If you can't beat them

by Fissie

COMPLETED! A new guy, Gambit Remy has been recruited by Xavier. But who's the guy that is trying to kill him? And why? Does it have to do with the growing mutanthate? And couldn't the man have picked a subtler weapon? Want answers? Read the story.

8. Me on decaf is bad for your well being

Disclaimer: I own the voices in my head and you're just jealous because all they're good voices and they only talk to me.

Ethnix The mini series were great. And…*laughs like a maniac at the mental image of Bishop on a pink little kids bike with a nice yellow flag and colorful ribbons*… sorry about that. Maybe I will though…

Rogue Warrior Spirit thank you for reading my story and, please, stay here on that wonderful train called madness.

Ishandahalf No I won't let Remy die, forever. He's my favchar. So here's a living Remy and a nice Romy thingie. (I cannot give you a bigger, fatter hint to give me gold stars.)

Sphinx29 Is he really going to be in X3? Really? Really? It's not just some cameo part where he just sits in jail and doesn't even get a line, is it? Oh, and thanx for liking my story.

Whyndsong Yes, thank you, the world has now one more happy screwball to take care of.

GodofFire Well, it was Xavier in the comic, and in the old X-men cartoon it was Mystique as Gambit killing the president. but I really haven't thought of a traitor yet. Maybe it will be Remy after all…

Anime Addicted My thoughts exactly, I currently have a subscription to Aspirin and Co. Au, my head.

Kitrazzle Fayn Your wish is my command, sire. Here's more.

Natural Psylocke? Hmmm. Cable? Hmmm. That might be interesting…As for Remy's Master Thief status, I don't really get what you mean. I mean, he knows a lot about a lot and he mingles like no other, but Bishop has been with him since he was a little Bishie-wishie so, he probably knows Remy's ways and strategies and can find him without much difficulty. Thank you for liking my story.

Caliente Yes, I am a happy screwball. Thank you, now if you will excuse me I have a one o'clock appointment with a restraint-suit and a shrink.

I.M.Bookworm247 No, no! I love Remy. I would never hurt him…much. I mean, this is a story on how Gambit was supposed to be introduced in the series and killing him in his first appearance-thingy would really narrow down that goal. But I still think I get to torture him a bit, you know, just poking, just joking.

A/N You know how ideas pop in your head and just write themselves and you think wow how great maybe I should write a story and then suddenly you realize that your idea is only half finished and you have no idea how to continue it? I do. Just check this chapter. It will all be as clear as mud.

8. Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered?

Fissie

~Why am I still here?~ He had woken rather suddenly, wondering about his odd behavior. ~I'm a Master Thief. I could sneak out o' here and dey'd never find m'~ He pondered this for about three seconds. ~Sounds like a good idea t'me.~ It was like a watching a silent movie, he got out of bed without making a single sound. He put on his clothes without a whisper. He opened the window without a creak. He stepped out without a...

''Where are you going?'' The voice was gruff and painfully awake.

~Damn.~ ''Quiet early mornin' stoll?'' He tried his best smile.

''Do not try to escape.''

His best smile was not enough for this man. Maybe his best plea of innocence worked. ''Who? Me? I'd never.''

Bishop merely looked at him angrily.

~I wonder, 'f he smiled, would his face crack an' break?~ ''How'd y' hear m'?''

''I know you and your moves far too well, father.''

~He knows m' moves...Merde. Could I really be dat stupid?~ Remy sighed. ''Lemme guess. I taught y' 'bout bein' a Thief, didn' I?''

''Yes, the basic everyday essentials.''

''Remind me t' kick m'self in de future f'r doin' dat.''

''I won't.'' Bishop stated. And so the lovely circle of life (and in this case death) started again, right there, at seven o' clock in the morning. Too early and too annoying.

''Yeah, yeah, cos m' future ends here, I shall not live anoder day, yaddie-yaddie-ya. But hey, meanwhile, I still here.''

''Do not tempt me.'' The determined sound in the man's voice made Remy briefly wonder why he had such an obvious death-wish.

~Let's try dis de oder way round.~ Remy knew Bishop's conflicting feelings. They came in pretty handy, Remy was certain they were the only reason he was still alive. Somewhere in all that obvious hate was some sort of respect for the man Bishop still considered his father. ''Come on. Admit it. Y' think I'm alright. Y' don' really wan' t' kill m'. Dat's why I's still here; I'm growin' on y'.''

''Yes. Like a painful swelling.''

''See. You even made a joke now. In a while, we'll be able to get to de whole fader-son bondin' bit. Don' worry 'bout it.'' He stepped into the bathroom.

When he returned, Bishop was still sitting on Kurt's bed.

