Thank you all my reviewers! Especially those that ACTUALLY REVIEW!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Get over it.
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The sinister glowing eyes stared out at them from the undergrowth.
Hermione looked around wildly for an escape route.
Harry looked around wildly for a weapon.
Ron whimpered.
Then, a small, ugly, wizened figure bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick emerged from a bush.
Harry gasped. "Dobby?!"
"No, Harry Potter sir! I is not Dobby, although I bear an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick. I is not Gollum either, just so you know."
"Then what ARE you?" Hermione asked.
"Er..." Said the figure. "Okay, tell'er, boys!"
A number of small ugly wizened figures bearing uncanny resemblance to oranges on sticks walked forward from the shadows. A strange, unearthly chant started up...
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DOO! WE ARE NOT CURRENTLY PLANNING TO EAT YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! IF YOU HAVE CHOCOLATE WE WILL SET YOU FREE!"
The trio exchanged worried glances. Ron whimpered again. Harry gawped, and Hermione frantically searched through her pockets.
Harry opened his mouth, a drop of sweat running down his face, and said: "Er... are you SURE you aren't Dobby?"
He was then bombarded with small, icky-looking caterpillars.
"Gotcha!" Cried Hermione triumphantly. She held out a bag of chocolate frogs. "Chocolate! And, they have collectable cards inside!"
"Co-llec-table...?" Said the head small ugly wizened figure bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick. "What is this new magic?"
"You... uh, try to collect all the cards... inside the chocolate frogs..." Hermione said nervously. She held out the bag. There was a sound like two hundred small ugly wizened figures bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick sniffing the air. Ron whimpered again. And then a cloud of sma- er... (A/N: Bugger that!) SWUFBURTOA, descended upon Hermione and disappeared with her chocolate frogs.
Fading into the distance could be heard the lilting strains of "OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! CAN YOU SWAP MERLIN FOR MORWEN WITH ME?"
"Whew," said Hermione with relief, albeit somewhat hysterically. "That was a close one, wasn't it??!! Lucky I had those frogs, isn't it??!! Ha-ha!! Close call, huh??!! Ron, stop whimpering or I will ring your neck and feed you to the oompa loompas. "
"Umm... you can't die here, remember?" Said Harry, from behind a tree.
"No, but I sure hope you can feel pain." Said Hermione grimly.
Ron shut up.
"Right. Now, HOW THE HECK DO WE GET OUT OF HERE TELL ME RON OR I REALLY WILL RING YOUR NECK! I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! I HAVE SPENT THE MORNING BEING BLOWN UP, AND GETTING LAUGHED AT BY JERRY SPRINGER, AND SWIMMING IN CUSTARD, AND TRADING IN CHOCOLATE WITH DOBBY-LIKE CREATURES, AND- AND- and... oh shit"
Harry had edged out from behind the trees and had been attempting to tap her on the shoulder through half the speech. The reason for this, she soon saw when she stopped chucking a, was that the Oompa Loompas with, she suddenly noticed, sharp pointy teeth, were back, bearing an even uncannier resemblance to oranges on sticks, and they were not happy.
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPA DEE DOO! WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! WE DO NOT LOOK LIKE DOBBY!"
"Uhh... no... of COURSE you don't," Hermione said shrilly. "W-why would y- you? Heh. Heh."
The head Oompa Loompa came forward. "We is hearing you, Miss Granger. You is calling us Dobby-like creatures. We is not liking this, Miss Granger. We is a trifle pissed off at you Miss Granger. We has also discovered that this packet of Chocolate Frogs contains three Merlins and no Morgiana the Ugly. We is noticing as well that the great Willy Wonka does not appear on the collect-em list. We is not happy about that either."
Ron started to whimper again. Hermione kicked him.
Soon they were surrounded by completely UN-Dobby-like Oompa Loompas with an uncanny resemblance to oranges on sticks. Then the chanting started up again.
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DOO! I HAVE A SICKLY SWEET TALE OF WISDOM FOR YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! IF YOU ARE WISE YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME! DO YOU EVER HEAR OF PEOPLE WHO REALLY PISSED US OFF? NO! WELL THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT! WE TIE THEM UP AND FEED THEM TO THE SNOZZWANGERS AND THE WANGDOODLES!"
Harry gulped. He turned to Hermione to ask what they were going to do now, but stopped when he saw her face getting red.
She took a deep breath, and started screaming for the fourth time since they had entered this goddamned island.
"You small ugly wizened figures bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick are bloody well just as ANNOYING as Dobby and if you don't tell us how to get OUT of here and then bugger OFF you will be REALLY in for it because I am NOT in a good mood right now and I REALLY want to strangle something and YOU are the closest!"
The Oompa Loompas stopped dead in shock. Several of the wiser ones were prudently high-tailing their distinctly unDobbyish asses the hell outa there. Hermione was just getting warmed up.
Ron joined Harry behind the tree.
"So...," he said after a while, "uh... read any good books lately?"
They both looked away, humming nonchalantly, and tried to ignore the screaming, and the occasional thud of an Oompa that got too close.
Harry risked a glance around the tree and winced. "If the landscape doesn't do the swirling thing soon," he said worriedly, " - "
The landscape swirled around them.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Get over it.
