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Chapter 3 – thoughts
By Jamethiel1
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Kagome blinked at the form in the doorway, wondering at the disappointment she felt. She hadn't even been aware of the butterflies in her stomach until they ceased their fluttering as she laid eyes on him. Who had I expected? she inquired in her own mind, And why am I upset that one of the cutest guys in school has shown up on my doorstep? "Hello, Kagome," he spoke after a while, making her start guiltily. Had she just been staring at him silently that whole time?
"Hey, Houjo," she returned with a false smile. That's the only kind that seemed to grace her anymore. "What are you doing here?" The words of her friends, or lack thereof, came back to her. They couldn't have meant Houjo was the one worried about her. Not more than anyone worries about a classmate put in a coma, anyway.
"I brought these for you," he said with a true smile of his own. Of course, Kagome couldn't think of a time Houjo didn't have a smile on his face. He held out his hand, and a couple of unidentifiable objects were settled upon his open palm, making Kagome wonder if he had been holding them the entire time, or if he could somehow pull things from thin air.
"Er.. thanks.." she spoke as she accepted the items from him. She was about to ask what exactly they were, before that same feeling of familiarity struck. Dang, but this was starting to get annoying. What the heck did an old well, not fitting in with her friends, wanting her life back, her window, and receiving a gift from Houjo have in common? Nothing she could think of! So wrapped up in her thoughts, it took a moment for Kagome to realize Houjo was talking again. She quickly dragged herself to the present conversation, hoping she hadn't missed something important.
"..supposed to be good for your health; they're similar to the ones I placed beside your bed at the hospital. I'm really glad you're b-"
"Houjo," Kagome interrupted, he visited me in the hospital?, "I really appreciate these, but can you please come back another time? I'm not feeling too well right now." That's not a lie, Kagome assured herself, I really don't feel well..
There wasn't even a falter in Houjo's smile as he answered, "Sure, Kagome. I'll see you later!" He waved his good-bye as he started off, and Kagome nodded in response before shutting the door. Then she leaned her forehead against it, closing her eyes. What's wrong with me? Shouldn't I be happy he cared enough to visit me, bring me gifts? She pushed herself gently away from the door, turning and heading once again for the stairs. Instead I feel like crying.
"Sis?" came a voice nearby, and Kagome glanced up to see Souta awaiting her at the top of the stair. When she had first seen the changes in her family, she thought her mother got the worst the two years had to offer. Now she was beginning to realize her mother's outward appearance held nothing compared to Souta's own changes. She thought his youth had vanished, and now she knew how right she was. He even seemed older than their mother at times. He was a kid forced to grow up too fast. Somehow she felt the same.
"Not now, Souta," Kagome replied wearily, moving to step past him. She should probably talk with him, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to speak with anyone in intimacy yet.
Her brother placed a hand on her arm in passing, silently asking her to wait.
She jerked her arm from his grasp, an ugly feeling settling within her. "I said not now!" she yelled, and watched Souta back up a pace, eyes widening in what could only be fear. Great, now she was a crazy, depressive jerk!
Not allowing herself to soften, Kagome turned from him and entered her room, slamming the door shut behind her. She moved to her bed, allowing the items from Houjo to fall to the floor before sitting on the plush mattress, leaning back against the wall. Then the feeling slowly slid from her hold, leaving her empty again. What's wrong with me? she repeated for the second time in only a few minutes. She sat up straight, placing her hands loosely on her knees as she sat cross-legged on the bed. Taking a deep breath, she turned her awareness inward. I'm going to figure out what's wrong, I have to..
I've been in a coma for two years, though I don't really remember any time passing.
I know there's something I'm missing, something I hadn't known about before..
But what!?
That.. that whatever it was at the well and..
Kagome glanced up at her still-open window, feeling a shiver race up her spine just thinking of it. Don't get distracted!
Somehow my friends and family take second to this thing that I don't even know exists, or what it is!
Maybe I really am crazy; maybe there was lasting brain damage.
Maybe.. Dammit, this isn't helping!