''You gon' move, or y' jus' gon' admire de floor?''

He didn't speak.

''It be a beautiful floor, I gotta admit. Nice red carpet, very soft, very nice. Mind not burnin' a hole in it wid y'r stare?''

''I am incapable of doing such a thing, for it is not my mutant power.''

Remy sighed again. ~Metaphors, mon ami, metaphors.~ ''At least I got y' lookin' up now. Now, let's go downstairs. Steamy black coffee awaits. Oh, an' an eager t' talk professor. I get a feelin' we're gonna get more family counselin' den we'll ever ask f'r.'' He paused. ''Xavier has dat stupid habit. Talkin', I mean. He wants t' talk 'bout everythin'. Me, I like t' talk, so long as I don' have t' say nothin'. By de way...''

''Let us go downstairs before I decide to put and end to your rambling. Permanently.''

''I just love dat direct approach o' y'rs.'' Other than that last remark and smile, Remy remained silent until they reached the kitchen.

''Mornin', everybody.''

''Wow, an actual living Cajun at breakfast, quick! grab a camera! This may be our last chance.'' Evan cheered.

Ignoring the remarks made, Remy went to the coffee mug and sniffed at it.

''Who's tryin' t' poison me every morning' wid dis decaf stuff?''

''I happen to like it.'' Jean said a bit annoyed.

''Well, dis poison certainly is makin' Bishie's job here a lot easier.'' In one sudden movement a firm hand grabbed his throat in a somewhat unfashionable way and slammed his head to the nearest wall.

''Do not call me Bishie.''

''A for clarity, F minus f'r subtlety.'' Remy managed to say even though he was choking.

''Bishop, release him.'' Xavier interrupted sternly. ''Remy, when you've finished breakfast, you will both come to my study. We are going to have a talk.''

Remy, for what may have very well been the first time in his life, ate breakfast. Slowly, very, very slowly. On purpose. He actually wanted breakfast to become brunch, then lunch, then linner, then dinner and then midnight snack. He did not want to talk to anyone today, at all.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

While walking to the study a song hit Remy's mind. The funeral march. ~Merde.~ Not a very comforting song to have running around in your head. ~But I don' have t' worry. I can charm Xavier, just like de first time, into lettin' it go an' not ask any questions.~ A smug smile appeared on his face.

Bishop opened the door and they both entered. ~Showtime.~

Logan, Xavier and Hank were in the study. ~Hmm. Xavier had a change o' strategy I see. De more people in de room, de less chance f'r me to get out o' de conversation. Check, mon proffeseur, y' got m'.~

''Sit down, Remy.'' The sternness in his voice was actually worrying the Cajun. ~He's not gonna let anythin' slip, is he. Merde.~ ''Last name LeBeau.'' Xavier added, not really a question, more an affirmation.

''Dat's what Bishop keeps shoutin' 'round, non?''

''First things first, who is Damien Black?'' Xavier inquired.

''Use dat name f'r business.''

''What business?'' Logan asked.

''_My_ business.'' ~Damned if I tell y'.~

''Who were those men at the restaurant, the ones that were looking at Kurt and me with disgust in their faces?'' Hank asked.

''Yeah, bub, they were terrified of you.'' After the adult's little chat yesterday Xavier, Hank, Logan and Storm (who would arrive later) decided that the more people were present at the questioning, the less chance Remy had to talk himself out of it. Their theory proved right.

''Dey're jus' a coupl' o' idiots. Dey don' like mutants much, but dey know not t' mess wid me.''

''You mean with Damien Black.'' Xavier said.

''I mean wid de Cajun dat can let de clothes on deir bodies explode.'' ~An' dey know what dat feels like.~ Remy smiled inwardly. ~Up close an' personal.~

''You are a thief.'' Hank stated.

''I like shiny things.'' ~I'm a Master Thief, thank you very much.~

''Care to elaborate?''

~Non. But you're workin' togeder an' y'r not gonna let it go 'less I talk.~ ''Dat's what thieves do, cher. Dey see somethin' shiny dey like, dey take it. What's a lock gonna do to prevent it?''

''Burglary.'' Xavier established.

''Non! Never!'' Remy pretended to be offended.

''But you just said it.''

''Oui. I jus' prefer de term breakin' an' enterin'. Sounds better, non. Got more style.''

Storm entered the study. Remy did not like this, not one bit. ~Dis is gettin' more an' more difficult.~ ''We started widout y', Stormy, but don' worry, we save de best for last.''

''Do not call me the ridiculous nick name.'' She was not in the mood for witty comments.

