How long has it been since I've updated? I shudder to think... Sorry
everyone, been mega-mega busy, and here's chapter 5!
Chapter 5 - Pot noodles, Hubert and she think's she's all that
"I say they went this way," said Legless.
"I say this way," said Giblet, pointing in the complete opposite direction.
"Oh yes, bitches need to know directions in their discos," said Legless sarcastically.
"Well, it's not exactly hard to track boffs, is it?" asked Giblet, "You just follow the Nutri-Grain wrappers."
"Slimeball."
"Powerball finish."
"Pot belly."
"Pot noodle."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "Why don't we go this way?" For he had spotted some footprints leading into the forest, and a badge half buried in the dirt - 'HI! I'M FUNKY FERRY!"
"Hopefully I'll get to give this back to her," sighed Begorn. "Come! We must away. Our dear friends may be in terrible danger, and we might be seconds too late to save them from danger."
"Can we have a Pot Noodle first?" asked Giblet.
"Aye."
After eating a Pot Noodle, they set off into the forest.
"Are you sure it's safe in here, Begorn?" asked Giblet, glancing nervously around him, "Even the toilets of Toria were reasonably well-lit."
"Awww, is diddums afraid of the dark?" asked Legless, "Does he want his teddy-weddy?"
"How did you know about Hubert? I mean, shut up highlights."
"Nose job - that hasn't worked."
"'I Love Harry Potter' club."
"'I Hate Everyone' club."
"Boff."
"Bitch."
"Shut up," said Kandalf.
"Yeah," said Begorn, "Hey - wait a minute!" He turned, and saw Kandalf sitting up in a tree. "KANDALF!"
"That's my name, don't wear it out," she said cheerily.
"But...but...but..." said Giblet.
"Wow...Giblet is lost for words," said Legless, "That's a change!"
"Shut up, goldfish. Sorry Kandalf, but...aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"What? Oh yeah...did you know I used to do snorkelling? Well, I got sucked down the U-bend, pulled out a snorkel, and swam back to the surface. Then the Lord of the Chickens, who's an old friend of mine, gave me a lift to Bluewater so that I could get some new stuff, then brought me here," she said, but then shuddered. "But let's just say I now know - in intimate detail - the magical journey that starts with the flush of every toilet. Especially one that hasn't been flushed for centuries..."
Everyone else trembled.
"I don't care!" said Kandalf happily, "Revenge is sweet. I'll teach that big dumbo not to call..."
"But you look...different, somehow, Kandalf," said Legless.
"Oh yeah! I've had my Nimbus 2001 updated to a Firebolt. Also I am no longer 'Kandalf the spaghetti stains'. Now I have switched to Ariel, I keep my clothes whiter than white! Well - pinker than pink. Meet 'Kandalf the Championship Pinks!'"
"Oooooh," said everyone.
"We ought to use that on Giblet's underwear," tittered Legless. Yes, tittered.
"Shut up eyelash curlers."
"Dumbo."
"Pathfinder badge."
"2nd in a Toilet brush lookalike contest."
"HEY!" said Giblet, "I won that."
"Point taken," smirked Legless.
"Come," said Kandalf, "Let us go to Megoras."
"What about the fobbits?" asked Begorn.
"They're fine. I - er - saw them," said Kandalf.
"Oh...OK," said Begorn. As they set off, Kandalf chuckled.
"Heh heh heh... suckers."
******
"Are we nearly there?" asked Ferry, "I don't mean to complain, but it's kinda uncomfortable to hang upside down."
"We are in The Green Mile before Diehard," said Meeweird "Soon we will reach our Final Destination."
"Cool."
"So what are we going to do when we get there?" asked Ferry.
"I would like to stomp on Sarumeanie with my Bigfoot, and make him Scream, but we must be Down to Earth. We will probably cause him much pain, but he'll Get Over It. Sadly."
"Do you know much about Moron?" asked Ferry.
"She thinks She's All That," said Meeweird, "She thinks The World is not Enough, and wants Middle School entirely in her power. She has Nine Thingchavs, who are all Legally Blonde. But I have Men in Black - 2! With your help, we can win."
"Awwwww, ain't you sweet?" said Ferry.
"Cool!" said Alippin.
*****
They walked to Megoras. What they saw when they arrived was a massive castle; they would have thought it was that, had it not said outside 'WELCOME TO MEGORAS! CHILDREN UNDER 5 ADMITTED FREE!!!'
