DEMONICANGELIC
***
"You alright mate?" Lister twanged questioningly, with one eye still glancing disappointedly in Jade's general direction. Had she forgotten about this Jack-guy? What was going on?
"Bleeeeuuurgh...."
Considering there was now a drunken mess on the floor that Lister hadn't, for once, actually created himself, he'd decided now might not be the best time to ask any particular questions. Kryten disappeared and reappeared within seconds, toting bucket, mop and sponge, among a great number of other assorted cleaning implements. As the others looked on, cringing, he mercilessly began scraping, scrubbing and wiping away Jack's previous meal from the deck.
Jade had desperately tried to avert her eyes from Lister and the Cat's glares, and Rimmer's demeanour of complete disgust for most of the theatrical disaster. But, however, she knew fine well the stares were there, and that her, what seemed at the time, 'ingenious' plan to finally rid herself of the moronic fungus of a man hadn't worked... at all. She finally gathered her nerves and looked them square in the eyes. Their folded arms and simultaneous glances at Jack sprawled on the cold floor took any need of question away.
She meekly pressed her thick-rimmed glasses further up her nose, and twisted her limp, dry, dark hair around her shaking fingers.
She needed a way out. And fast.
Jade cautiously shuffled in Jacks direction, kneeled slowly down beside him, and lifted his ID badge from his shirt.
"Definitely a 'Jack'. A Jack Konrad. Senior Researcher aboard-" She paused in yet another false state of shock. "-aboard my vessel?" Another pause. Having gone to Drama College for most of her more youthful days had finally proven useful to her career as First Technician after all, she thought.
Lister whistled approvingly. Senior Researcher? A Senior Researcher who was splayed on the floor right before his very eyes, who was so smegging drunk he had the balance of an alcoholic new-born giraffe on National 'Get-So- Pissed-The-Booze-Squirts-From-Every-Orifice' Day? Brutal!
The floor sparkled and shone like a well-polished coin, a coin that had been scraped, sterilised, scrubbed, spit-polished, dipped in 'Uber-Shine' and buffed for twenty minutes. Eventually, Kryten proudly reared to his feet.
None of this visitor's story so far had made any kind of minute sense to him. "Surely, you would have known him, ma'am? Surely, as far as I can tell from your own ID badge, being First Technician, you would have undoubtedly come across this character at least a couple of times in work? It just doesn't make any sort of sense, Ms Greene!" Rimmer, Lister, Cat and indeed Jack himself (who had finally come round enough to acquire some kind of focus) nodded accordingly.
"Keep digging..." Rimmer sighed, as he shook his head in a slighted embarrassment for the woman. His smarmy lips coiled meagrely at one end in an unforgiving smirk. "You'll probably dig so deep you'll find a way out of this one eventually, Madamarooni!" He rocked proudly on his heels, to and fro. She reverted back to gazing depressively at the 'spit-shine' deck, where she now had a perfect reflection staring right back up at her.
Jack staggered and hiccupped his way to his unsteady feet, grabbed Lister's hand and shook it wildly. "Awright," he slurred in the most posh voice he could muster. "The name, is Jack Konrad. Seeenior Research-earcher aboard a now-derelerelict vesshel. HIC! Vewwy... pleashed to meet your acquaintance. Vewwy naish." His rancid breath came close to chloroforming the crew.
"David Lister. Third Technician aboard, well... here." He told Jack and Jade authoritatively. He gestured around the room, just in case this Jack- guy still had no idea where the hell he had landed. "These guys here are my crew-mates. Arnold Rimmer, occupation, Smeghead. Kryten, Series 4000 Mechanoid. The Cat, a cat. And of course, we have our mainframe, Holly, but she's on downtime at the mo'. Welcome to Red Dwarf."
Jack grinned inanely. An idea had washed over him, despite the fact he was almost completely out of his face. Lister seemed his kinda guy. He donned a leather jacket, jeans and long hair akin to his own. What's more, he was a third technician, and had a curry stain the size and shape of the map of the Isle of Mann spattered across his T-shirt. This guy was definitely 'his kinda guy'.
Why spend another lifetime stuck with a frigid, stuck up, morbidly boring, melodramatic perfectionist, when he could easily cadge a ride with guys he could get drink, eat and generally be merry with?
All he had to do was ditch the bird.