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The sinister glowing eyes stared out at them from the undergrowth.
Hermione looked around wildly for an escape route.
Harry looked around wildly for a weapon.
Ron whimpered.
Then, a small, ugly, wizened figure bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick emerged from a bush.
Harry gasped. "Dobby?!"
"No, Harry Potter sir! I is not Dobby, although I bear an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick. I is not Gollum either, just so you know."
"Then what ARE you?" Hermione asked.
"Er..." Said the figure. "Okay, tell'er, boys!"
A number of small ugly wizened figures bearing uncanny resemblance to oranges on sticks walked forward from the shadows. A strange, unearthly chant started up...
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DOO! WE ARE NOT CURRENTLY PLANNING TO EAT YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! IF YOU HAVE CHOCOLATE WE WILL SET YOU FREE!"
The trio exchanged worried glances. Ron whimpered again. Harry gawped, and Hermione frantically searched through her pockets.
Harry opened his mouth, a drop of sweat running down his face, and said: "Er... are you SURE you aren't Dobby?"
He was then bombarded with small, icky-looking caterpillars.
"Gotcha!" Cried Hermione triumphantly. She held out a bag of chocolate frogs. "Chocolate! And, they have collectable cards inside!"
"Co-llec-table...?" Said the head small ugly wizened figure bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick. "What is this new magic?"
"You... uh, try to collect all the cards... inside the chocolate frogs..." Hermione said nervously. She held out the bag. There was a sound like two hundred small ugly wizened figures bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick sniffing the air. Ron whimpered again. And then a cloud of sma- er... (A/N: Bugger that!) SWUFBURTOA, descended upon Hermione and disappeared with her chocolate frogs.
Fading into the distance could be heard the lilting strains of "OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! CAN YOU SWAP MERLIN FOR MORWEN WITH ME?"
"Whew," said Hermione with relief, albeit somewhat hysterically. "That was a close one, wasn't it??!! Lucky I had those frogs, isn't it??!! Ha-ha!! Close call, huh??!! Ron, stop whimpering or I will ring your neck and feed you to the oompa loompas. "
"Umm... you can't die here, remember?" Said Harry, from behind a tree.
"No, but I sure hope you can feel pain." Said Hermione grimly.
Ron shut up.
"Right. Now, HOW THE HECK DO WE GET OUT OF HERE TELL ME RON OR I REALLY WILL RING YOUR NECK! I AM NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! I HAVE SPENT THE MORNING BEING BLOWN UP, AND GETTING LAUGHED AT BY JERRY SPRINGER, AND SWIMMING IN CUSTARD, AND TRADING IN CHOCOLATE WITH DOBBY-LIKE CREATURES, AND- AND- and... oh shit"
Harry had edged out from behind the trees and had been attempting to tap her on the shoulder through half the speech. The reason for this, she soon saw when she stopped chucking a, was that the Oompa Loompas with, she suddenly noticed, sharp pointy teeth, were back, bearing an even uncannier resemblance to oranges on sticks, and they were not happy.
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPA DEE DOO! WE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! WE DO NOT LOOK LIKE DOBBY!"
"Uhh... no... of COURSE you don't," Hermione said shrilly. "W-why would y- you? Heh. Heh."
The head Oompa Loompa came forward. "We is hearing you, Miss Granger. You is calling us Dobby-like creatures. We is not liking this, Miss Granger. We is a trifle pissed off at you Miss Granger. We has also discovered that this packet of Chocolate Frogs contains three Merlins and no Morgiana the Ugly. We is noticing as well that the great Willy Wonka does not appear on the collect-em list. We is not happy about that either."
Ron started to whimper again. Hermione kicked him.
Soon they were surrounded by completely UN-Dobby-like Oompa Loompas with an uncanny resemblance to oranges on sticks. Then the chanting started up again.
"OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DOO! I HAVE A SICKLY SWEET TALE OF WISDOM FOR YOU! OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPA DEE DEE! IF YOU ARE WISE YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME! DO YOU EVER HEAR OF PEOPLE WHO REALLY PISSED US OFF? NO! WELL THERE IS A REASON FOR THAT! WE TIE THEM UP AND FEED THEM TO THE SNOZZWANGERS AND THE WANGDOODLES!"
Harry gulped. He turned to Hermione to ask what they were going to do now, but stopped when he saw her face getting red.
She took a deep breath, and started screaming for the fourth time since they had entered this goddamned island.
"You small ugly wizened figures bearing an uncanny resemblance to an orange on a stick are bloody well just as ANNOYING as Dobby and if you don't tell us how to get OUT of here and then bugger OFF you will be REALLY in for it because I am NOT in a good mood right now and I REALLY want to strangle something and YOU are the closest!"
The Oompa Loompas stopped dead in shock. Several of the wiser ones were prudently high-tailing their distinctly unDobbyish asses the hell outa there. Hermione was just getting warmed up.
Ron joined Harry behind the tree.
"So...," he said after a while, "uh... read any good books lately?"
They both looked away, humming nonchalantly, and tried to ignore the screaming, and the occasional thud of an Oompa that got too close.
Harry risked a glance around the tree and winced. "If the landscape doesn't do the swirling thing soon," he said worriedly, " - "
The landscape swirled around them.