A spoon full of sugar…
Chapter one:…Helps the medicine go down
By Gwilwileth and Earedien
I was sitting on my bed a box of Kleenex tissues on my lap. My nose was red raw, stinging, my eyes were bloodshot I had been up half the night hadn't I? This flu had gone around my family and friends and I thought I was immune to it, I mean I hadn't got so much as a sniffle and then suddenly wham, there it is, the biggest case of flu I'd had in my life. Luckily I was at the tale end now, the hot and cold flushes had gone, only the headaches, vomiting and nose blowing to go, thank god the sore throat had gone.
Then I blink, yes that's right blink and Toto I ain't in merry old England anymore. I'm laying on a table a rather large wooden table with six of the ugliest men you could ever set your eyes on. Now they're eyes, they could rival mine, in bloodshot-iness. They were all red, and sort of half closed, squinting, maybe they needed glasses? But as for the rest of their bodies, or indeed faces, well I don't really want to describe them but it's important, so I'll tell you anyway. They had mangy beards, all wiry and matted with food stuck to it, and wet where the beer had spilled while they chugged it down. They looked at me eyes glinting and so I scramble off the table into… a corner, yes a corner of all the places I had to end up, a corner with these six men around me.
They grinned and you could see every colour of the rainbow, though admittedly it would be a very grungy rainbow. Varying colours from yellow to black teeth all grinned at me, and started advancing towards me.
And then, I sneezed and they jumped five foot in the air and took 10 steps back, and then I sneezed again and they did the same. There was a gap and I could of gotten through it, but some how striding forward, head held high, in my rather short nightie (you could see my knickers) and saying "better luck next time boys." was not going to cut it. I mean my knickers were these large granny pants things that I'd worn while I was ill, they were comfortable. Why couldn't I be wearing something lacy, or at least a small pair? I'm not saying a G-string or anything, but if they can see my knickers couldn't they at least been a good pair? Though then again that would have furthered their opinion that I was in fact a whore. No wait, I don't think there could be a possibility that I wasn't, you know they could seem my ankles. No hold that thought they could see my angles, my shins, my knees and about seven inches of thigh minimum.
So I stood there, stock-still and waited…and waited and then they finally pounced. One of them grabbed my roughly by the arms and pulled me to him, but then thank god the bar tender turned up and announced there would be no whores in his pub, I heartily agreed until he announced that he was going to frog march me to the local prison.
Not what I had expected at all.
I arrive at the prison and the prison man, whatever he's called just stare at me, his eyes going up and down my form, very disconcerting I must tell you, especially in my 'whore costume'.
"There be a rule about you."
"Really?" I tried to look innocent, though I don't think I worked, especially as the strap of my nightie was now over my shoulder, the top of my nightie getting lower, and lower showing more and more cleavage.
I could see it, the dirty old man was staring at me. When I say me I mean my chest and not my face per se. "I didn't realise, if I had I wouldn't have worn my…er…ball gown to the tavern."
"You're not from these parts are you?"
I winced at his scratching voice "No, I don't believe I am." I hope I'm not. Who would want to be?
"Then why were you laying on one of my tables, insulting my regulars like that?" I looked at the portly bar tender.
"I wasn't insulting them." Could this man read minds or something?
"Yes-"
"Now, now, Jerihal. She's under my custody now."
Custody? Why custody?
And so I found why self I a grungy, dark, downright dirty prison cell which obviously hadn't been cleaned in the last age. It was hell. If hell were freezing. The prison guard leered at me the whole time, while I tried to cover as much of my body with my nightie to both protect my modesty and keep me warm. When I say modesty I don't really mean that…I just wanted to keep his roving eyes off me.
Now, I know that I was in a prison cell, but could it at least have been above the poverty line? No blankets! No food! No clean water! And most importantly of all, no toilet! How did they expect me to cope? My bladder wasn't a bottomless well, and there was nothing, no bucket.
Now I'm sure that pervious, erm tenants of this cell just used a wall or something, women don't really end up in prison cells, at least here they don't.
Sleeping was a pain, I could lie on these 3 planks roughly stuck together, but they were very narrow planks and I had the tendency to sort of…fall off it. Now, I could lean on the wall, you know sort of sit up while I slept, now I would have done this ignoring how cold the stone was against the bare parts of my back (and the covered for that matter) but the walls were covered in mould, with tiny little insects crawling up and down it, not to mention how damp it was. I don't know maybe I was under a lake or something, but surely a building could not be that wet?
So, I spend 4 days in there, I won't say worst, that comes later, but most boring days of my life, also nearly the most embarrassing, apart from…no that comes later on in the story.
I spent the days idly working out how to escape, but I don't think I could of with out the help I had later, the walls were of solid stone, and the door, well that was locked, with a bar, and a padlock and some other weird contraption they had built.
How did I get out you ask? Well that's a long story.
A/n I'm apologising greatly for the delay, and blame it all on moi, Earedien at your service, I was erm….indisposed and the work oh the work break down and cries but I must pick myself up to answer reviews…
Mayrana: It is continued, and mill be continued mutters mantra in head
cookies-will-invade: Confusion? Pah! I laugh in the face of confusion! The prologue was there to intrigue you, and then confuse you! :)
Dakota: hello my dear nic pats on head just remember the gwil writes this to! cackles madly for an unknown reason In a cupboard I tell you in a cupboard! And the grandfather turning up! Ahem
Candy: moley! Artemis fowl? We're being compared to Artemis fowl???? bows deeply in a non dwarf/hobbit type of way hehe knowing me make no difference at all!
Earedien & Gwilwileth