Thank you all my reviewers! Especially those that ACTUALLY REVIEW!!!! This
is the thirteenth chapter and I really hope it isn't an unlucky number
because I doubt my number of reviewers could get any unluckier.
Disclaimer: And neither do I own Jerry Springer, Promotional Dudes With Laptops, Kit, Seven, Home and Away, the Nature Channel, oh I could go on forever only I'm not going to.
*********************************
"Soooooo... what channel are you from?" Jerry Springer asked the drunken girl brightly.
"Sod off. Waaaaaaaaaaah! Seven wont let me do a proper bein' drunk scene on Home and Away!" Wailed Kit, for that was who she was.
"Ah, and we can all see you'd be excellent at that!" Jerry looked pointedly at the audience, who all burst out laughing.
"Oh? Jush cos I'm thrink you dunk I'm stupid, huh? Think I'm a frunken dreak, do ya? Huh?" Kit snarled.
"Why yes, as a matter of fact we do!" Jerry Springer said, motioning once more to the audience, who laughed uproariously. Kit burst out crying. "And ON to the next victim- uh I mean Confused Person." He grinned brightly at the nerdy dude, who was busily typing on his laptop. "What channel are YOU from, and why are YOU confused?!"
"The man looked up from his laptop. "Well, this laptop is actually the new Model 610000000 from Simbry which is a company you've never heard of, and it does all kinds of cool stuff like typing and, and, wait, was that model 609999999? Oh I'm botching this up aren't I?" He wailed. Kit started to sob and beat her fists on the floor.
"Why, yes, as a matter of fact you are!" Said Jerry Springer, as the audience, who was getting the hang of things, laughed. "You're a pretty idiotic Promotional Dude aren't you?"
The confused Promotional Dude burst into tears as Jerry moved on to Hermione, who was covered in dirt and had twigs in her hair. "Well, now... stop laughing now you fools! Right. Now. You're obviously from the Nature Channel aren't you?" There was a brief silence. "Why isn't anyone laughing?!" Jerry demanded.
"Oi, give us a break, man! You only just told us to stop!" A random guy from the audience called.
Jerry nodded to the tough looking guys standing at the exit in leather jackets which said "Guys That Drag People Away Kicking and Screaming" and they dragged Random Guy away, kicking and screaming. The audience looked around nervously and started laughing.
"Now, where were we? Ah, yes, so how IS the nature channel these days?"
Hermione, to save time, burst into tears. The audience laughed. Jerry sighed and motioned the Guys who dragged Hermione away, kicking and screaming.
"No! No! I have to find out what channel the fat lady was from!!"
The audience laughed.
****************
Harry woke up with a horrible taste in his mouth. Contrary to all the literary rules surrounding Hangover Scenes, he was not in bed with anyone or anything; his clothes were all on the right appendages and right side out; and he knew exactly where he was, which was the same place he'd passed out in.
However for the sake of correctness, he still said "where am I". He then rolled around, screamed a bit, and stumbled to his feet, clutching his head. He was a bit disappointed to find all of the above was true, and in fact, the place hadn't been trashed either.
He walked outside and blinked in the sunlight, feeling as though he was about to throw up. Then the landscape swirled around him and he did throw up.
However it was not a random scene change, it was just the hangover.
Harry passed out again.
The landscape swirled around him properly this time, melting away the pool full of suspicious yellow liquid (let me guess... custard?) and the cocktail bar, but Harry was too unconscious to notice.
****************
Ron, obviously, was not dead, despite being run over by an eighteen- wheeler. Because, in fact, this was NOT the real world, and only epileptics, people with back injuries or prone to heart attacks or stressed or too old or too young or on a rollercoaster or schizophrenic or latent schizophrenic or with broken bones or HIV or arthritis or measles or the flu or malaria or on some other drug or really, really full or chewing gum or pregnant or at a very high altitude or constricted by something or other or drunk or with a tumor or, for some reason, wearing a purple bandanna, could possibly be harmed in any way by the drug.
So, when he was hit by a random giant truck out of nowhere, I'm just reassuring all my readers on this, Ron was not repeat NOT hurt, he was merely transported to a different random scene because this one was getting boring.