Next, Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty and Evan entered the now pretty packed room as well. ''Is dere a party I didn't know 'bout?' ~An' check mate, Xavier. You win. I lose. Shoot m' already.~

''Lets return to the conversation, shall we.'' Xavier resumed.

''Lets not.'' Remy answered irately, not liking the attention he was getting at all. ''Lets just cut t' de point. Yes, I'm a thief. Or was, actually, I sort o' unofficially quit when I joined y'. Now why don' we cut de crap 'bout me an' dose li'l details, an' start interviewin' Bishop here, he be de real problem.'' He turned to the man. ''When's de presiden t gon' try an' pass dat law?''

''A few days from now, I suppose.''

''What be de trigger? He not gonna sit in his office one mornin' an' think 'Hey, let's pass a law!'.''

''A ravishing fire caused by a mutant. There were many human casualties.''

''An' den what happens?''

''Xavier will meet with the president, try to talk him out of passing the registration law. He will succeed. But not all humans are too happy about it, and a few started the FOH, the front of humanity. I believe you did fight them. But soon after that LeBeau killed you.''

''Who would he have killed us for? The FOH?'' Hank found it hard to believe.

''After the murder, the war rose, with Xavier out of the way, Magneto could do whatever he pleased. Perhaps LeBeau worked for him.''

''Doubt it. I don' even know Magneto.'' Remy said.

''How do we know that?'' Scott accused.

''Cos I'm tellin' y'.'' Remy was getting irritated by Scott, again.

''We're supposed to trust a thief. That's a good one.''

''We're supposed to trust a team-mate.'' Rogue told him, not entirely sure why she was speaking in Remy's defense.

''We could let the Professor enter his mind and know for sure.'' Jean proposed.

''No one's gonna go inside my mind.''

''Why, what have you got to hide?'' Scott again, and his annoying accusations.

''Dere's nothin' in m' head dat would interest you, trust me.''

''That is the one thing I don't think I ever will.''

''You won' fin' nothin'.''

''That's a double negative, Gambit. We could find hidden information or a secret agenda.''

''Ah, m' secret agenda.'' He took a little black notebook from one of his pockets. ''Let's see. Here it is. Get groceries, wash car, betray and kill x-men, dinner at La Place at nine. How could I forget.'' He looked accusingly at the people in the room. ''As much as I hate t' admit it, y'r m' family. A disturbed weird family, but a family non de less. Now, I might be a thief, an' I know thieves don' score very high in de moral department, but I'd never betray y'.''

''You almost sound as if you care.'' Bishop said almost mockingly.

''I do care.'' ~Some, at least.~

''I asked you about the X-men once,'' Bishop began. ''in the future. To see if you cared about them, if you felt sorrow or sadness that they were gone. To get some sort of answer out of you. 'Nor black nor white ever did suit me.' That was your answer. You always spoke in riddles, leaving me in the dark most of the times. But white is the color of innocence and black is for sorrow. You said you had neither. What have you got to say to that?''

''What's greater than God, more evil than the Devil, the poor have it, the rich want it and if you eat it, you'll die?'' ~Call me de Riddler an' dress m' in green.~

''What?''

''Think 'bout it.''

''I believe it is best if we wait until the events Bishop told us start. Maybe we'll find a proper solution then.'' Xavier interrupted.

''I know a proper solution right now.''

''I mean a proper solution that will not involve violence.''

''Dat be nice. Can I go now?'' Remy was eager to leave the room.

''Trying to escape, Gambit? Like the lowly petty thief you are.'' Scott accused.

~Lowly? Petty?~ '''F only mon pere could hear y', homme. Dey'd never find y'r body.'' ~Did I say dat out loud? Oops.~

''So, you _are _ thinking of killin us!''

''Just you, Cycke. But don' take it personal. I have strong urges to kill all connards.''

''You're an idiot fuck-up!''

''Scott!'' Xavier shouted. But he was completely ignored.

''So says de guy who sees Picasso's 'Tragedy' as a mix o' purple mush.''

''What?!''

''Sorry, next time I insult y', I try t' stick t' your level. Lemme try: You're a four-eyed asshole. Clear?''

''Piss off.''

''My pleasure.'' And with that he stormed out of the room.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

He sat there, on the roof. He always did that, ever since he was a young boy. Roofs were nice, quiet, and up high, far away from everything. He hadn't come down for lunch or dinner, he hadn't come down at all. He just sat there, just him and his thoughts.

''Ah'm sorry.''

~Dat does _not _ sound like a thought.~ He turned around to the window. Rogue. He tried one of his winning smiles, but couldn't manage, so he simply asked ''What for?''

''Scott.''

''Why? You raise him?''

''Not really.''