"Where the hell are we?" asked Giblet as they got nearer.
"Told you bitches were terrible at Geography," smirked Legless.
"Shut up tree hugger."
"Mud brain."
"Head + shoulders."
"Stinker."
"Jerk."
"Loser."
"Shut up," said Kandalf and Begorn.
"We have arrived at Megoras," said Kandalf, "Due to a low budget for wars, they opened up the home of Theory and the Riders of Wogan."
They approached the gate, where there was a toll booth.
"I say, chaps, who goes there?" asked a man inside, "It'll cost you £10 to enter, unless you have a season ticket."
"We wish to see Theory," said Kandalf.
"Visiting hours are between 10 and 5, no meetings without appointments except at 11 on the first Sunday of every month-"
"Shut up," said Kandalf, and hit him on the head with her staff.
"Why don't you do that with Legless and Giblet?" asked Begorn as they strolled in past the unconscious guard.
"Cos Giblet has such a thick skull he wouldn't feel it," said Legless.
"Oi!" said Giblet, "Be glad she doesn't, poodle head, or you might muss up your hair."
"Birds nest."
"Verrucas."
"Head lice."
"Perfect scores on tests."
"Criminal record."
"Shut up," said Kandalf, and hit them both on the head.
"Argggh...my hair," said Legless.
"I didn't feel a thing," said Giblet.
*****
Hope you all enjoyed that. Yes, here are CALLOUTS!
freakanature - I'm glad you enjoy it so much! Sorry I haven't updated! 24th June? Whoa...
gone-to-jarmadanga - Well, actually I finished this nearly a year ago and gave it to all my friends as a Christmas present. Can you imagine, 150 pages, eight copies of it? That's... 1200 pages! I had to work a LOT at my dad's office to pay for using their printer... Do you know what scanning and attaching DOES to a person? IT KILLS YOUR SOUL!
littlefurryscrubcreature - Well, we thinkses it's good that you likeses it so much, yes we do, precious, very good indeed.
Two Bored Idiots - Well, no attack chickens is ALWAYS a good thing, so I'd better update, hadn't I?
Daemon Express - All the way through? Whoa...
Chapter 5 - Pot noodles, Hubert and she think's she's all that
"I say they went this way," said Legless.
"I say this way," said Giblet, pointing in the complete opposite direction.
"Oh yes, bitches need to know directions in their discos," said Legless sarcastically.
"Well, it's not exactly hard to track boffs, is it?" asked Giblet, "You just follow the Nutri-Grain wrappers."
"Slimeball."
"Powerball finish."
"Pot belly."
"Pot noodle."
"Shut up," said Begorn, "Why don't we go this way?" For he had spotted some footprints leading into the forest, and a badge half buried in the dirt - 'HI! I'M FUNKY FERRY!"
"Hopefully I'll get to give this back to her," sighed Begorn. "Come! We must away. Our dear friends may be in terrible danger, and we might be seconds too late to save them from danger."
"Can we have a Pot Noodle first?" asked Giblet.
"Aye."
After eating a Pot Noodle, they set off into the forest.
"Are you sure it's safe in here, Begorn?" asked Giblet, glancing nervously around him, "Even the toilets of Toria were reasonably well-lit."
"Awww, is diddums afraid of the dark?" asked Legless, "Does he want his teddy-weddy?"
"How did you know about Hubert? I mean, shut up highlights."
"Nose job - that hasn't worked."
"'I Love Harry Potter' club."
"'I Hate Everyone' club."
"Boff."
"Bitch."
"Shut up," said Kandalf.
"Yeah," said Begorn, "Hey - wait a minute!" He turned, and saw Kandalf sitting up in a tree. "KANDALF!"
"That's my name, don't wear it out," she said cheerily.
"But...but...but..." said Giblet.
"Wow...Giblet is lost for words," said Legless, "That's a change!"
"Shut up, goldfish. Sorry Kandalf, but...aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"What? Oh yeah...did you know I used to do snorkelling? Well, I got sucked down the U-bend, pulled out a snorkel, and swam back to the surface. Then the Lord of the Chickens, who's an old friend of mine, gave me a lift to Bluewater so that I could get some new stuff, then brought me here," she said, but then shuddered. "But let's just say I now know - in intimate detail - the magical journey that starts with the flush of every toilet. Especially one that hasn't been flushed for centuries..."
