Part III

Chapter 4

By that evening, Goku had slept enough that he had begun to feel more himself. He was as impatient with the stinging of his burns as he was hurt by them. His vision was clear, but his head still hurt, and he was still dizzy when he tried to walk. Hakkai had insisted he stay in bed to eat. But eat he did. Heartily. The healer smiled, amazed that even Goku's appetite would recover so swiftly following such a serious concussion.

"Geez, monkey boy, there's none left for me now," Gojyo complained to him as he good-naturedly piled a third serving of beef and noodles into Goku's bowl. "Let alone Sanzo."

Goku paused, chopsticks full of noodles halfway to his mouth. His expression darkened. "Sanzo hasn't eaten?" He dropped the noodles back into his bowl. "I'd better save some for him. Where is he anyway?" His voice got quiet and sulky. "He's avoiding me, isn't he? I knew he'd be mad."

Gojyo grunted. "I would have thought so. But I think even the unflappable Sanzo was a little shaken to see you beaten. He might get angry once you're well enough to fight back. But that's certainly not how he behaved yesterday and today."

"He's been resting in the other room today, Goku," Hakkai explained. "None of us slept the night before last, and he didn't sleep last night or yesterday."

The healer did not elaborate on the fact that Sanzo had not slept today either, but had alternately paced the room, read the paper, stared out the window, and moped in bed, unsleeping. Nor had he eaten more then a few bites. He had looked in on Goku only when he was certain the younger man was asleep. And he had become more drawn and pale, as well as more ornery, as the day progressed. When Hakkai brought dinner in to him, he had snapped at him to "just get out and stop being a nosy busybody" in response to the brunette asking what was on his mind.

"Don't worry about Sanzo," Hakkai told Goku. "Enjoy your noodles. We got them for you. I asked the innkeeper to prepare a separate tray for Sanzo, and I brought it in to him before we started eating."

Goku's face brightened as he dug back into his bowl. "Thanks. You ordered my favorite."

"I thought meat buns were your favorite," said Gojyo.

"Them too. And dumplings. And teriyaki—"

"Never mind, we get the picture." Gojyo tousled Goku's hair, glad to see him recovering so quickly.

After dinner, Goku asked the other two men what had happened after he had disappeared the night before last, and he did his best to tell them what had happened to him. But he could recall very little of it, and he was unclear even on how he had gotten burned.

After a pause in his story, Gojyo asked him, "What happened between you and Sanzo, anyway, to make you stupid enough to go out by yourself?"

Goku's color rose enough to be noticeable even with his skin as red as it was, and he squirmed in place, looking away from the others. After a few awkward moments of silence, he finally told them, "He was smoking. I tried to make him stop."

"And?…" Gojyo was certain from his blush that there was more to it than that.

"And he wouldn't. He got really mad at me."

"So what else is new? He try to pull that stupid fan on you again?"

"No. But I took his cigarette away from him and tried to take the pack, too."

"Ah, standing up to him again. Bet he just loved that. So what did he do?"

Goku looked everywhere but at them. "Nothing really," he finally mumbled.

"Nothing. So for nothing, you found it necessary to take off and nearly get your dumb ass killed?"

"Well it wasn't really nothing," Goku tried to defend himself. "He was really angry. And… well… I… well…"

Knowing his younger partner's feelings for Sanzo, and having observed Sanzo closely for the last two days, Gojyo was able to make a pretty accurate guess about what had transpired. He had good reason to feel sympathetic toward Goku, having dealt himself with similar frustrations for the better part of the last few years. But he found himself taking perverse pleasure in Goku's discomfort. He had, after all, put them through hell two nights ago. "Yeah. You… what?… You find an angry monk a little overwhelming, monkey boy? Just a little too hot to handle, maybe?"

"Shut up, stupid kappa!" Goku's irritation with Gojyo finally overrode his embarrassment. He slid down into the bed, turned his back on the redhead, and pulled the blanket practically over his head. Gojyo knew he had hit the mark.

Goku wanted to be angry at the half-youkai. But his anger was more at himself for having let Sanzo get the better of him. And at Sanzo. And now Sanzo was so mad at him he wasn't even talking to him. Sharp, salty prickles stabbed his closed eyes. His head was throbbing more than ever. Half his body still felt like he was on fire. And he had no idea how he was going to set things right with Sanzo. He wished the monk would just come in here and hit him with the stupid harisen and get it over with.

