the second raised his scythe to strike the man at his feet, Sanzo fired the pistol, exploding the creature's head.

The body burning in the narrow entryway bought Sanzo a few moments' time, and he used it to climb the hill to the top of the wall before any more youkai came in pursuit.

Flame turned his wrath on Goku and Hakkai. Goku struggled to stay conscious and fumbled to free his feet from the tightly coiled and knotted ropes, his hands still bound to the rings, with chunks of stone and mortar attached. Hakkai and Gojyo covered him, smashing one oncoming youkai after another.

"Hakkai! Get Flame!" Gojyo yelled as the fire youkai turned from Sanzo. He swung the shakujou again and again into the demons swooping onto the pair below to give Hakkai time to recharge his ki.

As the two ki fighters faced off, Sanzo knelt on the ground above them, head bowed, intoning the mantra that would call the power of the sutra to quell the remaining assassins.

Flame released his scorching blast a split second before Hakkai had fully charged. But as the ball of flame rolled the short distance toward himself and Goku, the green glow from Hakkai's hands expanded into a curved shield of energy. As the yellow-orange orb connected with the shield, the flames burst apart, some extinguished as they hit the nearby wall and the ground, some flying upward toward Sanzo, and some reflected back, their heat doubled, to the monster who had generated them.

Hakkai was forced backward, his face and clothing scorched by the intense heat that transferred to the shield as he struggled to hold it until the flames dispersed. He dropped to his knees, panting, as he expended his ki, barely aware of the coils of Sanzo's sutra spiraling around Flame and the remaining half dozen youkai, crushing life from them.

Gojyo jumped down from the wall as the last of the flames burned out and Sanzo's prayer called the long spirals of the sutra back to him. "Hakkai."

The healer lifted his head with effort. "See to Goku," he whispered to Gojyo. Then he dragged his arm across his singed forehead and allowed himself to rest, sitting against the wall.

When Sanzo joined them a minute later, his hair and clothing also singed and blood-spattered, Gojyo was working the ropes and heavy iron rings free from Goku's hands. Sanzo slipped his arm under Goku's shoulders and shifted him into his lap.

Goku's eyes fluttered open, but weren't able to focus. His parched whisper was barely audible. "I'm sorry, Sanzo."

Sanzo brushed scorched hair out of his eyes. "Baka," he responded softly as Goku slid back into a coma.

* * *

Hakkai withdrew his hand from Goku's side and clenched his fists on the edge of the bed, dropping his head between them in an effort to stop himself from passing out. By the time Gojyo and Sanzo had dragged themselves and their partners out of the forest and driven back to the inn in Jeep, night was already giving way to a gray dawn. Barely able to stand, Hakkai had insisted on using what little ki he had remaining to mend what he could of Goku's burned flesh.

"Enough," Gojyo told him now. He pulled the exhausted man to his feet and half-carried him across the room to the other bed. Hakkai sank into the pillows and closed his eyes, too drained to argue or even move. Gojyo removed his partner's scorched shirt, wrung out the cloth in the basin of water Sanzo had put on the night table, and began to wash the soot from Hakkai's face, neck, and hands so he could see how badly he had been burned.

Sanzo rolled up his sleeves and was doing the same for Goku, when the innkeeper came in with the physician they had asked him to bring. Quickly surmising the situation, the doctor turned his attention to Goku, taking over Sanzo's ministrations and occasionally barking a gruff order to him to replenish the water or help him turn Goku over. His deft hands were as gentle and quick as his manner was brusque.

When the doctor finally finished examining and cleaning Goku's burns and bruises, and had bandaged his head and torso, he stood and washed his hands. "This is your healer, Genjo Sanzo?" he asked as he approached the other bed and began to examine Hakkai.

"Yes," Sanzo and Gojyo answered together.

"He has saved your friend Goku from considerable pain by repairing the most badly burned skin. The boy is still in some danger, however. He will need to be watched closely. If he becomes feverish or does not regain consciousness within the next twenty-four hours, please send for me again. See to it that he has plenty to drink as he has become dehydrated. He will have quite a bad headache when he awakens, and he may be dizzy and disoriented for some days. I will give you pills for the pain, but you shouldn't give them to him until he regains consciousness. The burns are not healed so well that he won't feel their fire. You may bathe them with cool water or put cool compresses on them to relieve that pain."

While he instructed them about Goku, he bandaged the worst of the singed skin on Hakkai's hands and face, and applied a soothing salve to some angry red patches. "Fortunately your healer's burns are less serious—most are not much worse than a moderate sunburn. They will sting when he's not so exhausted that he can't feel them. He should take care not to so badly deplete himself."

