Chapter Two: Empty Handed - 2/?
Duo slowly blinked, staring blankly at the ceiling. God, how he wanted to sleep... insomnia's a bitch. He shifted for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, closing his eyes in a forlorn attempt to doze off. He knew it was pointless… he'd already had so many restless nights, it was a wonder he could even keep his eyes open.
Days turned into hours… hours into minutes. Night and day seemed to fuse together to form a blurred vision of something akin to reality. People had come and gone, appearing as distorted figures in his haze of drowsiness. He suspected his unfocused gaze and response, or lack thereof, was what ultimately drove them all away.
It was unnerving.
The silence was killing him. He wished for something, anything, to break the silence which constant surrounded him. It was like an annoying buzz which never ceased.
He wished to be asleep, if only to pass time. Sleep was the window to a realm of dreams, a world of no pain and the closest thing to bliss he'd ever felt. More often then not, his dreams were haunted by bittersweet memories… memories he wished he could forget. He supposed it didn't matter as long as he wasn't condemned to the living hell that was his life.
He sighed softly and shifted once more, blocking his view of the intense sunlight which was beginning to bathe the room in light. Another sleepless night.
And then He came. He didn't even realize it at first; he was content to just stare fixedly at a spot on the wall. He involuntarily flinched when a familiar face appeared in his field of vision.
It was the only thing that could break the trance he'd been put in for days. It was Him. Why was He here? Why did He even care?
Duo could only watch as his hand inched out towards his face, questioning. He was so close; Duo could feel the heat radiating off of his hand. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak… he couldn't even think. It was as if he was frozen for a moment in time. He hastily withdrew from his touch.
He couldn't-- he wouldn't let anyone touch him. It was too soon.
Duo rolled over so his back was facing him, struggling to keep his face neutral. Duo didn't think he'd be able to face him now without completely falling apart.
"Why are you here, Heero?" The sound of his own voice surprised him… it was steady and almost languid, the complete opposite of the turmoil within. There was that annoying buzz again, the sound of silence. He gradually allowed his eyelids to drift shut; maybe if he ignored him he'd go away.
But he didn't. He stayed there for what seemed like hours, simply watching him. It was almost like he was trying to burn holes in Duo's back with his eyes.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to stare?"
It seemed Heero didn't feel the need to answer such a question either. The silence was deafening. Hoping Heero wouldn't notice the bitter tone his voice suddenly took Duo asked, "How's Relena?"
"Fine," was Heero's curt reply, he was never one to talk much.
"So are you happy now that I'm not around to bother to you?"
"More or less." It wasn't like Duo hadn't been expecting a reply of this sort… but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"Sorry I couldn't rid you of my presence permanently." Duo mumbled under his breath, struggling to keep the anguish out of his voice. He wasn't really expecting a reply anyways.
"As am I…" The words were spoken so softly, Duo barely caught them. If he wasn't depressed before… he certainly was now. He was so tired of living, so tired of pain. Heero wasn't making life any easier. He'd all but encouraged him to kill himself with a few simple words.
Duo hastily wiped away a stray tear with the back of his hand; he wouldn't allow himself to shed another tear over him. Too many tears had already been shed for someone who didn't even care that he was alive. He often wondered how it was possible to love someone and hate them just as much all at the same time.
"So are you going to leave or what?"
"I just have one question before I leave," Heero was trying to stall, he wasn't exactly sure why but it was obvious he wasn't any good at it.
"Then hurry up and spit it out! I don't have all day, Yuy." Duo vaguely wondered if Heero would care that he was lying through his teeth. He had absolutely nothing to do until he was released, and by the way things were going now that could be a long while.
"I… Why did you leave me, Duo? We were so happy together back then," Duo flinched when a hand came to rest on his hip.
"You mean you were so happy, I was the one left drowning in my misery." Duo welcomed the silence that greeted him; he never felt like talking to Heero in the first place.
Duo was relieved when the hand previously placed on his hip disappeared and shuffling was heard about the room as Heero grabbed his coat. Duo tensed when he paused at the door, for a moment he was positive Heero would return, until he heard the click of the door shutting quietly.
Duo drew in a shaky breath, going over the short conversation in his mind. Heero's abrupt appearance only served as a painful reminder of a past he didn't want to remember.
Where did his plan go wrong? Who was it that "saved" him from certain death? Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as asked himself- for what had to be the hundredth time that day- why they couldn't just let him die.
Duo's eyes skirted across everything in the room; the urge to cut was overwhelming. He longed for a knife, for anything sharp enough to make even the smallest cut. He buried his face in his pillow in defeat, absently wondering if suffocating would really be such a terrible fate.
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Everytime I try to fly I fall
Without my wings I feel so small…
I may have made it rain
Please, forgive me
My weakness caused you pain…
-- Everytime- Britney Spears