Thanks everyone who reviewed! Am not in a very articulate mood today, so
just read the chapter.
Chapter 3 - The Riders of Wogan and a talking tree that even bugs the author
The Riders came up to them.
Maybe they're friendly, thought Begorn hopefully.
There was a vwing as a hundred light sabres were turned on.
Perhaps not, thought Begorn, Damn.
"I say, old chaps," said the nearest one, "What have we here?"
"We are travellers following Urks," said Begorn, "I am Begorn; these are my friends, Legless the boff and Giblet the bitch."
"Howdy," said Legless and Giblet, who had stopped fighting.
"I say, how spiffing," said the nearest one, dismounting his hobby horse, "We just passed some urks. I am Mayomer, son of Theory, leader of the Riders of Wogan."
"You passed Urks?" asked Begorn, "Were there fobbits among them?"
"Fobbits?" asked Mayomer, "What a dandy word! What are they?"
"Tiny things - smaller than bitches, but smarter."
"That's not hard to be," said Legless.
"Shut up fruitcake!" said Giblet.
"Cupcake!"
"Big nose!"
"Small brain!"
"I say, break it up, chaps," said Mayomer, "We didn't see any fobbits - we just each grabbed an Urk, pointed them towards a cliff, and let go."
"Oh no," said Begorn, "Our friends are dead."
All bowed their heads in silence.
"Ah well, there are plenty more fobbits," said Giblet, shrugging, "Too many, by all accounts."
"Emotionless frog," hissed Legless.
"Sissy girl."
"I SAY!" said Mayomer, "Do not call damsels sissy! My sister, Kéowyn, is a girl, and is jolly tough!"
"You have a sister? Is she cute?" asked Giblet.
"Yes, jolly cute," said Mayomer.
"Interesting..." said Giblet.
"Oh yeah, like you have a shot," said Legless.
"I have a better shot than you, mascara," said Giblet.
"Concealer."
"Haute Couture."
"High street shopper."
"SHUT UP!" shouted Begorn.
"I say, you are jolly good at that, old boy," said Mayomer.
* * * * *
"Ready?" whispered Ferry.
"Cool," whispered Alippin.
They had been quiet for several hours, and an Urk often asked them if they were OK. It was time for it to ask again.
"Hey! Weird things!" called the Urk, "You still alive?"
No answer.
"Are you just ignoring me cos we captured you, and are going to kill you?"
No answer.
"Cos that's just mean. I thought we were friends."
No answer.
"OK, I'm gonna check on you. You'd better still be alive, or I'll kill you."
The Urk began to unzip the bag, and Ferry and Alippin grabbed their light sabres. Suddenly the air was filled with the shouts of "Tally ho!" and "What what!" They heard the Urk yell, then the sound of lots of feet running. Then it stopped. Then it started again, and they heard "Aaaaaahh....." They then heard the riders fade off into the distance. They climbed out of the bag, and surveyed their surroundings. Ferry came to a startling conclusion.
"Hey!" she shouted, "They're all gone!"
"Cool!" said Alippin.
"Look! The footprints end at the cliff!"
"Cool!"
"Let's head for the forest. They might come back."
"Cool."
They went into the forest, which lay about a mile away. It was a forest very much like Lothloreal, but it looked like someone had turned the lights off. You could only see about two metres in any direction. Ferry and Alippin felt very nervous, and pulled out their Megalite torches. Suddenly they heard a loud booming voice, which made them jump, and land on each other's toes.
"What have we here?" it said over the squeals of pain, "What is this 'Close Encounter of the Third Kind'? Were you looking for me, or is our 'Brief Encounter' pure 'Serendipity'?"
"OH NO, IT'S BOM AGAIN!" yelled Ferry, jumping to her feet.
"Bom? I am 'Clueless' to who that is," said the voice.
"Oh, thank god," said Ferry, helping Alippin to her feet, "Who is it then?"
"Meeweird."
"I know, but what's your name?"
"Meeweird!"
"I KNOW! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!"
"MEEWEIRD!"
"I KNOW!!!!"
"My name is Meeweird!"
"Oh," said Ferry.
"Cool," said Alippin. Meeweird showed himself. He looked like a massive tree.
"Wow," said Ferry, "A massive tree that talks."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"No! You have just been 'Bedazzled'. But you are no 'Miss Congeniality'. But you are just 'The Sweetest Thing'. I am the head of the Mints. We live in the forest. So we are-"
"The Mints in the Willows," groaned Ferry.
"Aye! We are happy - 'It's a Wonderful Life'. But come, you 'Men in Black', or whatever you are, lets go to my 'Little House on the Prairie', and you can tell me what you're doing here. I'm sure it is 'A Knight's Tale'." He grabbed them both, and dangled them by their feet. He then set off into the forest.
"We are on the run from urks of Sarumeanie," said Ferry.
"Ooooh, 'The Abduction Club'. Wait...Sarumeanie has turned evil? 'Say it isn't So'! But we should have read the 'Signs'. This could mean 'Armageddon'. It will have a 'Deep Impact' on our lives."