Kagome sighed in defeat, allowing herself to fall fully onto her bed, sprawling on her stomach across the mattress and resting her forehead upon her arms. "I just want it to stop hurting," she spoke out loud, voice choked with sobs she could no longer suppress. Tears followed, landing heavily on her pillow as evidence to her pain. She wished she had never woken up from that coma; at least there she was immune to it all. No people to charade with fake smiles and greetings, no feeling of emptiness that plagued her with no promise of escape. She was alone. Kagome shifted to rest her head upon her pillow, hugging the thing tightly to her. Then she cried herself to sleep.
~~~
'..why haven't you returned to me..?'
Kagome opened her eyes, searching frantically for the owner of the voice, but nothing met her sight. She was surrounded in darkness.. alone.. "Who are you?" she questioned, voice soft.
'..I thought you loved me..'
She could tell nothing about the speaker of the voice, not age nor gender, nothing. The words came to her in a more emotional way, making her feel rather than hear them. "I.. I do!" she shouted now, knowing she spoke the truth, though how she couldn't be certain.
'..you left me..'
Whoever was speaking with her didn't seem to hear her answers. It was like she was listening to someone's thoughts, rather than having them speak to her. "I.. I don't remember.."
'..do you hate me..?'
"No!" she cried, standing and stumbling through the darkness, desperate to find the speaker.
'..how much longer must I wait..?'
"I'm coming! Please.." she begged, "..just wait a little longer!" This was the one, this was the one she had felt..
'..I'm not sure I can..'
"No! Don't leave me!"
~~~
Kagome jerked upright, eyes wide as she woke from the dream, a cold sweat beading her face and neck. Then she moaned, a sound that would have been able to gain sympathy from even the coldest of hearts, and clutched her chest. The ache she felt within had intensified into something that now tore at her, leaving her gasping as she tightly shut her eyes, willing it to end. But it remained, seeming to swallow and tear at her until the point she couldn't even cry against the pain. Kagome stumbled from the bed, falling hard upon the floor, landing on her hands and knees. She panted, trying to draw strength to move, finding it hard even to breath. For a moment she thought about giving in, letting the abyss consume her and be done with it.
No! she screamed, though her voice failed her. She shakingly rose to her feet, having to clutch onto her nearby dresser to stay standing. I can't die like this.. not alone.. Stepping carefully, Kagome found she couldn't walk for more than a few steps at a time before collapsing painfully to the ground again. Refusing to be beaten so easily, Kagome half walked, half crawled her way to her door, lifting herself to her feet again with the handle before opening it. She paused once she stepped out, leaning against the wall and gazing at the foreboding steps. Stopping was not a good idea, however, for it only allowed the searing pain more of a hold on her. Gritting her teeth, Kagome moved to the stair and started down, not even attempting to do it while standing. Even if she had been able to walk properly, it was still dark, so no guarantee of sure footing.
Though she had to stop a few times, gasping against the pain and fighting a wave of black despair, she finally made it to the bottom. The trip outside, thankfully, did not take long, and Kagome made it to her destination, still clinging to the last shreds of sanity and self she possessed. Sliding open the doors to the well's housing, she stepped forward. Forgetting the steps, she stumbled when her foot did not meet floor as she had expected it to, but open air.
Pushing her hands against the earth, Kagome found the physical pain nothing compared to the torment that lashed at her within, and looked to the Bone Eater's well. It rested only a short ways away, yet Kagome couldn't bring herself to stand, wasn't sure she could even move. And though she felt the tears, they wouldn't come to her call. She wasn't even allowed that small release of her pain. So she clutched at the ground, dragging herself nearer to the structure, finding the process painfully slow. When her hand met wood, desolate brown eyes looked up and she clutched the well's rim, pulling herself up with the last of her strength. Without thinking about what she was doing, Kagome half jumped, half fell into the depths of the Bone Eater's well..
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End of Chapter 3
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{ n.n Oh, the evilness of me. Please review! =D Oh, and also check out my friend's fic if you have the time; she has a wonderful story going, but barely anyone's reviewed! Her penname's Fairywings817, thanks ^^ }