Summer Jobs

Director Miska: Congratulations everyone. Splendid work.

(Everyone cheers, give each other high fives, that sorta thing. Sesshoumaru gets high-fived in the face by InuYasha and gets a nosebleed. He's still in his cast.)

Kohaku: Wait a minute. You've never complimented us before. What's up?

(Everyone looks suspicious. Sesshoumaru looks fucked up.)

Miska: *laughs nevously* Well, *ahem* ya see, the company needs more money, so we have to cut back somewhere…

Shippou: *deeply inhales his weed* what the fuck does that mean?

Miska: *mumbles*

Kagura: SO WE CAN HEAR YA!!

Miska: Alright alright, we have to cut back on your salary.

(Everyone becomes tense.)

InuYasha: How…much?

Miska: Not much, ya know, 50, 60%.

(All hell breaks loose; Naraku faints and Kanna gives everyone double fingers0

Sesshoumaru: How am I suppose to pay for my physical theropy!?

Kagome: *spazzing out* Shit, Fuck, Damn, Hell, sona-bitch!

Shppou: How'm I gonna pay for my shit!?

Miska: Get a summer side job. It's not like you don't have the time to spare, you don't work half the day anyway.

Kikyou: but you just said we were doing a splendid job.

Kohaku: She just said that to break the bad news.

Kikyou: *emotionally crushed* You mean you LIED to us?

Rin: I can't work! It's against the child labor laws!

Miska: Than what am I paying you for?

Rin: That's it, I'm blow'n 'er ass up. * lights TNT

-KABOOM -

(Offside stand a singed Miska, with Amiko and Suna)

Amiko: You're no l ook'n so good Miska.

Miska: In the words of Kagura " NO SHIT!" This is all your fault ya know!? *glares at Suna*

Suna: *Laughs hysterically* But….. It's so funny.

-Pause-

Miska: I know. *and we both laugh hysterically*

Amiko: This is pretty fucked up right here.

-Back to InuYasha-

(Kagome is walking down the street. She sighs deeply.)

Kagome: I'm never gonna get a job.

(She stops at a nearby bar, Tasuki from Fushigi Yuugi is the tender there, and finds her co-actors all depressed. She mopes over and sits next to Sesshoumaru. He's out of his cast now.

Kagome: So, why are you all here?

Sesshoumaru: Well, after the pay cut 2 weeks ago, Kikyou and I stayed behind at the studio to take care of something.

~Flashback of them destroying private property on set that was not destroyed by the bomb. Sesshoumaru is throwing himself at stuff and smashing everything with his cast. ~

Sesshoumaru: And wouldn't you know it, we got a commercial gig.

~Flashback of commercial: *Kikyou is talking to the viewers*

Kikyou: I used to spend all of my time stealing souls and chasing after my old boy friend so that I could drag him to hell with me, but then I set up an appointment with Dr. Fluffy.

(Seeshoumaru in body cast crying to Kikyou who looks disturbed.)

Sesshoumaru: first of all, this crazed menstrual case bitched me out for God Knows how long, my adopted sadist of a daughter tried to kill me and put me in this cast, I can't eat like a normal being, and I'm so damn po cause of that damn pay cut!! My life sucks!! My mother never breast fed me as a child!! AHHHHHHH WAAAAHHHH!!!

Kikyou: *sweat drops* I thought this was suppose to work the other way around.

(Kikyou sweatdrops to the camera and its viewers.)

Kikyou: After my sessions with Dr. Fluffy, I've become proud of the after life I after live.

End of flashback~

(Kagome looks depressed and I have no idea how to describe her expression so use your imagination.)

Kagome:……* Punches Sesshoumaru off his barstool * I WAS NOT A MENSTRUAL CASE!!!!!! YOU SAID THAT ON TV!!!!????

Kikyou: It doesn't matter anymore, considering the fact that we were advertising a non-existent service. They kicked us out.

Kagome: So you're out of work now?

Kikyou: Well, I got another job but it didn't work out either. Ya see, the commercial inspired me a bit. I decided to create my own service. A PSYCIC! Unfortunately, sucking out the souls of my customers didn't help advertisements much so…. here I am.

(Everyone sighs, Kagome steals Sesshoumaru's seat and addresses Sango on Kikyou's right.

Kagome: What about you Sango?

(Sango blows a fuse)

Sango: THOSE GODDAMN SEXIST AUSTRALIAN BASTARDS!!!! I spent thelast of my budget on a ticket to that fucken hell hole and what do I get NOTH'N!!

(Everyone stares at her.)

Sangeo: *deep breath* I heard they have boomerang competitions down there and you can win a whole lota doe, so I went to check it out. They gave me some bullshit about the size of my boomerang. It was OBVIOUS they were intimidated by me 'cause I am a woman. SEXIST PIGS!! They disqualified me!! I hope they rot in hell!! *huff, huff, huff*

Kagome: Um Sango…. How did you get back here.\

Sango: O.o Oh I um… I caught o bunch of sea turtles, tied them together with my back hair, and used them as a raft to get home

(Everyone sweat drops. What? They are looking disturbed.)

Sesshoumaru: *from the floor* I think I saw that movie.

(Sango stomps on his face with her sndal. She blushes and leaves. Kagome takes her seat nest to Miroku.)

Kagome: I know I probably don't want to know, but what's your story?

Miroku: *sighs* I rather not talk about it.

(A drunk Kouga wraps his arm around Miroku's shoulders.)

Kouga: This poor guy, he wanted to follow his dream of being of being a Pimp Daddy, but they told him he lacked the experience necessary.

(Kouga starts laughing insanely and passes out on the floor.)

Miroku: I'm a failure as a man.

Kagome: That's nice.