"Aye - he has fallen under the will of Moron."
"So why is she against you? You don't look like 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. Are you 'Spy Kids'?"
"No," said Ferry, "That would be cool though... We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Were you on a 'Road Trip'?"
"No... It's a long story. Where is your house?"
"In the 'Wild Wild West' of the forest."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"Here we are! 'Home of the Brave'. Here you can tell your tale of 'The Good, The Bad and the Ugly'." They entered a clearing. Inside were lots more massive trees.
"Wow," said Ferry, "Lots more massive trees."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"These are my family," said Meeweird, "Tell your tale, little fobbits. We will then dine on 'American Pie' with 'Sugar and Spice'. But I'm hungry - I hope it is not a 'Never-ending Story'."
Ferry told their tale. By the end of it, the Mints were spellbound.
"'Jeepers Creepers', that's weird. But you are 'Alive'. We will fight that Sarumeanie! Come now - it is 'The Last Crusade'."
"Cool!" said Alippin.
* * * * *
"...and that's how we came to be hunting Urks," finished Begorn.
"I say, what a top hole story," said Mayomer, "But what a pickle we are in! Sarumeanie has become evil, the dingbat, and Kandalf is in a sorry state. But you may have hobbyhorses, and search for the dandy fobbits! It would be spiffing if they were alive, as I didn't see any among the Urks."
"Thanks," said Begorn.
"See, Legless?" said Giblet, "I didn't see the boffs giving us a means of transport."
"Um, hello?" said Legless, "They gave us pedalos."
"Ah, right, an amazing form of transport."
"Shut up heathen."
"Mama's boy."
"Incredible stupidity."
"Amazing vanity."
"Worm."
"Slug."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "If we find the fobbits, we will come to Megoras."
"Spiffing, spiffing," said Mayomer.
"Ooooh, does Kéowyn live there?" asked Legless excitedly, pulling out his eyebrow tweezers.
"Yeah right, she'll like you, pretty boy."
"Brat."
"Self-righteous."
"No conscience."
"Nostril plucker."
"Halitosis."
"Shut up," said Begorn.
"Come on boys, back to Megoras!" cried Mayomer.
"ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!" they chorused, and galloped away.
"That's just sad," said Giblet, shaking his head.
"You know what's sadder?" said Legless, "The way you actually think people listen to you."
"Tic tac."
"Bitch."
"Gnat."
"No-brain."
"Big head."
"Idiot."
"Loser."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "Come on."
Chapter 3 - The Riders of Wogan and a talking tree that even bugs the author
The Riders came up to them.
Maybe they're friendly, thought Begorn hopefully.
There was a vwing as a hundred light sabres were turned on.
Perhaps not, thought Begorn, Damn.
"I say, old chaps," said the nearest one, "What have we here?"
"We are travellers following Urks," said Begorn, "I am Begorn; these are my friends, Legless the boff and Giblet the bitch."
"Howdy," said Legless and Giblet, who had stopped fighting.
"I say, how spiffing," said the nearest one, dismounting his hobby horse, "We just passed some urks. I am Mayomer, son of Theory, leader of the Riders of Wogan."
"You passed Urks?" asked Begorn, "Were there fobbits among them?"
"Fobbits?" asked Mayomer, "What a dandy word! What are they?"
"Tiny things - smaller than bitches, but smarter."
"That's not hard to be," said Legless.
"Shut up fruitcake!" said Giblet.
"Cupcake!"
"Big nose!"
"Small brain!"
"I say, break it up, chaps," said Mayomer, "We didn't see any fobbits - we just each grabbed an Urk, pointed them towards a cliff, and let go."
"Oh no," said Begorn, "Our friends are dead."
All bowed their heads in silence.
"Ah well, there are plenty more fobbits," said Giblet, shrugging, "Too many, by all accounts."
"Emotionless frog," hissed Legless.
"Sissy girl."
"I SAY!" said Mayomer, "Do not call damsels sissy! My sister, Kéowyn, is a girl, and is jolly tough!"
"You have a sister? Is she cute?" asked Giblet.
"Yes, jolly cute," said Mayomer.
"Interesting..." said Giblet.
"Oh yeah, like you have a shot," said Legless.
"I have a better shot than you, mascara," said Giblet.
"Concealer."
"Haute Couture."
"High street shopper."
"SHUT UP!" shouted Begorn.
"I say, you are jolly good at that, old boy," said Mayomer.
* * * * *
"Ready?" whispered Ferry.
"Cool," whispered Alippin.
They had been quiet for several hours, and an Urk often asked them if they were OK. It was time for it to ask again.
"Hey! Weird things!" called the Urk, "You still alive?"
No answer.
"Are you just ignoring me cos we captured you, and are going to kill you?"
No answer.
"Cos that's just mean. I thought we were friends."
No answer.
"OK, I'm gonna check on you. You'd better still be alive, or I'll kill you."