''Den don' be sorry.'' He went back to staring at nowhere in particular.

''Come on inside, you'll fall off.''

''I'm a thief, chere. Roofs are m' second nature.''

''You mean you _were_ a thief. You're one of us now.''

''Dis is jus' a temporary change o' occupation. In de end, I'm a thief, always was always will be.'' He actually sounded saddened. She barely recognized him as the arrogant Cajun. She feared she was starting to like him even better. ~Should Ah stay here, or should Ah go outside?~

''Chere, I been thinkin'.'' She gave him a big-eyed look. ''I'm bein' serious, Rogue.''

''And Ah'm being seriously stunned.''

''Y'r stunnin', but dats not de point here. I been thinkin', maybe I should leave.''

''No! You're with us, you belong here. You can't let Scott or Bishop...''

''What if he's right?''

''What do you mean? Bishop is mistaken, you know that.''

''We don' know de future. He does.''

''Are you saying you'd kill us? Never!''

''Never say never, chere. Learned dat a long time ago.''

''If you leave, you'll only prove Bishop is right.''

She received a silent affirmation. Well, she assumed it was an affirmation. She hoped it was an affirmation.

''Come here, chere. Sit down.'' She did.

''Wow, the moon is beautiful tonight.''

''She is.'' He said. From the corner of her eyes, Rogue could see Remy looking at her. She smiled.

''I mean the moon, silly. Up there.''

''Dat's what I say. De moon, she a true belle. She has de most beautiful green eyes in de world.''

''Don't do that.''

''Do what?'' He feigned innocence.

''Flirt.''

''Why not? You like it.''

''I can't.''

''Y'can' flirt? It's easy, chere. Y' just say: Oh, Remy you're de greatest...''

''Just don't flirt with me, okay.''

''Whatever you say, chere. But dat don' make y'r eyes less beautiful.'' She hadn't noticed him sitting closer to her every second.

''Don't come near me.'' She didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but it did.

''Now, why can' I come close t' such a nice-lookin' girl?''

''Don't you understand what happens when Ah touch people? Doesn't it get into your thick skull? Ah could kill you!'' Remy simply looked at her, not moving away. ''Remy, Ah hate people being near me. Ah can't stand it! And you're just _there_ all smug and making it worse.'' She paused for a while. ''Sometimes Ah just wish Ah...''

''Hey, chere. I was de one bein' depressed here. Y'r stealin' m' lead part.''

''Sorry.'' She stood up.

''Stay. C'm here.'' She sat down again and than it happened. He hugged her. Just like that. And she hugged him back. There they sat. Together. Hugging. Rogue couldn't think of a better way of spending her time. Neither could Remy, as a matter of fact.

''You're kinda okay, you know.'' She said after a while.

He smiled a rather fake smile. ''Dat's 'cause y'don' know m', chere.''

She sighed. ''Your not really making much of an effort to get us to trust you, are you?''

''No one's gonna listen t' a thief anyway.'' He said wryly.

''Maybe, but you have to try.''

He didn't answer immediately. She could almost hear him think.

''I'll stay. Y' happy now?'' He didn't sound very convinced of himself.

''I'm not entirely cheerless at the moment.'' She said in an attempt to get the gloom-and-doom look off his face.

''Y' sound like Hank.'' He smiled a genuine smile, she had succeeded.

''You coming in with me?''

''I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.'' He said, tightening his grip on her.

''Ah thought you might.''

For ten minutes that seemed like eternity they sat there. Then he let go to lit up a cigarette.

~Damned habit.~ Rogue thought ''You know, smoking will kill ya.''

''Don' worry, chere. I got in on good authority dat I'm gon' outlive every one o' y'.''

''Right. Not if Bishop can help it.''

''Thanks for de remainder.'' He sighed as he put a tiny charge on the cigarette and threw it away, letting it explode in mid-air.

''Sorry.'' She waited a while and added. ''Maybe if you would be a bit more open, they would trust you. Maybe you should let them...''

''You trust m'?'' He put his arm around her.

''I don' know. I'd like to.'' She almost said I like you. But she swallowed the words and hid it well. She thought.

''I like y' too, chere.''

Silence struck again.

''Aren't you going to say one of those cheesy lines of yours?''

''Nah, I'm enjoyin' de holdin' you bit too much.''

A/N God, I can be corny when I want to. In fact, if I were any cornier, I would be popcorn…I don't think that made any sense whatsoever at all. Good. That's the way I like it. Btw, did you solve the riddle?

On next: A fighting scene? An action-packed chapter? An intellectually challenging episode? A chapter that would make Dante grovel at my feet? Nah. Just some more plotty madness.

Review and I shall prevail.