Disclaimer: Again, if you still need one of these, go see previous chapters.
It's the First Quidditch Game of the Year, and All Heck Breaks Loose
Setting: The Quidditch pitch. The first match of the year is between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Players from both teams have just come out onto the pitch. The Mary Sue is wearing robes that are a combination of both House colors. Sirius is announcing.
SIRIUS: Welcome to the first Quidditch match of the year, Gryffindor versus Slytherin. The players have just entered the field and—what is she wearing? It's horrible! It looks like the elves were sick on it. Pause Sorry Professor.
Many other students also share SIRIUS' apparent horror at what the Mary Sue is wearing. It appears that there will be jokes about this for years to come.
SIRIUS: And they're off! Gryffindor is in possession of the Quaffle. Passed from Smith to Jones to Brown, and Brown scores! Ten points for Gryffindor!
Cheers erupt from three-fourths of the stands. Only the Slytherin section is booing.
SIRIUS: The Snitch is released! What's going on now? The Mary Sue nearly got a Bludger to the head! Apparently trying to play Beater for Gryffindor and Seeker for Slytherin has confused her. Makes it easier for James to do his job. Smith scores for Gryffindor!
More cheering from three-fourths of the stands.
NARRATOR: And so the game continued. JAMES kept looking for the Snitch, Gryffindor and Slytherin kept scoring, the Mary Sue kept trying to go in two directions at once and almost getting hit by the Bludger, until…
A POP is heard from somewhere on the Quidditch pitch. Students and professors alike are confused until they see what caused the noise: a second Mary Sue! She looks like the first one, except that her Quidditch robes are the green and silver of Slytherin, thereby freeing up the confused and injured Mary Sue to do nothing but escape Bludgers and attempt to steal the Quaffle.
SIRIUS: faltering somewhat in his narration of the game And there's a…second Mary Sue…who is playing for the Slytherin team…
Slytherin cheers.
SIRIUS: Brown scores again…James and the Mary Sue are both chasing the Snitch…the other Mary Sue looks like she's about to fall off her broom…no wait, she's just reapplying her eye makeup…James is getting closer, followed by Mary Sue Number One…get it, James, get it!
Suddenly there is another loud POP and a cry of confusion from the stands. There is now a third Mary Sue, playing for Gryffindor. This Mary Sue is followed by another POP and a fourth Mary Sue, playing for Slytherin.
SIRIUS: It appears there are some interesting developments. The Mary Sue is replicating herself and…oh no! Now there are two more on each team! James is distracted and can't find the Snitch with all of the people on the field! And…yes…the—a—Mary Sue has caught the Snitch! One of the Slytherin Mary Sues. Slytherin wins.
The Slytherins burst out cheering. The Gryffindors dejectedly return to their common room. SIRIUS, REMUS, PETER, and LILY catch up with JAMES in the common room. JAMES is sitting in his favorite chair by the fire, looking glum.
SIRIUS: Cheer up, mate.
JAMES: Padfoot, did you watch the game? That was a disaster.
SIRIUS: Of course I watched it. All I saw was that infernal Mary Sue sticking her nose in again and making a mess of things. Anyone would have found it hard to play under those conditions. At least the problem's not very big yet.
REMUS looks over to the corner, where Gryffindor's Mary Sues are now sitting and giggling amongst themselves. Anyone less hardy than our heroes would think it the best giggle they had ever heard. Our heroes, however, are smarter than that.
REMUS: I hope you don't end up eating those words later, Padfoot.
SIRIUS: Yeah. We all know how bad Mary Sues taste.
Pause.
LILY: And on that note, I think we'd all better go to bed. We have lots of homework to do tomorrow.
They all go up to bed. The MARY SUES look around at each other, Lucius Malfoy-like glints in their eyes.
A MARY SUE: Let's just see them try to ignore us now.
***Finis***