Baka: You only read chapter one?! Jeez, give the random bits a go! They start in chapter three or four. Oh, wait, if you hated it so much you won't be reading this will you? Oh well. And once again thank you to bbc6, it's nice to have a regular non-flamer.

:::: is the sign for an A/N. :: is just random notes. I am now including random people I know in my fanfiction. Watch out for them, you'll be asked questions later! ...or something...

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~Where are we *this* time?~ Ron demanded wearily, when he finished throwing up.

~Wherever we are, I hope there isn`t any custard~ moaned Hermione.

It became evident that custard was not involved when Harry tripped over an umbrella stand and went flying into the large camel which was quietly smoking a peace pipe full of jelly on the grass.

~What the?!~

They were in a small blue clearing in the middle of an endless-looking forest. Its only inhabitants, apart from the camel, appeared to be a tribe of small perpetually wet squirrels which dripped through the undergrowth to steal peanuts from the bowl beside the camel.

~I would be grateful if you would not persist in knocking my pipe over as I am meditating~ intoned the camel.

The three companions stopped and stared. The camel was wearing a tweed jacket and eight-creased trousers, and had a broad-brimmed hat cocked at what was obviously supposed to be a rakish angle.

~This is like, the Anti Fashion Camel or something~ moaned Hermione.

~That will be Sir Camel to you, my friends~ the camel said in an accent which reminded Harry inexplicably of the portrait of Sir Cadagan back at school.

The Camel was suddenly wearing a frayed purple cardigan and holding a pair of knitting needles. The peanuts (which were in the process of being raided by a squirrel) randomly disappeared, to be replaced by a bowl of custard. The squirrel fell over in shock, spraying water (and custard) all over the three VERY perplexed Stoned Philosophers who were wearing characteristic blank expressions.

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::On The Other Side Of The Computer Screen::

~Characteristic of what?~ Stan asked, appearing randomly.

~Nothing, just characteristic in general~ Maggie yelled, glaring in exasperation.

~But they have to be characteristic OF something!~ Stan insisted.

~Just read the damn story!~

~Meeeeeek! Yes maam!~

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~Hello, dears~ the Camel croaked. ~I'm knitting a jumper for my grandson. Oh dear, no there's custard all over it. Oh well, it was the wrong shape anyway, you know. His humps have been operated on recently~

Harry Ron and Hermione looked at one another perplexedly. ::::I like that word::::

Suddenly Hermione screamed. ~No! The custard! It has come back to haunt me! Aaaaaaaaaagh! Gak.~ (This last bit was said as she tripped over the prone squirrel and landed face-first into the bowl of custard)

~No! Hermione!~ Ron cried, diving into the custard after her. ~I will save you!~

Harry frowned thoughtfully. ~Is it just me, or is this a bit familiar?~

::Turn to Previous Chapter for Custard Information::

Ron clutched his head. ~Déjà vu!~ He cried.

~Yes, this would make anyone's head ache~ Hermione muttered, spitting custard.

~No, I'm clutching my head because I missed the custard bowl and hit this Ford Fiesta~ Ron explained patiently.

~Oh, right~ said Hermione, ~...WHAT?!~

And there was indeed an inexplicable Ford Fiesta standing in the clearing...