Disclaimer:  Still own nothing.  Nothing except the Mary Sue and plot, at least.  Everything else belongs to someone else.

It Plays Quidditch, and It's Good Setting:  the Quidditch pitch

NARRATOR:  In a few days it was time for the favorite time of the year of many of the year.  It was time for Quidditch tryouts.  JAMES, being on the team, was one of the students running the tryouts.  REMUS, PETER, SIRIUS, and LILY all turned up to watch the tryouts.

Several students straggle in, hoping to make it onto their respective teams.  The tryouts are about to begin when….. the MARY SUE arrives.  She's wearing the Hogwarts robes, and a plaid tie, that's right, a PLAID tie, with a jumbled mix of the colors of all hour Houses.  It's rather an eyesore, but she wears it proudly.  SIRIUS looks horrified.

SIRIUS:  What is that thing around your neck?

MARY SUE:  It's my tie.  Each student wears a tie with their House colors.  Since I'm in all four Houses, I have a tie with the colors of all four Houses.  It had to be special ordered.

SIRIUS:  I'm sure it did…..

The first team with its tryouts is Slytherin.  They're conducting tryouts for a Seeker.  The MARY SUE tries out, and of course is perfect, catching the Snitch in record time.  JAMES' jaw drops.

JAMES:  That's—that's not possible!  He buries his head in his hands.  There goes the Quidditch Cup for this year!

Gryffindor's tryouts are next.  They're conducting tryouts for a Beater.  The MARY SUE wants to try out.

JAMES:  But you tried out for Slytherin.

MARY SUE:  I've been sorted into all four Houses.  Therefore I can play for whomever I please.  I have to try out for all four teams to see whom I'd rather play for.

The MARY SUE is, of course, perfect at being a Beater too.  In fact, she's also perfect at being a Keeper for Hufflepuff and a Chaser for Ravenclaw.

NARRATOR:  And when someone brought up the question of which team she'd play for…

MARY SUE:  I think I'll play for all four.  Everyone present on the Quidditch pitch groans.  Ta ta!  With that she goes back inside.

Scene switch to the Gryffindor common lounge.  JAMES is on a couch by the fire, LILY next to him, REMUS, SIRIUS, and PETER sit in chairs nearby.  JAMES groans.

SIRIUS:  This is a disaster.  An absolute disaster.

JAMES:  Padfoot, you're not even on the team.  I'm the one who has to deal with her and her being on both opposing teams AT THE SAME TIME.

SIRIUS:  There's got to be something Dumbledore can do.

REMUS:  What?  She's in all four Houses, therefore she can play for all four teams.

JAMES:  I'll just have to hope that it won't be as bad as it seems it will be. 

SIRIUS:  It's the Mary Sue.  It will be as bad as it seems to be.

JAMES:  Guys, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

PETER:  Yes, Prongs, it's time to take over the world.  Mwahahahaha!

SIRIUS blinks.  REMUS blinks.  LILY blinks.  JAMES blinks.  Then JAMES says,

JAMES:  Er, no.  I was thinking it's time for the Marauders to strike again.  What do you think, Padfoot?

SIRIUS:  I agree, Prongs.  Moony?

REMUS:  Just as long as no one knows I had anything to do with it.

JAMES:  All right then.  Here's what we do.  They huddle and whisper amongst themselves for a minute.  Moony, do you think you can do that?

REMUS:  I don't know, Prongs.  It'll be a full moon then.  The MARY SUE has just returned and heard this.

MARY SUE:  Why should it matter if there's a full moon?

SIRIUS:  Because when it's a full moon Moony's into bestiality.  It gets rather messy.

REMUS nods confirmation, completely serious.  The MARY SUE just shakes her head and heads up to the girls' dorm.

JAMES:  So anyway, do you think it will work?

SIRIUS:  Prongs, it's us.  Course it'll work.  He grins.

END SCENE

~~~~~

A/N:  What prank are they going to play on the Mary Sue?  How much of a disaster will Quidditch turn out to be?  Thanks to BIW for reminding me that the girl needed House colors…apparently they're psychedelic AND plaid.  Thanks to Karen (aka Cassandra Terra) for the suggestion that the Mary Sue should play on all four teams.  Thanks as always to cracklizard for being my quasi-beta reader.  Thanks of course to the rest of my reviewers.  I'm going to list you all by name just this once:

SparklyCherry

This Parrot has ceased to be

SassyBird

SexiglassesSNOG

phredtheflyingmonkey

cracklizard

khenna

BIW

If anyone is still reading this, for a really funny Mary Sue fic, which is shorter than this one, check out "Mary Sue Must Die" by Starcatcher1.  I stumbled across it yesterday and couldn't stop laughing.