Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except the OC. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. Please don't sue. I have no money anyway. Oh, and anything shamelessly ripped off of Rocky Horror Picture Show belongs to whatever film company made that movie. Oh heck, anything ripped off of anything isn't mine.
It Makes Its Presence Known to AllSetting: The Great Hall of Hogwarts is decked out for the start-of-year feast. Our protagonists are seated at the Gryffindor table, waiting for the sorting to begin.
PETER: I wonder which house she'll be sorted into.
SIRIUS: shudders I don't want to think about it.
NARRATOR: Our hapless heroes were about to find out. For at that very moment, the doors to the Great Hall opened and the first-years entered. In the midst of the gaggle of first-years, was the Mary Sue. Upon seeing her, SIRIUS shuddered again, and warded himself against the evil eye. The MARY SUE flashed him another dazzling grin. Over at the Slytherin table, NARCISSA BLACK looked at SIRIUS with a smirk.
The students approach the bench which is set in front of the Hall. PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL holds up a parchment with the students' names written on it. She proceeds with the sorting, until….
MCGONAGALL: Mary Sue Adriana Gene—oh forget it. Will the Mary Sue please stand up?
MARY SUE approaches the stool and sits, again crossing her perfect legs, where she waits for the Sorting Hat to make its pronouncement.
SORTING HAT: Hmm…you'd make a perfect Gryffindor. SIRIUS cringes. You'd also make a perfect Slytherin. NARCISSA smirks. You'd also make a perfect Hufflepuff and a perfect Ravenclaw….I just don't know what to do with you. Better make it….GryffindorSlytherinHufflepuffRavenclaw!
There is a moment of silence as everyone tries to figure out what the Sorting Hat just said, then the Hall erupts into cheers. Soon though the Slytherins and Gryffindors realize what that means, and scowl into their plates. DUMBLEDORE rises to address the students.
DUMBLEDORE: I do believe that this is the first time the Sorting Hat has placed a student in all four Houses. In this case, you may attend classes with whichever House you wish, and eat with whichever house you wish, and sleep in the dormitories of whichever House you wish. As for the first-years, the Forbidden Forest is, well, forbidden. Now, let's eat.
MARY SUE gets off the stool and goes to sit next to SIRIUS, flashing him a smile. SIRIUS groans and drops his head on the table. Food appears on the table, but before anyone can eat it, a voice comes from behind SIRIUS….
NARCISSA: Looks like my cousin has found himself a new friend.
MARY SUE: looks up at NARCISSA. Who might you be?
NARCISSA: Narcissa Black. This degenerate cousin of mine is the first Black not to be a Slytherin in…well, forever. He's got a habit of taking up with the worst sort of people. Take them for instance. A pureblood who has no pride in being a pureblood, a mudblood, a weakling who can't think for himself, and we're not even going to go into what sort of person he is. Her gaze shifts over each friend in turn, going from JAMES to LILY to PETER and ending with REMUS. All but REMUS and SIRIUS, whose head is still on the table, have pulled out their wands.
REMUS: Put them away. Don't do something to get yourselves expelled.
NARCISSA: sneers Yes, listen to him. We all know that he only wants to stay here because he can. I don't know why he bothers. It's not like he'll be able to get a job anyway.
Another voice is heard, this one even steelier than NARCISSA'S.
LUCIUS: Narcissa, we should eat before all of the food is gone. They're not worth our time.
MARY SUE: We haven't met. You are?
LUCIUS: Lucius Malfoy.
MARY SUE: Lucius. Sounds like you've got a luscious personality.
LUCIUS: look of disgust Hardly. He leads NARCISSA back to the Slytherin table.
NARRATOR: And so dinner went. SIRIUS ate nothing, because he didn't want to have to look at the MARY SUE. REMUS had to keep people from cursing the MARY SUE into oblivion. The MARY SUE kept making eyes at all of the males, which received glares from many of the females. The males ignored the MARY SUE and talked about the year to come, which only made the MARY SUE try harder. This was the sad state of affairs when…
DUMBLEDORE: claps for attention The prefects will now kindly take their Houses back to the dormitories. Your things have already been taken up.
REMUS: All right, Gryffindors, follow me.
The Gryffindors rise to follow REMUS. The MARY SUE gushes.
MARY SUE: You're a prefect? How perfect. Perfect prefect. Hmm….I'll have to remember that.
REMUS rolls his eyes and sighs, leading the students to the dormitory. The MARY SUE seems to have given up on SIRIUS for the moment and follows REMUS closely.
JAMES: to SIRIUS It looks like she's given up on you for the moment.
SIRIUS: Yeah, but now I'm hungry.
LILY: I think we've got some food from the trolley left that you could have.
The Gryffindors have reached the painting. REMUS gives the password and they enter.
MARY SUE: What a nice common room! How quaint! I might have to spend enormously large amounts of time here. But I won't be able to decide that until I see what the other common rooms are like. She sits on a couch by the fire. Remus, come sit next to me.
REMUS: I think I'd better get to bed. We start classes tomorrow.
LILY has reappeared with food for SIRIUS. She presses it into his hand.
LILY: Sorry Padfoot, that's all I could find. It'll have to do.
SIRIUS: Thanks Lily. I think I'll just go upstairs and eat this.
SIRIUS and REMUS go upstairs, followed by JAMES, PETER, and the rest of the males. The females disappear up the other set of stairs, leaving just the MARY SUE sitting by the fire.
MARY SUE: Well that was rude. I suppose I shall have to go to bed. She goes upstairs as well.
END SCENE
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A/N: Coming up: the first day of classes! Who will the Mary Sue choose to attend classes with?