***
"You alright mate?" Lister twanged questioningly, with one eye still glancing disappointedly in Jade's general direction. Had she forgotten about this Jack-guy? What was going on?
"Bleeeeuuurgh...."
Considering there was now a drunken mess on the floor that Lister hadn't, for once, actually created himself, he'd decided now might not be the best time to ask any particular questions. Kryten disappeared and reappeared within seconds, toting bucket, mop and sponge, among a great number of other assorted cleaning implements. As the others looked on, cringing, he mercilessly began scraping, scrubbing and wiping away Jack's previous meal from the deck.
Jade had desperately tried to avert her eyes from Lister and the Cat's glares, and Rimmer's demeanour of complete disgust for most of the theatrical disaster. But, however, she knew fine well the stares were there, and that her, what seemed at the time, 'ingenious' plan to finally rid herself of the moronic fungus of a man hadn't worked... at all. She finally gathered her nerves and looked them square in the eyes. Their folded arms and simultaneous glances at Jack sprawled on the cold floor took any need of question away.
She meekly pressed her thick-rimmed glasses further up her nose, and twisted her limp, dry, dark hair around her shaking fingers.
She needed a way out. And fast.
Jade cautiously shuffled in Jacks direction, kneeled slowly down beside him, and lifted his ID badge from his shirt.
"Definitely a 'Jack'. A Jack Konrad. Senior Researcher aboard-" She paused in yet another false state of shock. "-aboard my vessel?" Another pause. Having gone to Drama College for most of her more youthful days had finally proven useful to her career as First Technician after all, she thought.
Lister whistled approvingly. Senior Researcher? A Senior Researcher who was splayed on the floor right before his very eyes, who was so smegging drunk he had the balance of an alcoholic new-born giraffe on National 'Get-So- Pissed-The-Booze-Squirts-From-Every-Orifice' Day? Brutal!
The floor sparkled and shone like a well-polished coin, a coin that had been scraped, sterilised, scrubbed, spit-polished, dipped in 'Uber-Shine' and buffed for twenty minutes. Eventually, Kryten proudly reared to his feet.
None of this visitor's story so far had made any kind of minute sense to him. "Surely, you would have known him, ma'am? Surely, as far as I can tell from your own ID badge, being First Technician, you would have undoubtedly come across this character at least a couple of times in work? It just doesn't make any sort of sense, Ms Greene!" Rimmer, Lister, Cat and indeed Jack himself (who had finally come round enough to acquire some kind of focus) nodded accordingly.
"Keep digging..." Rimmer sighed, as he shook his head in a slighted embarrassment for the woman. His smarmy lips coiled meagrely at one end in an unforgiving smirk. "You'll probably dig so deep you'll find a way out of this one eventually, Madamarooni!" He rocked proudly on his heels, to and fro. She reverted back to gazing depressively at the 'spit-shine' deck, where she now had a perfect reflection staring right back up at her.
Jack staggered and hiccupped his way to his unsteady feet, grabbed Lister's hand and shook it wildly. "Awright," he slurred in the most posh voice he could muster. "The name, is Jack Konrad. Seeenior Research-earcher aboard a now-derelerelict vesshel. HIC! Vewwy... pleashed to meet your acquaintance. Vewwy naish." His rancid breath came close to chloroforming the crew.
"David Lister. Third Technician aboard, well... here." He told Jack and Jade authoritatively. He gestured around the room, just in case this Jack- guy still had no idea where the hell he had landed. "These guys here are my crew-mates. Arnold Rimmer, occupation, Smeghead. Kryten, Series 4000 Mechanoid. The Cat, a cat. And of course, we have our mainframe, Holly, but she's on downtime at the mo'. Welcome to Red Dwarf."
Jack grinned inanely. An idea had washed over him, despite the fact he was almost completely out of his face. Lister seemed his kinda guy. He donned a leather jacket, jeans and long hair akin to his own. What's more, he was a third technician, and had a curry stain the size and shape of the map of the Isle of Mann spattered across his T-shirt. This guy was definitely 'his kinda guy'.
Why spend another lifetime stuck with a frigid, stuck up, morbidly boring, melodramatic perfectionist, when he could easily cadge a ride with guys he could get drink, eat and generally be merry with?
All he had to do was ditch the bird.