(Kagome moves to Kouga's seat neat to Kirara and Shippou who is surprisingly NOT high but seems to be having withdrawal symptoms. )

Kagome: And you guys?

Shippou: Well, the only job we could get was at the petting zoo.

Kirara: *thinking* that's all your limited education and lack of brain cells will withstand.

Shippou: But they fucken took my stash man. I got nothin' * emotional breakdown*

Kagome: What about Kirara?

Shippou: *sniffle* It was great with her, all sophisticated like, she let kids grope her in dignity. But then the owner bought her store brand cat chow so she ate him and all the children.

Kirara: *burp*

Kagome: *sweat drops*

(Naraku walks in all emotional and dramatic)

Kagome: What up Daddio?

Naraku: * fans tears with a beauty queen style hand.* I thought I had found my calling in life. I found a nice little day care to work at and everything was fine until SHE came along.

(Kagura walks in)

Naraku: She told everyone she was my illegitimate child, that I abandoned her after I absorbed her mother!! All the babies started crying and I…I…I GOT FIRED!1

(He flings himself over the bar table and grabs Tasuki in tears. Tasuki knocks him unconscious with a beer bottle.)

Kagome: How the hell are you an illegitimate child?

Kagura: Figure it out.

Kagome: So did he like have a female version of himself appear and ya know… ewww That's wrong on so many levels. Your Daddy's your Mommy. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "screw yourself" don't it.

Kagura: It's kinda pathetic how much effort you put into thinking that up. Haven't you ever heard of a lie? You have too much free time.

Kagome: Speaking of free time, get a job?

Kagura: My only job in life is to make my " Master's " life a living hell. It don't pay much but it's satisfying as a career choice. What about you?

Kagome: What, you think I'd get another job. No way, I bummed cash off my grand Pappi. Those crappy charms he sells make big bucks. I bet Hojou bought 'em all. He's such a dumbass.

Kikyou: That's not true. He's a very intelligent. He has a family business to run.

Kagaome: He runs a n herb and ointment shop. That screams GAY!!

Kikyou: I happen to know for a FACT he's not gay.

(Everyone conscious stares)

Kagome: I won't ask cause frankly, I find the up coming concept repulsive.

(Kohaku comes out of the restroom. Who knows how long he's been in there and what he's been a doin')

Kohaku: Hey bums, where's your friend, the dog boy?

Sesshoumaru: I'm here ^.^

(Rin pops out of no where and land on Sesshoumaru's head.)

Rin: NOT YOU STUPID!!

Kohaku: Hey Rin * blushes*

Rin: ^.^

-Long Pause-

Kagome: Okay, let's get the hell outta here.

(Everyone gets up to leave except Half dead Sesshoumaru, Naraku, drunk Kouga and Miroku who says he'll catch up later.

Kagome: Guess we gotta go get that good for nothin' shit and haul his ass back to the studio.

Kohaku: What about the guys at the bar?

Rin: No one cares about them as characters anyway.

Kikyou: We better stop by Kanna's house and pick her up too.

(Everyone continues to walk up the road to the Nuclear weapons warehouse. They stop wide-eyed at the lawn sculpting being done in front of the warehouse where Kanna lives.

Kagome: INUYASHA!!!??

(InuYasha is sculpting a beautiful fairy-shaped bush that looks freakishly like Naraku. It was almost complete when Kagome's screeching voice threw off his concentration and his *Sankonretsu* styling accidentally cuts off the fairy's head.

Kagome: WHAT KINDA PUSSY JOB IS THAT??!!

(InuYasha turns around all embarrassed)

Kikyou: It's so pretty

Kagura: * laughing*

(Kohaku covers Rin's eyes)

Kohaku: Don't look Rin. The destruction of a man's reputation is too painful to watch.

Rin: LET ME SEE!! LET ME SEE!!

Shippou: Dude, that's pretty sad.

(Shippou and Kirara walk down the street to the studio. Kirara shakes her head at InuYasha.

Kagome: I… You…

InuYasha: OH SHUT UP!! I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO GET AND KEEP A SECOND JOB!! I WORKED MY ASS OFF TODAY AND WHEN THE MONEY COMES ROLL'N IN, I'LL BE THE ONE LAUGH'N!!

Kagome: If you consider THIS a "REAL" job. Next thing ya know, you'll be making lawn gnomes.

(Everyone quiets and their gazes fall behind InuYasha where the gnomes proudly stand!!)

InuYasha: I'M NOT GAY!!

(Kanna comes out of her warehouse home. She stands at the end of her driveway where everyone else is. Suddenly a panting Miroku appears, running down the street with an arm-full of fur.)

Kagome: Boy, Miroku got here just in time.

(Miroku looks at the gnomes and InuYasha. Then at the decapitated Naraku fairy and InuYasha again.)

InuYasha: DON'T EVEN!! I heard about your little "job thing." I don't need a lecture from a rejected pimp.

(Miroku looks sternly at InuYasha , points his finger at him, and runs off. It's one of those "you're next" type of things. Then a very nude Kouga goes running after Miroku, yelling and cursing for his clothes. Kohaku shields Rin while everyone else is left exposed to stare. But not as exposed as Kouga.)

Kanna: Hot Damn.

InuYasha: MY EYES!! OH GOD IT BURNS!!

(Everyone looks at Kanna except InuYasha whose gone temporarily bind.)

Kanna: *flicks them off*

(Sango comes running up.)

Sango: Guess what guys!? And girls? They are returning our salaries to normal!!

(Everyoen is happy except for an incapacitated InuYasha. Kagura goes up to Sango and hands her a $50 bill. I don't know where she got it either.)

Kagura: Just a deal between women, don't tell Naraku.

To be continued…