Gojyo knew that he had gone too far. He reached out to put his hand on Goku's shoulder. "Hey, so he was being stupid. Don't let him get to you."

Goku shook off the comforting hand and hunched himself up, facing the wall. "You're the one who's stupid. Go away."

Gojyo backed off. "Just for the record," he said softly "I think he might be finding you a little too hot to handle right now, too, Goku."

* * *

Hakkai and Gojyo came in quietly, sometime later, from a short trip down to the inn's bar so the redhead could satisfy his craving for a smoke. The healer had given Goku a couple more pain pills and had added a little something to his tea to help him sleep before they had gone out. Now they found the boy snoring, the room dark, and Sanzo in the chair, close beside his bed.

"Ah, so you've decided to come out from hiding," Gojyo remarked as Hakkai nodded to Sanzo and retired to the other room.

Sanzo didn't acknowledge him.

"I was wondering whether we might have to drag you out so we could get into our room tonight."

Still no response.

"It would have been nice if you'd joined us for dinner. He's still hurting pretty bad, and he thinks you're mad at him."

"And if I am, I have good reason to be."

"Maybe. But I don't think you are. So why act like it? Cripes, Sanzo, give the kid a break."

"Mind your business, kappa."

"You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes. I watched you hover over him practically the whole time he was unconscious. You managed to be as gentle taking care of him as Hakkai. You're the only one who can soothe him through those nightmares he gets. I even caught you touching him with something that might have been affection a couple of times. Gods forbid, would it be so hard to show just a little of that when he's awake to see it?"

Gojyo was not surprised when Sanzo did not respond. In the shadows of the armchair, he could see the set of the monk's shoulders and jaw, and he knew further conversation would fall on deaf ears. He followed Hakkai into the other room, closing the door softly behind him.

"That man is even more stubborn about admitting his feelings than you are," he said to Hakkai as he stepped behind him and slipped his arms around his waist, nuzzling the back of his neck. "Won't even admit he has feelings." He planted a light kiss on the side of Hakkai's neck, in the curve where it met his shoulder. With the fingers of one hand he absently stroked Hakkai's abdomen.

Hakkai leaned into him, tilting his head back so his hair brushed Gojyo's face. Then he turned around in the other man's loose embrace and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed him lightly. "I don't think it's just a matter of stubbornness."

"No? What then?" Gojyo returned the kiss, dipping his tongue into Hakkai's mouth before he gave him a chance to respond.

Hakkai shuddered slightly and laid his head on Gojyo's shoulder, tracing lazy circles on the half-youkai's back with his fingers. "I think he's not certain right now what his feelings are." He pressed closer to his partner as Gojyo kissed his hair and began to trace similar circles on his own back. "I think," he continued "that he's only recently begun to admit his feelings for any of us. And at the same time, his feelings for Goku are changing, and he doesn't quite know what to do with them."

"Hmm," sighed Gojyo. He kissed Hakkai more deeply and tightened his hold on him. "Perhaps we should give him lessons."

Hakkai pulled back a little, smiling into Gojyo's eyes. "He might be more in need of them than you realize."

"What do you mean?" Gojyo asked, arching back slightly to look into the brunette's eyes and bringing their hips and thighs into even closer contact.

"In the years we've known him, Gojyo, have you ever seen Sanzo with either a man or a woman?"

Gojyo held his position, but paused in his seduction to release a long low whistle as he absorbed Hakkai's meaning. "Goddamn. The monk might be as inexperienced as the monkey. I never gave it much thought. He indulges in just about every other sin. But no… You don't think he might have… you know… he's lived in monasteries all his life, after all."

"I don't think so. He's as much as told me that no one would have presumed while Koumyou was alive.  And he's spent the whole ten years since Koumyou's death building walls around himself to keep people out, wouldn't you say?"

Gojyo lowered his mouth to Hakkai's and kissed him long and hard, squeezing his arms still more tightly around him when he heard Hakkai's breath catch. "And you think perhaps Goku's breaking through the walls?"

"Mmm," Hakkai responded, becoming incoherent. He slid a hand into Gojyo's hair as he returned the kiss, their tongues entwining.

