DEMONICANGELIC
***
Pain jabbed and stabbed endlessly at Jack's skull. Although pain made up the most part of his brain's torture, a deep sense of regret also took part in the beating of his frontal lobes.
"A pain-killer, sir?" Kryten offered along with a tray of toast.
"Anymore toast, Mister Konrad, Sir," Talkie brown-tongued, "Just ask, and it'll be there in a flash of a red-hot element! Anything for you, Mister K! You could have as many crumpets...muffins...scones...pittas...bagels...rolls...pancakes..."
Talkie's kiss-arsing towards Jack came to no prevail, and was greeted instead by Lister - along with a swift "THWANG!" from a nearby hammer.
Jack winced at the noise of clanging metal on metal, and the now more horrific stabbing in his head.
Lister grinned in his direction apologetically. "Better to suffer that than listen consistently to that blabberin', moronic, toast-obssessed tin of smeg." He whispered, suprisingly chirpy for being mid-headbang. And with that, he took himself, and his gerbil-faced optimism through the door. Kryten followed suit after placing the tray - including painkillers - on the bedside table. A weak smile from Jack followed them out of the door.
"I have a hangover." Jack's semi-redundant conscience announced.
A gentile 'FSST!' from the battered circuits of the now-decrepit bread- browner was the only reply.
"I've never had a hangover before."
"FSSSST"
"I've never been sober."
And silence. Jack had never had a working conscience since alcohol first passed his lips.
Jack sighed dejectedly and placed the painkillers under his tongue. He picked up a glass, and chilled water sloshed the tablets down his grated throat.
"It's for the best."
He placed the non-alcoholic liquid on the table and lay back in ambivalent waiting for the pills to kick in.
Hours passed; and Kryten's pile of ironing steadily grew. Two new people on the Dwarf - his mouth tipped upwards at both angular sides of his head - equals two more sets of ironing. Two more, smeggy, beautiful piles of creased, dirty clothes he could work his untold magic on.
But, as much as he enjoyed the new crew members arrival - he still, for the mechanical life of him get the hang of ironing those bra things...
And what exactly was the RIGHT time of the month for women?
The Cat was perched up on the top bunk of Kryten's quarters, quite aptly licking his laundry clean himself. Kryten always found this quite irritating... so many suits, handkerchiefs, shoes and hats - and he wasn't allowed to touch any of them, let alone clean them. But, despite how fetching those outfits were and how fun it must be to clean and iron them, Kryten was quite pleased with the immense pile of washing he had acquired from Mister Konrad and Miss Greene.
"What's up Kryters?" Lister chirped as he swept through the door.
Kryten smiled contentedly in reply and gestured towards the mountainous peak of clothing.
"Ahh..." Lister grinned. "So... what d'you think about the new crew? Jack's a good guy. A bit eccentric, hey, but what genius officer guy isn't? He says he's going teetotal from now on - less fun maybe, but if that's what works for him...Oh yeah - and he said he was going down to the medi-bays to carry out some research. He wants you to join him, you know... when you're finished."
Kryten nodded in slighted attentiveness, his eyes firmly fixed on the immense creases in Mister Lister's Hawaiian shirt lying in front of him.
Lister fixed himself a can from the chiller, shook it, burst it open and swigged.
"Haven't really talked to Jade meself, she seems an awright lass... don'tcha think?"
Kryten hadn't either. Come to think of it; neither had the Cat.
And where was Rimmer? They hadn't seen either of the two since they left on their rather harrowing Starbug stint.
And as if on cue, the two missing persons walked in, side-by-side through the slide-door, smiles glowing.
"Hello, Miss Greene Ma'am." Kryten managed to tear himself away from the ironing.
"Hello, Kryten," she beamed. "Lister... Cat"
The Cat put up a hand in response and continued to lick at the collar of his lilac, gold embroidered shirt with the cute tassels.
"Hi there." Lister paused momentarily and turned his stare to Rimmer. "Where've you been?"
"Well..." Rimmer simpered. He went on to explain how, in the past few hours since the Starbuggers' return, He and Jade had spent time talking and generally getting to know each other in her quarters. He beamed affably at Jade as he talked. He continued to regale about how she had the most brilliant mind for such a lowly rank... the least she deserved was Captain.
A warm, pinkish flush swept over Jade's cheeks as he spoke.
Actually, (although there was some truth in his story of getting to know each other,) they had spent the whole time sitting in her quarters together, talking about her work, and going through explanations of every poem and verse she had ever written. But he had neglected to say so; just as she had asked him.
"I...erm...I'm tired. It's getting late. I better be going. I'll see you later, Lister, Kryten, Cat....Rimmer." She smiled shyly at the coily, mousy- haired hologram.
"Can I walk you to your quarters?"
She answered with a quiet but satisfied "No thanks." And proceeded in walking up to him and gently hugging him, pressing her head against his chest, just as they had done at the Airlocks.
"Good... night..." Rimmer mumbled, he gasped silently for air he didn't need, trying not to get himself lost again. She pulled away, gently gazed into his eyes and turned to Lister.
She neglected to put the Cat off his laundry... he seemed so immersed.
Lister held his arms out in expectation. She took his hand, shook it and turned to Kryten, whom bowed his head in a rather formal gesture of "Night Ma'am".
Kryten brought his head back up dutifully and he, Lister and the Cat exchanged perplexed glances.
"Night everyone."
And with that, Jade slowly turned, glided through the door and made her way to her quarters.
"See you tomorrow, Rimmer." She whispered as she sauntered through the corridors.
And, not for the first time since her arrival on Red Dwarf, Jade smiled.