Everyone else trembled.
"I don't care!" said Kandalf happily, "Revenge is sweet. I'll teach that big dumbo not to call..."
"But you look...different, somehow, Kandalf," said Legless.
"Oh yeah! I've had my Nimbus 2001 updated to a Firebolt. Also I am no longer 'Kandalf the spaghetti stains'. Now I have switched to Ariel, I keep my clothes whiter than white! Well - pinker than pink. Meet 'Kandalf the Championship Pinks!'"
"Oooooh," said everyone.
"We ought to use that on Giblet's underwear," tittered Legless. Yes, tittered.
"Shut up eyelash curlers."
"Dumbo."
"Pathfinder badge."
"2nd in a Toilet brush lookalike contest."
"HEY!" said Giblet, "I won that."
"Point taken," smirked Legless.
"Come," said Kandalf, "Let us go to Megoras."
"What about the fobbits?" asked Begorn.
"They're fine. I - er - saw them," said Kandalf.
"Oh...OK," said Begorn. As they set off, Kandalf chuckled.
"Heh heh heh... suckers."
******
"Are we nearly there?" asked Ferry, "I don't mean to complain, but it's kinda uncomfortable to hang upside down."
"We are in The Green Mile before Diehard," said Meeweird "Soon we will reach our Final Destination."
"Cool."
"So what are we going to do when we get there?" asked Ferry.
"I would like to stomp on Sarumeanie with my Bigfoot, and make him Scream, but we must be Down to Earth. We will probably cause him much pain, but he'll Get Over It. Sadly."
"Do you know much about Moron?" asked Ferry.
"She thinks She's All That," said Meeweird, "She thinks The World is not Enough, and wants Middle School entirely in her power. She has Nine Thingchavs, who are all Legally Blonde. But I have Men in Black - 2! With your help, we can win."
"Awwwww, ain't you sweet?" said Ferry.
"Cool!" said Alippin.
*****
They walked to Megoras. What they saw when they arrived was a massive castle; they would have thought it was that, had it not said outside 'WELCOME TO MEGORAS! CHILDREN UNDER 5 ADMITTED FREE!!!'
"Where the hell are we?" asked Giblet as they got nearer.
"Told you bitches were terrible at Geography," smirked Legless.
"Shut up tree hugger."
"Mud brain."
"Head + shoulders."
"Stinker."
"Jerk."
"Loser."
"Shut up," said Kandalf and Begorn.
"We have arrived at Megoras," said Kandalf, "Due to a low budget for wars, they opened up the home of Theory and the Riders of Wogan."
They approached the gate, where there was a toll booth.
"I say, chaps, who goes there?" asked a man inside, "It'll cost you £10 to enter, unless you have a season ticket."
"We wish to see Theory," said Kandalf.
"Visiting hours are between 10 and 5, no meetings without appointments except at 11 on the first Sunday of every month-"
"Shut up," said Kandalf, and hit him on the head with her staff.
"Why don't you do that with Legless and Giblet?" asked Begorn as they strolled in past the unconscious guard.
"Cos Giblet has such a thick skull he wouldn't feel it," said Legless.
"Oi!" said Giblet, "Be glad she doesn't, poodle head, or you might muss up your hair."
"Birds nest."
"Verrucas."
"Head lice."
"Perfect scores on tests."
"Criminal record."
"Shut up," said Kandalf, and hit them both on the head.
"Argggh...my hair," said Legless.
"I didn't feel a thing," said Giblet.
*****
Hope you all enjoyed that. Yes, here are CALLOUTS!
freakanature - I'm glad you enjoy it so much! Sorry I haven't updated! 24th June? Whoa...
gone-to-jarmadanga - Well, actually I finished this nearly a year ago and gave it to all my friends as a Christmas present. Can you imagine, 150 pages, eight copies of it? That's... 1200 pages! I had to work a LOT at my dad's office to pay for using their printer... Do you know what scanning and attaching DOES to a person? IT KILLS YOUR SOUL!
littlefurryscrubcreature - Well, we thinkses it's good that you likeses it so much, yes we do, precious, very good indeed.
Two Bored Idiots - Well, no attack chickens is ALWAYS a good thing, so I'd better update, hadn't I?
Daemon Express - All the way through? Whoa...