"Tell me about it," muttered Gojyo, frowning.

"He should give himself time to recuperate fully before he draws so much on his ki again… And you, Sanzo-sama? If I may…" Sanzo had slumped into the easy chair beside Goku's bed, and the doctor approached him, stethoscope in hand. "You also have some small burns on your face. But it concerns me more that you are so pale and your breathing is shallow. You, too, seem quite exhausted. You're sure you aren't more seriously hurt than you've indicated?"

"I'm fine," said the monk, resisting examination.

"Only just recovering from a broken rib and a collapsed lung," said Gojyo, looking pointedly at Sanzo. "Oh yeah, and let's not forget being torn to pieces by a half dozen youkai. It wouldn't hurt to let him make sure your lung's not crushed again, idiot monk."

Sanzo threw a withering look at Gojyo, but allowed the doctor to take his pulse and listen to his breathing. "You must still feel considerable discomfort, Sanzo. Your lung does seem to be restored, but it is not yet strong. And the rib is still quite tender. You, too, must give yourself time to rest."

"Just dandy. Looks like I get to play nursemaid," Gojyo grumbled. "Be nice if I wasn't the only one to come through these things unscathed."

Sanzo scowled at him. "That splinted arm meets your definition of unscathed, does it, kappa? And don't I recall tending your bedside a few days ago while you couldn't see straight?"

Gojyo looked at his arm as though he had totally forgotten it had been broken only a few days before. "Yeah, well, it didn't stop me from carrying Goku up here for you, did it? At least I'm among the walking," he sniped.

Sanzo rose and saw the doctor to the door. "Thank you for your assistance," he told the man. He returned to Goku and lifted his shoulders, dribbling some water into his mouth and encouraging him to swallow. Then he sprawled in the easy chair, tilted his head back, and closed his eyes, prepared for a long day's vigil.

Gojyo dragged a second large chair in from the adjacent room and grabbed the blankets and pillows from the beds there. He tossed one of each to Sanzo, then used the others to make himself comfortable in the chair beside Hakkai's bed, orienting himself so he could keep an eye on all three of his patients.

Sanzo dozed restlessly through the morning, waking every fifteen or twenty minutes to check on Goku. He made several attempts to get a few more sips of water into him. Toward noon, the younger man's sleep became restless, his brow clouded with pain. Sanzo roused himself and refilled the basin with cool water, then took the bandages off Goku's side, chest, abdomen, and arm, and replaced them with cool wet cloths. He changed the compresses repeatedly as they warmed, until Goku quieted and seemed to feel relief, then he re-covered the fiery red skin with clean, loose bandages.

He stood for a few minutes over the youth, tracing his singed eyebrows with his thumb and fingering the singed hair falling unevenly over his brow. "Stupid baka," he muttered, recalling Goku's anger and confusion as he stormed out of the room last night. For at least the tenth time that morning, he found himself reliving their argument, trying to be angry at Goku for stupidly running off.

But as it had each time today, his anger melted at the sight of the youth's injuries. He was left instead with the sense of defeat that had momentarily overwhelmed him when Goku had confronted him, the youth's heat and desire having crossed the charged space between them and stirred undeniably similar feelings in himself. Even now he felt that heat, felt as though he had been burned as badly by Goku last night as Goku had by Flame. Analytical as he was, he examined the sensation, turned it over in his mind, studied where it had come from. Each time it came back to him today, he felt a little less angry at himself for feeling as he had, a little more angry that he had rejected the feeling so forcefully last night that he had driven Goku away.

"A little scary to see the monkey down, isn't it?"

Sanzo started at Gojyo's unexpected voice so close beside him, but he rapidly masked his surprise. "Enjoy the peace and quiet while we've got it. It's not likely to last long.

"Oh come on, high and mighty Sanzo, don't tell me you're not just a little concerned."

"Ch'."

"Yeah, right. Sanzo of no feelings. None that you care to let show, anyway."

Sanzo changed the subject. "So how's your charge?" he asked, looking past Gojyo to Hakkai.

"Dead to the world," Gojyo told him. "If I get my way he'll sleep straight through 'til tomorrow morning… And so should you. I don't think you've dozed for more than fifteen minutes all morning."

"And you have?"

"Yeah, actually. Once, at least. And I'm not the one running around with broken ribs. You look like hell. I think Hakkai bought some bread and cheese yesterday. I'll get something out for lunch. Then why don't you let me keep an eye on the monkey while you clean up and get some sleep."