***
Pain jabbed and stabbed endlessly at Jack's skull. Although pain made up the most part of his brain's torture, a deep sense of regret also took part in the beating of his frontal lobes.
"A pain-killer, sir?" Kryten offered along with a tray of toast.
"Anymore toast, Mister Konrad, Sir," Talkie brown-tongued, "Just ask, and it'll be there in a flash of a red-hot element! Anything for you, Mister K! You could have as many crumpets...muffins...scones...pittas...bagels...rolls...pancakes..."
Talkie's kiss-arsing towards Jack came to no prevail, and was greeted instead by Lister - along with a swift "THWANG!" from a nearby hammer.
Jack winced at the noise of clanging metal on metal, and the now more horrific stabbing in his head.
Lister grinned in his direction apologetically. "Better to suffer that than listen consistently to that blabberin', moronic, toast-obssessed tin of smeg." He whispered, suprisingly chirpy for being mid-headbang. And with that, he took himself, and his gerbil-faced optimism through the door. Kryten followed suit after placing the tray - including painkillers - on the bedside table. A weak smile from Jack followed them out of the door.
"I have a hangover." Jack's semi-redundant conscience announced.
A gentile 'FSST!' from the battered circuits of the now-decrepit bread- browner was the only reply.
"I've never had a hangover before."
"FSSSST"
"I've never been sober."
And silence. Jack had never had a working conscience since alcohol first passed his lips.
Jack sighed dejectedly and placed the painkillers under his tongue. He picked up a glass, and chilled water sloshed the tablets down his grated throat.
"It's for the best."
He placed the non-alcoholic liquid on the table and lay back in ambivalent waiting for the pills to kick in.
Hours passed; and Kryten's pile of ironing steadily grew. Two new people on the Dwarf - his mouth tipped upwards at both angular sides of his head - equals two more sets of ironing. Two more, smeggy, beautiful piles of creased, dirty clothes he could work his untold magic on.
But, as much as he enjoyed the new crew members arrival - he still, for the mechanical life of him get the hang of ironing those bra things...
And what exactly was the RIGHT time of the month for women?
The Cat was perched up on the top bunk of Kryten's quarters, quite aptly licking his laundry clean himself. Kryten always found this quite irritating... so many suits, handkerchiefs, shoes and hats - and he wasn't allowed to touch any of them, let alone clean them. But, despite how fetching those outfits were and how fun it must be to clean and iron them, Kryten was quite pleased with the immense pile of washing he had acquired from Mister Konrad and Miss Greene.
"What's up Kryters?" Lister chirped as he swept through the door.
Kryten smiled contentedly in reply and gestured towards the mountainous peak of clothing.
"Ahh..." Lister grinned. "So... what d'you think about the new crew? Jack's a good guy. A bit eccentric, hey, but what genius officer guy isn't? He says he's going teetotal from now on - less fun maybe, but if that's what works for him...Oh yeah - and he said he was going down to the medi-bays to carry out some research. He wants you to join him, you know... when you're finished."
Kryten nodded in slighted attentiveness, his eyes firmly fixed on the immense creases in Mister Lister's Hawaiian shirt lying in front of him.
Lister fixed himself a can from the chiller, shook it, burst it open and swigged.
"Haven't really talked to Jade meself, she seems an awright lass... don'tcha think?"
Kryten hadn't either. Come to think of it; neither had the Cat.
And where was Rimmer? They hadn't seen either of the two since they left on their rather harrowing Starbug stint.
And as if on cue, the two missing persons walked in, side-by-side through the slide-door, smiles glowing.
"Hello, Miss Greene Ma'am." Kryten managed to tear himself away from the ironing.
"Hello, Kryten," she beamed. "Lister... Cat"
The Cat put up a hand in response and continued to lick at the collar of his lilac, gold embroidered shirt with the cute tassels.
"Hi there." Lister paused momentarily and turned his stare to Rimmer. "Where've you been?"
"Well..." Rimmer simpered. He went on to explain how, in the past few hours since the Starbuggers' return, He and Jade had spent time talking and generally getting to know each other in her quarters. He beamed affably at Jade as he talked. He continued to regale about how she had the most brilliant mind for such a lowly rank... the least she deserved was Captain.
A warm, pinkish flush swept over Jade's cheeks as he spoke.
Actually, (although there was some truth in his story of getting to know each other,) they had spent the whole time sitting in her quarters together, talking about her work, and going through explanations of every poem and verse she had ever written. But he had neglected to say so; just as she had asked him.
"I...erm...I'm tired. It's getting late. I better be going. I'll see you later, Lister, Kryten, Cat....Rimmer." She smiled shyly at the coily, mousy- haired hologram.
"Can I walk you to your quarters?"
She answered with a quiet but satisfied "No thanks." And proceeded in walking up to him and gently hugging him, pressing her head against his chest, just as they had done at the Airlocks.
"Good... night..." Rimmer mumbled, he gasped silently for air he didn't need, trying not to get himself lost again. She pulled away, gently gazed into his eyes and turned to Lister.
She neglected to put the Cat off his laundry... he seemed so immersed.
Lister held his arms out in expectation. She took his hand, shook it and turned to Kryten, whom bowed his head in a rather formal gesture of "Night Ma'am".
Kryten brought his head back up dutifully and he, Lister and the Cat exchanged perplexed glances.
"Night everyone."
And with that, Jade slowly turned, glided through the door and made her way to her quarters.
"See you tomorrow, Rimmer." She whispered as she sauntered through the corridors.
And, not for the first time since her arrival on Red Dwarf, Jade smiled.