Gojyo pushed him a step backward, toward the bed. "Interesting. Maybe I should give Goku lessons then." His breath hitched and back arched as Hakkai raised a knee to his groin and pressed hard enough to send a message but not enough to hurt. "Laying Sanzo might be… just… the tool… he needs… to topple the—"

Any further thought was lost with his breath to Hakkai's silencing kiss and exploring hands. The redhead took another step toward the bed and pushed his lover onto it, sprawling on top of him, his return kiss relentless, until Hakkai saw stars from lack of air. Then Gojyo slowly stripped his own clothes off, and then Hakkai's, drawing yearning moans from him with the sure but gentle caress of his hands and mouth. His heart pounded with the sheer joy of making love to this beautiful man who it had taken him so long to win.

Hours later he was drawn from contented sleep back into blissful arousal by the touch of Hakkai's warm mouth and slender fingers as he returned the pleasures Gojyo had lavished on him earlier.

* * *

"Sanzo?"

Sitting in a straight chair beside the window, still unable to sleep, the monk stiffened at the sound of the soft call. He had not wanted Goku to find him awake. His clenched teeth broke the toothpick he had been chewing on. How many times now had he wished it was a cigarette? He continued staring out the window and pretended he hadn't heard Goku.

The younger man quietly slipped out of bed and padded toward the monk. He paused half way and reached for the back of the nearest chair to steady himself, dizziness still overcoming him when he tried to keep himself vertical. "Sanzo?" Another step or two, and he tripped, too dizzy to make it the rest of the way.

Sanzo hauled him back to his feet just as he hit the floor. "Baka," he scolded. "Hakkai told you to say in bed." He guided the youth back to his nest of blankets and pillows.

"Sorry," Goku murmured.

Sanzo sank into the chair beside him, his head on his hand, elbow propped on the chair's armrest.

When Sanzo didn't answer him, Goku continued. "I know you're mad at me—"

"Don't presume to know how I'm feeling," the monk said irritably. Then more softly, "I'm not mad you…but it was stupid of you to have run off knowing what could have happened."

Goku hung his head. "I wasn't thinking."

"Obviously… Don't do it again."

"Mm-hmm," Goku mumbled.

They were both silent for a long time. "Sanzo, about that night… " Goku began.

"What about it?" Sanzo's voice was hard.

"I… um… I… " Goku looked at his hands as he twisted them in his lap. "Never mind." After another long pause, he added, "I'm sorry I made you mad."

When Sanzo finally looked up, Goku was gazing at him, his gold eyes wide and imploring. So much of what he wanted to say was written on his face that even Sanzo couldn't misunderstand. The monk looked away almost immediately, acutely aware of how tight his chest had become. "Stop being sorry. It's over and done with. I don't want to talk about it."

Goku looked at his hands again, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Okay," he whispered. He felt as though his chest would burst with everything he was holding inside, and he struggled against the impulse to stand up and shake Sanzo by the shoulders. Every fiber in him protested, But it's not done with. I need to talk about it. I need you to listen to me, Sanzo. I need you to talk to me. I love you, you stupid monk. I want you. I want you to love me.

Sanzo had risen and was walking to the other bed, his back to Goku. He froze in his tracks, shoulders and back stiffening. He heard Goku's barely audible "okay," and he knew the boy was otherwise silent. Yet he heard in his mind, as clearly as though Goku had said it aloud, "I love you, you stupid monk. I want you. I want you to love me." He felt his body respond as it had the other night, flooding with Goku's unspoken desire. And a dam inside himself broke. He knew that if Goku confronted him as he had the other night, and said those words aloud, he wouldn't be able to deny him.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and pushed those sensations out of his mind. He strode resolutely to the bed and lay down on his side, facing the wall. He pulled the blanket over himself, head and all, hiding from the golden eyes peering at him through the darkness. And he lay awake yet again, too tense for sleep to overtake him.

*** TBC ***

Thank you and welcome to new reviewers last round: Black Mirror, "person," Mage Raistlin, and Rinny 1. Welcome back, Ethereal-tenshi; I hope you weren't hospitalized for anything very serious, and regardless of what it was, I hope you are totally recovered. Thanks everyone else for your continued compliments and encouragement… although I think "goddess of the written word" might be just a wee bit of an exaggeration, Keistje!  ;-)

I'm glad so many of you are enjoying how I've written the development of Sanzo's feelings and what's going on in his head. It is rather a challenge to make him "squishy" and loving and still keep him in character. I hope you will all enjoy how I tie things up in next—and last—chapter.                                                                                             — Stitcher2ficcer