Sanzo picked at the fruit and cheese that Gojyo put out, and absently gnawed on a small chunk of bread, but he found himself thinking that a cigarette would be more satisfying. He shook the thought off and poured himself a third cup of coffee instead.

Gojyo put his hand on Sanzo's wrist to stop him. "Hey, easy on the coffee, Sanzo. You wanna get some sleep."

"No," Sanzo argued. "You want me to get some sleep."

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Have it your way, stubborn ass."

After lunch, Sanzo took time to wash up and change into a clean shirt and jeans, but he refused to follow Gojyo's suggestion that he close himself into the other room and sleep. Instead he tried again to encourage Goku to drink a little, then he returned to his chair, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited for the young man to stir again.

Not realizing he had fallen asleep, Sanzo woke at dusk, disoriented, to the sound of Goku crying out and thrashing. Gojyo was already beside the youth, pinning his shoulders down so he wouldn't hurt himself, and calling him out of his nightmare. "Goku, it's okay, it's over." His efforts to calm the youth were rewarded by Goku fighting him off, kicking him in the belly with a knee.

Sanzo took Gojyo's place, leaning in close, pressing one arm across Goku's chest and shoulders to pin him down and using his other hand to stroke his head and hair. His voice was firm but soothing. "Snap out of it, Saru. It's okay. You're here with us. It's over. It's okay, Goku. It's over." Goku slowly calmed to the rhythm of Sanzo's voice, but not before he had hit the monk in the ribs with a flailing arm, momentarily knocking his breath out of him.

Sanzo winced as he stood up, his ribs sore. "Damn."

"I'll second that," said Gojyo.

"How is he?" Hakkai slipped in between the other two men, checked Goku's forehead for fever, adjusted a bandage or two that had come free, then plumped the pillows and settled him back into them. "Goku," he called softly. "Goku, can you hear me? I want you to wake up and take a drink of water."

The youth's eyes blinked, then squeezed shut, his brow furrowing.

"Goku?" Hakkai held the cup in front of him, placing the straw between his lips. "Goku, I want you to drink something for me. Can you do that?" He slipped one arm behind the younger man's shoulders and lifted him to a partially sitting position, holding the cup with his other hand.

Goku dragged his eyelids open and tried to focus; closed them again against the dizziness. "Hakkai?"

"I'm here. Can you drink something for me?"

Goku shook his head slightly, resisting. "Sanzo?" His eyes were open again, darting around the room, pupils dilated.

Hakkai  handed the cup to Sanzo, and the monk slipped into his place. "I'm here." Goku relaxed into his arm. "I want you to drink something.

Goku obediently sipped through the straw, thirsty for more once he had tasted the cool water. Sanzo settled him back into the pillows after he had quenched his thirst, then leaned over him, one hand on each side of his shoulders. "Are you with us, Goku?"

The youth tried unsuccessfully to focus on Sanzo's face, closed his eyes again, and nodded once. "Head hurts… Everything hurts."

Hakkai handed Sanzo two pills from the bottle the doctor had left. Sanzo supported Goku's shoulders again. "Here, take these. They should help."  He placed the pills on the younger man's tongue and gave him another drink. By the time Sanzo had made him comfortable again, he was drifting back into light sleep, his brow clouded and breath catching as he felt his injuries.

At Hakkai's request, Gojyo refilled the basin with cool water, and Sanzo began to put cool compresses on the angriest of Goku's burns as he had earlier that afternoon. Hakkai picked a cloth out of the basin and wrung most of the water out of it. "Why don't you let me do this? Gojyo said you've hardly slept today."

Sanzo took the cloth from him. "I'm fine. I'll do it. You should still be sleeping."

"I had a good rest. I'm hungrier than I am tired right now."

"Then you and Gojyo eat. I'm not hungry." Hakkai reluctantly left Sanzo to his task.

"The innkeeper was up earlier this afternoon to ask if we wanted him to send dinner up this evening," Gojyo told him. "We should be getting a couple of trays soon. So you don't have to do anything. Sit."

When Hakkai began to protest, Gojyo loomed over him and stoppered his mouth with a firm kiss, pushing him backward into the chair he had vacated earlier. "I'm not taking any argument," he continued. "You should still be sleeping, and I'm not letting you lift a finger to do anything more than you already have." Hakkai dropped into the chair, and Gojyo trapped him there with one hand on each of its arms. He leaned in close, nose to nose with his lover. "Rest. Got it?"

