Disclaimer: I own only those characters not mentioned, seen, or referred to in Underworld, in any of its incarnations. Which includes Sir Anmy, as his name was in the movie, when Selene reads the book and finds out about Lucian, you see that below the words "The Fall of Lucian" are the words "and Sir Anmy". Therefore, I don't own him. Please, do not sue me. Savvy?
Author's note: MANY thanks to Erika, who is probably in the top five of my most faithful, lovely reviewers. Your reviews really mean a lot.
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CHAPTER FOUR: SHARED PAIN
MOON PHASE - FULL MOON THRU HALF MOON
Lucian reluctantly followed the Death Dealer to the cells where the lycans stayed during the full moon. To make sure none of the lycans attacked or got out of hand while in wolfen form, the vampire kept them lock up, but allowed the moonlight in. The lycans never complained, for they were thankful they at least were allowed to change.
But tonight, tonight Lucian did not want to change, did not want to be locked up. He wanted to be alone, to forget everything, to pretend that nothing had happened and that he and Rendor were left with a fading mother and no father.
Alas, he could not do as he wished, and he was not about to cause any trouble. Staying close to his mother, he entered the large, spacious chamber with a weary sigh. Perhaps the change would make him forget for a little while. The change did seem to help ease his mind for the few nights it took place.
***
It was a full moon. She would not see him tonight. The lycan male, Lucian. The one that had suffered the same loss as she had only a few months ago.
Sonja! Stop! Just, stop thinking about him. You need to stay away, far away from him now. You gave him the message, there's nothing else you can do or are supposed to do. So keep your distance now. He is a lycan, a guard, a slave. He is forbidden.
She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.
He also is the only one here who knows what I have lost, she reminded herself. She remembered the stares he had given her those two times they had met. She had seen him several times since, watching him from the corner of her eye, looking down from a balcony, but never meeting his beautiful gray eyes.
She reached up, clutching the pendant her mother had worn. She wiped her eyes. She wished her father was awake, she wanted him back. She could confide him in, share her pain. She knew he would be heartbroken when he was awoken only to the cold, cold world Ordoghaz was swiftly becoming. Perhaps she shouldn't wish this pain on him, but she wanted someone to confide in without receiving nothing but pitying looks and nods and assurances it would fade as time went on.
Did pain and loss ever fade? How could it, despite the fact that the cause was left farther behind every moment. The cause was never erased, it was always there, a memory in her mind, a vision behind her eyes. It was etched in her memory for the rest of her life, and she was forced to keep it inside now.
Unless she lost to the urge to find the lycan Lucian, and to talk with him. If he would even listen to her, she wasn't sure how he would react to her attempts to make conversations with him. She was a vampire princess, and the lycans had been taught to keep from speaking, unless spoken to. So perhaps she could convince him to stay, to talk with her.
Or perhaps she could forget the whole idea, since it goes against the Covenant! She chided herself.
***
Sunlight bathed him now. He leaned against the outer wall of the north tower as his eyes stayed watchful and his other sense alert to anything odd. They knew that another attack from the Turks was possible, ever since that fateful morning.
He looked down at his hands, remember the lives he had savagely ripped and slain. He had let the beast within take charge, even though his form did not change. He had let it take over and let him forget for a little while that after the battle he would have to face his mother, his brother, and their sorrow. The pack's sorrow. When one lycan died, all mourned.
Lucian did not want to mourn and grieve anymore. He did not want to have to face his mother's blank, lifeless eyes, his brother's weary and reluctant leadership. He did not want to face the fact that he had lost his father.
He watched as a hawk flew low in the sky, coming to land on top of one of the tall pines of the surrounding forest. He remembered the words the vampire princess had spoken, her lovely, brave, torn voice giving him the last message from his father.
Ignoring the voice in the back of his mind, Lucian let himself wonder how she was doing. How she was handling her mother's death. His heart went out to her, for though she still had one parent left, it would be six years before she could talk with him.