The Urk began to unzip the bag, and Ferry and Alippin grabbed their light sabres. Suddenly the air was filled with the shouts of "Tally ho!" and "What what!" They heard the Urk yell, then the sound of lots of feet running. Then it stopped. Then it started again, and they heard "Aaaaaahh....." They then heard the riders fade off into the distance. They climbed out of the bag, and surveyed their surroundings. Ferry came to a startling conclusion.
"Hey!" she shouted, "They're all gone!"
"Cool!" said Alippin.
"Look! The footprints end at the cliff!"
"Cool!"
"Let's head for the forest. They might come back."
"Cool."
They went into the forest, which lay about a mile away. It was a forest very much like Lothloreal, but it looked like someone had turned the lights off. You could only see about two metres in any direction. Ferry and Alippin felt very nervous, and pulled out their Megalite torches. Suddenly they heard a loud booming voice, which made them jump, and land on each other's toes.
"What have we here?" it said over the squeals of pain, "What is this 'Close Encounter of the Third Kind'? Were you looking for me, or is our 'Brief Encounter' pure 'Serendipity'?"
"OH NO, IT'S BOM AGAIN!" yelled Ferry, jumping to her feet.
"Bom? I am 'Clueless' to who that is," said the voice.
"Oh, thank god," said Ferry, helping Alippin to her feet, "Who is it then?"
"Meeweird."
"I know, but what's your name?"
"Meeweird!"
"I KNOW! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!"
"MEEWEIRD!"
"I KNOW!!!!"
"My name is Meeweird!"
"Oh," said Ferry.
"Cool," said Alippin. Meeweird showed himself. He looked like a massive tree.
"Wow," said Ferry, "A massive tree that talks."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"No! You have just been 'Bedazzled'. But you are no 'Miss Congeniality'. But you are just 'The Sweetest Thing'. I am the head of the Mints. We live in the forest. So we are-"
"The Mints in the Willows," groaned Ferry.
"Aye! We are happy - 'It's a Wonderful Life'. But come, you 'Men in Black', or whatever you are, lets go to my 'Little House on the Prairie', and you can tell me what you're doing here. I'm sure it is 'A Knight's Tale'." He grabbed them both, and dangled them by their feet. He then set off into the forest.
"We are on the run from urks of Sarumeanie," said Ferry.
"Ooooh, 'The Abduction Club'. Wait...Sarumeanie has turned evil? 'Say it isn't So'! But we should have read the 'Signs'. This could mean 'Armageddon'. It will have a 'Deep Impact' on our lives."
"Aye - he has fallen under the will of Moron."
"So why is she against you? You don't look like 'An Officer and a Gentleman'. Are you 'Spy Kids'?"
"No," said Ferry, "That would be cool though... We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
"Were you on a 'Road Trip'?"
"No... It's a long story. Where is your house?"
"In the 'Wild Wild West' of the forest."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"Here we are! 'Home of the Brave'. Here you can tell your tale of 'The Good, The Bad and the Ugly'." They entered a clearing. Inside were lots more massive trees.
"Wow," said Ferry, "Lots more massive trees."
"Cool," said Alippin.
"These are my family," said Meeweird, "Tell your tale, little fobbits. We will then dine on 'American Pie' with 'Sugar and Spice'. But I'm hungry - I hope it is not a 'Never-ending Story'."
Ferry told their tale. By the end of it, the Mints were spellbound.
"'Jeepers Creepers', that's weird. But you are 'Alive'. We will fight that Sarumeanie! Come now - it is 'The Last Crusade'."
"Cool!" said Alippin.
* * * * *
"...and that's how we came to be hunting Urks," finished Begorn.
"I say, what a top hole story," said Mayomer, "But what a pickle we are in! Sarumeanie has become evil, the dingbat, and Kandalf is in a sorry state. But you may have hobbyhorses, and search for the dandy fobbits! It would be spiffing if they were alive, as I didn't see any among the Urks."
"Thanks," said Begorn.
"See, Legless?" said Giblet, "I didn't see the boffs giving us a means of transport."
"Um, hello?" said Legless, "They gave us pedalos."
"Ah, right, an amazing form of transport."
"Shut up heathen."
"Mama's boy."
"Incredible stupidity."
"Amazing vanity."
"Worm."
"Slug."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "If we find the fobbits, we will come to Megoras."
"Spiffing, spiffing," said Mayomer.
"Ooooh, does Kéowyn live there?" asked Legless excitedly, pulling out his eyebrow tweezers.
"Yeah right, she'll like you, pretty boy."
"Brat."
"Self-righteous."
"No conscience."
"Nostril plucker."
"Halitosis."
"Shut up," said Begorn.
"Come on boys, back to Megoras!" cried Mayomer.
"ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL!" they chorused, and galloped away.
"That's just sad," said Giblet, shaking his head.
"You know what's sadder?" said Legless, "The way you actually think people listen to you."
"Tic tac."
"Bitch."
"Gnat."
"No-brain."
"Big head."
"Idiot."
"Loser."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "Come on."