A/N See? It's not abandoned. But it's vacation, and I've been posting and updating like crazy, so here's chapter five. I think. Anyway, this is in the cave when Will has come to rescue Lyra and they're leaving. Reviewage;
Fugitive; Thank you, thank you
Elfin Empress; Lucky you, you've got your chapter on Lyra. Mary? I like it, but offhand I can't think of any moments to write about. Suggestions?
Fugitive; Heh, thanks again!
Tindomiel; Well, yeah you could, but…pretend. Yup.
Lightbulbs; make good pets; Well, it should be obvious now that I'm updating again…and thanks.
Disclaimer; Phillip Pullman owns 'em all.
And a great and furious sob shook Lyra herself, for after all Mrs. Coulter was the only mother she would ever have, and Will saw a cascade of tears run down the girl's cheeks.
Stepping Away
I wonder what I would have been like if I had grown up with a mother. Different, I'm sure. Maybe better, maybe worse - there's no way to know. I did have a mother though, for a few months. She was my mother and I was her daughter even if I didn't know it at the time. But we pretended to be a family with porcelain figures and patent leather shoes and roses in a vase.
That family didn't last long, however fairytale-like it had seemed in the beginning. And the last few days...the last few days she was my mother again. I don't know what happened or how I got to this cave, but I know that I was warm and comfortable and Pan was with me. I'm clean, so she must have washed me, and fed me and...and took care of me. Like a mother.
But no matter how hard I try to I still can't forget that she's done terrible, terrible things, and that I should hate her for them. Maybe I do hate her, I don't know. But I love her too, because she's my mother. Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? Maybe.
Will's looking at me and mentally telling me to come along, and my mother is crying and desperately calling out my name, and I'm crying too. I'm crying because I want to leave and go with Will and do what we're supposed to do, and I'm crying because that's my mother in the cave, and I'm leaving her.
I'm sorry I think to myself, but I have to. And now Will is pulling at my arm, and almost without realizing it I'm taking a step, and then another. I'm stepping away from the only mother I know, and the only mother I'll ever have. I'm stepping away from her and her anguished wails and I'm stepping away out of the cave and into the night air with Will, and I'm sorry.
A/N Review and I shall be eternally grateful...really.