And Lord Viktor, his master. He felt pity even for him, as he could not begin to imagine what it would be like to awaken to a world without your mate. It was apparent to all, especially the lycans, that Viktor and Aurelia had truly loved each other, and only each other. They had been what lycans would call life mates. If one died, the other would not be able to love another for centuries, if ever. Almost all lycans mated for life, but it was very rare that you could find true life mates.
To lose your life mate, how would this effect his master? He almost feared it.
Lord Viktor had always been cold towards the lycans, though not cruel. The lycans knew he was the strictest of the Elders, fierce and fast, wise and worldly, and they respected and feared him more than any other. But he had been warm when Aurelia had been in his presence. She had been kind and benevolent, and had balanced his stern and foreboding aura.
Yes, Lucian pitied his master. No being should ever be made to suffer what Viktor would suffer in six years.
***
Days faded, nights fell. The sun and moon rose and set, always sharing the sky from opposite ends. The young lycan and his master's daughter shared a similar fate, almost crossing paths, yet never coming into contact, never meeting.
Lucian guarded by day, cared for his mother by night. Rendor guarder as well, then took tunnel duty on most nights. Lucrecia slowly faded and faded, kept alive only by her love for her grown, yet still dependant pups. She knew neither one could let her go yet, and so she willed herself to stay. Each day, Lucian and Rendor feared would be their last with her, but she was stronger than they knew.
Sonja slept by day, mourned by night. It was customary to grieve for a period of a year to five years, and she was thankful that Marcus had agreed to make certain she was left alone for the most part. She did not want any pity or encouraging nods and speeches.
Every so often, Sonja and Lucian would venture out, in search of the only one they knew could understand their pain, without truly burdening the other. Each time they would come upon each other, and courage would flee their bodies. They had not even been able to keep eye contact for more than five seconds before Lucian would bow and walk by while she merely would turn and head for the library or her chambers yet again.
Sleep, when it came, was filled with sorrow and fever, images of those lost, flashes of those wanted. Dreams were their escape and their cage, and they could not decided if they longed for the deep sleep that brought them or not.
***
Marcus let out a weary sigh as he looked over the different maps laid out before him. He looked up at Soren, Obi, and Anmy, shaking his head.
"No, not until We have more proof that the Turks are indeed heading this way. You said yourselves there is a strong chance they are not. I will not put this house in danger on your suspicions. We've lost too much as it is," he stated softly.
"And what if we are right, my lord?" Anmy asked. "What if this proves true and we do not strike until it is too late?"
Marcus glared at the Death Dealer, and he immediately silenced. "We have able enough warriors, amongst your own clan and among the lycans. You saw yourself how the orphan fought that day. He hates the Turks now, and he would probably be just as fierce. Lycans grieve longer than vampires do. Besides, all the lycans grieve when they lose a member of the pack. We can use this to our advantage."
Anmy snorted. "Sir, with all due respect, they're nothing but animals, and that orphan you spoke of was and is nothing more than a wild animal blinded by rage and given the chance to lash out that day. They are all that. We let them out, we run the risk of being attacked by them ourselves."
Soren glared at Anmy, but Marcus simply sneered.
"Tell me, Anmy, why you say this. These lycans, they have been domesticated, enslaved for over two centuries. We have made them loyal to us, and you know that they do not attack blindly and madly, they are intelligent and sentient, not mere rabid wolves," Marcus hissed condescendingly.
"As you say, my lord," Anmy said through gritted teeth. They Death Dealers bowed and left as Marcus walked over to the balcony.
"And what will you say when you awake, Viktor? What will your thoughts be on this matter now," Marcus mused aloud. He knew his fellow Elder would be enraged and broken at what had happened. He knew the vampire warlord would grow so much colder now, and so much harder towards the lycans.
It was common knowledge that Viktor had not been for their enslavement, but for their extinction. As far as he was concerned, they were dangerous to all around them and nothing more than wolves turned into watchdogs. Viktor had actually appointed Anmy second in command within the Death Dealer clan, and it had infuriated Marcus.