Thank you all for bearing with me during that totally random, stupid and unnecessary explanation.
Disclaimer: And neither do I own Jerry Springer, Promotional Dudes With Laptops, Kit, Seven, Home and Away, the Nature Channel, oh I could go on forever only I'm not going to.
*********************************
"Soooooo... what channel are you from?" Jerry Springer asked the drunken girl brightly.
"Sod off. Waaaaaaaaaaah! Seven wont let me do a proper bein' drunk scene on Home and Away!" Wailed Kit, for that was who she was.
"Ah, and we can all see you'd be excellent at that!" Jerry looked pointedly at the audience, who all burst out laughing.
"Oh? Jush cos I'm thrink you dunk I'm stupid, huh? Think I'm a frunken dreak, do ya? Huh?" Kit snarled.
"Why yes, as a matter of fact we do!" Jerry Springer said, motioning once more to the audience, who laughed uproariously. Kit burst out crying. "And ON to the next victim- uh I mean Confused Person." He grinned brightly at the nerdy dude, who was busily typing on his laptop. "What channel are YOU from, and why are YOU confused?!"
"The man looked up from his laptop. "Well, this laptop is actually the new Model 610000000 from Simbry which is a company you've never heard of, and it does all kinds of cool stuff like typing and, and, wait, was that model 609999999? Oh I'm botching this up aren't I?" He wailed. Kit started to sob and beat her fists on the floor.
"Why, yes, as a matter of fact you are!" Said Jerry Springer, as the audience, who was getting the hang of things, laughed. "You're a pretty idiotic Promotional Dude aren't you?"
The confused Promotional Dude burst into tears as Jerry moved on to Hermione, who was covered in dirt and had twigs in her hair. "Well, now... stop laughing now you fools! Right. Now. You're obviously from the Nature Channel aren't you?" There was a brief silence. "Why isn't anyone laughing?!" Jerry demanded.
"Oi, give us a break, man! You only just told us to stop!" A random guy from the audience called.
Jerry nodded to the tough looking guys standing at the exit in leather jackets which said "Guys That Drag People Away Kicking and Screaming" and they dragged Random Guy away, kicking and screaming. The audience looked around nervously and started laughing.
"Now, where were we? Ah, yes, so how IS the nature channel these days?"
Hermione, to save time, burst into tears. The audience laughed. Jerry sighed and motioned the Guys who dragged Hermione away, kicking and screaming.
"No! No! I have to find out what channel the fat lady was from!!"
The audience laughed.
****************
Harry woke up with a horrible taste in his mouth. Contrary to all the literary rules surrounding Hangover Scenes, he was not in bed with anyone or anything; his clothes were all on the right appendages and right side out; and he knew exactly where he was, which was the same place he'd passed out in.
However for the sake of correctness, he still said "where am I". He then rolled around, screamed a bit, and stumbled to his feet, clutching his head. He was a bit disappointed to find all of the above was true, and in fact, the place hadn't been trashed either.
He walked outside and blinked in the sunlight, feeling as though he was about to throw up. Then the landscape swirled around him and he did throw up.
However it was not a random scene change, it was just the hangover.
Harry passed out again.
The landscape swirled around him properly this time, melting away the pool full of suspicious yellow liquid (let me guess... custard?) and the cocktail bar, but Harry was too unconscious to notice.
****************
Ron, obviously, was not dead, despite being run over by an eighteen- wheeler. Because, in fact, this was NOT the real world, and only epileptics, people with back injuries or prone to heart attacks or stressed or too old or too young or on a rollercoaster or schizophrenic or latent schizophrenic or with broken bones or HIV or arthritis or measles or the flu or malaria or on some other drug or really, really full or chewing gum or pregnant or at a very high altitude or constricted by something or other or drunk or with a tumor or, for some reason, wearing a purple bandanna, could possibly be harmed in any way by the drug.
So, when he was hit by a random giant truck out of nowhere, I'm just reassuring all my readers on this, Ron was not repeat NOT hurt, he was merely transported to a different random scene because this one was getting boring.
Thank you all for bearing with me during that totally random, stupid and unnecessary explanation.