Hakkai simply nodded, rested enough already to be thoroughly undone by Gojyo's nearness, the warmth of Gojyo's breath on his face, Gojyo's scent in his nostrils, and the tender force in his manner.

* * *

Dawn found Sanzo exhausted from another night without sleep. He leaned against the window frame, gazing into the gray drizzle, his eyes unseeing. His mind's eye scrolled through memory after memory of Goku and himself during the years since he had retrieved him from the mountain. In nearly all of his mental pictures, he viewed himself as Goku's mentor, Goku's teacher. Goku was the noisy charge, the irritating child, the eager but unfocused student. He didn't think of himself as feeling affection for the boy so much as responsibility: he had brought him out of captivity, it was his duty to care for him, to teach him what he should know, to prepare him for… what? To take his own place someday, as he had taken Koumyou Sanzo's? To follow Gojyo and Hakkai into the world, a free and independent person? To travel West with him to save Tougenkyou?…And what then?

He turned and watched the young man sleeping, relieved to see the lines of pain diminished, his face more relaxed. He traced his profile and the contours of his cheek and jaw with his eyes, followed the firm lines of muscle under the burn-reddened skin in his arms and torso. He cringed at the fiery redness, recalling Goku's muscles rippling under his gold-brown tan as he yawned and stretched like a cat while studying a few nights ago. Today Sanzo didn't flinch at the wave of warmth that memory pulled out of him, but closed his eyes and allowed it to wash over him, felt its pull on him, and considered whether he would give in to it.

When, he wondered, had he started feeling more than commitment to his responsibility? When had he begun to take pleasure in Goku's achievements? When had be begun to enjoy the enthusiasm—and even the noise—and miss it when it was absent? Genjo Sanzo, who had prided himself for a decade on not being attached… When had he begun to care how Goku felt about him, to depend on the boy thinking of him as his sun? When had he begun to take Goku's presence in his life so for granted that he could not conceive of life without him? And when had the growing affection begun to transform into something more, something much less innocent?

He turned back to the window, his mind lingering on more recent images: Goku charging into their room with the Mahjong game days after their defeat by Kami-sama, insisting that they play, and doggedly forcing them to see that they had lost sight of what their strength was. Goku side-by-side with him in fight after fight, covering him while he loaded his pistol, buying time for him when he needed to use his sutra. Goku by Hakkai's side tending Gojyo's wounds, setting up camp… cooking, even. Goku's wide smile at the pleasure of learning something new. His spontaneous laughter at Gojyo's raw jokes. His studious concentration while pouring over Hakkai's books. His insistence that Sanzo was his friend and he would not stand by and watch him kill himself… any more than Gojyo would stand by and let Hakkai kill himself, thought Sanzo.

And with that brief reflection he felt the certainty that Goku had become for him what Gojyo was for Hakkai. He knew he had only to accept it to share with Goku what Hakkai now shared with Gojyo.

But to accept it meant also to return it. And Sanzo wasn't sure he was yet ready to go that far.

He closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his temple, then drew it back through his hair. His head hurt. He needed sleep. He needed some privacy. He needed a goddamn smoke.

He checked one more time on Goku, then lay down on his back on the other bed, his arm flung over his face. Sleep continued to elude him.

*** TBC ***

Welcome to "Awakenings," SuGaR aNiMe FrEaK… What do you mean you didn't like the cliffhanger in the last chapter? And you either, Merf? But cliffhangers are so much FUN!! There won't be too many more, though. Only two more chapters, Everyone, to the conclusion of this angsty relationship saga.

I'm glad you're enjoying this enough to already be re-reading parts, Keistje. I'm happy that you continue to like the characterizations, Naye—and yes, I think Goku would continue to fight back fiercely until there truly was nothing left in him. Me-Nuriko, you are as evil as I for so truly enjoying the "lowest form of 'convincing' there is." ^_^

Fogwolf, I'm glad you enjoyed Hakuryuu "helping" the Ikkou. I like thinking of him as a member of the Sanzo team, and I particularly enjoyed writing that part. K.Firefly and Bakasaru Boi , I hope this chapter leaves you less distraught over my treatment of Goku.

Iapetus, both Xparrot and Me-Nuriko have talked with me recently about the idea that these stories don't just evolve from the original ideas; but sometimes the characters actually take over and dictate where they want to go!—as I'm sure you and others have found, as well.  Regarding the end of Part III being 93 vs. 39?… stay tuned.  ^_~                       — Stitcher2ficcer