Marcus shook his head. He saw the lycans as nothing more than the closest species to the race of vampires, yet below vampires still. Which was why they were slaves and not equals. And he knew Viktor could not overlook they value, as they were immune to any harm the sun would instantly cause a vampire, should its light come into contact with a member of the vampire race.
"Things are swiftly changing and not for the better I fear."
***
Lucian watched the young lycan youths as they ran and played and tussled, naked and free of care. He remembered when he had been that way. He remembered when he had not had troubles, or forbidden thoughts running through his mind.
Sighing, he rose from where he sat near the children, debating if a walk would help or make things worse. If he stayed, he would go stir crazy, but if he went, he would most certainly end up near her.
His obsession. The vampire princess Sonja, the most beautiful, kind, elegant being he had ever and would ever see. For days now, he had secretly watched her, unable to keep away. His eyes would bore into her, almost as if he were willing her to turn and see him, though whenever she did he ran. She was intoxicating, and she was deadly.
Lucian knew it was forbidden, knew what he was doing was going against the Covenant, the law hold most sacred to the vampires. Nothing more than master/slave relationships between vampires and lycans. But he simply told himself, it was fascination and only on his part. So there was no danger.
At least, that was what he told himself.
Wait, where am I? he suddenly had to ask himself as he stood completely still, looking around. He realized he was in fact halfway to the open hallway where he could look up to her balcony. Part of him screamed at him, telling hi to turn around now and run away, run back to the lycan quarters. But that part quickly lost as he strode forward, swiftly arriving at the hallway.
Moonlight bathed the courtyard, the hallway, and the balcony. Moving to where he could watch without being seen, he stared up, waiting to see if she would come out tonight. He looked around, checking to make sure he was alone, and not about to be caught. No other soul was in sight, and he relaxed the slightest bit, waiting for his princess to come out. He only wanted to see her, to smell her a few moments.
"Sonja, you should not keep yourself holed up inside you chambers constantly," he heard the familiar voice of Lord Marcus say from inside the room. Lucian was surprised at how hard it was to bite back the howl of jealousy that built up within him.
"I am not holing myself up in my chambers. I am grieving, nothing more. I leave these rooms, but I do not wish to see the looks everyone gives me. They walk on glass around me it seems, and they inadvertently put more pressure and it feels as though I am about to break," Sonja replied.
Lucian closed his eyes, sighing at the sweet, sad sound of her voice, so soft and caressing, yet so deeply hurt. He knew how she felt, for he himself suffered the same fate every day. To be surrounded by those who mourned with him, yet did not truly comprehend the extent of the loss. To be looked at with pity by his own kind and even some of the vampires as they still remembered he too had lost someone that day.
"I understand. I will leave you now, just please, do not let yourself become dependant upon these rooms, for I know how tempting it can be," Lord Marcus said, and Lucian heard the faint sound of a door closing moments later.
Sonja was alone now. And she now coming out onto the balcony. Her hair was down, like it almost always was, and the gentle breeze blew some of it around her face. Her slender fingers brushed it out of the way, her every gesture elegant.
Lucian had to get away, he knew that. He had to get away from her and from these desires coursing through his veins, making him burn it seemed. But he stayed. He stayed until she went back in, he stayed until dawn was nearly upon him, and he found the strength to force his body to leave.
And that was his routine every night, except during the full moon. It was the closest he would come to the only one who seemed to understand what he was feeling, and he treasured it. It was his escape. Rendor never questioned him of his whereabouts, his mother always let him go as she assured him she would be fine on her own. He knew this was becoming dangerous and obsessive, and every so often he would resist her pull, staying with his mother and taking care of her.
As his mother faded more and more, he stayed with her more and more. He knew that within a year or so, he and Rendor would lose her.
And he would then have nothing to keep him away from Sonja except for the full moon.